First Kiss

  I blinked rapidly to focus and then nodded. I hoped there were simple boxes I could stick with. The few gifts I’d wrapped had been for Marie, at the request of our father for birthdays and Christmas. It was something I didn’t exactly excel at. Marie was actually better.

  I joined Dr. Green and Kota on the porch, waiting to go in, when Kota asked, “Did you put her gifts away?”

  “Yeah, they’re in my bedroom,” Dr. Green said and pushed the door open.

  “All of them?” Kota asked. “I dropped a few off yesterday morning.”

  I’d started inside, but Dr. Green reached out and gripped my elbow, holding me just inside the short foyer before I could go deeper into the condo. “Uh...” Dr. Green said. “Hang on there, pookie. Let Kota double check... and also, Kota, check the kitchen and the spare bedroom. Make sure I didn’t leave anything out that’s meant for her. We’ll spread out in the living room to wrap. Toss anything of hers into my bedroom.”

  Exactly how many gifts were there, that Dr. Green had them spread out all over? I grinned as Kota walked around me to get into the living room just beyond the foyer. “Keep her there,” he said. “Give me a minute.”

  It was tempting to misbehave a little and peek around the corner, but I forced myself to stay still with Dr. Green near the door. I didn’t want to know. I would forever second-guess the gifts I’d gotten for them, and had to trust that Gabriel got things that would be appropriate. I couldn’t even imagine what they could be. Most likely toy swords and gumball machines.

  I also considered something else: Did I want to try to get small individual gifts just from me? It was nice that Gabriel had gotten gifts for them, but I wanted to get them each something special. Something none of them knew about.

  Only I didn’t have the money. Gabriel had used the last of what I’d had from the diner. The few hours I’d worked this week at the diner were mostly to cover the counter, and the counter had been really slow the times I’d been there.

  The rustling sounds of Kota fumbling through boxes drifted to us as we waited in the foyer. I was still thinking of gifts and what I could do to surprise them when Dr. Green put his palms on the wall on either side of my shoulders, trapping me. I looked up at him and saw his playful smile.

  “Hi Pookie,” he whispered.

  Thoughts of gifts slipped away, replaced by excitement, and then panic. I braced against the wall, hoping Kota didn’t come back around the corner to spot us like this.

  Dr. Green dipped his head to land a gentle kiss on my forehead. “I’m glad you’re feeling better.”

  “I... missed you, too,” I said quietly.

  The smile on his face lit up his green eyes in a way that made him much handsomer than before. In the casual clothes, he looked younger, leaning toward my age of sixteen instead of nineteen. A curl of sandy blond hair fell over his eye as he looked at me eagerly. “May I sneak a kiss?”

  I nodded. I wanted to, but also was mindful of Kota.

  His lips pressed to mine. I puckered my lips, not going too far, just a peck.

  He held his lips against mine for longer than I expected, but then backed up and his smile seemed even brighter than before. “I can’t wait until it’s not a secret anymore,” he whispered.

  “I hadn’t thought of what it might be like,” I said. I’d been so focused, waiting for the others to tell Kota about the plan, not thinking about what would happen after. I worried about how he might feel, and how best to talk openly with the others about the idea without fighting. It was all so complicated.

  “Won’t it be wonderful?” he whispered and then moved to brace his shoulder against the wall, tucking me in front of him. He had his back to the hallway opening, so if Kota came around the corner, it would look like he was preventing me from viewing what was around the bend. “I could kiss you openly. I could hold your hand. We could go out on dates together and let them all know. Without worrying about what anyone thinks. It won’t matter how many pictures Volto takes. Won’t that be great?”

  Would I ever get to the point where I wasn’t worried about what someone else would think about anything? Lily and her team hid away from the world to avoid what other people thought of them. Besides that, there was our own group to worry about, too. North and Luke got jealous at times, even though they were both for the plan. Would there always be the threat of jealousy? Or could we actually get beyond that?

