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    The Complete Poems

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      Not Praisd by Hayley nor by Flaxman lovd

      *

      [Rubens had been a Statesman or a Saint]

      I Rubens am a Statesman & a Saint

      [He mixd them both & so he Learnd to Paint]

      Deceptions? O no – so Ill learn to Paint

      TO ENGLISH CONNOISSEURS

      You must agree that Rubens was a Fool

      And yet you make him master of your School

      And give more money for his slobberings

      Than you will give for Rafaels finest Things

      I understood Christ was a Carpenter

      And not a Brewers Servant my good Sir

      *

      Swelld limbs with no outline that you can descry

      That Stink in the Nose of a Stander by

      But all the Pulp washd painted finishd with labour

      Of an hundred Journeymens how dye do Neighbour

      [MAJOR TESTAMENT OF]

      [A PRETTY EPIGRAM FOR THOSE WHO HAVE GIVEN HIGH PRICES FOR BAD PICTURES AND NEVER]

      A PRETTY EPIGRAM FOR [THOSE]

      THE ENTERTAINMENT OF THOSE WHO [PAY]

      HAVE PAID GREAT SUMS IN THE VENETIAN & FLEMISH OOZE

      Nature & Art in this together Suit

      What is Most Grand is always most Minute

      Rubens thinks Tables Chairs & Stools are Grand

      But Rafael thinks A Head a foot a hand

      *

      These are the Idiots chiefest arts

      To blend & not define the Parts

      [Let it be told] The Swallow sings in Courts of Kings

      That Fools have their high finishings

      And this the Princes golden rule

      The Laborious stumble of a Fool

      To make out the parts is the wise mans aim

      But to lose them the Fool makes his foolish Game

      *

      Rafael Sublime Majestic Graceful Wise

      His Executive Power must I despise

      Rubens Low Vulgar Stupid Ignorant

      His power of Execution I must grant

      Learn the Laborious stumble of a Fool

      And from an Idiots Actions form my rule

      Go send your Children to the Slobbering School

      *

      If I eer Grow to Mans Estate

      O Give to me a Womans fate

      May I govern all both great & small

      Have the last word & take the wall

      *

      The Cripple every step Drudges & labours

      And says come learn to walk of me Good Neighbours

      Sir Joshua in astonishment cries out

      [His pains are more than others theres no Doubt]

      See what Great Labour Pain him & Modest Doubt

      Newton & Bacon cry being badly Nurst.

      He is all Experiments from last to first

      He walks & stumbles as if he crep

      And how high labourd is every step

      ON THE GREAT ENCOURAGEMENT

      GIVEN BY ENGLISH NOBILITY & GENTRY

      TO CORREGGIO RUBENS REMBRANDT

      REYNOLDS GAINSBOROUGH CATALANI

      DUCROWE & DILBURY DOODLE

      As the Ignorant Savage will sell his own Wife

      For a [Button a (Bauble) Buckle a Bead or] Sword or a Cutlass a dagger or Knife

      So the [Wise/Learned] Taught Savage Englishman [gives] spends his whole Fortune

      [For] On a smear or a squall [that is not] to destroy Picture [nor] or Tune

      And I call upon Colonel Wardle

      To give these Rascals a dose of Cawdle

      *

      Give pensions to the Learned Pig

      Or the Hare playing on a Tabor

      Anglus can never see Perfection

      But in the Journeymans Labour

      The Cunning sures & the Aim at yours

      *

      All Pictures thats Panted with Sense & with Thought

      Are Painted by Madmen as sure as a Groat

      For the Greater the Fool in the Pencil more blest

      And when they are drunk they always pant best

      Thy never can Rafael it Fuseli it nor Blake it

      If they cant see an outline pray how can they make it

      When Men will draw outlines begin you to jaw them

      Madmen see outlines & therefore they draw them

      ON H[AYLEY] THE PICK THANK

      I write the Rascal Thanks till he & I

      With Thanks & Compliments are quite drawn dry

      CROMEK SPEAKS

      I always take my judgment from a Fool

      Because [I know he always judges] his judgment is so very Cool

      Not prejudicd by feelings great or small

      [Because we know] Amiable state he cannot feel at all

      ENGLISH ENCOURAGEMENT OF ART

      CROMEKS OPINIONS PUT INTO RHYME

      [First reading]

