The Claverings

  CHAPTER XXX.

  DOODLES IN MOUNT STREET.

  Captain Clavering and Captain Boodle had, as may be imagined,discussed at great length and with much frequency the results of theformer captain's negotiations with the Russian spy, and it had beendeclared strongly by the latter captain, and ultimately admitted bythe former, that those results were not satisfactory. Seventy poundshad been expended, and, so to say, nothing had been accomplished.It was in vain that Archie, unwilling to have it thought that hehad been worsted in diplomacy, argued that with these politicalpersonages, and especially with Russian political personages, theambages were everything,--that the preliminaries were in fact thewhole, and that when they were arranged, the thing was done. Doodlesproved to demonstration that the thing was not done, and that seventypounds was too much for mere preliminaries. "My dear fellow," hesaid, speaking I fear with some scorn in his voice, "where are you?That's what I want to know. Where are you? Just nowhere." This wastrue. All that Archie had received from Madame Gordeloup in returnfor his last payment, was an intimation that no immediate day couldbe at present named for a renewal of his personal attack upon thecountess; but that a day might be named when he should next come toMount Street,--provision, of course, being made that he should comewith a due qualification under his glove. Now the original basison which Archie was to carry on his suit had been arranged to bethis,--that Lady Ongar should be made to know that he was there; andthe way in which Doodles had illustrated this precept by the artisticand allegorical use of his heel was still fresh in Archie's memory.The meeting in which they had come to that satisfactory understandinghad taken place early in the spring, and now June was coming on, andthe countess certainly did not as yet know that her suitor was there!If anything was to be done by the Russian spy it should be donequickly, and Doodles did not refrain from expressing his opinion thathis friend was "putting his foot into it," and "making a mull of thewhole thing." Now Archie Clavering was a man not eaten up by the viceof self-confidence, but prone rather to lean upon his friends andanxious for the aid of counsel in difficulty.

  "What the devil is a fellow to do?" he asked. "Perhaps I had bettergive it all up. Everybody says that she is as proud as Lucifer; and,after all, nobody knows what rigs she has been up to."

  But this was by no means the view which Doodles was inclined to take.He was a man who in the field never gave up a race because he wasthrown out at the start, having perceived that patience would achieveas much, perhaps, as impetuosity. He had ridden many a waitingrace, and had won some of them. He was never so sure of his hand atbilliards as when the score was strong against him. "Always fightwhilst there's any fight left in you," was a maxim with him. He neversurrendered a bet as lost, till the evidence as to the facts wasquite conclusive, and had taught himself to regard any chance, be itever so remote, as a kind of property.

  "Never say die," was his answer to Archie's remark. "You see, Clavvy,you have still a few good cards, and you can never know what a womanreally means till you have popped yourself. As to what she did whenshe was away, and all that, you see when a woman has got seventhousand a year in her own right, it covers a multitude of sins."

  "Of course, I know that."

  "And why should a fellow be uncharitable? If a man is to believe allthat he hears, by George, they're all much of a muchness. For my partI never believe anything. I always suppose every horse will run towin; and though there may be a cross now and again, that's the surestline to go upon. D'you understand me now?" Archie said that of coursehe understood him; but I fancy that Doodles had gone a little toodeep for Archie's intellect.

  "I should say, drop this woman, and go at the widow yourself atonce."

  "And lose all my seventy pounds for nothing!"

  "You're not soft enough to suppose that you'll ever get it backagain, I hope?" Archie assured his friend that he was not soft enoughfor any such hope as that, and then the two remained silent for awhile, deeply considering the posture of the affair. "I'll tell youwhat I'll do for you," said Doodles; "and upon my word I think itwill be the best thing."

  "And what's that?"

  "I'll go to this woman myself."

  "What; to Lady Ongar?"

  "No; but to the Spy, as you call her. Principals are never the bestfor this kind of work. When a man has to pay the money himself he cannever make so good a bargain as another can make for him. That standsto reason. And I can be blunter with her about it than you can;--cango straight at it, you know; and you may be sure of this, she won'tget any money from me, unless I get the marbles for it."

  "You'll take some with you, then?"

  "Well, yes; that is, if it's convenient. We were talking of going twoor three hundred pounds, you know, and you've only gone seventy asyet. Suppose you hand me over the odd thirty. If she gets it out ofme easy, tell me my name isn't Boodle."

