Mardi: and A Voyage Thither, Vol. II

  "Just what I would be at, old man. 'What we do, we do blindly,' saysold Bardianna. Many things we do, we do without knowing,--as with youand your beard, Mohi. And many others we know not, in their truebearing at least, till they are past. Are not half our lives spent inreproaches for foregone actions, of the true nature and consequencesof which, we were wholly ignorant at the time? Says old Bardianna,'Did I not so often feel an appetite for my yams, I should think everything a dream;'--so puzzling to him, seemed the things of this Mardi.But Alla-Malolla goes further. Says he, 'Let us club together, fellow-riddles:--Kings, clowns, and intermediates. We are bundles of comicalsensations; we bejuggle ourselves into strange phantasies: we are air,wind, breath, bubbles; our being is told in a tick.'"

  "Now, then, Babbalanja," said Media, "what have you come to in allthis rhapsody? You everlastingly travel in a circle."

  "And so does the sun in heaven, my lord; like me, it goes round, andgives light as it goes. Old Bardianna, too, revolved. He says sohimself. In his roundabout chapter on Cycles and Epicycles, with Noteson the Ecliptic, he thus discourseth:--'All things revolve upon somecenter, to them, fixed; for the centripetal is ever too much for thecentrifugal. Wherefore, it is a perpetual cycling with us, withoutprogression; and we fly round, whether we will or no. To stop, were tosink into space. So, over and over we go, and round and round; double-shuffle, on our axis, and round the sun.' In an another place, hesays:--'There is neither apogee nor perigee, north nor south, rightnor left; what to-night is our zenith, to-morrow is our nadir; standas we will, we stand on our heads; essay to spring into the air, anddown we come; here we stick; our very bones make glue.'"

  "Enough, enough, Babbalanja," cried Media. "You are a very wiseMardian; but the wisest Mardians make the most consummate fools."

  "So they do, my lord; but I was interrupted. I was about to say, thatthere is no place but the universe; no limit but the limitless; nobottom but the bottomless."

  CHAPTER XLOf The Sorcerers In The Isle Of Minda

  "Tiffin! tiffin!" cried Media; "time for tiffin! Up, comrades! andwhile the mat is being spread, walk we to the bow, and inhale thebreeze for an appetite. Hark ye, Vee-Vee! forget not that calabashwith the sea-blue seal, and a round ring for a brand. Rare old stuff,that, Mohi; older than you: the circumnavigator, I call it. My sirehad a canoe launched for the express purpose of carrying it thriceround Mardi for a flavor. It was many moons on the voyage; themariners never sailed faster than three knots. Ten would spoil thebest wine ever floated."

  Tiffin over, and the blue-sealed calabash all but hid in the greatcloud raised by our pipes, Media proposed to board it in the smoke.So, goblet in hand, we all gallantly charged, and came off victoriousfrom the fray.

  Then seated again, and serenely puffing in a circle, thecircumnavigator meanwhile pleasantly going the rounds, Media calledupon Mohi for something entertaining.

  Now, of all the old gossips in Mardi, surely our delightful oldDiodorus was furnished with the greatest possible variety ofhistories, chronicles, anecdotes, memoirs, legends, traditions, andbiographies. There was no end to the library he carried. In himself,he was the whole history of Mardi, amplified, not abridged, in onevolume.

  In obedience, then, to King Media's command, Mohi regaled the companywith a narrative, in substance as follows:--

  In a certain quarter of the Archipelago was an island called Minda;and in Minda were many sorcerers, employed in the social differencesand animosities of the people of that unfortunate land. If a Mindariandeemed himself aggrieved or insulted by a countryman, he forthwithrepaired to one of these sorcerers; who, for an adequateconsideration, set to work with his spells, keeping himself in thedark, and directing them against the obnoxious individual. And fullsoon, by certain peculiar sensations, this individual, discoveringwhat was going on, would straightway hie to his own professor of thesable art, who, being well feed, in due time brought about certaincounter-charms, so that in the end it sometimes fell out that neitherparty was gainer or loser, save by the sum of his fees.

  But the worst of it was, that in some cases all knowledge of thesespells were at the outset hidden from the victim; who, hearing toolate of the mischief brewing, almost always fell a prey to his foe;which calamity was held the height of the art. But as the great bodyof sorcerers were about matched in point of skill, it followed thatthe parties employing them were so likewise. Hence arose thoseinterminable contests, in which many moons were spent, both partiestoiling after their common destruction.

