The Girl in a Swing

Fry". But on top of that, she's enamelled - the only one of

  the three that is. And the colours aren't at all like those of

  most of the Girl-in-a-Swing factory toys that we have. The

  hair, for instance - one would expect to see that streaky

  chocolate colour that you get with the toys; but it isn't it's

  yellow. So almost certainly some different man must

  have enamelled her. It wasn't the hair I was principally

  looking at, though: it's that blue bodice. I wonder whether

  by any chance you know the candlestick in the London

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  Museum - the one known as "Bird Looking to the Right"?'

  'No, I'm afraid I don't.'

  'Well, that's Girl-in-a-Swing all right; and in that, too,

  the enamelling includes this blue colour, which is characteristic

  of Bow rather than Chelsea. One piece corroborates the

  other.'

  I found my tongue. 'I suggest, as the barristers say, that

  John Fry had a porcelain factory at Bow which was a subsidiary

  of the Bow factory proper, and that that subsidiary

  was in fact the Girl-in-a-Swing factory.'

  There was a further pause.

  'Well,' said Mallet slowly, 'I suppose we'll never know for

  certain, will we? It's an interesting notion. One must always

  beware of jumping from "may" to "is", simply because we'd

  all like to be sure. I'll stick to my task, Mr Desland, which is

  the very pleasant one of telling you that this figure is undoubtedly

  genuine and that it's unique in being enamelled.

  It's certainly going to set a lot of people talking, don't you

  think?' he added with a chuckle.

  'Thank you very much. I know it's - well - distasteful in

  a way to talk about monetary value, and 1 know that neither

  you nor any other museum will value pieces - quite rightly.

  But might I just ask you whether you think it's valuable?

  No more than that.'

  'This has got to be quite off the record, of course, and

  please don't quote me, but speaking purely as a private

  individual I'd say that if you were to decide to put it into

  auction it would be almost bound to go for something in

  six figures. And it could well be quite a long way up that

  range.'

  I stepped out through the doors of the V. & A. into a world

  grown strange. As when snow has fallen, the commonplace

  had undergone a universal transformation; yet this, unlike

  that brought about by snow, lay not in my surroundings

  but in my own apprehension of them. Everything seemed

  changed; that is, my impression of everything - the sharp,

  black shadows on the pavements, the great leaves of the

  291

  plane trees hanging limp and motionless as though cut out

  of cardboard, the traffic, the people walking slowly in the

  intense heat. It was as though they and I had been mysteriously

  drawn apart from one another, so that I might have

  been observing a scene in the past, or the future. They no

  longer seemed familiar, but like things seen for the first time.

  I suppose most people have known what it is to experience

  from time to time such trance-like states, but usually they

  pass quickly and ordinary perception returns. Now, however,

  the sense of unreality did not leave me. I stood staring about

  me, thinking it strange that none stared at me. Like someone

  suffering from partial amnesia, I remembered vaguely

  that I had a purpose and then that I had a destination: but

  only after a little was I able to recall what these were.

  I had an hour and a quarter until my train, but there was

  nowhere I wanted to go and nothing I wanted to do. I wondered

  whether to telephone Kathe, but decided not to. I

  would tell her the news face to face, at home.

  To myself I seemed solitary, but in the way that a teacher

  is solitary in a playground full of children, or a night-sister

  in a hospital ward. I alone possessed a certain knowledge

  conferring a unique view of everything about me. Even

  though the two halves of one truth that I knew - namely,

  that I was Kathe's lover and that I carried with me a ceramic

  discovery of major importance - might not be communicable

  or indeed of the least interest to the passers-by or the policeman

  on the corner, nevertheless both had a value beyond

  self-interest; and power to enrich, indirectly, the whole

  world. When Man is at one, I thought, God is one. He needs

  us as much as we need Him. It was not the thought of money

  which preoccupied me as I walked up the Brompton Road.

  And yet, seeing a ragged, broken-down creature hunched on

  a wall against the railings, I muttered, 'Will you have a

  drink?', thrust a pound into his hand and hurried away

  before he could speak. It was for my relief, not his.

