First Kiss

  “I’ve been following this,” Dr. Roberts said, addressing the rest of the council. “Miss Sorenson’s much more valuable than she appears.” He looked to Kota. “Do you mind if I tell them?”

  Kota hesitated and then looked at me. “She doesn’t even know all the details.”

  What was he saying? What else could there be to know? Was it my real mother? Did they find out details?

  “Oh,” Dr. Roberts said and then smiled. “Well then, this is sort of a shock. Brace yourself.”

  Dr. Roberts looked at me and smiled before he turned to the others. “Our Miss Sorenson here is rather an unusual case. The truth is, according to the government, she doesn’t even exist.”

  I didn’t know what he meant and maybe the others didn’t, either, as there was a long silence.

  “What are you saying?” Mr. Duncan asked.

  “I’m saying, she has a false birth certificate on file: a copy made from her half-sister’s. The only record of her is from her schools, and every time her file is cross-referenced in databases, it conveniently came up as an error, as her Social Security Number belongs to someone else.”

  “Which means the only record of her existence,” Kota continued for him, “is in the direct school files, and we’ve deleted all but those at her current school.” He turned his gaze to me. “She’s never had a school photo. She’s not in any school albums.”

  “She’s a blank slate,” Mr. Duncan said, sitting back in his chair.

  “She’s a ghost,” Mr. Buble said, startling me as it was the first time he’d spoken.

  I looked at him now. His eyes were steady on mine. His stare made me tremble on the inside, thinking of what he must be seeing: my dirty hair, my casual clothes. Every scar, every freckle, seemed under his scrutiny.

  He leaned forward a little, his stare unwavering. “Do you know what that means, Sang Sorenson?”

  I shook my head, afraid to say anything.

  “It means, that if we’re careful, you’re one of our most valuable assets.”

  I still didn’t know what that meant but it began to dawn on me that, I could be killed and no one would know to look for me because I didn’t exist.

  Did my father know this was the case? He had to have known about my birth certificate at least. Did he realize the full meaning? What about my stepmother? Would they have even cared to report me if I went missing or even had been killed?

  I was nothing.

  “She’s not in yet,” Mr. Duncan said with a small laugh. “Although we’d be idiots not to let bring in now.”

  “She’s willing,” Kota said. “And because of her situation, I don’t think it’d be appropriate to take her out of school just yet. A wrong move there and the principal or someone who works for him might call the police on her. We’ve avoided that so far, but she’s gotten close to needing the police.”

  “That sounds terrible,” Mr. Duncan said. He sat back. “I know you’ve been having issues with your assignment at that school. Is it even safe for her?”

  “It might be worse if we pull her out,” Kota said. “I wish I could say it would be better, but we’re doing our best to resolve the situation without causing more risk to her, despite her ghost status.”

  “You’ll have to be more careful,” Dr. Roberts said. “There’ve been instances where she’s been photographed.”

  “Those might not matter,” Kota said. “Since she has no official ID and nothing in any records, the best police could do with those pictures is ask individuals who she is. If we can get her out of school, and delete those records, if we handle this right, she’ll be just a distant memory to them later. We’ll have moved her out. Only her sister and the rest of her family could compromise this now.”

  “How do you propose to keep them from speaking out?” Dr. Roberts asked.

  Kota smiled a little. “We’re working on that, too,” he said. He shifted his gaze to me. “But we need her help to do it, if it’ll work at all.”

  Silence filled the room as the council members looked at each other.

  Mrs. Rose was the first to move, tapping the floor with her foot to get our attention and then signing quickly. “It sounds like you’re not finished with your adopted family yet,” she said.

  It took me a moment, but then I realized she meant Kota. It struck me as funny as I hadn’t realized until just then that Kota and the others must have ‘adopted’ me into their family, according to Academy rules.

  I nodded.

  “I don’t think we have a choice,” Dr. Roberts said. “They need her. She needs them. With her past being so complicated, there’s no resolution if she even tried another team at this point. They’d be at a severe disadvantage.”