  Still, Dr. Green seemed so eager. How strange that it was such a normal thing—to kiss a boy, or go out on a date—things he wanted to do, but was prevented because of what it looked like from the outside.

  How our lives had shifted. I’d once been the lonely girl in my bedroom, dreaming of normal life. Now here I was, out in the world, and still there were limitations, for them as well. The plan they’d presented, that I secretly desired, and yet was still hesitant to admit to, all centered on me. If we followed through, even if they were all in on it, we would still not be normal.

  Maybe if I hadn’t met them, and had continued on how I was, had grown to eighteen in my house, maybe I would have been normal. Eventually. Or would I have ever been? Would I always feel like I was on the outside, like I had for most of my life?

  Kota whistled and then called out, “Okay, I think I grabbed everything.”

  Dr. Green took my hand and led me around the corner. At least no one ever seemed to mind my holding hands with them. Kota didn’t say anything about it as we turned the bend.

  I’d seen Dr. Green’s home once before. Back then it was impeccably clean, with his DVDs organized, everything in its place, and his glass-topped coffee table spotless.

  This time, while the space was clean, it was cluttered with boxes and shopping bags along the couch, the floor, and the coffee table.

  “There’s a few more in the kitchen,” Kota said. “And in the spare room. But the only things that are in the master bedroom are Sang’s and ours.”

  “Why’d you hide mine?” Dr. Green asked. “We’re going to wrap them.”

  “Just to get them out of the way,” Kota said. “Sang can wrap mine, you can wrap Sang’s, and I’ll wrap yours when we get to them. That way we can tell the others we didn’t wrap our own gifts.”

  “I might not have everything for everyone,” I said. “Gabriel mentioned he couldn’t think of anything to get Mr. Blackbourne. I don’t have anything for him.”

  Kota and Dr. Green shared a look. “Did you get him anything?” Kota asked him.

  “Not yet,” Dr. Green said, scratching absently at his temple. “The man has everything, doesn’t he?”

  “And doesn’t want much of anything,” Kota said. “He’s as minimalist as they get sometimes.”

  Dr. Green pressed his lips together and surveyed the mountain of boxes and bags scattered around his living room. “Well, let’s get through this and then we’ll figure out that part.” He winked at Kota and then put a hand on top of my head, messing up my hair.

  I smiled, but then my hair loosened and the clip fell out. Dr. Green swooped to pick it up for me, but when I went to put it back, my hair was tangled.

  “We can start sorting,” Kota said, going to the couch and opening up a white department store bag. He checked the contents and then pulled out folded sets of clothing. “I’m going to need boxes.”

  “Sang,” Dr. Green said, going to the coffee table and sliding boxes around, adding some to a pile on the floor. “In the spare bedroom, there’s a large green tote box. All the gift boxes are inside. Go grab it? And no sneaking a peek in my bedroom.”

  I nodded and went to the hallway. The furthest door to the right was the main bedroom, which I’d been in before. That door was closed. All the doors were closed except one.

  The smells of the condo were filling my nose, Jasmine, citrus, ginger and cedar. There were other scents, too, like cleaners and carpet and other indescribable house smells. This was Dr. Green’s home. No parents. No one to hide from. I liked being here. It was one of the few places where I simply felt safe
. Some of the boys had nice homes, but it often felt like someone could walk in, like a parent, and not all of them were nice.

  I went to the open door, assuming that had to be the spare room but found a bathroom instead. I stood inside it for a moment combing out my tangled hair with my fingers. I looked for a brush on the counter to borrow, couldn’t find one, and settled for twisting my hair and clipping it as neatly as I could.

  When I came back out of the bathroom into the hallway, the house was quiet.

  I listened, hoping to hear Dr. Green and Kota. The place was so still. I couldn’t even imagine they were still inside. Had they left? Or had they gone into the kitchen and I couldn’t hear them?

  There were two more doors down the hall, one near the bathroom, and one at the very end, opposite the main bedroom. I still wasn’t sure which one was the spare bedroom, and what the other room would be. Then I remembered him, or someone, had said there was an office.

