The Complete Poems

  Not Praisd by Hayley nor by Flaxman lovd

  *

  [Rubens had been a Statesman or a Saint]

  I Rubens am a Statesman & a Saint

  [He mixd them both & so he Learnd to Paint]

  Deceptions? O no – so Ill learn to Paint

  TO ENGLISH CONNOISSEURS

  You must agree that Rubens was a Fool

  And yet you make him master of your School

  And give more money for his slobberings

  Than you will give for Rafaels finest Things

  I understood Christ was a Carpenter

  And not a Brewers Servant my good Sir

  *

  Swelld limbs with no outline that you can descry

  That Stink in the Nose of a Stander by

  But all the Pulp washd painted finishd with labour

  Of an hundred Journeymens how dye do Neighbour

  [MAJOR TESTAMENT OF]

  [A PRETTY EPIGRAM FOR THOSE WHO HAVE GIVEN HIGH PRICES FOR BAD PICTURES AND NEVER]

  A PRETTY EPIGRAM FOR [THOSE]

  THE ENTERTAINMENT OF THOSE WHO [PAY]

  HAVE PAID GREAT SUMS IN THE VENETIAN & FLEMISH OOZE

  Nature & Art in this together Suit

  What is Most Grand is always most Minute

  Rubens thinks Tables Chairs & Stools are Grand

  But Rafael thinks A Head a foot a hand

  *

  These are the Idiots chiefest arts

  To blend & not define the Parts

  [Let it be told] The Swallow sings in Courts of Kings

  That Fools have their high finishings

  And this the Princes golden rule

  The Laborious stumble of a Fool

  To make out the parts is the wise mans aim

  But to lose them the Fool makes his foolish Game

  *

  Rafael Sublime Majestic Graceful Wise

  His Executive Power must I despise

  Rubens Low Vulgar Stupid Ignorant

  His power of Execution I must grant

  Learn the Laborious stumble of a Fool

  And from an Idiots Actions form my rule

  Go send your Children to the Slobbering School

  *

  If I eer Grow to Mans Estate

  O Give to me a Womans fate

  May I govern all both great & small

  Have the last word & take the wall

  *

  The Cripple every step Drudges & labours

  And says come learn to walk of me Good Neighbours

  Sir Joshua in astonishment cries out

  [His pains are more than others theres no Doubt]

  See what Great Labour Pain him & Modest Doubt

  Newton & Bacon cry being badly Nurst.

  He is all Experiments from last to first

  He walks & stumbles as if he crep

  And how high labourd is every step

  ON THE GREAT ENCOURAGEMENT

  GIVEN BY ENGLISH NOBILITY & GENTRY

  TO CORREGGIO RUBENS REMBRANDT

  REYNOLDS GAINSBOROUGH CATALANI

  DUCROWE & DILBURY DOODLE

  As the Ignorant Savage will sell his own Wife

  For a [Button a (Bauble) Buckle a Bead or] Sword or a Cutlass a dagger or Knife

  So the [Wise/Learned] Taught Savage Englishman [gives] spends his whole Fortune

  [For] On a smear or a squall [that is not] to destroy Picture [nor] or Tune

  And I call upon Colonel Wardle

  To give these Rascals a dose of Cawdle

  *

  Give pensions to the Learned Pig

  Or the Hare playing on a Tabor

  Anglus can never see Perfection

  But in the Journeymans Labour

  The Cunning sures & the Aim at yours

  *

  All Pictures thats Panted with Sense & with Thought

  Are Painted by Madmen as sure as a Groat

  For the Greater the Fool in the Pencil more blest

  And when they are drunk they always pant best

  Thy never can Rafael it Fuseli it nor Blake it

  If they cant see an outline pray how can they make it

  When Men will draw outlines begin you to jaw them

  Madmen see outlines & therefore they draw them

  ON H[AYLEY] THE PICK THANK

  I write the Rascal Thanks till he & I

  With Thanks & Compliments are quite drawn dry

  CROMEK SPEAKS

  I always take my judgment from a Fool

  Because [I know he always judges] his judgment is so very Cool

  Not prejudicd by feelings great or small

  [Because we know] Amiable state he cannot feel at all

  ENGLISH ENCOURAGEMENT OF ART

  CROMEKS OPINIONS PUT INTO RHYME

  [First reading]