  I took a taxi to Paddington and for half an hour walked

  slowly about the station, looking at the people, the trains,

  the porters loading wicker baskets for Fishguard, the bronzeblack

  figure of the young soldier, his tin hat pushed back on

  292

  his head, for ever reading his letter where he stands on the

  plinth of the war memorial. I've done something for you all

  now, I thought: I've done something for you now. I had done

  nothing for them, yet I was not deluding myself. I had done

  what I came to do, and I had not done it for gain alone.

  In the train I sat in a corner seat, holding the box on my

  knees, neither reading nor paying attention to the other

  passengers. It cannot have been altogether silent in the

  carriage, yet to me it seemed so. The trees, the fields and

  streams speeding past in the tranquil evening outside - it

  was I alone who could truly perceive them - a remote, bright

  world through which I was racing on, as it were with wings

  on my feet, towards my lover. I might have been under water,

  looking through my glass mask at a submerged brilliance

  never before seen.

  I was almost carried on beyond the station, coming to

  myself just in time to stumble out on the platform as the

  guard was blowing his whistle. Yet this - as though I were

  playing a part which required it of me - seemed entirely

  right. When I gave up my ticket at the barrier the collector,

  taking it from me, dropped it and then stooped to pick it up.

  I had known he would, and had known, too, that my key

  would stick for a moment in the door-lock of the car.

  The garden was lying still as a lake in the heat - the cornfield,

  the downs, all still. I walked into the house and called,

  and sure enough there was no reply. I put the Girl in her

  place, went upstairs, changed into an old shirt and trousers

  and came down into the garden.

  And here an even deeper intensity of solitude absorbed

  me into itself. The garden I had always known in every detail

  was unchanged. Yet it was changed, as a theatre is changed

  when the play begins; filled, by a spiritual superimposition,

  with a latent and still unrevealed meaning. Intuitively, I

  knew that it was not possible, now, for anything to interrupt

&nb
sp; or intrude upon this place. Supposing that there might

  happen to be someone making his way towards it at this

  moment, he would not arrive. Bemused in the bright evening,

  I stood looking about me, knowing only that there was something

  which I was appointed to do.

  293

  I walked slowly down the lawn. As I came to the farther

  end the silence was suddenly broken by a tumbling flock of

  sparrows. Out of the hornbeam hedge they flew, twittering

  together, and disappeared through the bushes in the wilderness.

  I followed them, and as I pushed open the gate behind

  the flowerbeds a hare leapt out of the grass and dashed away

  in the direction of the field. I had never seen a hare in the

  garden before.

  Step by step - for I was now in fear - I made my way between

  the rhododendrons and came to where the tap stood

  upright in the grass. The little hollow beneath was filled with

  water - a warm, shallow pool as big as one's body - and into

  this the tap was still dripping, drop by hollow drop in the

  stillness. On the surface floated a scattering of rose petals.

  I was not startled when I saw Kathe. She was sitting naked

  in the swing, an arm raised to either rope, barely moving

  back and forth as she sat watching me. Her breasts and

  shoulders, glistening with drops of water, were shaded by her

  wide, green-ribboned straw hat, but her belly and thighs, as

  the swing moved, were flame-coloured by the sunset gleaming

  between the cob-nut trees.

  I went towards her. She arched herself forward, dropped

  to the ground and we stood facing one another, I with the

  day's heat still upon me, she smooth and cool, bare-footed

  in the grass. I might have fled, for I was very much afraid:

  or I might have knelt before her; but she grasped my hand.

  'You know now?'

  'Yes.'

  'Who I am?'

  'You are not to be named. You have many names.'

  'And yet I have need of you, my subject, my lord.'

  Then, making me naked, she knelt before me, and having

  for a while done as she pleased, drew me down with her on

  the green, sun-baked sky.

