Flat-Out Love

  Celeste flopped into a chair and tossed her hair back. She had a light tan, and her hair had lightened even more in the summer sun. She was radiant.

  “Hi, Julie.” Roger leaned in and gave Julie a kiss on the cheek. “Nice to see you.”

  “You, too.”

  “Celeste has been dying to get together and tell you about her triumphant fishing expedition.”

  Celeste beamed. “We all went deep-sea fishing, and I caught a sizeable bluefish. Even the captain was impressed. The beast put up a tireless fight, and Matt had to take over for me a few times. In the end, I successfully reeled in the clichéd catch of the day. I’ll show you pictures next time.”

  “She really was amazing,” Roger said proudly. “The captain filleted the fish for us, and Erin cooked it for dinner.”

  “Erin cooked?” Julie asked, shocked.

  Roger laughed. “Amazing, isn’t it? My wife has become obsessed with cooking, and not a take-out carton has been seen in the past three weeks.”

  “I’m speechless.”

  “You’ll have to come for dinner one night. I can’t guarantee that the meal will be entirely edible, but it will be homemade.”

  Julie nodded politely. She hadn’t been back to the house since she had left.

  “I’m going to be in a recital in two weeks. Would you come? Rachel is playing the trumpet, and I’ll be playing the piano. As you can tell, it’s an unusual sort of duet, and Rachel is not particularly gifted when it comes to any musical instrument.” Celeste paused. “Most notably the trumpet. She makes up for lack of talent by a frequent use of exaggerated facial expressions when blowing into the mouthpiece.”

  “Of course I’ll come to the recital,” Julie said. “I’m glad performing arts camp has been such a success.”

  “Attending has compensated for having to be present at weekly individual and family therapy sessions. I find those challenging and draining.”

  “I would think so.”

  “As much as I loathe the experience, you can guess how Matty feels about therapy.” Celeste grinned.

  Julie laughed. She knew exactly how much Matt must hate going.

  “Didn’t you have something else to ask Julie?” Roger tousled Celeste’s hair.

  “I do. Julie, this is serious.” Celeste reached into the small purse she had over her shoulder and pulled out an envelope that she set on the table. “This is an invitation. I’m having a going-away party for Flat Finn.”

  Julie was stunned. She took the envelope from Celeste and opened it. The details of the party had been printed on expensive stock, with a small ribbon tied at the top of the card. “Really?”

  “Yes. I was inspired by the party that your mother threw for you when you left home, and this party is in the same spirit. Except that I want a brunch. Finn loved bagels and lox. The only guests will be you, Mom, Dad, and Matty. It’s a private party, for obvious reasons. It won’t be sad, though. The plan is for the day to be a celebration. Flat Finn served a much needed purpose, and it’s important to show our gratitude.”

  “Where will Flat Finn go?” Julie had visions of Flat Finn being burned to ashes over the grill, or hacked to bits with a carving knife. That would be dreadful. She had a fondness for the cutout brother, however dysfunctional and immobilizing he may have been.

  “He’s just going up to the attic.” She shrugged. “Just in case. And maybe a time will come when I will find the entire Flat Finn experience amusing. I might want to show him to my grandchildren one day. Back when I was a highly disturbed child… You know. It might be entertaining.”

  “Yes, it might.”

  “So you’ll come, right?”

  Julie couldn’t say no. “Absolutely. There is no way I would miss this.” She could face Matt for one day.

  “Excellent. So next Saturday at eleven, we will celebrate. Please note that it’s casual attire. Flat Finn wouldn’t want anyone in ball gowns or tuxedos.”

  “Understood.”

  Roger snapped his fingers. “Damn. And I was hoping to wear my lime-green suit and matching tie that day.”

  Celeste groaned. “Mom would never allow that. She has impeccable taste. I’m going to go get us some drinks. Back momentarily.” She headed to the counter to order.

  Julie looked at Roger. “I cannot believe that is the same girl I met almost a year ago. She seems incredibly happy.”

  “She is. She’s doing well. There are hard days, still, but she has surprised us all.”