  If you mean to Please Every body you will

  Set to work both Ignorance & skill

  For a great [multitud] Madjority are Ignorant

  And skill to them [seems] looks raving & rant

  Like putting oil & water into a lamp

  Twill make a great splutter with smoke & damp

  For there is no use as it seems to me

  Of lighting a Lamp when you dont wish to see

  [Final reading]

  If you mean to Please Every body you will

  Menny wouver both Bullishness & skill

  For a great Conquest are Bunglery

  And Jenous looks to ham like mad Rantery

  Like displaying oil & water into a lamp

  Twill hold forth a huge splutter with smoke & damp

  For its all sheer loss as it seems to me

  Of displaying up a light when we want not to see

  And when it smells of the Lamp we can

  10 Say all was owing to the Skilful Man

  For the smell of water is but small

  So een let Ignorance do it all

  *

  When you look at a picture you always can see

  If a Man of Sense has Painted he

  Then never flinch but keep up a Jaw

  About freedom & Jenny suck awa’

  *

  You say their Pictures well Painted be

  And yet they are Blockheads you all agree

  Thank God I never was sent to school

  [To learn to admire the works of a Fool]

  To be Flogd into following the Style of a Fool

  *

  The Errors of a Wise Man make your Rule

  Rather than the Perfections of a Fool

  THE WASHER WOMANS SONG

  I washd them out & washd them in

  And they told me it was a great Sin

  *

  When I see a Rubens Rembrant [or] Correggio

  I think of the Crippled Harry & Slobbering Joe

  And then I [say to myself] question thus are artists rules

  To be drawn from the works of two manifest fools

  Then God defend us from the Arts I say

  Send Battle Murder Sudden Death [we] O pray

  Rather than [let] be such a blind Human Fool

  Id be an Ass a Hog a Worm a Chair a Stool

  *

  Great things are done when Men & Mountains meet

  This is not done by Jostling in the Street

  *

  I [have givn] give you the end of a golden string

  Only wind it into a ball

  It will lead you in at Heavens Gate

  Built in Jerusalems wall

  *

  If you play a Game of Chance know before you begin

  If you are benevolent you will never win

  [Epitaph for] WILLIAM COWPER ESQre

  The only Man that eer I knew

  Who did not make me almost spew

  Was Fuseli he was both Turk & Jew

  And so [sweet] dear Christian Friends how do you do

  For this is being a Friend just in the nick

  Not when hes well but waiting till hes sick

  He calls
you to his help be you not movd

  Untill by being Sick his wants are provd

  You see him spend his Soul in Prophecy

  Do you believe it a confounded lie

  Till some Bookseller & the Public Fame

  Proves there is truth in his extravagant claim

  For tis [most wicked] atrocious in a Friend you love

  To tell you any thing that he cant prove

  And tis most wicked in a Christian Nation

  For any Man to pretend to Inspiration

