Yo-yo's Weekend

  27.

  Through the Tunnel

  IT is a beautiful day at Thornwick Bay. This stony beach at Flamborough Head with its cliffs and its caves is an unspoilt spectacular of the Yorkshire coast. Somewhere out at sea a pebble laughs in delight.

  Stone: This is my family! There's Uncle Bill!

  A stone on the beach waves enthusiastically.

  Weed: Go and join them, Stone.

  Stone: I won't know what to say.

  Weed: Try ''hello''.

  Stone: What about you?

  The weed looks around and smiles contentedly.

  Weed: There's plenty of seaweed. They're distant cousins. They'll settle me in.

  (Pauses) Go, Stone. I'll be OK.

  Stone: (Emotionally) You've been a good friend.

  Weed: So have you. (He touches Stone with a frond) Just go.

  Stone: I'll never forget you!

  Weed: Mind you don't. (As Stone swims off) Keep in touch! Lucky bastard.

  A bunch of black sea-wrack swarms around him.

  Weed: Hi, I'm Weed...

  The sea-wrack folds him in their arms.

  ''I'm home,'' the Weed says contentedly.

  The tunnel is dark and the six friends get stuck several times. They stumble along by the light of matches struck repeatedly by the Pink Panther and Sylvester. They lead the group, with Woody, La-La and Tweety holding hands and muttering about the cold and the darkness, and Orinoco comes last, feeling the water drip on his brim, his great furry nose sniffing for salt. The tunnel is cramped but at least they do not have to crawl, just follow the path and the scent of sea-air.

  ''The tunnel twists to the left!'' calls Sylvester.

  Everyone feels their way round the rough-faced rock.

  ''And descends quite steeply,'' adds the Pink Panther.

  La-La trips over a boulder. The path indeed winds and drops steeply. Far off in the darkness is a small patch of light. Everyone grins and feels revitalised. Not so long now. The path opens out and they arrive in a high-ceilinged cavern. Beyond is the sunlight.

  ''Hoorah!'' says Woody. ''My blisters are bursting.''

  ''Let's take a breather,'' suggests the Pink Panther, grousing when he finds his pipe tobacco's gone damp.

  ''You suppose that's the end of Doctor Molasses?'' asks La-La.

  ''Who knows?'' says Tweety-Pie. ''I taut I taw a puddy tat.''

  Sylvester smoothes his whiskers and lights a cigarette. ''I just knew you couldn't resist it. That's a pound you owe me, Panther.''

  Orinoco takes off his hat and mops his nose. ''Hot in these caves,'' he says. ''Just hope we're in the right one. I'd hate to have to go back to Bettys.''

  ''Aye,'' says the Pink Panther. ''We'd find ourselves clearing up again.''

  ''This is great,'' says Sylvester, the cigarette glued to his lip wobbling up and down. ''Wandering through a cave system is not my idea of fun.''

  ''Could do with a pint,'' agrees the Pink Panther's pipe.

  ''Again, again,'' burbles La-La.

  Woody the Woodpecker laughs.

  ''I like your nose,'' Tweety-Pie tells Orinoco the Womble. ''It's very long and so very furry.'' S/he squeezes it gently. ''Bet it's not the only part that's long and furry, fnarr fnarr.'' Orinoco clears his throat awkwardly. ''Underground, overground, wombling free .…'' sings Tweety. ''Underground, or overground, I don't mind. You can pick my litter any time, hur hur!''

  ''Harrumph,'' coughs Orinoco. ''Let's get on, shall we?''

  ''Oh Orinoco, you're ever so shy,'' says Tweety.

  The path drops again, bends sharply round to the left. The smell of brine is stronger now, and the circle of light is bigger. They are nearly at the end.

  ''Walk towards the light,'' Orinoco commands. One by one the friends reach a ledge. The grey and white sea is some six feet below, the mouth of the cave some ten feet away. Beyond that is open sea and the beach itself.

  ''The tide's in. We have to swim,'' says Orinoco decisively.

  ''I'm not good at swimming,'' whines Woody Woodpecker.

  ''Couldn't we wait for the tide to go out?'' says Tweety uncertainly. ''Then we just have to walk across the rocks.''

  ''We could,'' says Orinoco, ''But we would probably starve to death first. Besides, low tide is in the middle of the night. It would be too dark to see.''

  ''But if there's a moon….'' says La-La.

  ''Just believe.'' Sylvester pats La-La on the back. ''Swim for the light.''

  La-La jumps down into the sea, followed by Sylvester, whose cigarette remains firmly stuck to his lip. Together they reach the cave-mouth, glance back at the others, wave, then head out together into the open sea. The Pink Panther's pipe sputters once and dies out as he heads stoically for the beach. Tweety-Pie jumps from the ledge, twitters and splashes around in the lapping waves, spits out salt water, then paddles slowly away. Woody Woodpecker, screeching a little about getting his comb wet, reaches the exit. He turns back, waves to Orinoco, and disappears into the blue-grey beyond. Orinoco glances around the cave and touches his ring. He jumps down to the water and gasps as its coldness penetrates his fur. Briny water spills into his mouth. It makes his eyes sting. He blinks, catches his bearings, and sets off in a steady breast-stroke towards the mouth. The light makes him blink. To his right is the beach, towered over by chalky white cliffs. He can see the others wading through the breakers and gulls, going ashore. He strikes out more strongly. It is time he got back.