  Julie leaned forward. “Truthfully, I’m glad she hasn’t lost all her Celeste-ness. I like her unique personality.”

  “I do, too.” Roger fiddled with a sugar packet. “How are you, kid? You seem… subdued.”

  “I’m fine. Just distracted, I guess. Busy. Gearing up to head back to school.”

  “Uh-huh. If you say so.” Something caught his eye, and he reached his hand out. “Julie? Where did you get this? Is this Matthew’s?” He held the stone of her necklace in his hand.

  “Oh.” She sat back, pulling it from his grasp, and clasped her hand to her chest.

  As much as she couldn’t bear to think about Matt, she hadn’t been able to take off the necklace. It was part of her—her and Finn—and she wouldn’t feel like herself without it.

  Roger squinted. “It is Matthew’s. Did he tell you what this is?”

  Confused, she shook her head. She hadn’t really thought about where it had come from. Obviously not from Finn’s worldly travels, though. She assumed Matt had picked it up a store nearby.

  “Wow. I haven’t seen that in years. When Matt was a kid, rocks and minerals fascinated him. He was actively involved in the Boston Minerals Club.”

  Of course he was. Julie felt that same twinge of wistfulness that hit her more than she liked to admit. She knew Matt so well that it hurt.

  “I used to take him on weekend outings with the club,” Roger said. “We’d go on hikes in New Hampshire and Vermont. Once to the Berkshires. And the kids would dig and whatnot, looking for rocks. All little boys love that stuff, but Matthew in particular. He kept copious notes about his findings and made charts and graphs that he kept in a binder. Rock and mineral-wise, this is not a terribly exciting part of the country to live in. Nonetheless, Matt held out hope that he would find that special item. And God love him, he did.” Roger pointed to her necklace. “That’s a fragment of purpurite. Not the sexiest-sounding mineral, I guess, but Matt was over the moon when he collected this. He wouldn’t let anyone touch it, and he kept that thing in a locked display case for years.” He tipped his head to the side. “I can’t believe he parted with that. You mean something very special to him, Julie.”

  She looked down and squeezed her hand around the necklace.

  “Look, this is none of my business, and I don’t know exactly what happened this year, but I know something fell apart between you two. I’ve tried to talk to him about it… Well, you know Matt. He has a hard time opening up. I do know a bit about him posing as Finn online.” He held up his hand to stop Julie from interrupting him. “I agree. It was a seriously peculiar thing to do, and it wasn’t right. However ticked off you may be about that, I hope you can appreciate the lengths he went to in order to keep your attention.”

  Julie looked up. “I guess.”

  “Can you imagine how much time he spent doctoring all those pictures? Inventing new volunteer opportunities? And when he sent Celeste the package, the poor guy had to track down an old friend overseas, mail the package there, and have that person mail it back to the house so that it would have the right postage. Not to mention all the work it must have taken to keep his stories straight.” He smiled. “Come on, Julie. Effort has to count for something.”

  “This had been hard on me,” she said. “I feel stupid saying that considering what your family has been through, but—”

  Roger stopped her. “You’re allowed to feel the way you do. Matt was an idiot. And maybe you have other reasons for holding back. Reasons that don’t have to do with
Matthew.”

  “I don’t know what to trust… who to trust.”

  Roger tipped his head to the side. “Look, Finn was good with all this girl stuff. He was cool, and suave and… magnetic. He was absolutely magnetic. But Matthew is exceptional, too, just in a different way. It must have been rough competing with Finn before, and now that Finn is gone, it’s probably even worse for him. You can’t beat out memories of the dead. Sweetheart, Matt is not the smoothest of young men, but his heart was in the right place.” Roger patted her hand. “Aw, Julie. Matt’s execution might have been disastrous, but don’t forget about his heart.”

  Images from the past year flashed through Julie’s head: Matt picking her up in front of the non-apartment. Explaining font nerds. Reluctantly taking her to buy hinges for Flat Finn. Trading emails about possible snow sculptures. Laying under the tree. Arguing, bantering, defending his silly T-shirts. The hours spent hanging out in his room. She thought about how he had held her when she had come out of the freezing ocean. And that night after Celeste’s sleepover, touching her tenderly in his bed. How he looked when he finally poured his feelings out. The way it felt just to be near him. The way the world stopped when he kissed her.