      If you mean to Please Every body you will

      Set to work both Ignorance & skill

      For a great [multitud] Madjority are Ignorant

      And skill to them [seems] looks raving & rant

      Like putting oil & water into a lamp

      Twill make a great splutter with smoke & damp

      For there is no use as it seems to me

      Of lighting a Lamp when you dont wish to see

      [Final reading]

      If you mean to Please Every body you will

      Menny wouver both Bullishness & skill

      For a great Conquest are Bunglery

      And Jenous looks to ham like mad Rantery

      Like displaying oil & water into a lamp

      Twill hold forth a huge splutter with smoke & damp

      For its all sheer loss as it seems to me

      Of displaying up a light when we want not to see

      And when it smells of the Lamp we can

      10 Say all was owing to the Skilful Man

      For the smell of water is but small

      So een let Ignorance do it all

      *

      When you look at a picture you always can see

      If a Man of Sense has Painted he

      Then never flinch but keep up a Jaw

      About freedom & Jenny suck awa’

      *

      You say their Pictures well Painted be

      And yet they are Blockheads you all agree

      Thank God I never was sent to school

      [To learn to admire the works of a Fool]

      To be Flogd into following the Style of a Fool

      *

      The Errors of a Wise Man make your Rule

      Rather than the Perfections of a Fool

      THE WASHER WOMANS SONG

      I washd them out & washd them in

      And they told me it was a great Sin

      *

      When I see a Rubens Rembrant [or] Correggio

      I think of the Crippled Harry & Slobbering Joe

      And then I [say to myself] question thus are artists rules

      To be drawn from the works of two manifest fools

      Then God defend us from the Arts I say

      Send Battle Murder Sudden Death [we] O pray

      Rather than [let] be such a blind Human Fool

      Id be an Ass a Hog a Worm a Chair a Stool

      *

      Great things are done when Men & Mountains meet

      This is not done by Jostling in the Street

      *

      I [have givn] give you the end of a golden string

      Only wind it into a ball

      It will lead you in at Heavens Gate

      Built in Jerusalems wall

      *

      If you play a Game of Chance know before you begin

      If you are benevolent you will never win

      [Epitaph for] WILLIAM COWPER ESQre

      The only Man that eer I knew

      Who did not make me almost spew

      Was Fuseli he was both Turk & Jew

      And so [sweet] dear Christian Friends how do you do

      For this is being a Friend just in the nick

      Not when hes well but waiting till hes sick

      He calls
    you to his help be you not movd

      Untill by being Sick his wants are provd

      You see him spend his Soul in Prophecy

      Do you believe it a confounded lie

      Till some Bookseller & the Public Fame

      Proves there is truth in his extravagant claim

      For tis [most wicked] atrocious in a Friend you love

      To tell you any thing that he cant prove

      And tis most wicked in a Christian Nation

      For any Man to pretend to Inspiration

