Longing for You

  Panic swept over her. He was acting strange. She didn’t understand why Cori’s presence changed his mood. “What’s wrong, Theo?”

  His mouth opened, but nothing came out. When he opened his eyes, they were still aimed toward the ground. His muscles flexed as he pulled her closer. “Cassie… I… I didn’t know…Fuck.”

  He released her and pivoted toward the steps. His hand rose as he placed his fingers to his temples.

  Every nerve in Cassie’s body was on fire. So much confusion bent her mind. She could barely form thoughts, let alone words. “Theo… What’s going on?”

  He didn’t answer.

  Before she could ask again, Cori’s hand warmed her shoulder. “Cassie, I know what’s wrong with him. It’s another reason why I came to talk to you. I was about to tell you before the doorbell rang.”

  “Tell me what?”

  Theo refaced her just as Cori began to speak. He glared in her direction until Cori pressed her lips together and turned her head. Theo didn’t.

  “Last Friday, when me and the guys left to hang out with a couple fans…your sister was one of them.”

  A knot formed in her stomach. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

  “I didn’t know it was Cori. She looks nothing like I remember. You said yourself that I wouldn’t recognize her.” He shot another piercing glance in Cori’s direction. “Maybe if she’d been honest and told me her real name, I would have figured it out. She said it was Cee-Cee.”

  Cassie faced her sister and raised her brows. “Why did you give him a fake name?”

  Cori reminded her of the proverbial cat with a feather sticking out of its mouth. She kept shifting her focus from Theo to Cassie. Finally, she sighed. “When I realized he didn’t recognize me, I wanted to keep it that way. I had a huge crush on him when I was younger.”

  The confession caused Theo’s mouth to gape. So did Cassie’s. “So what exactly were you planning to do?”

  Cori couldn’t meet her gaze. Instead, she moved closer to the banister. “Nothing happened, Cassie.”

  The news brought a wave of relief, but the feeling ebbed when she noticed Theo staring at her. “Cori’s right. Nothing happened between us…but we came close.”

  Her legs grew weak. She managed to make her way to the rocking chair near the window and eased into it. Theo followed but remained a few feet away.

  “Are you okay?”

  “I don’t know… I think I need to hear the rest before I decide.” It was a lie. If her gut instincts were right, whatever she was about to hear wouldn’t be easy to digest.

  “Cori’s friend dragged me into a closet at the club and…she uh…”

  “She blew him.” Cori interrupted. “I found them not long after it happened and made her leave.”

  Was this the worst of it? She could handle the fact that some girl gave him a blowjob, so long as it wasn’t her sister. She’d been with Mike the same night, at least physically…

  “Is that it?” She prayed they would say yes, but both shook their heads. Her heart did a nosedive.

  “The reason I invited Theo to the club was because my friends and I go there a lot. We know about the closet. If it’s unlocked, it’s free to use for whatever, so long as no money is being exchanged.”

  Cassie bowed her head. She couldn’t look at either of them. If only she could shut off her ears and ignore them completely. The only thing keeping her in her seat was the fact they both claimed nothing happened between them. What more would they have to say?

  “What else happened?”

  When they regained her attention, it was Cori who answered first. “I went inside, locked the door, and made out with Theo.”

  The rocking chair moved back and forth as Cassie stared in the distance. She gripped the arms tight as she gritted her teeth. As if seeing Theo leave that night hadn’t bothered her enough, learning it was with her sister rocked her to the core.

  “I swear I didn’t know it was her.” Theo’s voice shook as he spoke. “If I had—”

  “You said nothing happened.”

  “It didn’t.”

  “So what stopped you?” She choked on her words as her emotions went haywire.

  Theo lowered his gaze. His throat wobbled as he cleared his voice and answered, “You.”

  “Me?”

  “Yeah,” Cori grumbled. “He called me by your name.”

  All the emotions she was holding back exploded. She was on her feet and moving toward her sister. “Cori, I need you to go. I need to speak with Theo. Alone.”