  And that’s when she knew. Julie looked at Roger and smiled. She felt whole for the first time in weeks.

  Chapter 32

  Matthew Watkins When I screw up, I’m just going to think of it as the group disbanding. And by “the group” I mean “brain function.” And by “disbanding” I mean “failing miserably.

  Julie Seagle “The best way to hold a man is in your arms.” –Mae West

  Celeste Watkins thinks the expression should be, “Free to be you OR me,” because “Free to be you AND me” makes one think of a dissociative identity disorder.

  Her heart was pounding uncontrollably. Julie had to muster every scrap of courage she had just to ring the bell. She was on time for the party, but she hoped that she wasn’t too late for the most important thing.

  Erin opened the door. “You’re here! Look at you! You look wonderful!”

  Julie leaned in for a hug, smiling at Erin’s typically awkward embrace. “It’s a big day, huh?”

  “A long overdue day. Come on, we’re all in the backyard.” Erin waited for Julie to step into the house. “Well, come on. Don’t be shy. This is practically your house, too.”

  Julie forced her feet to move. Breathe, breathe, breathe.

  They walked to the dining room. A platter with bagels and spreads sat in the center of the table underneath a mass of balloons, and ribbons had been tied to the backs of the chairs. The room was lighter and cheerier than Julie had ever seen it.

  “Tell me about your summer, Julie. You and I have barely seen in each other in months, and I don’t like not knowing what’s going on with you. And have you registered for fall classes yet? I’d be honored to look over your course options with you.” She pulled out a chair. “Here, sit down. Coffee?”

  Julie nodded. She spent twenty minutes trying her best to pay attention to Erin’s advice about the upcoming semester. She had missed Erin and was so happy to see how engaged and genuinely cheerful she was. But her mind was elsewhere.

  Celeste bounded into the room and practically toppled her with a hug. “Why is it that nobody told me you had arrived? Oh, my gosh! Are these for me?”

  Julie nodded and handed her a massive bouquet of flowers. “Congratulations, pal. I know this day means a lot to you. It does to me, too.”

  “I’m going to find out if Roger is almost ready,” Erin said. “He has been in the basement for two hours, and the house is still sweltering.” She fanned herself with her hand as she left the room. “August in Boston never fails to infuriate me.”

  “My dad is fiddling with the AC system,” Celeste explained. “Don’t go near him until he has finished, because he’s not very adept and has already given himself two minor shocks. Did you see Matt yet? He’s hiding in the backyard. I think he’s nervous.”

  “Join the club.”

  Celeste touched Julie’s arm. “Do not be nervous, Julie. This is going to work out marvelously. I believe in you. Both of you.”

  “We’ll see.”

  Julie went through the kitchen and out through the back door to the porch.

  He was there. Out on the lawn, standing with his back to her, his hands tucked into his shorts pockets. He looked amazing. Everything about him pulled her in. Julie touched her palm to her chest, reminding herself again to breathe, to calm down. “Matt.”

  Matt turned around hesitantly and gave her a shy wave. He had on the same Nietzsche Is My Homeboy shirt that he’d worn the first day she met him. It was exactly as it should be.

  “Matty!” She called his name louder this time, wondering if he could hear the relief she felt at seeing him. She ran down the steps, needing him more than she could ever have imagined. It had been a long summer of heartache, but at least she finally knew whom her heart had been aching for.

  She couldn’t reach him fast enough.

  Matt rushed forward and caught her as she flew into his arms. She wrapped her legs around his waist and her arms around his neck, hugging him tightly. It had been so long since she had been close to him. Too long.

  “Julie.” There was nothing more wonderful than the way he said her name. How had she never noticed that? “What’s wrong? Are you OK?” She heard his confusion and concern.

  She laughed as she hung on to Matt. “I am now.”

