First Kiss

  I turned the sink on, wetting the cloth. I focused on my legs, first checking for dirt, wiping away any and using the hand soap on the counter to wash properly.

  It was a slow process since I forced myself into a daze, the sound of the shower echoing around me.

  If I hurried, I could get out of here quickly enough.

  Washing my hair was more difficult. Once I made my hair wet, I realized I couldn’t get to the shampoo. That was in the shower.

  I couldn’t go in there.

  I stood there, wet hair dripping into the sink and contemplating my next step. Thinking was made difficult as my brain could only function on a basic level as I tried to not focus on the shower running behind me.

  At first, I considered opening a new shampoo bottle that might be in the closet, but then I remembered the boys kept kits below the sink.

  I bent down, opening a kit and finding someone’s shampoo which I used to wash my hair. From the ponytail holders inside, I suspected it was Luke’s.

  I did everything I could, even shaving, simply by using the supplies I’d found under the sink.

  Then I realized my final problem. The shower was still running. There was no way I could reach in and turn off the water. I’d have to go into the stall to turn it off, and I was sure I wouldn’t be able to. It was too close.

  I wrapped myself in one of the big towels and made up an excuse. I opened the door an inch and called out for Kota.

  He came quickly from the direction of the kitchen. He’d rolled up the sleeves of the sweatshirt. “Everything okay?” he asked and then stopped in his tracks when he saw me in the towel.

  I was covered pretty well. Maybe I should have gotten dressed first. I was getting used to Gabriel being around whenever I was getting dressed, and I was already embarrassed by what I was about to ask him. I hadn’t thought about him seeing me in the towel.

  Heat radiated through my cheeks and I secured the towel with my arms over my chest. “I can’t seem to turn the shower off,” I said quietly. Technically true. I’d meant to add that perhaps the knob was slippery, but after a long pause, I couldn’t get myself to continue.

  Kota looked on toward the shower. “Is it stuck?”

  I shrugged. “I’m sorry,” I said. “I tried.” More than he realized.

  Kota entered, pushing the door back but leaving it open an inch. He stepped around the half wall, using the edge to hang on to as he leaned into the shower, avoiding the spray as much as possible. He twisted the knob and the water stopped.

  “There,” he said. “Maybe it was a little slippery. Did you turn it right or left? You have to turn it all the way to the right and down.”

  I blew out a breath of relief, mostly because the shower was off, and also because Kota had accepted that I’d had trouble with the faucet.

  Emotion was weighing on me and I just wanted to get ready for the day. “Sorry,” I said.

  Faint footsteps echoed in the hallway like someone was trying to tiptoe around.

  Kota tensed, turning toward the door and stepping out in the hallway. “Who’s there?”

  “Hey,” came Silas’s voice, deep and reverberating against the walls. “Kota, you should come out and see this.”

  “Hang on a second,” Kota said, his shoulders relaxing. “Just helping Sang.”

  “She should come see this, too.”

  I shared an intense look with Kota, curious and wondering why Silas hadn’t included me when he entered. Hadn’t he seen us standing in the doorway?

  Had he been trying to give us some privacy?

  I let out another breath and then nodded to Kota. “Go out,” I said. “I’ll get dressed and catch up.”

  “We’ll be right outside,” he said. He reached for my head, kissed my brow, and then released me. I heard his footsteps getting quieter as he headed through the kitchen and toward the front door.

  When I heard the door shut, I closed myself in the bathroom and proceeded to get dressed. I brushed my hair out as well as I could, but while it was still wet, I threw it all into a clip and secured it.

  Once I was ready, I went to the kitchen and paused. Did I want to know? I did, of course. Something told me that if it was nothing, Silas wouldn’t have bothered to come inside and ask us to look.

  I pulled the front door open. Kota was right at the step, blocking me from exiting, holding his hands up. Silas was behind him, with a confused look on his face, dark eyes questioning me. He was dressed in a dark sweater and jeans and black boots, a look that almost mimicked North’s. His expression was almost as grave as North’s, too.