  Our being travelled very far, for, as I could see clearly,

  the blades of grass above my eyes and close beside her head

  were in reality forests hundreds of feet below us. The green

  beetle clambering astray through them had leagues to go,

  and wisely flew off across the distant-rolling plains. I per294

  ceived also that the red clouds and one emergent star beneath

  me, alternately hidden and revealed by her plunging

  shoulders, had been landmarks well-known to Theodora,

  Phryne and Semiramis. I myself, dizzy at that great depth,

  became lost for a time, striving half-frenzied in a marshy

  wood close beside that same sea where the bull swam with

  Europa on his back: but then by good luck I came upon a

  white, winged mare grazing by the shore, mounted her and

  spurred away until we came to a city at the end of the world,

  where there was no time and men's minds and bodies were

  dissolved in an enchanted pool from which they were re-born

  to bless others by their grief, though unable to give any

  account of what they had undergone. After that drowning I

  was carried home asleep, across many miles of ocean, in one

  of the Phaeacian ships of King Alcinous.

  When I woke the stars were shining in a clear night sky,

  Jupiter so bright as almost to cast a shadow. I was sprawled

  alone in the grass, my shirt and trousers crumpled on the

  ground beside me. I felt cold. The cross-tree of the swing

  stood grim and lonely against the starlight, the little pool

  had drained away into the ground and an owl was calling

  from the far side of the garden. I got up, gathered my

  clothes and walked, naked as I was, back across the lawn

  and in through the French windows.

  Kathe was in bed, sleeping sound as a leafless tree. For a

  moment I bent my head close to hers, but did not kiss her.

  Her breath smelt fresh and faintly sweet, like apples, and

  one bare arm was lying outside the sheet. Without washing

  or cleaning my teeth I lay down beside her and crept into

  sleep like a hunted beast seeking refuge among thick fern.

  22

  I WOKE with a headache, and in a few minutes realized that

  I was not well. It hurt to move. I tried telling myself that this

  wouldn't do and I must take a firm line, but could neither

  295

  summon the will to sit up nor bring my mind to bear on the

  coming day. Swallowing, I felt pain in my throat and the

  passages of my ears.

  I could hear Kathe in the bathroom and called out to her.

  She came in at once, still wet, with a towel round her shoulders,

  and sat down on the bed.

  'Oh, Alan, do I look dreadful? Don't you like me undressed

  this morning?'

  'Why d'you say that?*

  'Well, you shut your eyes and turned your head away.'

  'I'm so sorry, darling; forgive me, it was quite unconscious.

  I called because I'm afraid I don't feel very well. I

  think I must have caught a chill last night.'

  'Damp night air? My fault - I shouldn't have left you

  asleep out there, should I? But it's Wednesday, Liebchen.

  You can stay where you are. You'll soon feel better, I'm sure.

  I'll pop down on the 'bus and come back at lunch-time. Mrs

  Spencer'll be in this morning, anyway, so you won't be all

  by yourself. Like a cup of tea?'

  I stared at her, feverish and uncomprehending. She appeared

  entirely unaware of anything out of the ordinary. Her

  kindly, matter-of-fact nonchalance made her seem almost

  like a stranger.

  'Kathe, what happened last night?'

  'What d'you mean, what happened?'

  I turned my head again, pressing my hot eyes against the

  pillow.

  'What - oh, I don't know, I can't think straight - I mean,

  what happened?'

  'But, dearest, you know what happened! After all, you

  were there as well as me.'

  The effort of finding words was almost more than I could

  make, but I had to do it, just as one has to answer a telephone.

  'Kathe, I'm terribly sorry - could you just pretend I've lost

  my memory or something, and tell me what happened last

  night, just as if I didn't know?'

  'I'm beginning to be afraid you really are ill.'

  'Please!' It came out in almost a whimper.

  296

  'Well, all right, dear. Don't get upset. Where shall I start?

  It was terribly hot - absolutely baking - and I'd done some

  cold meat and salad for supper - which we never had, nor

  the Riesling either - and then I thought it might be nice to

  go down and fill up the little hollow under the tap, like you

  said you and Flick used to do when you were little. So I did

  that and lay in it for ages and it was simply gorgeous, and

  then I - this all seems very silly, Alan. D'you really want me

  to go on?'

  'Yes, please.'