      *

      I will tell you what Joseph of Arimathea

      Said to my Fairy was not it very queer

      Pliny & Trajan what are You here

      Come listen to Joseph of Arimathea

      Listen patient & when Joseph has done

      Twill make a fool laugh & a Fairy Fun

      *

      Why was Cupid a Boy

      And why a boy was he

      He should have been a Girl

      For ought that I can see

      For he shoots with his bow

      And the Girl shoots with her Eye

      And they both are merry & glad

      And laugh when we do cry

      [Then] And to make Cupid a Boy

      10 Was[ surely a womans plan] the Cupid Girls mocking plan

      For a boy [never learns so much] cant interpret the thing

      Till he is become a man

      And then hes so piercd with care

      And wounded with arrowy smarts

      That the whole business of his life

      Is to pick out the heads of the darts

      Twas the Greeks love of war

      Turnd Love into a Boy

      And Woman into a Statue of Stone

      And away fled every Joy

      *

      I askd my Dear Friend Orator Prigg

      Whats the first part of Oratory he said a great wig

      And what is the second then dancing a jig

      And bowing profoundly he said a great wig

      And what is the third then he snord like a pig

      And [smild like a Cherub & said] puffing his cheeks he replied a Great wig

      So if a Great Panter with Questions you push

      Whats the first Part of Panting hell say a Paint Brush

      And what is the second with modest blush

      10 Hell [nod wink & smile & reply] smile like a Cherub & say a pant Brush

      And what is the third hell bow like a rush

      With a lear in his Eye hell reply a Pant Brush

      Perhaps this is all a Painter can want

      But look yonder that house is the house of Rembrant

      &c.

      to come in Barry a Poem

      *

      [Then Reynolds said O woman most sage]

      O dear Mother outline [be not in a Rage] of knowledge most sage

      Whats the First Part of Painting she said Patronage

      And what is the second to Please & Engage

      She frownd like a Fury & said Patronage

      And what is the Third she put off Old Age

      And smild like a Syren & said Patronage

      TO VENETIAN ARTISTS

      That God is colouring Newton does shew

      And the devil is a Black outline all of us know

      Perhaps this little Fable may make us merry

      A dog went over the water without a wherry

      A bone which he had stolen he had in his mouth

      He cared not whether the wind was north or south

      As he swam he saw the reflection of the bone

      This is quite Perfection, [heres two for one/what a

      brilliant tone] one Generalizing Tone

      10 Outline Theres no outline Theres no such thing

      All is Chiaro Scuro Poco Pen [&] its all colouring

      [Then He snapd &] Snap. Snap! he has lost shadow & substance too

      He had them both before now how do ye do

      A great deal better than I was before

      [Ive tasted shadow &] Those who taste colouring love it more & more

      *

      [BLAKES APOLOGY FOR HIS CATALOGUE]

      [who cries all art is a fraud & Genius a trick

      And Blake is an unfortunate Lunatic]