  Indeed, to say nothing of the obstinacy evinced by their employers, itwas marvelous, the pertinacity of the sorcerers themselves. To thevery last tooth in their employer's pouches, they would stick to theirspells; never giving over till he was financially or physicallydefunct.

  But much as they were vilified, no people in Minda were half sodisinterested as they. Certain indispensable conditions secured, someof them were as ready to undertake the perdition of one man asanother; good, bad, or indifferent, it made little matter.

  What wonder, then, that such abominable mercenaries should cause amighty deal of mischief in Minda; privately going about, incitingpeaceable folks to enmities with their neighbors; and with marvelousalacrity, proposing themselves as the very sorcerers to rid them ofthe annoyances suggested as existing.

  Indeed, it even happened that a sorcerer would be secretly retained towork spells upon a victim, who, from his bodily sensations, suspectingsomething wrong, but knowing not what, would repair to that self-samesorcerer, engaging him to counteract any mischief that might bebrewing. And this worthy would at once undertake the business; when,having both parties in his hands, he kept them forever in suspense;meanwhile seeing to it well, that they failed not in handsomelyremunerating him for his pains.

  At one time, there was a prodigious excitement about these sorcerers,growing out of some alarming revelations concerning their practices.In several villages of Minda, they were sought to be put down. Butfruitless the attempt; it was soon discovered that already theirspells were so spread abroad, and they themselves so mixed up with theeveryday affairs of the isle, that it was better to let their vocationalone, than, by endeavoring to suppress it, breed additional troubles.Ah! they were a knowing and a cunning set, those sorcerers; very hardto overcome, cajole, or circumvent.

  But in the name of the Magi, what were these spells of theirs, sopotent and occult? On all hands it was agreed, that they derived theirgreatest virtue from the fumes of certain compounds, whoseingredients--horrible to tell--were mostly obtained from the humanheart; and that by variously mixing these ingredients, they adaptedtheir multifarious enchantments.

  They were a vain and arrogant race. Upon the strength of their dealingin the dark, they affected even more mystery than belonged to them;when interrogated concerning their science, would confound theinquirer by answers couched in an extraordinary jargon, employingwords almost as long as anacondas. But all this greatly prevailed withthe common people.

  Nor was it one of the least remarkable things, that oftentimes twosorcerers, contrarily employed upon a Mindarian,--one to attack, theother to defend,--would nevertheless be upon the most friendly termswith each other; which curious circumstance never begat the slightestsuspicions in the mind of the victim.

  Another phenomenon: If from any cause, two sorcerers fell out, theyseldom exercised their spells upon each other; ascribable to this,perhaps,--that both being versed in the art, neither could hope to getthe advantage.

  But for all the opprobrium cast upon these sorcerers, part of whichthey deserved, the evils imputed to them were mainly, thoughindirectly, ascribable to the very persons who abused them; nay, tothe very persons who employed them; the latter being by far theloudest in their vilifyings; for which, indeed, they had excellentreason.

  Nor was it to be denied, that in certain respects, the sorcerers wereproductive of considerable good. The nature of their pursuits leadingthem deep into the arcana of mind, they often lighted upon importantdiscoveries; along with much that was cumbersome,
accumulated valuableexamples concerning the inner working of the hearts of the Mindarians;and often waxed eloquent in elucidating the mysteries of iniquity.

  Yet was all this their lore graven upon so uncouth, outlandish, andantiquated tablets, that it was all but lost to the mass of theircountrymen; and some old sachem of a wise man is quoted as havingsaid, that their treasures were locked up after such a fashion, thatfor old iron, the key was worth more than the chest and its contents.

  CHAPTER XLIChiefly Of Sing Bello

  "Now Taji," said Media, "with old Bello of the Hump whose island ofDominora is before us, I am at variance."

  "Ah! How so?"

  "A dull recital, but you shall have it."

  And forthwith his Highness began.

  This princely quarrel originated, it seems, in a slight jostlingconcerning the proprietorship of a barren islet in a very remotequarter of the lagoon. At the outset the matter might have been easilyadjusted, had the parties but exchanged a few amicable words. But eachdisdaining to visit the other, to discuss so trivial an affair, thebusiness of negotiating an understanding was committed to certainplenipos, men with lengthy tongues, who scorned to utter a word shortof a polysyllable.