  'Well, then I sat in the swing and forgot all about th
e time

  until I heard you lumping along through the shrubbery. And

  then you came round the corner like a sort of human goat

  and just raped me - it was sheer heaven, even by our standards

  - for about half an hour. Look, I'm all scratched and

  torn about, see? here, and here; only I never noticed till later.

  And after that you simply went off to sleep as if you'd been

  'it on the 'ead 'eavy 'ammer. So I thought - I'm so sorry,

  Alan, really I am. I never thought you'd catch a chill - I

  thought well, to hell with him, sleeping it off there like the

  King of Babylon, and I went off to bed by myself. I really

  was feeling quite done up and can you wonder? I shouldn't

  have been so ungrateful - you're a marvellous lover, and I

  know you need me as much as I need you. But - oh, Alan,

  you are being hard on me! I think now I'm beginning to see

  the point of all this. You're making me what Mr Steinberg

  would call "the heavy", right? You wanted to make me

  admit I left you alone out there, is that it?'

  'Oh, no, no, no! Honestly not!' It was all going wrong,

  and my throat was hurting so abominably. 'But - but Kathe,

  dear, what did you say to me? For instance, did you say anything

  when I first came up to you by the swing?'

  'Well, I expect so, don't you, but how on earth can I

  remember now - I mean, d'you really want a blow-by-blow

  account? What on earth for?'

  "No, darling, no.' I took hold of her hand. 'I just meant well,

  I meant, did you experience anything unusual? Anything

  out of the ordinary?'

  'Oh, rather - I was out of my tiny mind. But Alan, I've

  297

  already told you you were marvellous - you don't really need

  to ask for my praise, surely?'

  'Oh, dear! I didn't mean that at all. I meant - the trance

  - and you were - you were -' I came to a confused stop.

  'The trance? Poor love, I don't think you know what you

  do mean just now, do you? Look, you stay there -'

  'Kathe; you won't answer me! You're impenetrable!'

  'That's one thing I'm most certainly not, as you very well

  know. You just stop talking rubbish, now, and stay there,

  and I'll go and get you a good, hot cup of tea.'

  'Kathe; one more thing-'

  '/a?' She stopped in the doorway with the slightest show

  of impatience.

  'The Girl in a Swing's real. Mallet says so. And she's worth

  more than a hundred thousand pounds!'

  'Well, good for the White Horse! I'm glad it makes you

  happy.' And she turned and went downstairs with as much

  apparent concern as if I had told her we had got a mention

  in the flower show.

  All that day I lay in bed, feeling wretchedly ill. Before she

  left for the shop I asked Kathe to draw the curtains. I

  couldn't read or listen to the wireless. I slept and woke

  and swallowed aspirin and drank tea. When Kathe came

  back at lunch-time I asked her to bring up the Girl in a

  Swing and put her on the chest of drawers where I could see

  her.

  I shivered and sweated continually. Utterly exhausted and

  spent, to myself I seemed like a shipwrecked survivor lying

  prone above the surf; as though escaped, by a miracle, from

  some desperate ordeal which no living creature could hope

  to undergo and survive. I was afraid of what I remembered

  and of all I did not understand. What had happened? Might

  it happen again? Did Kathe really know nothing more than

  she had said? But I could not get my thoughts together, and

  slipped back into sleep.

  Next day, although I felt better, Kathe would not allow

  me to go down to the shop.

  'Alan, if we're going to be so rich it doesn't really matter,

  does it, if you miss another day? Deirdre's an absolute tower

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  of strength and I promise you I'll bring back any bills or

  letters you ought to see. It's lovely weather. Why don't you

  just sit in the garden? - and sit in it, love, don't try to work

  in it.'

  On Friday morning my temperature was normal - Kathe

  had bought a thermometer - and after a late breakfast I

  went down to Northbrook Street. Deirdre, of course, had

  seen the announcement of my mother's engagement in the

  previous day's Newbury News, and was full of excitement

  and questions. I chatted to her for a little and then went up

  to the office to look at the day's letters. There was not much

  in the post, however, and having given Mrs Taswell enough

  to keep her busy for the time being, I sat on at my desk,