      Having given great offence by writing in Prose

      I11 write in [Rhyme] Verse as soft as [feather Pillows] Bartolloze

      Some blush at what others can see no crime in

      But nobody [at all] sees any harm in Rhyming

      Dryden in Rhyme cries Milton only plannd

      Every Fool shook his bells throughout the land

      Tom Cooke cut Hogarth down with his clean graving

      10 [How many] Thousands of Connoisseurs with joy ran raving

      Thus Hayley on his Toilette seeing the sope

      [says] Cries Homer is very much improvd by Pope

      Some say Ive given great Provision to my foes

      And that now I lead my false friends by the nose

      Flaxman & Stothard smelling a sweet savour

      Cry Blakified drawing spoils painter & Engraver

      While I looking up to my Umbrella

      Resolvd to be a very contrary fellow

      Cry [Tom Cooke proves] looking quite from [Circumference] Skumference to Center

      No one can finish so high as the original Inventor

      Thus Poor Schiavonetti died of the Cromek

      A thing thats tied [about] around the Examiners neck

      This is my sweet apology to my friends

      That I may put them in mind of their latter Ends

      *

      Great Men & Fools do often me Inspire

      But the Greater Fool the Greater Liar

      FROM CRATETOS

      Me Time has Crook’d. no good Workman

      Is he. Infirm is all that he does

      *

      If Men will act like a maid smiling over a Churn

      They ought not, when it comes to anothers turn

      To grow sower at what a friend may utter

      Knowing & feeling that we all have need of Butter

      False Friends [O no] fie fie our Friendship [neer shall] you shant sever

      [For now] In spite we will be greater friends than ever

      *

      Some people admire the work of a Fool

      For its sure to keep your judgment cool

      It does not reproach you with want of wit

      It is not like a lawyer serving a writ

      TO GOD

      If you have formd a Crcle to go into

      Go into it yourself & see how you would do

      *

      Since all the Riches of this World

      May be gifts from the Devil & Earthly Kings

      I should suspect that I worshipd the Devil

      If I thankd my God for Worldly things

      *

      To Chloes breast young Cupid slily stole

      But he crept in at Myras pocket hole

      *

      [when] Now Art has lost its mental Charms

      France shall subdue the World in Arms

      So spoke an Angel at my birth

      Then said Descend thou upon Earth

      Renew the Arts on Britains Shore

      And France shall fall down & adore

      With works of Art their Armies meet

      And [Armies] War shall sink beneath thy feet

      But if thy Nation Arts refuse

      And if they scorn the immortal Muse

      France shall the arts of Peace restore

      And save [thy works] thee from [Britains] the Ungrateful shore

      Spirit who lovst Brittannias [Shore] Isle

      Round which the Fiends of Commerce [roar] smile

      [unfinished]

      *

      Nail his neck to the Cross nail it with a nail

      Nail his neck to the Cross ye all have power over his tail

      *

      I rose up at the dawn of day

      Get thee away get thee away

      Prayst thou for Riches away away

      This is the Throne of Mammon grey

     
    Said I this sure is very odd

      I took it to be the Throne of God

      For every Thing besides I have

      It is only for Riches that I can crave

      I have Mental Joy & Mental Health

      10 And Mental [Friendship]Friends & Mental wealth

      Ive a Wife I love & that loves me

      Ive all But Riches Bodily

      I am in Gods presence night & day

      And he never turns his face away

      The accuser of sins by my side does stand

      And he holds my money bag in his hand

      For [all that]my worldly things God makes him pay

      And hed pay for more if to him I would pray

      And so you may do the worst you can do

      20 Be assurd Mr Devil I wont pray to you

      Then If for Riches I must not Pray

      God knows I little of Prayers need say

      So [as sure]as a Church is known by its Steeple

      If I pray it must be for other People

      He says if I do not worship him for a God

      I shall eat coarser food & go worse shod

      So as I dont value such things as these

      You must do Mr Devil just as God please

      *

      The [visions]Caverns of the Grave Ive seen

      And these I shewd to Englands Queen

      [And]But now the Caves of Hell I view

      Who shall I dare to shew them to

      What mighty Soul in Beautys form

      Shall [dare to]dauntless View the Infernal Storm

      Egremonts Countess [dare]can controll

      The [waves]flames of Hell that round me roll

      If she refuse I still go on

      10 Till the Heavens & Earth are gone

      Still admird by [worthy]Noble minds

      Followd by Envy on the winds

      Reengravd Time after Time

      Ever in their youthful prime

      My Designs [shall still]unchangd remain

      Time may rage but rage in vain

      For above Times troubled Fountains

      On the Great Atlantic Mountains

      In my Golden House on high

      20 There they Shine Eternally

      MISCELLANEOUS VERSES AND EPIGRAMS

      Verse from the Marginalia to Reynolds’s Discourses

      ADVICE OF THE POPES WHO SUCCEEDED THE AGE OF RAFAEL

      Degrade first the Arts if you’d Mankind degrade,

      Hire Idiots to Paint with cold light & hot shade:

      Give high Price for the worst, leave the best in disgrace,

      And with Labours of Ignorance fill every place.

      *

      Some look. to see the sweet Outlines

      And beauteous Forms that Love does wear

      Some look. to find out Patches. Paint.

      Bracelets & Stays & Powderd Hair

      *

      When France got free Europe ’twixt Fools & Knaves

      Were Savage first to France, & after; Slaves

      *

      When Sr Joshua Reynolds died

     
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