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    The Girl in a Swing

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    Colonel was obviously a good bloke and a very suitable

      match. I couldn't see anything wrong with it at all. I'd better

      get on the telephone forthwith and say so.

      I was just going to dial the number when there was a knock

      at the kitchen door and Jack Cain put his head round it.

      'Hullo, Jack!' I said. 'You're early this morning. Come in!'

      'No, l won't come in, Mister Alan, 'cos I got me 'eavy boots

      on, see, and I don't want Gladys Spencer sayin' as I mucked

      the floor up an' she 'ad to clean it. Still on yer own, are yer?'

      'Till to-morrow, yes, but I'm not repining.'

      'Ah, that's all right, then. You seen the yard yet, Mister

      Alan, 'ave yer?'

      'No, Jack. What about it?'

      'Well, that big ol' water-butt's gone an' bust, that's what.

      Cor bugger, th' bottom must've bin rusted right through!

      "E's clean empty, an' 'ole's big as my 'and, all ragged like,

      bits o' rust an' that. Ain't 'alf made a bloody mess.'

      'Oh, hell! What a nuisance!'

      'Didn't you never 'ear un go? All that water must 'a made

      'ell of a noise, I reckon. Still, I s'pose you slept through it

      nice an' steady like.'

      'I - well, I suppose I must have, Jack. Er -'

      'Well, don't make great lot o' difference, 'cause I don't

      see what you could 'a done about it anyways. 'F you got a

      stiff broom anywheres I'll just get on an' clear th' yard up.

      Then after that I reckoned I'd get me old 'ook to that bit o'

      grass down the shrubbery, 'less there's anythin' else what

      you wants doin'. On'y you're goin' to need a new butt. No

      doin' nothin' more with 'e.'

      264

      'Oh, well, that's it, then, Jack. Thanks for telling me. I

      expect we'll survive. Here's the broom. Like a cup of tea?'

      'Not just now, thanks, Mister Alan. I know you got to get

      on, and I'd better do same an' all. I'll 'ave one later on,

      when Gladys comes in."

      So that was the explanation. Thank God, I hadn't been in

      the grip of a delusion after all! At least - The only odd thing

      was that as far as I could remember the whole business in

      the night had been pretty noisy and had gone on rather a

      long time. How long would it take a water-butt to empty

      itself? If the rusted part opened and broke up only gradually,

      a fair while, I supposed; first dripping and finally gushing.

      But then, the ventriloquial effect all over the house; and the

      intermissions of silence? Well, but the dreams, the neuralgia;

      the whole subjective thing, in fact Anyway,

      this was no time to be pondering on all that. I

      had to get on the telephone. And dammit, I should now have

      to see to the eats for to-morrow myself. Olives, cheesestraws,

      salted peanuts - what else?

      I decided not to rush out and buy a new water-butt. That one

      had lasted longer than I could remember and had probably

      cost a few pounds in the nineteen-thirties. Now, a presentday

      householder, I should have to perpend before lashing

      out on something smaller and much dearer. What we were

      supposed to be concentrating on at the moment, however,

      was building up capital and paying off the bank loan. Items

      like water-butts would have to wait until Kathe, the living

      asset (according to Flick), had met more people and created

      enough additional goodwill to make our fortune. I still felt

      somewhat sceptical about this and anyway I found the idea

      distasteful. I hadn't married Kathe for commercial profit

      and I certainly didn't want to exploit her as a front-girl. If

      we became a professional team - which I now believed we

      would - that was another matter. Anyway, she was coming

      back to-morrow! No more water, no more fright, no more

      dithering in the night!

      All the same, the state of the business was rather worry265

      ing. The truth was that I had failed to observe that excellent

      rule - keep personal capital and business capital in separate

      drawers. I had spent a considerable amount in K0benhavn,

      London and Florida. Now my available capital was too low,

      and you can't make brass without spending it. Nevertheless,

      the sale of a couple of really good items - frozen assets would

      make a lot of difference. Perhaps I might come down

      a bit on that Meissen tobacco-box with the purple decoration

      - or even put it in to Sotheby's, just to raise a bit more

      wind?