  “Fine. Call me when you’re ready to talk.” Cori got as far as the edge of the porch before she refaced her. “I don’t know what you’re going to do, but I have to say this. I may have crushed on him when I was younger, but you’ve always been the one. I saw it then. I see it now. Don’t let what happened ruin what you both want.”

  “And what’s that?”

  “Each other.”

  Her sister didn’t waste another minute. She hurried down the porch steps and proceeded to her car. The words she said still rang through Cassie’s mind. Cori was so set against her and Theo hanging together when they spoke earlier this week. Something had happened to change her mind.

  Once Cori backed out of the driveway, Cassie felt Theo’s eyes weighing on her. She hugged her chest and turned around, but she didn’t look at his face. She couldn’t do anything but imagine him and her sister in a storage closet at a club with their hands and mouths all over each other.

  “I can’t believe you were on the verge of having sex in a nightclub closet with my baby sister.”

  “I was drunk. I wasn’t thinking. It’s not like I went in there intentionally with either of them. I wouldn’t have been there if I’d known it was Cori.”

  She finally glanced up. “Why did you call her by my name?”

  Theo rubbed the back of his neck and studied the door. “I uh…” His hand lowered. “I’ve been obsessed with you since I was a kid. I already told you this. I never thought I’d have a chance with you, so I did what I could to deal with it.” His gaze shifted. “I pretended whoever I was with was you.”

  Her face heated. She didn’t know whether to be offended or flattered. In reality, she was just as guilty. “I left Mike’s last Friday in the middle of the night and came home. You know why?” She waited until he refaced her before continuing. “Because I couldn’t stop thinking about you. Seeing you leave with someone else bothered me. I didn’t know why. Even after you left, you remained on my mind. I was so consumed in my thoughts that I imagined I was fucking you instead of Mike.”

  “Did you tell him that?”

  She shook her head. “I understand fantasies, Theo. I even saw your face when I came. I couldn’t escape it, and I couldn’t lay beside Mike with you on my mind. It felt wrong.”

  His jaw clenched as he backed toward the porch rail. “So thinking of me felt wrong?”

  “No. Being with Mike felt wrong. It’s one of the reasons I ended things.”

  For a moment, she thought he’d walk back over to her. Her response caused his lips to lift just enough for her to notice. Part of her wanted him to come closer and wrap his arms around her. The other part was glad he didn’t flinch. But he did part his lips to speak.

  “So where do we go from here, Cassie?”

  “Why does it have to go anywhere? You’re leaving Savannah next week. I’ve heard your band, Theo. Your career is going to explode. You won’t have time for anything else. At least we made some good memories. You can take those with you.”

  This time, he did move. He was standing in front of her before she could avoid his advancement. “Don’t do this. You were ready to be with me before you found out about Cori. I didn’t sleep with her. I didn’t even know it was your sister.” His voice cracked. He cupped his hands around her face and forced her to look at him. “Please, Cassie.”

  “I need time to process this.”

  “But I’m leaving next week.”

  “I
know… Maybe we should use this time apart to make sure this is what we want. Once you’re on the road, you may change your mind.”

  “No!” He shook his head vigorously. His muscles flexed as he held her face between his palms and leaned closer. “I don’t need time apart. I won’t find anything out on the road. I won’t even be looking. Please, Cassie. Please don’t do this.”

  She tried to break free of his grip, but he wouldn’t let her go. “Women gravitate toward you. It’s only a matter of time.”

  “Stop saying that! It’s never going to happen. You’re the one I want.”

  “If that’s true, a few months apart won’t matter, will it?”

  His body grew stiff. The heat of his hands faded as they lowered to his side. Then he slunk away. “I’ve had years to realize what I want, but hey, what’s a couple extra months. Right?” Sarcasm weighed heavily in his words. Anger and confusion lit up his face. He pursed his lips as though he would continue his argument on why they shouldn’t take a break, then he slumped his shoulders. “Fine. I’ll respect your right to figure things out for yourself. Just know this. I’m not the one walking away from us. You are.”

