Yo-yo's Weekend

  30 (c).

  Departure

  sniffs a little and wipes his nose.

  ''You're a little weasel,'' says Truss, ''And you're going to get what you deserve.'' He gestures for Yo-yo to move under the window of William Peckitt. ''All those lies, all that deceit. Hospitals, reformatories, nicking stuff and thieving… it's time you were called to account...''

  ''I don't have the ring,'' says Yo-yo, ''I gave it away, but what I do have for you both isssss…..cue lights!''

  A BLAZE OF LIGHT

  ''Cue music!''

  A BLARE OF MUSIC

  ''Cue Company!''

  The principals, in stripy blazers and straw boaters, burst into song:

  ''A clown with his pants falling down, Or the dance that's a dream of romance, Or the scene where the villain is mean,

  That's entertainment!

  Mister Vanilla: The lights on the lady in tights

  Katze: Or the bride with the guy by her side

  Uncle Reefer: Or the ball where she gives it her all.

  Men: That's entertainment!

  The men tap-dance across the stage whilst the women hand-jive. The Bootham school-kids and some of the ghosts join in the chorus.

  Aunty Latch: The plot can be hot, simply teeming with sex

  Lily Gusset: A gay divorcee who is after her ex

  Thyme: It could be Oedipus Rex

  Women: Where a chap kills his father and causes lots of bother

  The women tap-dance whilst the men hand-jive. The circus performers join in the chorus. Yo-yo, donning a green and blue stripy blazer, does a soft-shoe shuffle and bounces his cane off the stone.

  Catkin Silver: The clerk who is thrown out of work

  Majeiskii: By the boss who is thrown for a loss

  Wm Etty RA: By the skirt who is doing him dirt

  Dax and Jax: The world is a stage; the stage is a world of entertainment!

  A glitzy banner in matching colours unfurls from the ceiling, declaring

  THAT’S ENTERTAINMENT

  Coloured balloons and champagne corks fly. Rue opens her fur coat to reveal a gorgeous wedding dress covered in sequins and ribbons. Betty of Harrogate wheels out a three-tiered cake. Confetti fired from a cannon flutters in the air.

  The company repeats the line:

  ''The world is a stage; the stage is a world of entertainment!''

  Yo-yo waves his hat and dances across the stage with Harry Gration, singing:

  ''Hip hooray! It's Yorkshire way!

  The world is a stage; the stage is a world of entertainment!''

  Everybody cheers. The dancing and singing continues and members of the cast come for their curtain calls. Yo-yo taps to the door. The company claps and whistles. He bows three times then, still waving his hat and cane, leaves the stage to long applause.

  ''See you at Christmas!'' he cries, and bows once more.