      With these and similar reflections Friday passed quietly,

      Deirdre and I minding shop and Mrs Taswell tapping diligently

      away on her typewriter. I made a schoolboy's chart

      of the hours due until Kathe's return and put a pencil

      through each as it passed, but when the time came to shut up

      shop I'd struck off only seven out of twenty-four, so I tore

      it up. I had supper at Tony's, was in bed by ten, read Malory

      for half an hour and slept soundly.

      Kathe telephoned while I was having breakfast. She'd

      missed the early train; apparently the engagement party had

      gone on late. She was now due to arrive at Newbury at

      twelve twenty-five.

      'But, darling,' I said, 'I can't meet you!'

      'Not on the way up from the shop?'

      'No, not really. These characters are due to arrive any

      time from twelve onwards. I'll have to be leaving the shop

      about half-past eleven.'

      'Ja, gut. I'll take a taxi up. 'See you all about quarter

      to one. Now, here's your geliebte Mutter, wearing a diamond

      ring that'll dazzle you down the telephone. Shut your eyes

      and I'll hand you over.'

      'Alan? Good morning, dear! Oh, we are so sorry to be

      losing Kathe, but I know how glad you'll be to have her back.

      Look, while I remember, you'd better put Gerald and me in

      the Newbury News on Thursday, hadn't you? I've written a

      little piece. Let me read it over to you and then you can tell

      me if it's all right...'

      266

      By quarter past twelve everyone who'd been invited was already

      in the drawing-room.

      Hoping that we might be able to sit in the garden, I'd had

      Jack mow the lawn on Friday; and this morning, before going

      down to the shop, had myself trimmed the verges and cut

      the dead heads off the pinks and godetias. However, as luck

      would have it the weather had turned cloudy and a shade

      cold, though there was still no sign of a steady rain.

      Barbara Stannard was all bare, sun-burned arms, white

      beads and golden hair, and even Lady Alice (who sported an

      ivory-headed stick, like old Queen Mary) had made a concession

      to midsummer by turning up in a short-sleeved,

      flowered silk dress and open-work shoes. I poured sherry,

      squirted soda and mixed vodka and lime, and co-opted Tony

      (in mufti and his Old Lancing tie) to hand round the glasses.

      'Why, wherever's your beautiful Katy, Alan?' asked Mrs

      Stannard, almost as soon as she had sat down. 'You don't

      mean to say she's not here?'

      'Well, she will be very soon. She was coming up from

      Bristol this morning and the silly girl missed the earlier

      train. She's due in any time now
    and she'll be taking a taxi

      up.'

      'Oh, good! I do hope the train's not late,' said Barbara.

      'We've been so much looking forward to seeing her again.

      What's she been doing at Bristol, Alan, if it's not a rude

      question?'

      'Keeping my Mum company. They've both been staying

      with Florence and Bill, you see. Mother very much wanted

      Kathe to go down there, you know, and I gather they've

      all been having a whale of a time these last few days.'

      It gave me some satisfaction to say this. Whatever my

      guests might or might not have been thinking about Kathe

      and my mother, the news that the two of them had just

      spent three or four days together at Bristol couldn't but

      allay local gossip - if there was any.

      'Will your mother be living at Bristol now, then?' asked

      Mrs Stannard. 'I do hope I'm not being too inquisitive, but

      naturally we've all been wondering how things were going

      to be arranged.'

      267

      I had already asked my mother what she wanted me to

      say in reply to this sort of question, and we had agreed not

      to anticipate the announcement in the Newbury News;

      though if anything should happen to percolate up from

      Bristol before then and I was asked straight out, of course

      I should have to give a direct answer. I'd told Tony and

      Freda in confidence, but otherwise no one at all.

      'Well, things are being arranged splendidly, Mrs Stannard,

      and they're going to burst upon an astonished world quite

      soon. Stay tuned to Radio Desland for a further announcement.

      It's all working out very well indeed, and Mum likes

      Kathe tremendously, I'm glad to say.'

      'How couldn't she?" interposed Lady Alice, who was adept

      at steering any conversation along the right lines. 'Such a

      charming gairl, isn't she?' (Corroborative murmurs.) 'And

      so terribly clever, I think, the way she's fitting in, coming

      here as a stranger from abroad and everything. I mean, her

      English is so marvellously good! Now she's not here we can

      all have a really nice gossip about her, can't we? Do tell us,

      Mr Desland - I've been longing to ask - how ever did you

      meet her and sweep her off her feet so quickly?"

      'Yes, how did you meet her, Alan?' asked Barbara.