  There was much in this that was distasteful to Captain Clavering,but at last he submitted, and handed over the thirty pounds to hisfriend. Then there was considerable doubt whether the ambassadorshould announce himself by a note, but it was decided at last thathis arrival should not be expected. If he did not find the lady athome or disengaged on the first visit, or on the second, he might onthe third or the fourth. He was a persistent, patient little man,and assured his friend that he would certainly see Madame Gordeloupbefore a week had passed over their heads.

  On the occasion of his first visit to Mount Street, Sophie Gordeloupwas enjoying her retreat in the Isle of Wight. When he called thesecond time she was in bed, the fatigue of her journey on theprevious day,--the day on which she had actually risen at seveno'clock in the morning,--having oppressed her much. She had returnedin the cab alone, and had occupied herself much on the same evening.Now that she was to be parted from her Julie, it was needful that sheshould be occupied. She wrote a long letter to her brother,--muchmore confidential than her letters to him had lately been,--tellinghim how much she had suffered on his behalf, and describing tohim with great energy the perverseness, malignity, and generalpigheadedness of her late friend. Then she wrote an anonymous letterto Mrs. Burton, whose name and address she had learned, after havingascertained from Archie the fact of Harry Clavering's engagement. Inthis letter she described the wretched wiles by which that horridwoman Lady Ongar was struggling to keep Harry and Miss Burton apart."It is very bad, but it is true," said the diligent little woman."She has been seen in his embrace; I know it." After that she dressedand went out into society,--the society of which she had boasted asbeing open to her,--to the house of some hanger-on of some embassy,and listened, and whispered, and laughed when some old sinner jokedwith her, and talked poetry to a young man who was foolish and lame,but who had some money, and got a glass of wine and a cake fornothing, and so was very busy; and on her return home calculated thather cab-hire for the evening had been judiciously spent. But herdiligence had been so great that when Captain Boodle called the nextmorning at twelve o'clock she was still in bed. Had she been in dearParis, or in dearer Vienna, that would have not hindered her fromreceiving the visit; but in pigheaded London this could not be done;and, therefore, when she had duly scrutinized Captain Boodle's card,and had learned from the servant that Captain Boodle desired to seeherself on very particular business, she made an appointment with himfor the following day.

  On the following day at the same hour Doodles came and was shown upinto her room. He had scrupulously avoided any smartness of apparel,calculating that a Newmarket costume would be, of all dresses, themost efficacious in filling her with an idea of his smartness;whereas Archie had probably injured himself much by his polishedleather boots, and general newness of clothing. Doodles, therefore,wore a cut-away coat, a coloured shirt with a fogle round his neck,old brown trowsers that fitted very tightly round his legs, and wascareful to take no gloves with him. He was a man with a small bullethead, who wore his hair cut very short, and had no other beard thana slight appendage on his lower chin. He certainly did possess aconsiderable look of smartness, and when he would knit his b
rows andnod his head, some men were apt to think that it was not easy to geton the soft side of him.

  Sophie on this occasion was not arrayed with that becoming negligencewhich had graced her appearance when Captain Clavering had called.She knew that a visitor was coming, and the questionably whitewrapper had been exchanged for an ordinary dress. This was regretted,rather than otherwise, by Captain Boodle, who had received fromArchie a description of the lady's appearance, and who had beenanxious to see the Spy in her proper and peculiar habiliments. Itmust be remembered that Sophie knew nothing of her present visitor,and was altogether unaware that he was in any way connected withCaptain Clavering.

  "You are Captain Boddle," she said, looking hard at Doodles, as hebowed to her on entering the room.

  "Captain Boodle, ma'am; at your service."

  "Oh, Captain Bood-dle; it is English name, I suppose?"

  "Certainly, ma'am, certainly. Altogether English, I believe.Our Boodles come out of Warwickshire; small property nearLeamington,--doosed small, I'm sorry to say."

  She looked at him very hard, and was altogether unable to discoverwhat was the nature or probable mode of life of the young man beforeher. She had lived much in England, and had known Englishmen ofmany classes, but she could not remember that she had ever becomeconversant with such a one as he who was now before her. Was he agentleman, or might he be a housebreaker? "A doosed small propertynear Leamington," she said, repeating the words after him. "Oh!"

