First Kiss

  “What the fu...fudge, Vic?” Gabriel said, reaching in and pulling out a longer box. “Why didn’t you just put them with the rest?”

  “I didn’t want them to get lost in the shuffle,” he said. “It’s her first Christmas with us. She should get to see us open them.”

  I pressed my lips together to hold back the swell of emotion. I could have kissed him in front of everyone. He was so clever.

  “I should get yours, too, then,” I said. “Although I left it at Nathan’s house.” I hadn’t had a chance to escape the night before to go get it, and there had been so much going on this morning that I’d thought I’d wait until later to hand it to him personally.

  I started looking for a way to get out from the maze of paper but Mr. Blackbourne placed a palm on my knee, stilling me instantly.

  “Don’t you dare,” Gabriel said, pointing at me and snapping his fingers. “Sit the fuck down.” He cringed, glancing once at Erica. “Fudge. Sit down fudge.” He smacked his hand over his mouth and then spoke through his fingers. “Whatever. Goddamn it.”

  Mr. Blackbourne’s millimeter smile appeared. “What he said…or rather, what he meant. Please, stay.”

  “I know where it is,” Nathan said and before I realized what he was doing, he used Kota’s head to do an almost flip over the beanbag chair and raced to the door. “No one open anything until I get back.”

  Gabriel and Luke continued to hunt down gifts that had been tucked in the tree. Everyone other than Victor got a silver-wrapped present, including Erica and Jessica. I wanted to get them something nice as a thank you, for letting me join in on their Christmas.

  Gabriel and Luke were just sitting down when Nathan returned. He passed Victor a gold-wrapped gift; I’d used the only wrapping paper Nathan had at his house.

  As they began unwrapping, my heart was in my throat the entire time, as I second-guessed all the gifts I’d gotten for them, sure that I’d made mistakes.

  Gabriel was the first to open his tiny box. He tossed the silver paper to the floor and flipped open the lid.

  Inside was a pink crystal dangling from a small hoop earring—also pink. I’d agonized over the color, but Victor said it was perfect when I’d shown him the picture and asked his opinion.

  I held my breath, nearly bursting as Gabriel examined the gift for a good minute.

  “Fuck me,” he finally said, and then put the box down. He pulled one of the red earrings out of his right ear and replaced it with the pink one. As he was putting it in, he turned to Luke. “Go get the piercing gun.”

  Luke was opening his gift, a flat square box. “I’m not getting it right now,” he said. He opened the lid and froze, looking at the gift. Inside was a one of a kind, handmade pancake pillow, complete with a butter patch on the top. “Where in the world did you find this?” he said, his brown eyes widening and his grin broadening. He brought it to his face and then breathed in. “Oh...it even smells like pancakes.”

  “Yeah, pancakes,” Gabriel said, and then shoved his arm. “Now come on. Piercing gun. One, two, three, go.” They both started to get up.

  North snapped his fingers at them. “Enough,” he said. “Sit down. You can pierce your ear after you finish. Do it now, and you’ll pierce your eyeball or something.”

  “Aw,” Gabriel said and then brightened. “You mean I get to pierce my eyebrow this time?”

  “I don’t think that’d be an appropriate look at the moment,” Mr. Blackbourne said with the small smile still on his lips. “Stick with the ears for now.”

  Gabriel shrugged and then got a pancake pillow in the face.

  “Smell it,” Luke said, holding it to Gabriel’s nose. “Pancakes...”

  I darted my eyes at Victor and smiled. In a way, I was sharing these small victories with him. I couldn’t believe how much fun it was simply watching them open the gifts. He’d been right about making it a surprise. He almost always was right.

  Silas opened his next: tickets. “What’s this?” he asked, curious. “An exhibit?”

  “There’s a boat and RV exhibition coming to Charleston this spring,” I said. “Apparently they’ll have all the boats out on display and we can go in and look inside them all. I thought you might like to go.”

  He grinned and nodded. “I haven’t been to one of those.” He looked down at the box and pulled out a silver anchor on a black cord. “Hey, I got two gifts.”