  “Not to mention her preferences,” Mr. Duncan said. “We’d have to find someone she was comfortable with, a boy perhaps. However, one couldn’t do it alone, and we’d be back to a team of guys trying to sort her out. Is that even something we could do?” He looked right at me. “I’m sorry, we keep talking around you. Please understand. We’re trying to offer you all the options.”

  I nodded, suddenly my heart soaring. I only saw one answer now. “I can stay with my team,” I said softly. I looked at Kota, who nodded encouragingly. I continued. “I’m already familiar with them. I think they’re comfortable with me.”

  “It doesn’t have to be forever,” Mr. Duncan said. “You know that, right?”

  I nodded. Did he think they were a burden? “I understand.”

  “They could be her starter team,” Dr. Roberts said. “I can keep an eye on them, though, if you’d like.”

  “We’ll have to sort some details,” Mr. Duncan said.

  “We will want updates,” Mr. Buble said. His intense gaze hadn’t lessened a bit. “However, given the circumstances, if we want her in the Academy with her ghost status preserved, she might be stuck with that team for some time.”

  “She could get out of such a situation much sooner if it’s very bad,” Mr. Duncan said. “If she doesn’t have a birth certificate, and we’re forced to, we could make one up for her and change the birth date. We could make her eighteen right now. There’s no proof other than her parents’ word.”

  “There might be other relatives out there,” Kota said. “She might have extended family. We won’t know until we do more research and if they exist, we’ll need to locate them and talk to them to find out what they know.”

  Dr. Roberts sighed and then stood. “Then it seems like we’re the ones that need to ask her.”

  My eyebrows lifted. The others in the council stood, and I did, following their example.

  They all looked at me, but Mr. Duncan was the one who spoke. “We would like for you to join us,” he said with a tight smile. “However, the path you’ve got in front of you is filled with a lot of work, possibly more than any other recruit.”

  “We can’t let you in,” Mr. Buble said, “without asking your permission to continue with the team that found you. Also, we’ll need your consent to allow them to probe into what will probably be upsetting information, and to stay with them for as long as it takes to get their current job done.”

  “You may never be safe until it’s resolved,” Dr. Roberts said, making hand gestures as he spoke. “Even then, to keep your ghost status, you may never have a typical life, a normal one. By agreeing to this, you’ll be granting us favors.”

  “Many favors,” Mrs. Rose signed. “We’ll be in your debt for your putting up with this, even before you’re initiated.”

  Marc had said I could ask them for work before I was in. “I...I only want any cost for joining the Academy to be put on me, and not my team,” I said. I looked toward Kota, unsure if it was fair to even ask but it was important to me. “I don’t want them to take on any more debt because of me.”

  Kota smiled, and nodded, just once.

  “Spoken like a true Academy member,” Mr. Duncan said, now beaming. He reached out with a hand and offered it to me. “I think we’ve got a deal.” r />
  I shook his hand, Mr. Buble’s and then Dr. Roberts’s as well.

  When I looked at Mrs. Rose, she had her hand out, but then began to pull it back.

  I reached for her. I could handle a handshake.

  She beamed as she shook mine. Then she signed, “You go, girl.”

  I smothered a giggle.

  “Mr. Blackbourne and our Mr. Lee here will continue with your Academy training,” Mr. Buble said. “You’re not official yet, but you’ll start try-outs.”

  “That’s the step after you’ve passed the initial application, which is what you did this week,” Dr. Roberts said. He waved me toward the door. “I hope you realize, we’ll probably need to ask you to talk to a specialist, given your circumstances. We want to make sure you’re happy and healthy. It’s important.”

  A specialist? A psychologist? Who?

  “Don’t worry about that right now. Your family lead and team lead will explain it all if you have questions. If you don’t mind, though, we’ve got many more people to see.”

  I was in. I smothered a bright smile by pressing my lips together as hard as I could, turning away and heading toward the door.

