Hieroglyphic Tales

  TALE III.

  _The Dice-Box. A Fairy Tale._

  _Translated from the French Translation of the Countess DAUNOIS, for theEntertainment of Miss CAROLINE CAMPBELL._ [_Eldest daughter of lordWilliam Campbell; she lived with her aunt the countess of Ailesbury._]

  There was a merchant of Damascus named Aboulcasem, who had an onlydaughter called Pissimissi, which signifies _the waters of Jordan_;because a fairy foretold at her birth that she would be one of Solomon'sconcubines. Azaziel, the angel of death, having transported Aboulcasemto the regions of bliss, he had no fortune to bequeath to his belovedchild but the shell of a pistachia-nut drawn by an elephant and aladybird. Pissimissi, who was but nine years old, and who had been beenkept in great confinement, was impatient to see the world; and no soonerwas the breath out of her father's body, than she got into the car, andwhipping her elephant and ladybird, drove out of the yard as fast aspossible, without knowing whither she was going. Her coursers neverstopped till they came to the foot of a brazen tower, that had neitherdoors nor windows, in which lived an old enchantress, who had lockedherself up there with seventeen thousand husbands. It had but one singlevent for air, which was a small chimney grated over, through which itwas scarce possible to put one's hand. Pissimissi, who was veryimpatient, ordered her coursers to fly with her up to the top of thechimney, which, as they were the most docile creatures in the world,they immediately did; but unluckily the fore paw of the elephantlighting on the top of the chimney, broke down the grate by its weight,but at the same time stopped up the passage so entirely, that all theenchantress's husbands were stifled for want of air. As it was acollection she had made with great care and cost, it is easy to imagineher vexation and rage. She raised a storm of thunder and lightning thatlasted eight hundred and four years; and having conjured up an army oftwo thousand devils, she ordered them to flay the elephant alive, anddress it for her supper with anchovy sauce. Nothing could have saved thepoor beast, if, struggling to get loose from the chimney, he had nothappily broken wind, which it seems is a great preservative againstdevils. They all flew a thousand ways, and in their hurry carried awayhalf the brazen tower, by which means the elephant, the car, theladybird, and Pissimissi got loose; but in their fall tumbled throughthe roof of an apothecary's shop, and broke all his bottles of physic.The elephant, who was very dry with his fatigue, and who had not muchtaste, immediately sucked up all the medicines with his proboscis, whichoccasioned such a variety of effects in his bowels, that it was wellhe had such a strong constitution, or he must have died of it. Hisevacuations were so plentiful, that he not only drowned the tower ofBabel, near which the apothecary's shop stood, but the current ranfourscore leagues till it came to the sea, and there poisoned so manywhales and leviathans, that a pestilence ensued, and lasted three years,nine months and sixteen days. As the elephant was extremely weakened bywhat had happened, it was impossible for him to draw the car foreighteen months, which was a cruel delay to Pissimissi's impatience,who during all that time could not travel above a hundred miles a day,for as she carried the sick animal in her lap, the poor ladybird couldnot make longer stages with no assistance. Besides, Pissimissi boughtevery thing she saw wherever she came; and all was crouded into the carand stuffed into the seat. She had purchased ninety-two dolls, seventeenbaby-houses, six cart-loads of sugar-plumbs, a thousand ells ofgingerbread, eight dancing dogs, a bear and a monkey, four toy-shopswith all their contents, and seven dozen of bibs and aprons of thenewest fashion. They were jogging on with all this cargo over mountCaucasus, when an immense humming-bird, who had been struck with thebeauty of the ladybird's wings, that I had forgot to say were of rubyspotted with black pearls, sousing down at once upon her prey, swallowedladybird, Pissimissi, the elephant, and all their commodities. Ithappened that the humming-bird belonged to Solomon; he let it out of itscage every morning after breakfast, and it constantly came home by thetime the council broke up. Nothing could equal the surprise of hismajesty and the courtiers, when the dear little creature arrived withthe elephant's proboscis hanging out of its divine little bill.However, after the first astonishment was over, his majesty, who to besure was wisdom itself, and who understood natural philosophy that itwas a charm to hear him discourse of those matters, and who was actuallymaking a collection of dried beasts and birds in twelve thousand volumesof the best fool's-cap paper, immediately perceived what had happened,and taking out of the side-pocket of his breeches a diamondtoothpick-case of his own turning, with the toothpick made of the onlyunicorn's horn he ever saw, he stuck it into the elephant's snout, andbegan to draw it out: but all his philosophy was confounded, when jammedbetween the elephant's legs he perceived the head of a beautiful girl,and between her legs a baby-house, which with the wings extended thirtyfeet, out of the windows of which rained a torrent of sugar-plumbs, thathad been placed there to make room. Then followed the bear, who had beenpressed to the bales of gingerbread and was covered all over with it,and looked but uncouthly; and the monkey with a doll in every paw, andhis pouches so crammed with sugar-plumbs that they hung on each side ofhim, and trailed on the ground behind like the duchess of ----'sbeautiful breasts. Solomon, however, gave small attention to thisprocession, being caught with the charms of the lovely Pissimissi: heimmediately began the song of songs extempore; and what he had seen--Imean, all that came out of the humming-bird's throat had made such ajumble in his ideas, that there was nothing so unlike to which he didnot compare all Pissimissi's beauties. As he sung his canticles tooto no tune, and god knows had but a bad voice, they were far fromcomforting Pissimissi: the elephant had torn her best bib and apron, andshe cried and roared, and kept such a squalling, that though Solomoncarried her in his arms, and showed her all the fine things in thetemple, there was no pacifying her. The queen of Sheba, who was playingat backgammon with the high-priest, and who came every October toconverse with Solomon, though she did not understand a word of Hebrew,hearing the noise, came running out of her dressing-room; and seeing theking with a squalling child in his arms, asked him peevishly, if itbecame his reputed wisdom to expose himself with his bastards to all thecourt? Solomon, instead of replying, kept singing, "We have a littlesister, and she has no breasts;" which so provoked the Sheban princess,that happening to have one of the dice-boxes in her hand, she withoutany ceremony threw it at his head. The enchantress, whom I mentionedbefore, and who, though invisible, had followed Pissimissi, and drawnher into her train of misfortunes, turned the dice-box aside, anddirected it to Pissimissi's nose, which being something flat, likemadame de ----'s, it stuck there, and being of ivory, Solomon ever aftercompared his beloved's nose to the tower that leads to Damascus. Thequeen, though ashamed of her behaviour, was not in her heart sorry forthe accident; but when she found that it only encreased the monarch'spassion, her contempt redoubled; and calling him a thousand old fools toherself, she ordered her post-chaise and drove away in a fury, withoutleaving sixpence for the servants; and nobody knows what became of heror her kingdom, which has never been heard of since.