  "But my visit to you, ma'am, has nothing to do with that."

  "Nothing to do with the small property."

  "Nothing in life."

  "Then, Captain Bood-dle, what may it have to do with?"

  Hereupon Doodles took a chair, not having been invited to go throughthat ceremony. According to the theory created in her mind at theinstant, this man was not at all like an English captain. Captainis an unfortunate title, somewhat equivalent to the foreigncount,--unfortunate in this respect, that it is easily adopted bymany whose claims to it are very slight. Archie Clavering, with hispolished leather boots, had looked like a captain,--had come up toher idea of a captain,--but this man! The more she regarded him, thestronger in her mind became the idea of the housebreaker.

  "My business, ma'am, is of a very delicate nature,--of a nature verydelicate indeed. But I think that you and I, who understand theworld, may soon come to understand each other."

  "Oh, you understand the world. Very well, sir. Go on."

  "Now, ma'am, money is money, you know."

  "And a goose is a goose; but what of that?"

  "Yes; a goose is a goose, and some people are not geese. Nobody,ma'am, would think of calling you a goose."

  "I hope not. It would be so uncivil, even an Englishman would not sayit. Will you go on?"

  "I think you have the pleasure of knowing Lady Ongar?"

  "Knowing who?" said Sophie, almost shrieking.

  "Lady Ongar."

  During the last day or two Sophie's mind had been concerned verymuch with her dear Julie, but had not been concerned at all withthe affairs of Captain Clavering, and, therefore, when Lady Ongar'sname was mentioned, her mind went away altogether to the quarrel, anddid not once refer itself to the captain. Could it be that this wasan attorney, and was it possible that Julie would be mean enough tomake claims upon her? Claims might be made for more than those twentypounds. "And you," she said, "do you know Lady Ongar?"

  "I have not that honour myself."

  "Oh, you have not; and do you want to be introduced?"

  "Not exactly,--not at present; at some future day I shall hope tohave the pleasure. But I am right in believing that she and you arevery intimate? Now what are you going to do for my friend ArchieClavering?"

  "Oh-h-h!" exclaimed Sophie.

  "Yes. What are you going to do for my friend Archie Clavering?Seventy pounds, you know, ma'am, is a smart bit of money!"

  "A smart bit of money, is it? That is what you think on your leetleproperty down in Warwickshire."

  "It isn't my property, ma'am, at all. It belongs to my uncle."

  "Oh, it is your uncle that has the leetle property. And what hadyour uncle to do with Lady Ongar? What is your uncle to your friendArchie?"

  "Nothing at all, ma'am; nothing on earth."

  "Then why do you tell me all this rigmarole about your uncle and hisleetle property, and Warwickshire? What have I to do with your uncle?Sir, I do not understand you,--not at all. Nor do I know why I havethe honour to see you here, Captain Bood-dle."

  Even Doodles, redoubtable as he was--even he, with all his smartness,felt that he was overcome, and that this woman was too much for him.He was altogether perplexed, as he could not perceive whether in allher tirade about the little property she had really misunderstoodhim, and had in truth thought that he had been talking about hisuncle, or whether the whole thing was cunning on her part. Thereader, perhaps, will have a more correct idea of this lady thanCaptain Boodle had been able to obtain. She had now risen from hersofa, and was standing as though she expected him to go; but he hadnot as yet opened the budget of his business.

  "I am here, ma'am," said he, "to speak to you about my friend,Captain Clavering."

  "Then you can go back to your friend, and tell him I have nothing tosay. And, more than that, Captain Booddle"--the woman intensifiedthe name in a most disgusting manner, with the evident purpose ofannoying him; of that he had become quite sure--"more than that, hissending you here is an impertinence. Will you tell him that?"

  "No, ma'am, I will not."

  "Perhaps you are his laquais," continued the inexhaustible Sophie,"and are obliged to come when he send you?"

  "I am no man's laquais, ma'am."

  "If so, I do not blame you; or, perhaps, it is your way to make yourlove third or fourth hand down in Warwickshire?"

  "Damn Warwickshire!" said Doodles, who was put beyond himself.

