Deenie

  Only it wasn't a strange man sitting next to me this time. It was Buddy Brader. When I looked over at him he was staring right at me. And he was kind of smiling too.

  I said, "Oh, hi Buddy."

  Steve Hildrick was sitting next to him. So I whispered, "Hi Steve."

  They acted like they were really surprised to see me.

  I tried very hard to concentrate on the movie but it wasn't easy. Pretty soon Buddy Brader put his arm around my chair and when he did, Janet, who was on my other side, gave me a kick and started to laugh. So I looked over at Buddy as if to say, "What do you think you're doing?" and that's when he took his arm off the back of the seat and put it on my shoulder! After a few minutes of that he leaned close and whispered, "Why don't you change seats with Steve?"

  Janet, who was leaning just as close on my other side, said, "Go ahead Deenie." I guess that meant she wanted to sit next to Steve. So I stood up and moved over while Steve sat down between Buddy and Janet. He put his arm around her right away. Not the chair, but her.

  This time Buddy didn't do that. He reached down for my hand instead. I never held hands with a boy before. At least, never like that, in a dark place where you don't have to hold hands because you need a partner for any special reason, like dancing or something.

  It felt very nice too. Buddy's fingers were warm. I didn't look at him once the whole time we were holding hands. But when that young doctor and nurse were going at it again he squeezed my fingers which made me look over at Janet to see if she noticed that I was holding hands, and I saw she and Steve were doing the same thing except he still had his other arm around her. Midge was still looking straight ahead at the movie.

  Halfway through the picture I noticed that my hand was sweating. It was during the scene where the girl died on the operating table. You knew she was dead when the bleeps stopped and the lines didn't go up and down on the little machine anymore. By then I really had to go to the bathroom. I've never been able to make it through a whole show. Even when I was little Ma had to take me out a couple of times whenever we saw a movie. So I whispered, "Excuse me," to Buddy and he let go of my hand. When he did he wiped his own off on his pants.

  I went to the Ladies' Room and when I was done I stopped to have a look in the mirror. If only I'd known I was going to meet Buddy Brader I'd have washed my hair.

  When I got back to my seat Buddy picked up my hand again. I was hoping he would.

  As soon as the picture was over we all walked outside together and then Buddy and Steve said, "See you around," and they took off.

  I thought Buddy would say something more to me. And I guess Janet was kind of disappointed too because she called after them, "Okay … see you around."

  Buddy and Steve turned and waved and me and Janet waved back.

  Then the three of us walked to the bus stop.

  Midge didn't say a word all that time. When we got there she bought a pack of sugarless gum from Old Lady Murray but she didn't offer a piece to me or Janet.

  I didn't look away from Old Lady Murray like usual. Instead, I said, "Hello," to her, which I've never done before. She said, "Hello," back and I could see her gold front tooth. She was wearing a black sweater with a rip in one sleeve and over that she had on a carpenter's apron with a million pockets where she kept her change. I studied the bump on her back and wondered if she always had it or if it grew there when she got older.

  Our bus came and we got on and found three seats together. As soon as we sat down I told Janet how my hand sweated in the movies and how Buddy wiped it off on his pants and she told me that Steve let his hand rest over her shoulder like maybe he was trying to feel something else, but she didn't know what to do about it so she didn't do anything.

  Midge listened to us and then right when Janet was telling me she's always liked Steve Hildrick secretly, Midge said, "I think it's cheap to let boys sit next to you in the movies. Did you see how fast they got away as soon as we were outside? They were just interested in what they could get in the dark."

  "That's not so!" Janet said. "You're just saying that because there were only two of them."

  "I am not!" Midge told her.

  "Suppose Harvey Grabowsky sat down next to you and wanted to hold your hand," Janet said. "I'll bet anything you'd let him."

  "Those measly eighth graders aren't Harvey Grabowsky!" Midge practically shouted.

  "You're just jealous!" Janet insisted.

  "Jealous … ha!"