  “What’s wrong?” I asked.

  “We don’t know,” Kota said. He reached out for my wrist and then tugged me outside. “We came back to get you.”

  I swallowed down my sudden trepidation and allowed Kota to pull me out to the walkway. Once we were in view of the street, he stopped and turned toward me, his eyes only focused on my face. “Look behind me, at your house.”

  I sucked in a breath and focused, looking around his shoulder toward the two-story gray house a couple lots down from Nathan’s. I’d passed by the house so many times, not paying it any attention since it always looks the same, the only occasional difference being if the garbage had been taken to the street that day.

  Otherwise, it looked empty it was too big a house for one person. Not that I saw Marie these days.

  But now, the house had all the lights on and the windows were open. On a cold day like today, it seemed an odd thing to do.

  I stared at the house, trying to figure out why when Marie appeared at the door inside the garage. She came down the steps with giant bags of trash. She wore a sweater and jeans and her long brown hair was tied back into a ponytail. From the distance, I couldn’t tell her expression.

  They wanted me to watch her taking out trash? And why did she have the windows open?

  Then I noticed Derrick behind her, also carrying trash bags. He walked around her quickly and lifted the lid to the bin. It was already full to the top with bags. The trash collection wouldn’t be on this block for another few days yet.

  They shoved the bags down as far as they could. As Derrick closed the lid, it remained ajar, overflowing with bags peeking out. They didn’t seem concerned and shuffled back into the house, closing the door behind them.

  “They’re...cleaning,” I said, staring at the closed door and then at the windows.

  “Yeah,” Kota said. He still kept his eyes on me, even though I could tell he really wasn’t looking. He was thinking. “It looked like they were deep cleaning. Doing a lot more than usual.”

  Silas had come over to stand next to me and while his head tilted toward Kota, his eyes were on the house. “Why?” he asked. “And why now?”

  I shrugged. “Maybe she realized if she had the house to herself, she’s the only one who can keep it clean.”

  “Maybe Derrick said he wouldn’t come over again unless she cleaned,” Silas said with a small smile. “He’s never been messy. Maybe he’d had enough.”

  “Let’s keep an eye on them,” Kota said and turned toward his house. “When someone’s out of a routine, there’s usually a reason. Let’s just make sure it is just a change of heart about a clean house, and not something else.”

  I couldn’t imagine what other reason there might be, other than... “Kota,” I said quietly. “My stepmother. Is she...would she be sent home for the Christmas holidays? Is she well enough to come back?”

  “Not yet,” he said. “Although we might have to face that soon. Dr. Green would have alerted us if there were going to be changes to her situation. Last time I checked in with him about it, he said she was recovering but her mental state was still off with all the medications she is on. The doctors are trying to work with her. Otherwise, she might come home with the same pills, and fall into overdosing herself again. She does need medication for her condition, possibly for the rest of her life. But if she can stabilize and not take more than what is needed, she can be s
omewhat normal.”

  “Whatever her normal is,” I said quietly. I couldn’t help it. My stepmother had been sick for so long, it was hard to remember what she was like before that time.

  If she got better, would she regret what she’d done to me?

  Would she even remember?

  A VISIT TO THE PAST

  Breakfast was fluffy buttermilk pancakes and crisp bacon, with a few chocolate chips for Luke and me. We had to eat in turns at the small round table in the breakfast nook, making Erica comment that she should get a bigger table, along with a bigger dining room, to house us all.

  I volunteered to wait for a seat while brushing out my wet hair and allowing it to dry. It was only during this moment that I remembered that it was Mr. Blackbourne’s birthday.

  We wouldn’t see him today. He spent the day alone.

  I wished we could do more for him, but since Dr. Green had said it was fine to send a gift and well wishes, I hoped a small text message would be acceptable for now until I could give him the gift I had picked out. I found my phone and sent a quick message.