  Now, the more these worthies penetrated into the difficulty, the widerbecame the breach; till what was at first a mere gap, became a yawninggulf.

  But that which had perhaps tended more than any thing else to deepenthe variance of the kings, was hump-backed Bello's dispatching to Odo,as his thirtieth plenipo, a diminutive little negotiator, who all byhimself, in a solitary canoe, sailed over to have audience of Media;into whose presence he was immediately ushered.

  Darting one glance at him, the king turned to his chieftains, andsaid:--"By much straining of your eyes, my lords, can you perceivethis insignificant manikin? What! are there no tall men in Dominora,that King Bello must needs send this dwarf hither?"

  And charging his attendents to feed the embassador extraordinary withthe soft pap of the cocoanut, and provide nurses during his stay, themonarch retired from the arbor of audience.

  "As I am a man," shouted the despised plenipo, raising himself on histoes, "my royal master will resent this affront!--A dwarf, forsooth!--Thank Oro, I am no long-drawn giant! There is as much stuff in me, asin others; what is spread out in their clumsy carcasses, in me iscondensed. I am much in little! And that much, thou shalt know fullsoon, disdainful King of Odo!"

  "Speak not against our lord the king," cried the attendants.

  "And speak not ye to me, ye headless spear poles!"

  And so saying, under sufferance of being small, the plenipo waspermitted to depart unmolested; for all his bravadoes, fobbing hiscredentials and affronts.

  Apprized of his servant's ignoble reception, the choleric Bello burstforth in a storm of passion; issuing orders for, one thousand conchshells to be blown, and his warriors to assemble by land and by sea.

  But bethinking him of the hostilities that might ensue, the sagaciousMedia hit upon an honorable expedient to ward off an event for whichhe was then unprepared. With all haste he dispatched to the hump-backed king a little dwarf of his own; who voyaging over to Dominorain a canoe, sorry and solitary as that of Bello's plenipo, in likemanner, received the same insults. The effect whereof, was, to strikea balance of affronts; upon the principle, that a blow given, healsone received.

  Nevertheless, these proceedings but amounted to a postponement ofhostilities; for soon after, nothing prevented the two kings fromplunging into war, but the following judicious considerations. First:Media was almost afraid of being beaten. Second: Bello was almostafraid to conquer. Media, because he was inferior in men and arms;Bello, because, his aggrandizement was already a subject of warlikecomment among the neighboring kings.

  Indeed, did the old chronicler Braid-Beard speak truth, there weresome tribes in Mardi, that accounted this king of Dominora a testy,quarrelsome, rapacious old monarch; the indefatigable breeder ofcontentions and wars; the elder brother of this household of nations,perpetually essaying to lord it over the juveniles; and though hispatrimonial dominions were situated to the north of the lagoon, notthe slightest misunderstanding took place between the rulers of themost distant islands, than this doughty old cavalier on a throne,forthwith thrust his insolent spear into the matter, though it in nowise concerned him, and fell to irritating all parties by hisgratuitous interference.