  I padded my way down the hall until I came to the next door down the hallway. I pushed my ear to the wood, listening for any sign of Dr. Green or Kota, just in case they had slipped in while I was in the bathroom. When I didn’t hear anything, I opened the door and peeked inside.

  It was dark but light enough that I could see that it looked to be an office, with a desk and bookshelves. The room was on the small side, smaller than my bedroom back home, or even Gabriel’s tiny bedroom in his trailer.

  Out of the corner of my eye, I caught a winged shadow flutter overhead.

  My heart leaped into my throat and I froze.

  Another shadow to the left shifted, flying toward me.

  I took a step back and started to shut the door in a hurry, thinking there was a flying bug in the room and I was going to let it out. The door stopped against my shoe before shutting completely.

  A flurry of activity within the room caused me to cringe, and then pause to listen. The sound was like the rustle of paper blowing in the wind, but it was coming from above my head. It wasn’t just a bug. It had to be dozens of them inside. Was the window open?

  I closed the door until there was a crack left so I could peek in. The sound died quickly, and I waited. I knew I should find out what was inside, and then go back and tell Dr. Green right away if there were bugs in his office. He’d want to know. However, I wouldn’t want him to go charging in if the bugs were wasps and not beetles or something else.

  I opened the door slowly, peering into the darkness. My heart flew into a frenzy when it looked like there were birds and butterflies flying overhead.

  I jerked back in surprise until I realized they were motionless, only moving with the smallest bit of breeze that I had created by opening the door.

  I breathed in slowly, smelling ginger and cedar, and…construction paper? There was a hint of glue as well, along with the unmistakable chemical tang from markers.

  I found a light switch along the wall and flicked it on.

  There were actual birds and butterflies floating above my head. They were so perfect, almost lifelike. My brain wanted to insist that they were real and hovering over me; I kept ducking, assuming one would finally flutter down toward me.

  I eased in further, curious. There were more butterflies and birds hanging down the deeper I went in, but also fish and bugs. They were suspended by fishing wire, barely noticeable until I caught the light above reflecting across the string.

  The animals all looked so real, swimming and flying above me. Vivid blues, reds, and greens: all sorts of colors mixed in together. The birds looked so soft and the fish appeared to wriggle with life at the most subtle of air movements.

  I stepped closer, looking up at the display, until I bumped into the desk, forcing me to look down and check out the layout of the rest of the room.

  I froze, finding myself in the middle of an entire display of delicate paper animals.

  I’d found the door to Narnia.

  Nearly every inch of space was covered in paper craftwork. Animals hung from above. Shelves held pedestals, and on top were homes and entire neighborhoods, both Japanese and American in style. Some looked familiar, and one looked so similar to Bob’s Diner, and another like the hospital he worked at. Some of the buildings were so small, they were the size of a small cell phone. Some were so detailed that they had tiny blades of grass around the edges and numbers above doors and on mailboxes. There were flowers in vases on his desk, and picture boxes along the walls depicting scenes of the ocean, of people sitting to eat at a meal.

  I tiptoed further in, drawn to every surface, my eyes wide as I tried to take in everything. My breath caught at the sheer number of tiny items around, the paper animals above my head, the wall full of paper-crafted flowers and trees. While there were some origami pieces, many were cut paper, pieced together.

  A gentle cough came from the doorway.

  I spun, my palm planted hard against my chest to stop my wild heart, amazed at what I'd just seen, and terrified at being caught snooping.

  "I was wondering what was taking you so long," Dr. Green said.

  “I … I was looking for...,” I said.

  “I figured you got lost,” he said with a teasing grin spread across his face. His eyes went to the walls and ceiling. “Not bad for a bit of paper and glue, huh?”

  My eyes widened in surprise. “Did you make it all?”

  “Paper craft is pretty popular in Japan,” he said. “Picked it up a while back. It’s one of those things I can do that doesn’t involve thinking too hard. Just creating.”

  "It's…it's…." I didn't have a word. What he created was nothing short of magic. The doctor who could heal also had a talent for practically giving life to paper.