  "With all my heart. Damn Warwickshire." And the horrid woman grinnedat him as she repeated his words. "And the leetle property, andthe uncle, if you wish it; and the leetle nephew,--and the leetlenephew,--and the leetle nephew!" She stood over him as she repeatedthe last words with wondrous rapidity, and grinned at him, andgrimaced and shook herself, till Doodles was altogether bewildered.If this was a Russian spy he would avoid such in future, and keephimself for the milder acerbities of Newmarket, and the easierchaff of his club. He looked up into her face at the present moment,striving to think of some words by which he might assist himself. Hehad as yet performed no part of his mission, but any such performancewas now entirely out of the question. The woman had defied him, andhad altogether thrown Clavering overboard. There was no furtherquestion of her services, and therefore he felt himself to be quiteentitled to twit her with the payment she had taken.

  "And how about my friend's seventy pounds?" said he.

  "How about seventy pounds! a leetle man comes here and tells me heis a Booddle in Warwickshire, and says he has an uncle with a veryleetle property, and asks me how about seventy pounds! Suppose I askyou how about the policeman, what will you say then?"

  "You send for him and you shall hear what I say."

  "No; not to take away such a leetle man as you. I send for apoliceman when I am afraid. Booddle in Warwickshire is not a terribleman. Suppose you go to your friend and tell him from me that he havechose a very bad Mercury in his affairs of love;--the worst MercuryI ever see. Perhaps the Warwickshire Mercuries are not very good. Canyou tell me, Captain Booddle, how they make love down inWarwickshire?"

  "And that is all the satisfaction I am to have?"

  "Who said you was to have satisfaction? Very little satisfaction Ishould think you ever have, when you come as a Mercury."

  "My friend means to know something about that seventy pounds."

  "Seventy pounds! If you talk to me any more of seventy pounds, I willfly at your face." As she spoke this she jumped across at him asthough she were really on the point of attacking him with her nails,and he, in dismay, retreated to the door. "You
, and your seventypounds! Oh, you English! What mean mens you are! Oh! a Frenchmanwould despise to do it. Yes; or a Russian or a Pole. But you,--youwant it all down in black and white, like a butcher's beel. You knownothing, and understand nothing, and can never speak, and can neverhold your tongues. You have no head, but the head of a bull. A bullcan break all the china in a shop,--dash, smash, crash,--all thepretty things gone in a minute! So can an Englishman. Your seventypounds! You will come again to me for seventy pounds, I think." Inher energy she had acted the bull, and had exhibited her idea of thedashing, the smashing and the crashing, by the motion of her head andthe waving of her hands.

  "And you decline to say anything about the seventy pounds?" saidDoodles, resolving that his courage should not desert him.

  Whereupon the divine Sophie laughed. "Ha, ha, ha! I see you have notgot on any gloves, Captain Booddle."

  "Gloves; no. I don't wear gloves."

  "Nor your uncle with the leetle property in Warwickshire? CaptainClavering, he wears a glove. He is a handy man." Doodles stared ather, understanding nothing of this. "Perhaps it is in your waistcoatpocket," and she approached him fearlessly, as though she were aboutto deprive him of his watch.

  "I don't know what you mean," said he, retreating.

  "Ah, you are not a handy man, like my friend the other captain, soyou had better go away. Yes; you had better go to Warwickshire. InWarwickshire, I suppose, they make ready for your Michaelmas dinners.You have four months to get fat. Suppose you go away and get fat."

  Doodles understood nothing of her sarcasm, but began to perceivethat he might as well take his departure. The woman was probably alunatic, and his friend Archie had no doubt been grossly deceivedwhen he was sent to her for assistance. He had some faint idea thatthe seventy pounds might be recovered from such a madwoman; but inthe recovery his friend would be exposed, and he saw that the moneymust be abandoned. At any rate, he had not been soft enough todispose of any more treasure.

  "Good-morning, ma'am," he said, very curtly.

  "Good-morning to you, Captain Booddle. Are you coming again anotherday?"

  "Not that I know of, ma'am."

  "You are very welcome to stay away. I like your friend the better.Tell him to come and be handy with his glove. As for you,--supposeyou go to the leetle property."