  Especially was he officious in the concerns of Porpheero, aneighboring island, very large and famous, whose numerous broadvalleys were divided among many rival kings:--the king of Franko, asmall-framed, poodle-haired, fine, fiery gallant; finical in histatooing; much given to the dance and glory;--the king of Ibeereea, atall and stately cavalier, proud, generous, punctilious, temperate inwine; one hand forever on his javelin, the other, in superstitioushomage, lifted to his gods; his limbs all over marks of stakes andcrosses;--the king of Luzianna; a slender, dark-browed thief; at timeswrapped in a moody robe, beneath which he fumbled something, as if itwere a dagger; but otherwise a sprightly troubadour, given toserenades and moonlight;---the many chiefs of sunny Latianna; minstrelmonarchs, full of song and sentiment; fiercer in love than war;glorious bards of freedom; but rendering tribute while they sang;--thepriest-king of Vatikanna; his chest marked over with antiquetatooings; his crown, a cowl; his rusted scepter swaying over fallingtowers, and crumbling mounds; full of the superstitious past; askance,eyeing the suspicious time to come;--the king of Hapzaboro; portly,pleasant; a lover of wild boar's meat; a frequent quaffer from thecan; in his better moods, much fancying solid comfort;--the eight-and-thirty banded kings, chieftains, seigniors, and oligarchies of thebroad hill and dale of Tutoni; clubbing together their domains, thatnone might wrest his neighbor's; an earnest race; deep thinkers,deeper drinkers; long pipes, long heads; their wise ones given tomystic cogitations, and consultations with the devil;--the twin kingsof Zandinavia; hardy, frugal mountaineers; upright of spine and heart;clad in skins of bears;--the king of Jutlanda; much like theirHighnesses of Zandinavia; a seal-skin cap his crown; a fearless sailorof his frigid seas;--the king of Muzkovi; a shaggy, icicled White-bearof a despot in the north; said to reign over millions of acres ofglaciers; had vast provinces of snow-drifts, and many flourishingcolonies among the floating icebergs. Absolute in his rule asPredestination in metaphysics, did he command all his people to giveup the ghost, it would be held treason to die last. Very precise andfoppish in his imperial tastes was this monarch. Disgusted with thewant of uniformity in the stature of his subjects, he was said tonourish thoughts of killing off all those below his prescribedstandard--six feet, long measure. Immortal souls were of no account inhis fatal wars; since, in some of his serf-breeding estates, they weredaily manufactured to order.

  Now, to all the above-mentioned monarchs, old Bello would frequentlydispatch heralds; announcing, for example, his unalterable resolution,to espouse the cause of this king, against that; at the very time,perhaps, that their Serene Superfluities, instead of crossing spears,were touching flagons. And upon these occasions, the kings would oftensend back word to old Bello, that instead of troubling himself withtheir concerns, he might far better attend to his own; which, theyhinted, were in a sad way, and much needed reform.

  The royal old warrior's pretext for these and all similar proceedings,was the proper adjustment in Porpheero, of what he facetiously styledthe "Equipoise of Calabashes;" which he stoutly swore was essential tothe security of the various tribes in that country.

  "But who put the balance into thy hands, King Bello?" cried theindignant nations.

  "Oro!" shouted the hump-backed king, shaking his javelin.

  Superadded to the paternal interest which Bello betrayed in theconcerns of the kings of Porpheero, according to our chronicler, healso manifested no less interest in those of the remotest islands.Indeed, where he found a rich country, inhabited by a people, deemedby him barbarous and incapable of wise legislation, he sometimesrelieved them from their political anxieties, by assuming thedictatorship over them. A
nd if incensed at his conduct, they flew totheir spears, they were accounted rebels, and treated accordingly. Butas old Mohi very truly observed,--herein, Bello was not alone; forthroughout Mardi, all strong nations, as well as all strong men, lovedto govern the weak. And those who most taunted King Bello for hispolitical rapacity, were open to the very same charge. So withVivenza, a distant island, at times very loud in denunciations ofBello, as a great national brigand. Not yet wholly extinct in Vivenza,were its aboriginal people, a race of wild Nimrods and hunters, whoyear by year were driven further and further into remoteness, till asone of their sad warriors said, after continual removes along the log,his race was on the point of being remorselessly pushed off the end.

  Now, Bello was a great geographer, and land surveyor, and gauger ofthe seas. Terraqueous Mardi, he was continually exploring in quest ofstrange empires. Much he loved to take the altitude of loftymountains, the depth of deep rivers, the breadth of broad isles. Uponthe highest pinnacles of commanding capes and promontories, he lovedto hoist his flag. He circled Mardi with his watch-towers: and thedistant voyager passing wild rocks in the remotest waters, wasstartled by hearing the tattoo, or the reveille, beating from hump-backed Bello's omnipresent drum. Among Antartic glaciers, his shrillbugle calls mingled with the scream of the gulls; and so impressedseemed universal nature with the sense of his dominion, that the veryclouds in heaven never sailed over Dominora without rendering thetribute of a shower; whence the air of Dominora was more moist thanthat of any other clime.

  In all his grand undertakings, King Bello was marvelously assisted byhis numerous fleets of war-canoes; his navy being the largest inMardi. Hence his logicians swore that the entire Lagoon was his; andthat all prowling whales, prowling keels, and prowling sharks wereinvaders. And with this fine conceit to inspire them, his poets-laureat composed some glorious old saltwater odes, enough to make yourvery soul sing to hear them.