      'Well-' I strolled across to the hearthrug, leant against

      the mantelpiece and took a swig at my gin-and-tonic. 'It was

      in Copenhagen.'

      'Yes, we know that.'

      'I saw her one afternoon, sitting in a park called the

      Kongens Have. She was under a big lime tree, playing with

      a little girl -'

      'A little girl?'

      'Yes, a friend's daughter, you know. I sat looking at her for

      some time, actually; and then I saw they were going and I

      thought, "Well, if you don't do something about this you're

      never going to see her again." So I went up to her and asked,

      "Do you mind if I say something to you?" She was rather

      startled, of course, but anyway she asked what was it. So I

      said, "Well, you're the most beautiful girl I've ever seen in my

      life. Will you have dinner with me this evening?"

      'Alan, you didn't!'

      268

      'I assure you I did. So then I walked home with her and we

      went out together that evening and had dinner at a restaurant

      called the 'Golden Pheasant', and I remember some Danish

      chap came up and presented her with a carnation because

      he was a bit merry and apparently the sight of her just bowled

      him over.'

      'But d'you mean to say-'

      'And then the next day we went out to Kronborg Castle

      at Elsinore and we were walking on the battlements overlooking

      the Kattegat and I asked her to marry me and she

      said Yes.'

      'Good heavens!' said Mrs Stannard. 'I never heard anything

      so romantic in my life! Wasn't she a bit surprised?

      What else did she say?'

      'Oh, lots. Tis in my memory locked, And she herself shall

      keep the key of it.'

      They all laughed and then Barbara said, 'It sounds too

      marvellous for words! But I mean, weren't her family rather

      astonished - a man she'd met only the day before?'

      'Well, they didn't actually know about the Desland blitzkrieg

      until a bit later. You see -'

      At this moment I heard the front door open and ten

      seconds later Kathe walked into the room, carrying her suitcase.

      She was wearing her rose-pink dress - the one she had

      worn at Kronborg - with the navy-blue sandals from Ilium,

      and no jewellery except the great pearl cluster above her

      wedding ring. Looking at her - a clutch in my stomach - as

      the dry dust of the past ninety hours crumbled and fell

      away below, I felt, momentarily, as though there were no

      one else in the room, and wondered why she did not at once

      return my gaze. Mr Stannard and the other men stood up

      and she put down the suitcase and threw out her hands,

      laughing and motioning to them to sit down again.

      'Oh, please, everybody! You are making me feel so silly!

      But it's lovely to see you all; and so nice to be home again,

      Alan!' She came quickly across the room, flung her arms

      round my neck and kissed me warmly. 'M'mm! That's

      better!' She turned back to the others. 'I'm so sorry not to

      have been here when you all arrived. I hope Alan's been

      269

      looking after you?' (Polite murmurs.) 'I won't be more than a

      minute. I'll come straight back.'

      'Don't hurry, dear,' said Mrs Stannard. 'We're all quite

      comfortable!'

      'Well, less than ten minutes, anyway,' smiled Kathe;

      picked up her suitcase once more and went out of the room,

      leaving the door ajar.

      'Now you really wouldn't think that gairl had spent the

      morning on a train, would you?' said Lady Alice, expecting

      the answer No, which she duly got.

      'Can I give you some more sherry?' I asked her.

      'Well, just half a glass, Mr Desland, thank you. Really

      half a glass.'

      I had just topped her up and put down the decanter when

      Kathe called out - from the kitchen, as it seemed - 'Alan,

      can you come and give me a hand for a minute?'

      'Sorry - 'won't be a tick,' I said, and went out into the

      hall.

      'Where are you, darling?'

      'Here.'

      I went into the kitchen. Kathe, facing me, was sitting on

      the table swinging her legs. I have never in my life seen

      anyone look more radiantly happy.

      'Alan! Alan!'

      I raised two fingers to my temple in what some people

      call a 'gamekeeper's salute'.

      'Something you wanted, ma'am?'

      She held out her arms to me and I, oblivious of all else,

      stepped forward and embraced her where she sat, kissing her

      eyelids and her lips and holding her close against me. Responding

      passionately and pressing her open mouth to mine,

      she flung back her head and leaned backwards, uttering

      tiny, inarticulate moans of pleasure and rocking slightly from

      her hips, so that her dress, beneath my hands, moved up and

    &
    nbsp; down against her body. Then, sliding gently forward on the

      table, she clasped me with her legs as well as her arms.