  As he retreated down the steps, she rushed to the top one. “I haven’t walked away. I just need time.”

  A forced laugh left his lips as he hesitated halfway between the porch and the driveway. “That’s what you say now, but I know how this turns out. I was stupid enough to think I had a shot with you. I lost my first chance. Now I’ve lost this one too. By the way, I’m the one who sent the flowers.”

  She stood speechless as he walked across the street and got inside a black Jeep. The ignition revved a moment later. Then he was gone.

  Once his taillights disappeared, Cassie found the strength to go back into the house and shut the door. She shuffled her feet and proceeded to the living room. The empty house felt like a prison waiting to trap her into an extended sentence of loneliness.

  Tears welled as the camellias came into view. She’d been right from the start. Theo had sent them.

  As the first tear slid down her cheek, she collapsed against the couch and sobbed. None of it mattered now. Next week he’d be gone. He would be off chasing his dream. It was only a matter of time before he forgot her.

  The longer she prolonged this, the harder it would be. She’d rather suffer the pain of losing him now. But it wouldn’t be easy, probably never would, because she knew the truth.

  She’d sent him away on a lie.

  * * *

  Theo tapped his fingers against the steering wheel of his Jeep and glared at the two-story brick house across the street. He hadn’t been home in six years, but little had changed. There were still moss-covered oak trees on opposite sides of the yard. Mulch-lined walkways were donned with various flowers his mother planted every year. But the item that reminded him the most of home were the row of camellia bushes lining the porch.

  His mother took pride in her bushes. They were a gift from his paternal grandmother after she and his father were married. She’d told him the story many times over the years about how the bushes were all part of an original bush owned by his great-great-grandmother. It was her love of the camellia that led her to start her own floral shop. It had been in the family ever since. Now his mother and aunt managed the shop.

  He wondered if his mom knew it was him who ordered the flowers for Cassie. Jonah told him once before that she was the one who dealt with most of the online and phone orders while their aunt worked the front of the shop. There was no doubt that she remembered Cassie.

  He glanced at the house beside the one he was parked in front of. Cassie’s parents still lived across from his. She told him as much while they were lying in bed this afternoon.

  He gripped the steering wheel tighter. How could they have gone from spending time in each other’s arms and talking about future possibilities to her insisting they need space? It wasn’t right. They belonged together. He only prayed she’d realize it before he left.

  The distant sound of a door closing drew his attention back to his parents’ house. Part of him hoped to get a glimpse of his mother. Yet the person who’d walked outside wasn’t his mom. It was his dad.

  Shit…

  He sunk into his seat, cursing himself for having his window lowered. It had enough tinting to conceal his identity, but it did nothing for him when it was down.

  Please don’t look this way.

  The thought barely crossed his mind when his father peered in his direction. It wasn’t long before he advanced on the Jeep.

  Gripping the key, he applied enough pressure to start the vehicle. Yet, he didn’t. So what if his dad was heading his way. It wouldn’t be the first time they traded harsh words.

  By the time his dad was standing beside the car, he was braced for a confrontation. Yet when he faced his dad, it wasn’t aversion he saw. He seemed relieved.

  “It really is you.” His dad observed every inch of his face. “Jonah said you were in town when he stopped in earlier this week. I wondered if you’d come by.”

  “I hadn’t planned to. I honestly don’t know why I’m here. I just got behind the wheel and drove. This is where I ended up.”

  “Because it’s home.”

  Theo nodded. “Yeah. Once upon a time.”

  He released the steering wheel and lowered his hands to his lap. As he rubbed them against his jeans, he questioned why he was at his parents’. He vaguely remembered the drive from Cassie’s house. He’d driven over five miles with no memory of a single car or building. One thing occupied his mind.

  Losing Cassie.

  “What’s troubling you, son?”