  Then Captain Boodle went, and, as soon as he had made his way outinto the open street, stood still and looked around him, that by theaspect of things familiar to his eyes he might be made certain thathe was in a world with which he was conversant. While in that roomwith the Spy he had ceased to remember that he was in London,--hisown London, within a mile of his club, within a mile of Tattersall's.He had been, as it were, removed to some strange world in which thetact, and courage, and acuteness natural to him had not been of availto him. Madame Gordeloup had opened a new world to him,--a new worldof which he desired to make no further experience. Gradually hebegan to understand why he had been desired to prepare himself forMichaelmas eating. Gradually some idea about Archie's glove glimmeredacross his brain. A wonderful woman certainly was the Russian spy,--aphenomenon which in future years he might perhaps be glad to rememberthat he had seen in the flesh. The first race-horse which he mightever own and name himself he would certainly call the Russian spy.In the meantime, as he slowly walked across Berkeley Square, heacknowledged to himself that she was not mad, and acknowledged alsothat the less said about that seventy pounds the better. From thencehe crossed Piccadilly, and sauntered down St. James's Street intoPall Mall, revolving in his mind how he would carry himself withClavvy. He, at any rate, had his ground for triumph. He had partedwith no money, and had ascertained by his own wit that no availableassistance from that quarter was to be had in the matter which hisfriend had in hand.

  It was some hours after this when the two friends met, and at thattime Doodles was up to his eyes in chalk and the profitable delightsof pool. But Archie was too intent on his business to pay much regardto his friend's proper avocation. "Well, Doodles," he said, hardlywaiting till his ambassador had finished his stroke and laid his ballclose waxed to one of the cushions. "Well; have you seen her?"

  "Oh, yes; I've seen her," said Doodles, seating himself on an exaltedbench which ran round the room, while Archie, with anxious eyes,stood before him.

  "Well?" said Archie.

  "She's a rum 'un. Thank 'ee, Griggs; you always stand to me like abrick." This was said to a young lieutenant who had failed to hit thecaptain's ball, and now tendered him a shilling with a very bitterlook.

  "She is queer," said Archie,--"certainly."

  "Queer! By George, I'll back her for the queerest bit of horsefleshgoing any way about these diggings. I thought she was mad at first,but I believe she knows what she's about."

  "She knows what she's about well enough. She's worth all the money ifyou can only get her to work."

  "Bosh, my dear fellow."

  "Why bosh? What's up now?"

  "Bosh! Bosh! Bosh! Me to play, is it?" Down he went, and not findinga good open for a hazard, again waxed himself to the cushion, to theinfinite disgust of Griggs, who did indeed hit the ball this time,but in such a way as to make the loss of another life from Griggs'original three a matter of certainty. "I don't think it's hardlyfair," whispered Griggs to a friend, "a man playing always forsafety. It's not the game I like, and I shan't play at the same tablewith Doodles any more."

  "It's all bosh," repeated Doodles, coming back to his seat. "Shedon't mean to do anything, and never did. I've found her out."

  "Found out what?"

  "She's been laughing at you. She got your money out from under yourglove, didn't she?"

  "Well, I did put it there."

  "Of course you did. I knew that I should find out what was what ifI once went there. I got it all out of her. But, by George, what awoman she is! She swore at me to my very face."

  "Swore at you! In French you mean?"

  "No; not in French at all, but damned me in downright English. ByGeorge, how I did laugh!--me and everybody belonging to me. I'mblessed if she didn't."

  "There was nothing like that about her when I saw her."

  "You didn't turn her inside out as I've done; but stop half amoment." Then he descended, chalked away at his cue hastily, pocketeda shilling or two, and returned. "You didn't turn her inside out asI've done. I tell you, Clavvy, there's nothing to be done there, andthere never was. If you'd kept on going yourself she'd have drainedyou as dry,--as dry as that table. There's your thirty pounds back,and, upon my word, old fellow, you ought to thank me."

  Archie did thank him, and Doodles was not without his triumph. Ofthe frequent references to Warwickshire which he had been forcedto endure, he said nothing, nor yet of the reference to Michaelmasdinners; and, gradually, as he came to talk frequently to Archie ofthe Russian spy, and perhaps also to one or two others of his moreintimate friends, he began to convince himself that he really hadwormed the truth out of Madame Gordeloup, and got altogether thebetter of that lady, in a very wonderful way.