  Sang: Happy birthday. I hope you’re well. Perhaps we can do another breakfast date soon. I do have a gift for you, so hopefully I’ll get to see you soon to give it to you. Best wishes.

  I read it once more and then sent it. As soon as it was gone, I questioned my choice of words for ‘breakfast date.' I’d really meant to say something more vague, instead of flat out calling it a date, but I had been so focused on wondering if saying Happy Birthday was enough, or if it needed more.

  He didn’t send a reply within a few minutes, so I suspected he was either busy and couldn’t answer, or he really did break off contact with everyone for the day. I tried not to dwell on it. He’d always told me to contact him whenever I felt the need, and this wasn’t so important that it needed a response.

  After breakfast, Jessica got picked up by a friend to spend the day with her. Luke, Gabriel and Nathan went to work at the diner, which they had said would be busy that week; we were all going to take shifts. Erica left for work.

  Silas, North, and Kota were cleaning up in the kitchen. I tried to help, but North kept finishing whatever he was doing quickly and then would take over my task. I was feeling like he was silently criticizing me until I noticed him doing the same thing to Silas.

  Silas looked to me after the third time North told him he’d put away the leftovers and to go do something else. Silas left him to it, and walked over, leaning against the counter near where I was standing and watching. I felt short next to him, so I hopped up to sit on the counter.

  We shared a look and then smiled at each other. Something told me this was normal behavior for North. Silas understood.

  Sitting on the counter had brought me closer to him. I leaned into him and whispered. “Should we go do something else? Maybe play a game or watch a movie?”

  He backed up so he could put his mouth to my ear. His lips tickled my skin as he whispered. “One second.” He looked at me with big brown eyes and then over at Kota, who was scrubbing the bacon pan in the sink. Silas returned his gaze to me and then Kota again. He was anticipating something, and I waited with him.

  North found the right sized container to store the last of the bacon in and put it away. When he finished, he swept his eyes around the kitchen and then moved over to Kota, standing at his elbow. North shifted his weight in his black boots, a length of his dark hair dropping over one eye, making him look dangerously appealing to me. He nudged Kota’s arm with his elbow. “Let me finish up.”

  “No,” Kota said flatly and continued to scrub the pan.

  North frowned. “Come on.”

  “You’re not at the diner. You’re off duty.” Kota rinsed the pan and then put it onto a rack to dry. He picked up the pancake pan and dipped it into the soapy water. “What are you going to do after? Scrub the kitchen from head to toe? Sweep the cobwebs from the attic spaces?”

  Silas grunt-chuckled. North threw him a look, but then refocused on Kota. “If I’m getting time off, I can do whatever I want.” He looked at the countertops, clean and neat. There was nothing to scrub, so he turned away from them and looked at Kota. “I could take your car to the garage. Give it a tune up.”

  “I don’t need a tune up,” Kota said, beginning to scrub. “You did that two weeks ago. You’ve become a workaholic lately. Go watch a movie. And I don’t mean straighten up the living room and then watch a movie. I mean sit down with Sang and Silas and watch something. Relax.” Kota looked up from his scrubbing directly at me. He nudged his glasses up a little with the back of his wrist since his fingers were soapy. “And don’t let him watch a documentary on cars. Try a Christmas movie.”

  North breathed heavily out of his nose, scrubbing his palm against his face. “Fine. Sang, go pick out something.”

  “Keep on him, Sang. Don’t let him sneak off to mop the bathrooms. Sit on him if you have to.”

  I grimaced and slid off of the counter. He might have been joking, but the looks that being exchanged between Silas and North at the moment had me considering lap sitting and what that meant. Did Kota really mean it, or would Silas be jealous if I sat on North’s lap during the movie? Would Erica walk in and then I’d have to explain it?

  Just when I was thinking it was normal to hold hands with them or sit in laps and had gotten used to it, I now questioned such things from so many angles.

  North did try to straighten the pillows on the couch, but Silas sabotaged him by tossing the extra pillows onto the floor and telling him to sit without them.