  Kota followed me.

  “Mr. Lee,” Dr. Roberts called out. Kota and I both turned around before Dr. Roberts said, “Keep that one safe.”

  “I will,” Kota said.

  RETURN

  There were people still waiting outside, in fact, a there were a few more than before, some even standing as there weren’t enough chairs.

  We walked away from the cabin and I didn’t even look at where we were going. Just toward the trees, eagerly seeking out a place of refuge from others’ eyes.

  While I was happy that Kota had found the answer we’d been looking for to keep the team together, I still wasn’t sure how he felt, especially after what had happened that morning. He’d used our circumstances as an excuse to keep me around, my safety being his biggest concern.

  Given my outburst the night before, they had no alternative. No girl team could step in on my behalf, working so closely, without me being uncomfortable. A single guy joining me couldn’t do it alone. I needed more guys, and their group was the one that brought me in. They were technically stuck with me.

  The council had called it a starter team, but it gave us time to work things out before we would be called on again to talk about my future within the Academy.

  I walked beside Kota in silence, afraid to speak. I stared at our feet, wondering why he’d chosen to say the things he had. He’d been so adamant before. He didn’t want me in the team any longer because of my situation, and now suddenly he’d used it to keep me in.

  It wasn’t until Kota started to slow, and wind away from the path that I lifted up my head and looked around. We were at a picnic area, and it took me a minute to recognize it to be the same one we’d sat in a few nights before.

  The night where we’d kissed for the first time.

  My heart dropped as he headed toward the bench. I didn’t want to ruin this place, the memory I had, if he was going to tell me off here.

  I climbed up, sitting beside him and wrapped my arms around my stomach, waiting for the worst. I’d seen breakups at school. Usually, they involved yelling, accusations, and at the end, the couple parting and walking away, angry and sometimes even swearing. Sometimes, it was done quietly with text messages, one person complaining to friends about the news.

  Kota rubbed his hands together and then stuck them into his jacket pockets, looking at the ground. “I guess you made it in,” he said, his voice light in tone. “Congratulations.”

  I wanted to tell him thank you, but I couldn’t get my lips to move, and my voice was gone. I was terrified of saying the wrong thing. I had already done the wrong thing and didn’t want to make it worse.

  “Sang,” he said, his voice soft now.

  Tears filled my eyes, tears I was sure I’d used up the night before, but now they came back, fresh and ready to spill over.

  “Sang, don’t look like that,” he said even softer.

  I bit my lip, trying to hold it in, not turn into a mess. I sniffed hard, trying my best, but once the first tear rolled down my cheek, the guilt overwhelmed me and I was done. My win with the council and getting into the Academy didn’t matter if Kota didn’t like me anymore.

  A gentle hand rested on my spine. “Sang,” he whispered.

  I stilled. I wanted him to forgive me, but I couldn’t get the words out.

  The hand on my spine shifted to my shoulder and tugged me toward him.

  “Come here,” he said.

  That was it. I broke down completely, sobbing loudly against his shoulder. I bawled, unable to speak, unable to explain or defend myself at all.

  I should have told him. I was a terrible Academy member. I kept secrets from the people I cared about most.

  I wrapped my arms tightly around his neck, afraid that it would be the last time.

  He held me quietly, his palms rubbing my back lightly.

  I cried until I couldn’t breathe and had to stop to catch my breath. I sucked in every bit of that scent of sweet spice I could.

  When I’d finally quieted, Kota spoke softly into my ear. “I wish you would have told me,” he said.

  “I tried,” I croaked out. “The guys...they said they wanted to tell you. I was going to tell you this week when I said we should...”

  “How...how long have you been talking about this with them?”

  I sniffed, backing away from him so I could wipe my eyes and stop soaking his nice shirt with my tears. I used the sleeve of my sweater. “Since around Gabriel’s birthday. We went to go see Lily.”