  I didn't say anything because I knew the truth. Midge really was jealous and I didn't blame her. I held my gift-wrapped nightie close. It was too bad that Midge had helped plan such a nice day for me and now she was going home feeling worse than anybody. I hope the next time we meet Buddy Brader in the movies he's got at least two friends with him and that one of them will like Midge!

  Nine

  Monday night I couldn't finish my supper."You need all your vitamins," Ma said. "Especially now."

  "I just don't feel hungry," I said.

  "I cooked all afternoon," Ma told me.

  "I'm sorry … "

  "Oh, leave her alone for once!" Helen said.

  "Since when are you her mother?" Ma asked.

  "If I was I wouldn't pick on her the night before she has to see another doctor!"

  "Nobody's picking on Deenie," Daddy said. "Ma's only saying she needs her strength."

  "And you should mind your manners, Helen Fenner," Ma said.

  "Besides," Daddy said, "Deenie's not worried about seeing Dr. Kliner."

  "Of course she's not," Ma said. "Why should she be worried? Nobody's going to do anything to her."

  "Can I be excused?" I asked.

  Later, Helen came to my room with a piece of cake and a glass of milk. "If I had scoliosis I'd want to talk about it." She put the cake on my desk and handed me the milk. "But Ma's told me a million times not to mention it to you."

  "There's nothing to talk about," I told her. "I'm having an operation and then I won't have scoliosis anymore."

  "I've been reading up on it at the library," Helen said, "and I don't think you're going to need an operation."

  "You're wrong, Helen. I do need one. I already told Janet and Midge. You want to see something?" I went to my dresser and opened the bottom drawer where I'd hidden my new nightie. I pulled it out and held it up. "Midge and Janet gave it to me for when I go to the hospital."

  "It's beautiful," Helen said, touching the material.

  "Do you remember some cousin of Daddy's named Belle?" I asked.

  "No."

  "Ma says I got my scoliosis from her."

  "She had it too?"

  "No, but she had a bad back."

  "That probably doesn't have a thing to do with it."

  "That's what Daddy said, but Ma doesn't believe him."

  "Ma really burns me up sometimes!" Helen said. "I wish Daddy would tell her off just once!"

  On Tuesday morning I wasn't surprised that Daddy stayed home from work to drive me to my appointment. I expected him to. What did surprise me was that Dr. Kliner's office is in New York and the building it's in looks more like an apartment house than an office. There was a black door with a brass knocker and when Daddy used it a nurse opened the door and said, "Deenie Fenner?" Now how did she know I was me?

  She showed us into a big living-room kind of place with lots of chairs and couches and tables and a fancy Chinese rug on the floor with fringe around the edges. There were tons of magazines but no music playing like in Dr. Griffith's office. Here it was very quiet.

  Pretty soon the nurse came back and said, "This way, please." We got up and followed her. She showed us into a smaller living room. It had a fireplace and everything. The ceiling must have been at least two stories high. Daddy and Ma looked at each other and finally Daddy said, "Well, he's supposed to be the best."

  I sat down in a big, soft green chair near the desk and Daddy and Ma sat on the little couch in the corner. In a few minutes there was a knock at the door and befor
e we said anything a doctor came into the room. He looked a lot like the one in the movie I saw on Saturday. He sat down at the desk and said, "I'm Dr. Stewart."

  "But we're supposed to see Dr. Kliner," Ma told him.

  "You will," Dr. Stewart said. "I just want to get some information." He opened a folder that was just like the one Dr. Griffith carried around with him. Then he started asking questions. Daddy and Ma answered all of them. I didn't pay much attention until he said, "Is there a history of scoliosis in the family?"

  "Not in mine," Ma said, looking over at Daddy, who cleared his throat and told Dr. Stewart, "I did have a cousin with a bad back. She was operated on for a slipped disc."

  "That wouldn't have anything to do with this," Dr. Stewart said.

  "Then where did it come from?" Ma said, more to herself than to Dr. Stewart.

  "It's just one of those things," Dr. Stewart told her. "It could just as likely be from your family as your husband's. We'll probably never know."

  "Hello Deenie." I hadn't heard Dr. Kliner come in until he said that.