  He curled his fingers at me, urging me to stand in front of his desk. "Come on. I'll show you," he said quietly.

  "Show me what?"

  He wriggled his eyebrows. "How I'm going to win your little heart."

  I couldn’t hide my smile. Did he not know he was already winning it? He was very flirty, but I was still too in awe to say anything.

  I stood, nearly holding my breath, as he pulled out a couple of sheets of paper in shades of green and red, a ruler, and a slim paper knife from a desk drawer. As he bent over the paper, I noticed his desk was padded, so he could cut at ease without hurting it.

  Dr. Green focused on the paper, bending and folding. He worked so quickly, it was like when Victor’s fingers swept across the piano, or when Nathan lunged with a kick. It was the same precision and artistry that had to come from practice. Bending here. Cutting there. First one piece of paper, and then another.

  Before I could ask him what he was making, he covered the papers with his hands. I got that he wanted it to be a surprise so I then looked at some of the creations that had only been partially completed.

  He reached into the desk again, drawing out a pen. He marked on his hidden creation, in what looked like dot marks. It wasn’t writing, at least, it didn’t look like it from his movements.

  As I waited, I noticed a panda sitting on top of a pile of paper. It had what looked like delicate fur and two green gemstone eyes.

  At last, he sat back, still masking the craft he'd put together with his hands. "Ready?" he asked.

  I pushed my heart back into my rib cage, willing it to stay calm no matter what it was. "Yes."

  Dr. Green stood, coming around the desk. When he was beside me, he shifted so the light fell in front of him.

  In his hands was a delicate rose, curled up like a new bud on a stem, the petals just beginning to open. It was so realistic and so beautiful; if I hadn’t seen him make it in front of me, I would have believed it to be a real flower.

  "Wow," I said, unable to control my heart anymore. My fingers trembled and I reached to touch the delicate petals.

  "Not yet," he said softly.

  I didn't know if I could handle much more of this surprise but he shifted his hands to begin a twisting motion from the stem.

  As he moved, the rose opened, slowly unfold
ing into a full bloom. It was like watching a time-lapse camera, with petals unfolding one layer at a time.

  Across the petals, there were ink markings. Together, they spelled out a line of Japanese hiragana:

  I didn’t know the Japanese, but I was struck with the beauty of the rose and how he’d made it bloom. Dr. Green had a skill; his work could be displayed in museums.

  “What does it mean?” I asked.

  He offered me the rose. I was hesitant, afraid to break it, but took it, pinching the little stem he’d made for it.

  “Let me know when you figure it out,” he said with a soft smile. “I’ll give you bonus points.”

  My heart fluttered like one of his paper birds above my head. I guessed they meant something sweet, but not knowing exactly left me excited and happy to find out.

  It was amazing how he could do that. With just one little smile and joke, he made me feel so much lighter. He made it easy to feel comfortable with him.

  “I guess this isn’t the spare room,” I said. “I didn’t mean to intrude.”

  “Darling, my house is yours. Go wherever you want. Just not into the bedroom right now because your presents are in there.”

  He moved to the door. “But we’ve got a gigantic pile of presents to wrap. Kota’s measuring presents to figure out what sizes of boxes we’ll need. Little does he know I just eyeball and if it’s too big a box, I just throw in more tissue paper.”

  I held onto the flower, unsure where to place it while we’d be working. I looked for a spot to put it down in his office.

  Dr. Green moved back to me and caught my wrist gently.

  I froze, mostly affected at his holding my arm when I was already feeling excited. His touch was soothing.

  He took the rose and lifted his arms. I felt him adjusting the hair clip at the back of my head. When his hands returned empty, I assumed he’d managed to put the rose in the clip. I was tempted to reach around to touch it but didn’t want to damage the delicate paper.

  “I don’t want to lose it,” I said.

  “I’ll keep an eye on you...it...No... I meant you.” He winked at me and then urged me to the door. “Go back to Kota. I’ll get the boxes.”