  She sniffed, aware that she’d become a blubbering mess in an instant. But that’s what love does to you. Gut-wrenching, overpowering, crushing, fulfilling, complex, bring-you-to-your-knees love.

  “I missed you,” she whispered into his ear. And she had. His voice, his touch, the way he moved… everything about him.

  “Yeah?” he asked softly.

  “Yes. So much.”

  He held her close while she rested her head on his shoulder and ran her hands over his back, neither of them willing to let the other go. And with the way they were glued to each other, she knew that this was not like the last time they had been this close. This was not goodbye.

  “I’m so sorry. It was always you,” she said.

  “What?” he murmured.

  She lifted her head and pressed her cheek against his. “It was always you. I thought it was somebody else, but it was you. You were the person I felt.”

  Julie heard him catch his breath, and she dropped her feet to the ground, keeping her body against his. Matt put his hands on her hips, pulling her in more. God, he felt so perfect. Then his lips were on hers, kissing her hard, passionately. Differently than before. No more pretending, no more denying, no more sadness. His fingers moved just under the bottom of her shirt, lightly brushing her lower back, and then her waist was in his hands. His grip was firm, solid, comforting. God, the feel of his hands against her skin... He kissed her neck, his lips soft, his tongue hot, and his breathing picking up. She whimpered quietly. He was such a guy, totally picking the worst time ever to get them all riled up. Later, she told herself. Later, they could be alone.

  Julie forced herself to back away every so slightly. “Come on. We’re going to have an audience soon.” She grabbed his hand and pulled him behind her, determined not to let go of him again. “And we’re leaving in an hour.”

  “I could make a lot of things happen in an hour,” Matt offered.

  Julie spun around and raised an eyebrow as she walked backwards. “I bet you could.” He was making it tempting to take off with him, but this day was important. “I promise you’ll have that chance. But for now, we have to go eat. You, Celeste, Flat Finn, and I are leaving together. We have someplace to be.”

  “We do?”

  “Yes.” She couldn’t stop smiling.

  “I thought Flat Finn was being assigned attic duty for the rest of his existence?”

  “Plans change.”

  “So we don’t get to sneak off somewhere and fool around?” Matt groaned.

 
“Not yet.”

  “These better be some damn good plans.”

  **********

  “Look, this blindfold thing is really starting to creep me out. I don’t know when you became a dominatrix, Julie, but my sister is in the car, so it hardly seems appropriate to be demonstrating your specialized skills in front of her.” Matt reached to pull off the blindfold that Julie had tied over his eyes.

  “Don’t you dare!” Celeste leaned into the front seat of the Volvo and smacked Matt’s hand. “Behave yourself. This is a good surprise.”

  “Are we almost there yet? I’m hungry,” Matt said. “I need to pee. I’m bored. How much longer? Let’s play I Spy. Oh, wait. I can’t. I’m blindfolded. This is the worst trip ever!”

  “Matt, shut up!” Julie pulled into the far right lane on the highway, keeping her hand in Matt’s. “Only one more exit, and then we’ll be there. This will be worth the two-hour drive. Trust us.”

  “When you say worth, do you mean there will be cash incentives involved? Apple is having a press conference in a few days, and I’m sure they’ll be releasing some wildly unnecessary gadget that I need.”

  “Celeste, make your brother behave,” Julie said.

  “The fact that you are still holding his hand after he has been persistently annoying during this whole drive indicates to me that he is now equally your problem. I am going to enjoy this scenic drive and let you manage Matty’s irritating outbursts.”

  “Great.” Julie sighed dramatically. “Lengthy bouts of obtuse chatter interspersed with moments of mind-numbingly boring trivia about the history of the internet. It’s a tradeoff for the occasional bits of charm, I suppose,” Julie admitted. “But one that I’ll just have to live with.”

  “I’m still here!” Matt hollered. “I can hear you talking about me. I have feelings, you know!” He faked a sob and sniffed loudly.

  “I’ll make a note of that,” Julie said.

  “Oh, Julie, there’s the sign,” Celeste said. “We’re here! This is the perfect send-off for Flat Finn. The real Finn would approve. You will, too, Matty.”