  I pulled up Netflix with the remote and picked one of the first movies that I could find about Christmas. I started the movie and then sat between Silas and North, with my hands in my lap. Feeling small between them, I focused on the movie.

  North started out with his arms folded across his chest. He barely moved except to loosen his arms a little so that his bicep touched mine.

  Silas sat with his legs apart, and the questions crawled back through my brain unbidden.

  What would happen if they noticed what the other was doing? Had they meant to sit so close? Were they just sitting casually or were they making a point to touch me?

  Twenty minutes into the movie, with a live action Grinch going into a tirade, I was trying to focus on the plot instead of Silas and North, when the doorbell rang. At first, I thought it was coming from the movie and was trying to figure out why that sound was happening in the scene. Silas and North must have thought the same because they didn’t look up.

  Kota came into the living room and looked at the three of us on the couch. I looked up and noticed he was drying his hands with a towel. “Did the doorbell go off? Or was that the movie?”

  We exchanged looks and before any of us said anything, Kota crossed the room to check the front door.

  I presumed it had to be the mailman with a package. I thought about some purchases I’d made for gifts for the others, and if any of them might accidentally come to Kota’s house. There was no reason for me to believe that might happen, but I had had one delivered to Nathan’s house, which was hidden in Nathan’s closet until Christmas.

  With my thoughts focused on gifts, Kota’s surprised tone of voice jarred me. “Oh, good morning. Did you see the snow? Wasn’t that unusual? I didn’t expect to see you today.”

  A powerful, steady male voice that I recognized as Mr. Blackbourne’s replied. “That was unusual. I don’t mean to interrupt. Did you need Miss Sorenson for anything today?”

  My heart and lungs stopped working at the same time. I checked my clothes, the black cotton pants and light, oversized sweater I’d picked to wear. Was this too casual for him? Had he come because of my text?

  Had I upset him? Maybe I should have waited until the next time I saw him to wish him well and to give him a gift. Had I misunderstood Dr. Green? He’d said to leave him alone on his birthday, but I didn’t think a text would be bad. I wondered if Mr. Blackbourne was here to lecture me to leave him alone when p
eople told me to.

  “Sang?” Kota asked. “No, I don’t think so.” He coughed and then called out my name.

  I got up. I was so nervous that I’d done something wrong, I didn’t even look at North and Silas until North reached for my hand, squeezing it.

  I caught his eye, and we shared a long look. “Don’t look so scared, Baby,” he said.

  I tried to smile at him and then at Silas, who sat forward, elbows on his knees, a wary expression on his face.

  I started toward the foyer. The couch creaked behind me, and I looked back. Silas and North were leaning out as far as they could, peering toward the front door.

  Mr. Blackbourne stood tall at the door, shoulders back, his head high, but his steel eyes were shadowed. He wore his usual gray suit, but with a black tie—a striking difference from his normal maroon one. What had he been doing? Had I interrupted something? I regretted bothering him.

  Once I was in view, he focused on me. “Would you join me, please?” he asked in an odd voice.

  The request didn’t feel like his usual commanding tone. It was a plea. I panicked. Maybe this was something else. Like he didn’t want to be here and yet something was forcing him to do so. Mr. Hendricks? Volto? “I...need shoes,” I said, looking briefly at the floor as if there were a pair there. I wanted to follow him instantly. “And a jacket.”

  “I’ll wait by the car,” he said, turning quickly toward the door. “Join me when you’re ready.”

  Not good. On a day he was supposed to be unavailable, I’d kicked the hive and now he was here. Or worse, something bad was happening and he was forced to come find me on a day he didn’t want to be bothered. The more I went over what it could be, the more I was sure there was trouble.

  Kota closed the door after Mr. Blackbourne left. He came after me in a hurry, shooing me toward his room. “Do you have boots you can wear? Do you need me to fetch anything from Nathan’s?”

  I expected more questions from him, and North and Silas. But those two stayed on the couch, watching but not talking.