  When I first looked at him I thought I might laugh. Because Dr. Kliner looks exactly like Mr. Clean, except he doesn't wear an earring. But his head is shiny bald—the whole thing—there's not one hair on his entire head.

  He shook hands with Daddy and told him, "I'm Henry Kliner." I liked the way he said that. I've never heard a doctor call himself by his first name.

  Dr. Kliner leaned against the edge of the desk and looked at me. I could see his socks, which were white. The same kind we wear for gym. "I've reviewed the X-rays," he said. "Now I want to have a look at Deenie."

  There were a lot of things going on I didn't get. How come Dr. Kliner had my X-rays? And who was this Dr. Stewart who stayed in the room and wrote things in the folder? I decided I'd better set things straight right away. "I've made up my mind," I said. "I'm having an operation."

  "Deenie!" Ma said.

  "I mean it. I am. I'm not scared or anything!"

  Dr. Kliner asked, "Who's the doctor here, you or me?"

  "You are," I told him.

  "Okay then … I want to examine you myself … go into the next room and get undressed … I'll be right in."

  I went into the next room and found one of those robes ready for me but this one was made of cloth instead of paper. It didn't fit any better than Dr. Griffith's though. I was ready for Dr. Kliner before he knocked at the door. "Come in," I called. Dr. Stewart was with him.

  "I'll bet you want me to bend over and touch my toes," I said.

  "That will do for a start," Dr. Kliner said.

  We went through the same kind of examination that I had with Dr. Griffith, only this time it didn't take as long. When he was done Dr. Kliner told me I could get dressed and as soon as I came back to his office he said, "There's no doubt … Deenie has a classic case of adolescent idiopathic scoliosis."

  "Why do you use that idiot-something word?" I asked.

  Dr. Kliner smiled at me. "Sit down, Deenie." He motioned toward the soft green chair closest to his desk. "I think you should know about your condition. First of all we don't know exactly what causes it. That's why it's called idiopathic scoliosis. Idiopathic means without known cause. "

  "Oh," I said. So at least it isn't my fault and it doesn't have anything to do with being dumb.

  "There are some things we do know," Dr. Kliner said. "Scoliosis tends to run in families and it occurs mainly in girls. As a matter of fact, eighty-five percent of all adolescent scoliosis occurs in girls. And the structural curve, which is what you have, usually progresses rapidly during the adolescent growth spurt. Do you understand?" Dr. Kliner asked.

  "Yes, I think so," I told him. "But do I have a C or an S spine?"

  For some reason this made both Dr. Kliner and Dr. Stewart laugh a little. Dr. Stewart has dimples, one on each side. He's cute for somebody his age.

  Dr. Kliner said, "Your curve is more like an S than a C. And where have you been getting all this information anyway?"

  "From my encyclopedia," I told him.

  "I see," he said.

  "I want to get fixed up as soon as I can so when do I get my operation?" I asked.

  "I doubt that you'll need an operation," Dr. Kliner said.

  Ma sighed, "Thank God!"

  "But how can you fix me up without an operation?"

  Dr. Kliner said, "With a Milwaukee Brace."

  "I'd rather have an operation!"

  "You think you would, Deenie. But let me tell you something about that. You'd spend months on your back recovering from it and there could be complications. In cases like yours we don't operate without trying the Milwaukee Brace first."

  "But I don't want to wear a brace. I just can't! There must be some other way."

  "Deenie," Ma said. "It'll only take a little while and then you'll be better."

  "How long?" I asked.

  Dr. Kliner didn't say anything for a minute. So I asked him again. "How long will I have to wear it?"

  "About four years," he said.

  "Four years!" me and Ma said at the same time.

  "Until you've finished your growth spurt," Dr. Kliner told us. "When you're about seventeen."

  "But she can't," Ma said. "You don't understand, Dr. Kliner. Deenie's going to be a model. She can't wear a brace for four years."

  Dr. Kliner raised his voice a little. "I think you don't understand, Mrs. Fenner. And it's important that you do."

  Daddy said, "Look, Doctor … just fix Deenie up. That's all we really care about."