  ''Hello, dear,'' says Venus Periwinkle. ''Find anything interesting in the cave?''

  ''Some nice weed and a shiny pebble,'' says Yo-yo, emerging from the sea in emerald green swimming trunks.

  ''Well,'' says Venus Periwinkle, ''Come and get some lunch. You must be hungry after all that swimming and climbing.'' She has spread out a red-and-white checked tablecloth and placed upon it sausage rolls in flaky pastry, vol-au-vents with creamy mushroom fillings, pork pies, sliced hard-boiled eggs, diced cucumber chunks, halved tomatoes, salmon and cottage-cheese sandwiches, ginger beer, lemonade, apples, oranges and chocolate mini-rolls. He slips on the flip-flops that he left on a rock and picks his way back to his mother. Katze and Lollipop are sitting side-by-side on a rock. Hand in hand, they whisper sweet nothings. Lily, in a pink bikini, is lying on a towel improving her tan. Uncle Reefer and Aunty Latch are tucking into the picnic.

  ''Great pies,'' says Uncle Reefer. The sleeves of his blue and white stripy shirt and the legs of his brown trousers are rolled up. The discarded cardy lies like a snakeskin. He has a knotted hanky on his head.

  ''Where did you get them?'' asks Aunty Latch. Her pink and orange floral print frock resembles a tent.

  ''Scott's of Petergate,'' says Venus Periwinkle, who is wearing a sunburst-yellow bikini, large sunglasses and a wide-brimmed straw hat. ''Have an egg sandwich.'' Yo-yo takes it limply. ''Have you had a good time?''

  ''Yes,'' says Yo-yo. ''How about you? How is Stins?''

  ''He wasn't right for me,'' says Venus Periwinkle. ''He spent the whole night talking about window-cleaning techniques. I learned more about the respective qualities of respective leathers in one night than I ever wish to. Although he was very good at the 'wax on, wax off', if you know what I mean.''

  Yo-yo bites into his sandwich. ''So it's over.''

  ''Yes, it's over.'' Venus tosses her long auburn hair. ''I guess I was just intrigued by a one-legged man.''

  ''Was he good in bed?'' Uncle Reefer is slapped by his wife.

  ''No,'' says Venus, ''He was rubbish but that wasn't the one leg. His cock was too small.''

  ''Well,'' says Aunty Latch, ''Size doesn't matter, does it, dear? Or so you say.''

  Uncle Reefer chokes on his chicken.

  ''And then,'' says Yo-yo's mother, ''I realised there is only one man in my life…'' She throws an arm round Yo-yo, ''And that is my son.''

  ''I wish Dad would come back.'' Yo-yo sucks ginger beer through a straw.

  ''He will,'' says Venus, ''When he's finished his work. He'l
l come back a hero, you'll see.'' She cuddles her son. ''I love you, Yo-yo, and always will. We all do.''

  Uncle Reefer and Aunty Latch nod their agreement.

  ''Gillworthy,'' says Yo-yo.

  ''All in the past. You can come home.'' Venus Periwinkle smoothes her bikini and drags a hand through her long auburn hair. ''For good. You and I belong together.''

  ''Why did you send me there in the first place?'' Yo-yo says savagely.

  ''You know why we sent you,'' Venus sighs mournfully, ''We went through this at the time. You wouldn't eat, and when you did, you sicked it all up again. All those plastic bags. You needed help. You were losing weight. We were thinking of you.'' She sighs again. ''It looked so good in the prospectus, top of the league table, first-rate results.''

  ''Well, it wasn't,'' says Yo-yo bitterly. ''It was a hellish, nightmarish, re-education camp.''

  ''Well,'' says Venus, ''It's all over now, and you still have your ring.''

  ''Mister Vanilla…''

  ''He's an old friend from Paris.'' Venus looks at the ocean. ''From when we all worked with Honeysuckle Moon and the Wildcat Circus. Mister Vanilla worshipped me.''

  ''Before we sold out to Truss and came home,'' adds Aunty Latch.

  ''He was a good friend,'' says Uncle Reefer, ''Till he got in with that Rue. She turned his head and stole his heart.''

  Yo-yo looks at Venus Periwinkle's gracious figure and finely formed face, the auburn hair flowing over her shoulders. ''I love you, Mother,'' he suddenly blurts, flinging his arms round her beautiful neck.

  ''I love you too.'' Venus smiles and returns his hug.

  After lunch, Yo-yo puts his flip-flops back on, along with a beige beanie hat, and walks down the beach. His mother follows him carefully. They wade together into the sea and play with a beach-ball, then Yo-yo swims whilst his mother takes photos and Uncle Reefer puffs on his pipe and Aunty Latch clears up the picnic and Katze and Lollipop make wedding plans and Lily Gusset works on her tan.

  Standing in the breakers, Yo-yo kicks the sea into a myriad rainbows. For the first time in years, he feels happy inside. He touches the jewel in the ring on his chest. His mother is back. He skims stones and pokes in the rock-pools at limpets, anemones and starfish. His mother is back and his father is coming. Feeling his shoulders beginning to burn, he runs up the beach, salt caked in his hair, sits down on the stones and crosses his legs. Venus Periwinkle rubs some sun-cream into his pinkening skin. The sun is beginning to sink into the ocean, boiling away in a great orange ball.

  ''It's wonderful,'' Yo-yo remarks.

  ''It certainly is,'' replies Venus Periwinkle.

  The seven friends watch while the sun sets fire to the sea.