  *

  I will tell you what Joseph of Arimathea

  Said to my Fairy was not it very queer

  Pliny & Trajan what are You here

  Come listen to Joseph of Arimathea

  Listen patient & when Joseph has done

  Twill make a fool laugh & a Fairy Fun

  *

  Why was Cupid a Boy

  And why a boy was he

  He should have been a Girl

  For ought that I can see

  For he shoots with his bow

  And the Girl shoots with her Eye

  And they both are merry & glad

  And laugh when we do cry

  [Then] And to make Cupid a Boy

  10 Was[ surely a womans plan] the Cupid Girls mocking plan

  For a boy [never learns so much] cant interpret the thing

  Till he is become a man

  And then hes so piercd with care

  And wounded with arrowy smarts

  That the whole business of his life

  Is to pick out the heads of the darts

  Twas the Greeks love of war

  Turnd Love into a Boy

  And Woman into a Statue of Stone

  And away fled every Joy

  *

  I askd my Dear Friend Orator Prigg

  Whats the first part of Oratory he said a great wig

  And what is the second then dancing a jig

  And bowing profoundly he said a great wig

  And what is the third then he snord like a pig

  And [smild like a Cherub & said] puffing his cheeks he replied a Great wig

  So if a Great Panter with Questions you push

  Whats the first Part of Panting hell say a Paint Brush

  And what is the second with modest blush

  10 Hell [nod wink & smile & reply] smile like a Cherub & say a pant Brush

  And what is the third hell bow like a rush

  With a lear in his Eye hell reply a Pant Brush

  Perhaps this is all a Painter can want

  But look yonder that house is the house of Rembrant

  &c.

  to come in Barry a Poem

  *

  [Then Reynolds said O woman most sage]

  O dear Mother outline [be not in a Rage] of knowledge most sage

  Whats the First Part of Painting she said Patronage

  And what is the second to Please & Engage

  She frownd like a Fury & said Patronage

  And what is the Third she put off Old Age

  And smild like a Syren & said Patronage

  TO VENETIAN ARTISTS

  That God is colouring Newton does shew

  And the devil is a Black outline all of us know

  Perhaps this little Fable may make us merry

  A dog went over the water without a wherry

  A bone which he had stolen he had in his mouth

  He cared not whether the wind was north or south

  As he swam he saw the reflection of the bone

  This is quite Perfection, [heres two for one/what a

  brilliant tone] one Generalizing Tone

  10 Outline Theres no outline Theres no such thing

  All is Chiaro Scuro Poco Pen [&] its all colouring

  [Then He snapd &] Snap. Snap! he has lost shadow & substance too

  He had them both before now how do ye do

  A great deal better than I was before

  [Ive tasted shadow &] Those who taste colouring love it more & more

  *

  [BLAKES APOLOGY FOR HIS CATALOGUE]

  [who cries all art is a fraud & Genius a trick

  And Blake is an unfortunate Lunatic]