  It hadn’t seemed fair to get him tickets to something so far in the future and not have anything he could use now.

  I waited for his reaction, worried he’d find the necklace a little girly.

  He immediately put it on, grinning wide, the white of his teeth a contrast against his olive complexion.

  North opened his next: a cover for the Jeep’s spare tire that was mounted on the rear door. It had a compass emblem on the back, with an N for North at the top. He smoothed his hands over the surface. In a way, the compass was like a star.

  Erica and Jessica opened their gifts at the same time.

  Jessica held up a set of leather charm bracelets, the main elements being a bow and arrow. “I like these,” she said as she put them on. “They’ll go with my bow set.”

  Erica held up her gift in a victory fist pump. “Yes!” she exclaimed, waving a package of fuzzy socks. It was a large stack, in varying vibrant pinks, purples, yellows and oranges, and more. “Best gift ever.”

  “Mom, you’re insane,” Jessica said with a blush on her cheeks. “You got socks.”

  Erica broke open the package, picked out two in mismatching colors—one red and one green—and put them on her feet. “You’ll understand when you're older the pure joy of fuzzy socks,” she said. She wiggled her toes then she stood up and shuffled across the carpet around the back of the couch.

  “Mom,” Kota said, blushing, too. “It’s socks.”

  Erica reached around my shoulders, giving me a hug and then kissed me on the forehead. “Only girls get these things. You guys will never understand.”

  I was happy she liked the gift, but her sudden touch made me want to shrink away from her. I gritted my teeth, resisting the sudden urge to pull away, knowing she hadn’t done anything to cause it.

  The hug was over quickly and then as she walked away, I shook off the feeling, wondering why it felt so weird to me. When the guys had first started to hug me, or hold my hand, it was new, but also, I had liked it. I appreciated Erica and did care for her and wanted to please her, but for some reason, her touch made me uncomfortable.

  In my soul, I knew she was a normal woman. She hugged her daughter and son regularly and they hugged her back. She did this with all the other guys on occasion—like how she’d kissed Mr. Blackbourne on the cheek earlier.

  I was so used to the guys touching me, shouldn’t I be okay with Erica doing it?

  I was still working out my feelings when Mr. Blackbourne caught my eye, a concerned on his face. “Are you okay?”

  I nodded, although I wasn’t sure.

  I felt his eyes lingering on me as Kota opened his gift.

  Kota held up the dog tag on a chain. He flipped over the tag and read what was engraved on it. “It’s a formula?” Kota asked, looking at me.

  I nodded though I was still rattled, my feelings tripping me up. I looked to Victor for help.

  He was holding his still-wrapped gift in his lap. “Put it in your scientific calculator. In the graphing part.”

  “I found it during homework those last couple of weeks in school,” I said. “For geometry.”

  Kota pulled out his phone, entering the numbers in his scientific calculator app. When he was finished, he stared at the screen, blushing.

  Mr. Blackbourne nudged me slightly with his arm. “What is it?” he whispered.

  I swallowed, keeping an eye on Kota as his eyes brightened. He put his phone in his lap and lifted the chain over his head, putting on the dog tag around his neck. “It’s a heart curve formula,” I said quietly. “When you put it in...”

&
nbsp; “It makes a heart on the graph,” he said, and then smiled. “It’s brilliant.”

  I felt my entire body flush with warmth; I wasn’t sure I could take any more of this emotion.

  Dr. Green opened his special paper construction kit that had come all the way from Japan. It was for a replica of a temple from a popular tourist destination.

  It also had two paper people to make: a couple, as though on a date in the garden of the temple.

  He touched the box, studying the picture on the outside.

  Nathan opened his box, pulling out an underwater MP3 player with headphones. I’d checked his phone when he was in the shower and Victor helped me figure out what music he listened to when he went for a jog or worked out. The player was preloaded with some rock and country songs that we knew he liked.

  He put the headphones on, despite being out of the water, wrapping the band snugly around his head. He turned it on and moved his head along with the music.