      Suddenly I realized that beneath her dress she was cornpletely

      naked; and she, having already foreseen my dis270

      covery, gave a little, quick gurgle of laughter, drawing my

      hands here and there so that I should be in no doubt.

      At that moment the guests, not forty feet away in the next

      room, meant no more to me than the birds in the garden.

      For all I knew or cared someone might have been standing in

      the doorway. I had no sense of where I was, of the time or

      place or of anything that might be happening round us. I

      felt her hand at my loins; and I felt the table slide and grate

      on the tiled floor beneath us, and for that I cared nothing

      either.

      Kathe's mouth was against my ear, kissing and whispering,

      'Ah! Ah! Yes, come on then my darling, come on, my love!

      Quietly, quietly - that's my dear love. Oh, that's it, that's

      right! Oh, I've wanted you so, night and day. Quietly, my

      sweetheart!'

      A voice - God knows whose - Tony's, I think - called out

      from the drawing-room, 'Are you all right, Alan? Want any

      help?' and Kathe, in a tone of complete self-possession,

      called back, 'No, we're doing fine, thanks! Won't be a

      minute!' Then, as she held my thrusting body against her,

      taking my head between her hands and once more pressing

      my mouth to hers - to make sure I kept quiet, I dare say I

      was swept into a blinding rapture, like a wave shattering on

      a rock. I seemed to dissolve. I could hear nothing, see

      nothing. The voluptuous spouting seemed not from within

      my own body but a tide pouring through me, drenching me,

      an all-enveloping flood pulling and combing me out in long

      strands like tidal seaweed. 'If it doesn't subside in a

      moment,' I thought, 'I believe I'm going to faint.'

      Then Kathe was gently lifting, supporting me half-upright

      with her hands on my shoulders. I was standing on the

      kitchen floor, looking down at her, dazed and speechless.

      She laughed softly, her fingers quick and busy.

      'Please adjust your dress before leaving. Oh, darling, I

      love you, love you, Alan!'

      She stood up herself, buttoning and smoothing the pink

      linen. Then, smiling at me with a finger on her lips, she

      walked quickly across to the 'fridge, took out two bottles

      271

      of tonic and an empty plastic ice-bucket and went back to

      the drawing-room.

      'Maddening, isn't it?' she was saying as I followed her in.

      'That 'fridge door seems to choose its own time to jam.

      I'll have to get it seen to. 'Just as well Alan knows its little

      ways. He's so handy with his screw-driver, he ought to be

      opening safes, really.'

      'Never mind, dear,' said Lady Alice maternally. 'Come and

      sit down here and tell me all about Bristol. I hear you had a

      wonderful time. Of course you'd never been there before? Did

      you see the Clifton suspension bridge? Do you know, the

      first time I saw that bridge was just after the Great War. I

      must have been about ten ...'

      As the Stannards, last to go, drove away, I turned to Kathe

      on the gravel.

      'Kathe! What on earth got into you?'

      'Why, you did, darling!'

      'I don't know whether to smack you, crown you with

      roses or have you certified! That was mad - crazy! If someone

      had come in -'

      'M'm, but they didn't, did they? Or did they, d'you suppose?

      No, don't worry, darling, they couldn't have, because

      they'd ceased to exist, you see.'

      'But listen -'

      'Oh, no, I know! They were frozen in time, like the people

      dancing in "Les Visiteurs du Soir" - did you ever see it? and

      of course we were outside time, so -'

      'Kathe, please listen! I've got a local position to keep up -'

      She roared with laughter. 'But you did keep it up splendidly!

      It was all just impulse, Alan dear. I was carried

      away! How could I help it, you're so wonderful-'

      'Impulse my foot!' I ran my hand up the length of her

      dress. 'What about that? You planned it! You intended it!

      You must have -'

      'M'mm! Lovely!' Suddenly she turned and faced me,

      looking into my eyes with a kind of haughty, almost angered

      272

      authority, like a queen with whom a subject has presumed to

      go a little too far.

      'Well, and shouldn't I feel like that? Aren't I your love

      and your wife? I couldn't wait to be with you, and why the

      hell should I have to, on other people's account? Stupid

      people! What do they matter? I'd give the whole world for

     
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