  "We will, Mr. Fenner. We'll get that spine straightened out." Dr. Kliner went into a whole discussion about wearing the brace until my spine finishes growing and getting measured for it as soon as possible, maybe even this morning. And that scoliosis is more common than most people think. Dr. Stewart left the room then but Dr. Kliner sat at his desk answering Daddy's questions.

  I thought, if I have to wear this Milwaukee Brace thing, no one is going to know about it. It will just be my secret. I'll be like Midge when she first got braces on her teeth. She said she wasn't going to open her mouth until the braces came off. For a while she even talked without opening her mouth, like a ventriloquist.

  Dr. Kliner stood up and walked toward a closet. I figured he was going to get his coat because with the air-conditioning on his office was kind of cold. But he didn't. Instead he reached in and came out with this weird looking thing which he carried over to me.

  "This is a Milwaukee Brace, Deenie," he said. "Of course yours will be made especially for you but this is just about the way it will look."

  At first I didn't believe him. I thought maybe it was some kind of joke. But then I knew it wasn't. Dr. Kliner really meant it.

  Dr. Stewart came back into the room smiling. He said, "Well, we're all set. You can go right over to the hospital and I'll meet you there. We'll make a mold of Deenie today and in a few weeks her brace should be ready."

  I wanted to scream, Forget it … I'm never going to wear that thing. Everyone will know. Everyone! But the words wouldn't come out.

  Ten

  In the taxi, on the way to the hospital, Ma said, "I don't see why Dr. Kliner can't do it himself. That's | what we're paying for, isn't it?""Dr. Stewart makes all the molds," Daddy told her. "I asked the nurse about it."

  At the hospital Daddy checked with some woman behind an information desk and then we went down a long hallway to a door marked plaster room.

  "This is it," Daddy said, knocking. A nurse opened the door and Daddy told her I was Deenie Fenner and that Dr. Stewart had called. The nurse smiled at me and said, "We have five girls to mold today and you're number three." Then she told Daddy and Ma they could wait outside and Dr. Stewart would tell them when I was done.

  Ma grabbed me, hugged me and cried a little. But Daddy said, "Deenie's going to be just fine."

  I pulled away from Ma and buried my head in Daddy's jacket. I whispered, "Don't go … I'm too scared."

  Daddy kissed the top
of my head and said, "There's nothing to be afraid of. I promise. Just do whatever Dr. Stewart tells you and it will all be over soon." He lifted my chin so I had to look at him. "Okay?" he asked.

  "Okay," I said.

  The nurse closed the door to the plaster room as soon as I stepped inside. I didn't even have a chance to look around before she pointed to a door and said, "You can change in there. Take off all your clothes, including your shoes and put on both of these, one over the other." She handed me two things that looked like very big socks.

  The dressing room turned out to be a supply closet and I thought for sure somebody would open the door while I was naked so I tried to keep my back pressed against it the whole time I was getting changed. The things I had to wear were like body stockings. They fit very close and after I had gotten into the first one I looked down and noticed that you could see everything right through it. By the time I pulled the second one over the first you couldn't see as much and I was glad. Not that I have a lot to see but I didn't want Dr. Stewart to see anything.

  I adjusted the body stockings so they stretched from my neck down to my thighs. Just as I finished the nurse knocked on the door and called, "Ready, Deenie?"

  "I guess so," I told her, opening the closet.

  When I came out I saw that Dr. Stewart was already there and so was some other guy dressed in a white coat.

  Dr. Stewart said, "Deenie, I'd like you to meet Dr. Hubdu and Mrs. Inverness, who will both be assisting me."

  Mrs. Inverness' was the nurse who gave me the body stockings and Dr. Hubdu was from some other country. I could tell by his accent.

  "Jump right up here, Deenie," Mrs. Inverness said.

  I climbed onto an examining table.

  "Now lie down … put your head back … just relax."

  Dr. Stewart and Dr. Hubdu were busy studying my X-ray, which was flashed on the same kind of screen I saw in Dr. Griffith's office. They mentioned a lot of words like lumbar and thoracic and I didn't know what they were talking about.