Glass Desires

  Chapter 5 – Celebration with No Strings Attached...

  The doctors amputated my toes several weeks after I searched through the snow with Fay. I told them a dream caused my frostbite, which I do not consider a lie. Thus my doctors have added the diagnosis of somnambulism, of sleepwalking, to my increasing list of maladies. I must now keep my apartment's doors and windows locked against myself. I must zip myself into a sleeping bag when I sleep.

  As thankful as I am to have met Fay, as happy as her snow globes make me, I can't deny that I sometimes feel angry. I focus that fury onto that being Fay calls the Regent. That Regent has become a kind of boogie-man in my imagination, a monster who hides in the closet, or beneath a child's bed. Fay's description of the Regent's handsome looks only evokes a monster's twisted and swollen shape.

  A cancer lurking in the brain, however, forces a person to be honest. Being honest, I have to entertain the notion that my hatred for the Regent rises from envy instead of more honorable notions of love or protection.

  Fay reserves her love for the Regent. She takes any opportunity to talk about his eyes, his courtesies, his hands or his clothes. We have traveled to every wonderful location in search of the Regent. We never find him, but Fay keeps the faith that the Regent waits for her a little beyond our next horizon. Her hope never falters that the Regent loves her as much as she loves him, that he only searches for a place beyond their King's vision, a place in which she and the Regent may love and live.

  I do my best to remind myself that I know next to nothing about Fay's kind. I have met none of her kinsmen. Who am I to question Fay's sentiments? Who am I to care if the Regent reciprocates her love?

  All the same, I still stare out of my window each morning hoping to see Fay standing at the corner of Water and Fifth.

  A rock strikes my window, and I stumble out of bed. Fay stands at the corner, wearing purple-striped socks all the way to her knees, a wrinkled red dress complete with a prom corsage tied to her wrist. A pair of swimming goggles look even more foolish for the leather bomber's cap covering Fay's silver hair. I chuckle at the sight of her. My recent pains float off my shoulders.

  I open my apartment door before Fay buzzes for entry.

  “How do I look?” Fay stretches and twirls.

  “Marvelous.”

  “And my wardrobe?”

  “Wonderful.”

  Fay grins. “I think you're just trying to make a sprite girl happy. I don't trust you anymore, Adam. How will a woman know if she pleases you if you simply smile all the time?”

  “You please me.”

  “Says one who lies about my clothes.” Fay's face suddenly frowns with a worry. “Forgive me, Adam. I am so selfish to forget. How are your toes?”

  “They cut them off.”

  Fay's face pales. Color seeps out of her halos. “You are a barbaric people.”

  I shake my head. “We are not a magical kind. My doctors cannot just snap their fingers and make my hurts disappear.”

  Fay sighs. “It's the cruel curse placed upon your blood.”

  “Don't feel sorry for me, Fay. You never forced me to go anywhere with you.”

  Fay's halos brighten again. “Guess what I have in my hand.”

  “A kitten.”

  “Really?” Fay appears bewildered. She often misses my sarcasm.

  “Of course not,” I laugh. “You have another snow globe.”

  “I don't surprise you anymore.” Fay's lips pucker.

  I shrug.

  “Aren't you still curious, Adam?”

  I have waited nearly a month after losing my toes for another chance to travel with Fay. Still, I don't want to leap at the opportunity. Not today. I want something from Fay, but I have nothing to leverage against her. All I have to barter with is the good luck Fay believes I posses. If Fay wants her human charm on another trip, she has to offer me something more than a snow globe.

  “I don't know if I can go with you anymore.”

  Fay gasps. “But I need you to go. You're my lucky charm. I need you to help me find more shards.”

  I shake my head. “So you say, but you've never told me why we are searching for little, jagged shards of glass. You've never told me why they mean so much to you.”

  “It's personal.”

  “I've lost my toes.”

  “I never asked for them.”

  I remain quiet though I want to beg for another journey. I have to stay confident. I deserve some respect from Fay. I have to know why she remains so obsessed with the Regent when I have never abandoned her.

  The twirl of Fay's halo slows as she thinks. With a sigh followed by a smile, Fay pats my hand, and I know she will hold one less secret from me.