  Mr. Blackbourne opened his gift: A silver and maroon fountain pen. The silver part of the clip was shaped like a musical note and there were music symbols engraved along the band in the middle. He plucked it out of the case, carefully looking it over. “I’ve heard of these,” he said. “The tips are shaped specifically for making music notations?” He looked over the pen at me.

  I nodded. It had been the hardest gift to find, but I’d dug around in a forum on the internet where musicians spoke about gifts and this pen had come up a lot as a favorite among composers.

  Mr. Blackbourne carefully put the pen back in the black case. “Thank you,” he said.

  I whispered, “You’re welcome,” but so softly that I wasn’t sure he’d heard me.

  Once everyone was done, they looked at Victor and waited.

  He sighed, realizing it was his turn to go. He bit his lower lip as he plucked the tape off the bottom of the box, and then eased it from the wrapping paper.

  Inside were tickets for two to a foreign film that would be playing in the next month. I’d remembered once when he’d talked about buying out a theater for a date. I hadn’t gone that far but thought he might want to go.

  Along with the tickets was a pocket watch. I’d gotten it engraved on the inside with simply: For Victor. Love, Sang.

  The watch itself had taken me a week to take apart and manipulate, and a required lot of patience from Nathan for putting up with my taking up nearly his entire table with all the parts I’d had to move. But now it ran backward, like the clock I’d made for his desk.

  For a guy who could get anything he wanted, I wanted to give him something he couldn’t buy. The front had the same symbol from the necklace he wore: the heart shield.

  He held the watch in his hands for a long moment, looking at the inside and then flipping it over in his hands.

  “Best Christmas ever,” he said.

  ON THE WAY

  With the camping trip coming up, I began to pay attention to the weather. It wasn’t going to snow again, but the temperature regularly dropped down to the high thirties during the night. While I’d never slept in a tent, I’d spent lots of time in the snow in Illinois and I wondered how it would be spending the night outside. Would a tent keep us safe? I worried about us freezing to death. I would have to rely on the others and the gear they’d purchased, trusting that since they’d done it before, they knew what they were doing.

  I kept myself busy with other things, too, because the meeting with the Academy was still on my mind. Whenever the boys were around me, though, I did my best to fake some courage and got into the habit of being silly and distracting them when they were feeling down, especially Kota.

  There was also the issue of there being other people around while on this trip. This wasn’t just a vacation and meant to be fun, but also an official meeting of the Academy. The boys couldn’t tell me much about what would happen. They tried to tell me to relax and have fun.

  The looming question about what the Academy would ask of me, to join another team, hovered over us. Meeting new people, even Academy people, was daunting enough. Nervous and antsy, I was quiet and

  Still, when I fell asleep at Nathan’s house the night before we were leaving for the camp, I was up past midnight thinking of what would happen, worrying about my future, the Academy, and freezing to death in a tent.

  Nathan poked me in the shoulder at the crack of dawn. I waved him off, flipping over and curling back into the bed. Waking up meant facing all of it, and I wasn’t ready. The bed was warm and cozy. Nathan had slept with an arm around my waist the entire night, staying close, as if sensing I was awake with worry.

  But he’d been up this morning already—I’d heard him crawl out of bed to throw in some last minute items in the bag.

  He poked at me again, but I ignored it. He plopped down next to me and began to rub my shoulder and arm in slow circles. “Sang,” he called, cooing softly. “It’s snowing.”

  “No, it isn’t,” I said. “I would have heard it.”

  He shook my shoulder a little. “There’s zombies.”

  “Not in this neighborhood.”

  He laughed and released my shoulder. “Chocolate chip cappuccino muffins?”

  I sat up, rubbing my eyes. “I swear, if you’re fibbing...”

  “Morning to you, too, Peanut,” he said. He leaned over, planting a kiss on my cheek. He was still in his boxers, his reddish-brown hair pressed against his head in spots, and sticking out wildly in others, giving him an almost punk look. The tan was fading around his broad shoulders, revealing freckles.

  “Kota wants us over at his house early to pack up. Victor should be here soon. Want to shower before we leave?”