  Having given great offence by writing in Prose

  I11 write in [Rhyme] Verse as soft as [feather Pillows] Bartolloze

  Some blush at what others can see no crime in

  But nobody [at all] sees any harm in Rhyming

  Dryden in Rhyme cries Milton only plannd

  Every Fool shook his bells throughout the land

  Tom Cooke cut Hogarth down with his clean graving

  10 [How many] Thousands of Connoisseurs with joy ran raving

  Thus Hayley on his Toilette seeing the sope

  [says] Cries Homer is very much improvd by Pope

  Some say Ive given great Provision to my foes

  And that now I lead my false friends by the nose

  Flaxman & Stothard smelling a sweet savour

  Cry Blakified drawing spoils painter & Engraver

  While I looking up to my Umbrella

  Resolvd to be a very contrary fellow

  Cry [Tom Cooke proves] looking quite from [Circumference] Skumference to Center

  No one can finish so high as the original Inventor

  Thus Poor Schiavonetti died of the Cromek

  A thing thats tied [about] around the Examiners neck

  This is my sweet apology to my friends

  That I may put them in mind of their latter Ends

  *

  Great Men & Fools do often me Inspire

  But the Greater Fool the Greater Liar

  FROM CRATETOS

  Me Time has Crook’d. no good Workman

  Is he. Infirm is all that he does

  *

  If Men will act like a maid smiling over a Churn

  They ought not, when it comes to anothers turn

  To grow sower at what a friend may utter

  Knowing & feeling that we all have need of Butter

  False Friends [O no] fie fie our Friendship [neer shall] you shant sever

  [For now] In spite we will be greater friends than ever

  *

  Some people admire the work of a Fool

  For its sure to keep your judgment cool

  It does not reproach you with want of wit

  It is not like a lawyer serving a writ

  TO GOD

  If you have formd a Crcle to go into

  Go into it yourself & see how you would do

  *

  Since all the Riches of this World

  May be gifts from the Devil & Earthly Kings

  I should suspect that I worshipd the Devil

  If I thankd my God for Worldly things

  *

  To Chloes breast young Cupid slily stole

  But he crept in at Myras pocket hole

  *

  [when] Now Art has lost its mental Charms

  France shall subdue the World in Arms

  So spoke an Angel at my birth

  Then said Descend thou upon Earth

  Renew the Arts on Britains Shore

  And France shall fall down & adore

  With works of Art their Armies meet

  And [Armies] War shall sink beneath thy feet

  But if thy Nation Arts refuse

  And if they scorn the immortal Muse

  France shall the arts of Peace restore

  And save [thy works] thee from [Britains] the Ungrateful shore

  Spirit who lovst Brittannias [Shore] Isle

  Round which the Fiends of Commerce [roar] smile

  [unfinished]

  *

  Nail his neck to the Cross nail it with a nail

  Nail his neck to the Cross ye all have power over his tail

  *

  I rose up at the dawn of day

  Get thee away get thee away

  Prayst thou for Riches away away

  This is the Throne of Mammon grey

 
Said I this sure is very odd

  I took it to be the Throne of God

  For every Thing besides I have

  It is only for Riches that I can crave

  I have Mental Joy & Mental Health

  10 And Mental [Friendship]Friends & Mental wealth

  Ive a Wife I love & that loves me

  Ive all But Riches Bodily

  I am in Gods presence night & day

  And he never turns his face away

  The accuser of sins by my side does stand

  And he holds my money bag in his hand

  For [all that]my worldly things God makes him pay

  And hed pay for more if to him I would pray

  And so you may do the worst you can do

  20 Be assurd Mr Devil I wont pray to you

  Then If for Riches I must not Pray

  God knows I little of Prayers need say

  So [as sure]as a Church is known by its Steeple

  If I pray it must be for other People

  He says if I do not worship him for a God

  I shall eat coarser food & go worse shod

  So as I dont value such things as these

  You must do Mr Devil just as God please

  *

  The [visions]Caverns of the Grave Ive seen

  And these I shewd to Englands Queen

  [And]But now the Caves of Hell I view

  Who shall I dare to shew them to

  What mighty Soul in Beautys form

  Shall [dare to]dauntless View the Infernal Storm

  Egremonts Countess [dare]can controll

  The [waves]flames of Hell that round me roll

  If she refuse I still go on

  10 Till the Heavens & Earth are gone

  Still admird by [worthy]Noble minds

  Followd by Envy on the winds

  Reengravd Time after Time

  Ever in their youthful prime

  My Designs [shall still]unchangd remain

  Time may rage but rage in vain

  For above Times troubled Fountains

  On the Great Atlantic Mountains

  In my Golden House on high

  20 There they Shine Eternally

  MISCELLANEOUS VERSES AND EPIGRAMS

  Verse from the Marginalia to Reynolds’s Discourses

  ADVICE OF THE POPES WHO SUCCEEDED THE AGE OF RAFAEL

  Degrade first the Arts if you’d Mankind degrade,

  Hire Idiots to Paint with cold light & hot shade:

  Give high Price for the worst, leave the best in disgrace,

  And with Labours of Ignorance fill every place.

  *

  Some look. to see the sweet Outlines

  And beauteous Forms that Love does wear

  Some look. to find out Patches. Paint.

  Bracelets & Stays & Powderd Hair

  *

  When France got free Europe ’twixt Fools & Knaves

  Were Savage first to France, & after; Slaves

  *

  When Sr Joshua Reynolds died