  “So now I’m your son again?” His sarcasm made his dad grumble something under his breath, then he peeked toward Cassie’s old house. Guess his dad didn’t like being reminded of the things he said the day he kicked him out. “I don’t need your concern, Dad. You haven’t worried about me for the last six years. You don’t need to start now.”

  “I’ve always worried about you.”

  The thunderous sound of his father’s voice did little to faze him. He couldn’t say the same for his dad. The way he pinched the bridge of his nose and took a few deep breaths said he regretted shouting.

  “Theo, I’m not proud of the way I treated you back then. I’ve prayed that you would come back so I could apologize for being such a shitty dad.”

  As much as Theo wanted to agree with his statement, he didn’t. Admitting fault was hard. Saying I’m sorry was more difficult than saying I love you for most people. The L word was thrown around way too much. It’s why he’d never used it.

  Yet his dad wasn’t solely to blame. He didn’t bother calling home, and he demanded that Jonah not divulge his number to their parents. His mother never hurt him, even tried to get his father to change his mind. He should have at least kept in contact with her.

  It took an honorable person to bite back their pride and offer an apology. Hearing his father admit fault and confess he wanted to apologize left Theo stumped. Was Jonah right? Did his dad genuinely care?

  After a moment of silence, his father cleared his throat and looked at him once again. “Did you know that right before you left for Louisiana, Jonah told me the real reason you were in that fight? By the time I could push my pride aside and apologize, you were already gone.”

  Theo shrugged. He couldn’t say anything. Hearing his dad’s confession of regret was the last thing he’d expected. He’d imagined this day happening and what he’d do if his father ever apologized. The smug response he’d planned back then would cut his dad to the quick. Strangely enough, he didn’t want to hurt him anymore.

  “Son, all I want is for you to do something positive with your life, not throw it away or end up in jail.”

  “I am doing something positive. I’m not the same spoiled teenager that left the house. I hit rock bottom in New Orleans, and I’ve been busting my ass to get where I am today.”

  His dad raised his hands def
ensively. “I know, Theo. Your brother told me about the fall out and everything that happened before you two made up. I’m proud of your accomplishments, but I worry this lifestyle will have a negative effect on you.”

  “Trust me, dad. I’ve had a taste of this lifestyle already. I don’t want the drugs, the booze, or the easy women. There’s only one woman I want.”

  “Are you involved with someone?” Once Theo shook his head, his father frowned. “Then how do you know which woman you want?”

  “Because I’ve wanted her my entire life.”

  Recognition flashed over his dad’s face. He looked toward Cassie’s parents’ house then back to him. “Cassie Clarke?”

  Theo nodded. “I’ve spent time with her while I’ve been in town. I think I…I think I’m in love with her.”

  His dad patted his shoulder then gave it a gentle squeeze. “Go talk to her. Tell her she’s the one.”

  “I can’t. It’s more complicated than you think.”

  “How so?”

  Theo didn’t want to tell him the truth—how he came close to having sex with Cassie’s little sister. Yet lying wasn’t right. The only thing he could do was answer vaguely. “I’m not sure Cassie feels the same.”

  “Then tell her why she should.”

  Neither said anything else when the front door closed again, drawing their attention to the house. When he saw his mother’s gaping mouth, he knew he was in for a long visit.

  It was just as well. His plans had already changed for the evening.

  “Don’t say anything to Mom about this. I don’t want her getting her hopes up of me settling down. She’ll have my wedding and honeymoon planned before I’m dating.”

  His father chuckled and moved away as Theo opened the door and exited his Jeep. “Don’t worry, son. I’ll let you tell her when the time comes.”

  If the time comes…

  The thought weighed on his mind as he joined his father in crossing the street. No matter how much he wanted to keep his thoughts positive, reality was too big of a bitch to allow him any peace.

  Luck had never been on his side. He’d lost Cassie once before because of a poor decision. Ironically, it was another bad decision that cost him his second chance.