  I bit my lip and turned away to hide my panic at the mention of a shower. I put my feet on the floor, facing the window, staring at the blinds. “I’ll go find clothes,” I said, not answering his question.

  I took a bath and washed up. If the camping trip was going to have us outside all day, I thought a hot soak was the best way to warm up my body in preparation.

  Gabriel came by the night before, hanging up thermal pants and a jacket to wear. I put a T-shirt on for underneath the jacket. I felt the thermal pants, and wondered if it might get too warm, but put them on. He’d even put out matching pink finger gloves and a woven cotton hat. I stuffed the hat and gloves into my pockets for now as I zipped up my overnight bag that contained general stuff, complete with iPad, a book, CDs, the journal and other items. The tent and camping gear were sitting with the others’ stuff at Kota’s. Gabriel had made suggestions and helped me pack my clothes and had a bag somewhere ready to go for me. All I had to decide on was what fun items I wanted to bring along. I tapped at the phone in my bra. Should I even bring it? Would it work out there?

  “Ready?” Nathan said. He stood near the bed, putting on his socks and then a set of old Nike running shoes. He had pulled them from the back of the closet.

  I crinkled my nose at the old-shoe smell and forced a smile. “I guess,” I said, going to my bag, shuffling through the items again to make sure I had everything. I looked in the closet once more, wondering if I would need more underwear.

  He tapped at the sides of his shoes once he was done lacing them up. “Got to wear your old shoes camping. They get so gross.”

  I looked at my shoes. They were brand new, what Gabriel had put out for me.

  He didn’t notice, and stood up, wiping his hands at the jeans he wore, and then put on a red jacket. He picked up his own bulging red Nike duffle bag. It took up his entire back and I’d watched him stuff it with pants, shirts and underwear and other supplies. He glanced at my pack that was only backpack size and was still only half full. “That’s it?”

  I pulled my bag onto my shoulders and stood, testing the weight of it. Did we have to hike to the campground? “Gabriel packed all my clothes. I need more?”

  He shrugged. “Probably not. I just get used to hearing about girls packing half the house.”

  “Can we bring the house?”
I asked. “At least the heater part?”

  His smile faded. “Peanut, don’t tell me you’re an indoor girl.”

  I shook my head and leaned into him a little, putting a hand on his chest. “I like the idea of camping, but I was thinking of how cold it’s been at night.”

  His blue eyes were intense and he pressed himself against my hand before he put down his bag on the bed and covered my hand with his. “If it’s too much for you, you tell me. I’ll make sure you stay warm.” He bent his head to look at my face. “We’ll have fun.”

  I nodded, but a shiver swept up my spine, thinking about how tired I would be today since I had been up all night worrying. Despite his words, I was still worried.

  He cupped my face between his palms, forcing me to look up at him. “We’ll have a good time,” he said in a more determined tone. He leaned in and kissed my lips.

  At first, I thought it would just be a peck, but then I realized he was lingering. I wanted more, too. I opened my mouth slightly, responding. I let the pack slide off my shoulders to the bed.

  My heart raced as he kissed me. Couldn’t we just stay here? Maybe Dr. Green was right; maybe I could fake sick and just not go.

  His kiss deepened and I quickly forgot about the Academy. He moved his hands to my waist, holding me at first, and then lifting me. He started back toward the bed, and then changed direction to the dresser, where he sat me on the surface. I was now slightly taller than him, tilting my head down to kiss him.

  After a moment, he broke the kiss and then looked up at me with a steady, serious gaze. “I think I know what we need to do,” he said.

  “You do?”

  He nodded once as his hands smoothed along the outsides of my thighs. He tilted his head up to kiss me again and then broke off to look at me. “I just don’t want to tell you.”

  “Shouldn’t I know?” I was trying to figure out what he was referencing to. Was it about camping or something else?

  “You should, but I don’t like the idea,” he said. “I’ve been struggling with it.” He frowned then, darkness surrounding his blue eyes. “I think I can be okay, though, if you’ll help me.”