The Memoirs of Mr. Charles J. Yellowplush

  CHAPTER II.

  But who was this genlmn with a fine name--Mr. Frederic Altamont? or whatwas he? The most mysterus genlmn that ever I knew. Once I said to him ona wery rainy day, "Sir, shall I bring the gig down to your office?" andhe gave me one of his black looks and one of his loudest hoaths, andtold me to mind my own bizziness, and attend to my orders. Anotherday,--it was on the day when Miss Mary slapped Miss Betsy's face,--MissM., who adoared him, as I have said already, kep on asking him what washis buth, parentidg, and ediccation. "Dear Frederic," says she, "whythis mistry about yourself and your hactions? why hide from your littleMary"--they were as tender as this, I can tell you--"your buth and yourprofessin?"

  I spose Mr. Frederic looked black, for I was ONLY listening, and hesaid, in a voice hagitated by emotion, "Mary," said he, "if you loveme, ask me this no more: let it be sfishnt for you to know that I am ahonest man, and that a secret, what it would be misery for you to larn,must hang over all my actions--that is from ten o'clock till six."

  They went on chaffin and talking in this melumcolly and mysterusway, and I didn't lose a word of what they said; for them houses inPentonwille have only walls made of pasteboard, and you hear raytherbetter outside the room than in. But, though he kep up his secret, heswore to her his affektion this day pint blank. Nothing should preventhim, he said, from leading her to the halter, from makin her hisadoarable wife. After this was a slight silence. "Dearest Frederic,"mummered out miss, speakin as if she was chokin, "I am yours--yoursfor ever." And then silence agen, and one or two smax, as if therewas kissin going on. Here I thought it best to give a rattle at thedoor-lock; for, as I live, there was old Mrs. Shum a-walkin down thestairs!

  It appears that one of the younger gals, a-looking out of the bed-rumwindow, had seen my master come in, and coming down to tea half an hourafterwards, said so in a cussary way. Old Mrs. Shum, who was a dragon ofvertyou, cam bustling down the stairs, panting and frowning, as fat andas fierce as a old sow at feedin time.

  "Where's the lodger, fellow?" says she to me.

  I spoke loud enough to be heard down the street--"If you mean, ma'am,my master, Mr. Frederic Altamont, esquire, he's just stept in, and isputtin on clean shoes in his bedroom."

  She said nothink in answer, but flumps past me, and opening theparlor-door, sees master looking very queer, and Miss Mary a-droopingdown her head like a pale lily.

  "Did you come into my famly," says she, "to corrupt my daughters, and todestroy the hinnocence of that infamous gal? Did you come here, sir, asa seducer, or only as a lodger? Speak, sir, speak!"--and she folded herarms quite fierce, and looked like Mrs. Siddums in the Tragic Mews.

  "I came here, Mrs. Shum," said he, "because I loved your daughter, orI never would have condescended to live in such a beggarly hole. I havetreated her in every respect like a genlmn, and she is as innocent now,ma'm, as she was when she was born. If she'll marry me, I am ready;if she'll leave you, she shall have a home where she shall be neitherbullyd nor starved: no hangry frumps of sisters, no cross mother-in-law,only an affeckshnat husband, and all the pure pleasures of Hyming."

  Mary flung herself into his arms--"Dear, dear Frederic," says she, "I'llnever leave you."

  "Miss," says Mrs. Shum, "you ain't a Slamcoe nor yet a Buckmaster, thankGod. You may marry this person if your pa thinks proper, and he mayinsult me--brave me--trample on my feelinx in my own house--and there'sno-o-o-obody by to defend me."

  I knew what she was going to be at: on came her histarrix agen, and shebegan screechin and roaring like mad. Down comes of course the elevengals and old Shum. There was a pretty row. "Look here, sir," says she,"at the conduck of your precious trull of a daughter--alone with thisman, kissin and dandlin, and Lawd knows what besides."

  "What, he?" cries Miss Betsy--"he in love with Mary. Oh, the wretch, themonster, the deceiver!"--and she falls down too, screeching away as loudas her mamma; for the silly creature fancied still that Altamont had afondness for her.

  "SILENCE THESE WOMEN!" shouts out Altamont, thundering loud. "I loveyour daughter, Mr. Shum. I will take her without a penny, and can affordto keep her. If you don't give her to me, she'll come of her own will.Is that enough?--may I have her?"

  "We'll talk of this matter, sir," says Mr. Shum, looking as high andmighty as an alderman. "Gals, go up stairs with your dear mamma."--Andthey all trooped up again, and so the skrimmage ended.

  You may be sure that old Shum was not very sorry to get a husband forhis daughter Mary, for the old creatur loved her better than all thepack which had been brought him or born to him by Mrs. Buckmaster. But,strange to say, when he came to talk of settlements and so forth, nota word would my master answer. He said he made four hundred a yearreglar--he wouldn't tell how--but Mary, if she married him, must shareall that he had, and ask no questions; only this he would say, as he'dsaid before, that he was a honest man.

  They were married in a few days, and took a very genteel house atIslington; but still my master went away to business, and nobody knewwhere. Who could he be?