  His head tilted, an eyebrow going up over the rim of his glasses. “Who’s Lily?”

  Had they not told him about her? “She...she’s another bird with all guys on her team. North and Mr. Blackbourne went to see them before, to ask them how they did it. Only...only Gabriel, Luke and I didn’t know and went to see them ourselves. She talked to me about it. She told me about how they did it.”

  He slowly reached back into his pocket. He pulled out an iPhone.

  It had a pink case. The glass was cracked on the surface.

  The crack must have happened the night Gabriel broke my tent. Kota had my phone the whole time?

  “I got your message,” he said. “And...I didn’t mean to look, but I couldn’t help it.”

  “Message?”

  “The one you sent from Gabriel’s phone,” he said. He swiped at the screen but didn’t turn it on. “The one where you asked them to tell me something.”

  What happened to Gabriel looking for him? “Did...did they not find you?”

  “I didn’t want to be found,” he said, frowning. “And I had to prepare for your interview, but I needed some time to go calm down.” He smirked a little. “Had to count to nearly a thousand.”

  They’d never reached him! He’d returning on his own; that had to mean something.

  “You came back, though,” I said. “You vouched for me with the Academy.”

  He looked up at me. “Sweetheart, I knew you were dating the others,” he said.

  My lips parted. “What? I...”

  “I know Dr. Green kissed you,” he said. “It was you in the pictures. I know the others do, too. They talk about it sometimes when they don’t think I’m in the room, but I’ve overheard them. I know you’ve been on a few dates.” He shrugged a little. “I guess, at first, I just thought...that was normal. Dating, right? Sometimes, you have to date other people to find the one you want.”

  I pressed my tongue to the roof of my mouth, afraid to speak.

  He looked down at his jeans, picking off some dirt that had collected in a fold. “You’ve never committed to any of them, from what I understood. It was just dating because I know they wouldn’t want to step on each other’s toes over a girl. We’ve never had a problem with that before. And for a while, I guess I put the idea of dating you out of my head. I wanted to give you d
istance to not overwhelm you. But then you kissed me and it changed everything. I assumed there was something of a commitment in it. It was wrong of me to assume.”

  “It wasn’t wrong,” I said in a quick rush, wanting to explain everything to him quickly before he learned it from anyone else. “I just never told you the whole story. Or the plan.”

  “I know you’ve been working on trying to keep us together,” he said. “Like researching other teams. I saw that Marc sent you a message.”

  I nodded. “Yes, and then there’s Lily.”

  “Yeah,” he said. “How come they didn’t tell me about this Lily? Was it a dead end? Did it not work out for their group?”

  I shook my head. “No,” I said, and then lowered my voice. “No, not a dead end. It was an answer. Maybe. For us.”

  His eyebrows lifted together. “How?”

  I sucked in a breath, letting it out in a rush. The other guys might have wanted to tell him, but maybe it didn’t matter who he learned it from. He needed to know.

  Before I could speak, a voice shouted from the path. “Found him!”

  We looked up. It was Gabriel and Luke. They came running. Gabriel was in the same clothes as before, without even a jacket, though Luke had thrown one on over his pajamas.

  “Oy! Don’t be mad at her,” Gabriel said and then looked at me, which made me instantly tear up.

  “No, no, no...” Gabriel said as he pointed a finger at Kota, at the same time grabbing my arm and tugging me toward him. “Don’t you dare make her fucking cry. So help me, I’ll kick your ass. This was our fault. You can’t blame her.”

  “I didn’t,” Kota said, stepping off the table. “Hang on a second.”

  Gabriel came over to me, picked me up on his shoulder, pulling me away. “Nope,” he said. “She’s cried enough. Don’t say anything to her you’re going to regret. We need to talk to you first.”

  “Put her down,” Kota said in his commanding voice. “We were talking.”

  I hung upside down on Gabriel's shoulder, unable to find my voice as it was hard enough to breathe. I tried smacking at his butt, but it didn’t seem to affect him.