Forbidden

  He shook his head. “It’s just me. The way I am.”

  “You…didn’t used to be.” She was stronger now. He could feel it. Getting better, but still tired—so terribly tired.

  “Sleep,” he told her. Acting on instinct, he kissed her forehead tenderly and was relieved he had no urge to kiss anything else. See? I can do this. I can heal her without hurting her. He couldn’t believe how good the thought felt. It was better than the first time he’d saved a life as a doctor—better than anything to know he could touch his sister again and not give in to the cravings he’d been fighting for years.

  The cravings were there; he could feel them, just under the surface. But the need to heal Leah was stronger than his desire, stronger than any other feeling he’d ever had. It was as though she was a part of him—his very heart—and he had to keep her safe and close.

  That last thought sparked a decision. Leah wasn’t going anywhere. He didn’t want her to stay in some seedy motel on the wrong end of town where he couldn’t keep an eye on her. She’s staying with me. At least until she finds a place of her own. As he fixed the idea firmly in his mind, Owen felt a sense of peace steal over him. Having Leah close again after all these years—even if it was only for a few days—was going to be wonderful.

  He looked down at her resting quietly in his arms and another surge of love and protectiveness washed over him. She was so frail, so lovely with her pale skin and golden hair. She was almost ethereal.

  Owen told himself he would have to be careful, but at least now he knew he didn’t have to act on his unnatural desire. He might be sick for wanting Leah the way he did, but he wasn’t a beast. He could trust himself not to hurt or abuse her.

  “Oh, Leah,” he whispered as she slept peacefully in his arms. “I love you. Love you so much.” More than you’ll ever know.

  * * *

  “Well, I hope you’re happy. That virus you let her get nearly killed her. You’re supposed to be her guardian angel. You know—protect her from things like that?”

  “Oh, hush. He had to be made to touch her. This was the only way.”

  A soft rustling, like wings being shaken in irritation. “If you say so. But I still think he could have been brought around to it more gradually.”

  An incredulous noise. “The hordes of hell are at our doorstep, and you want to risk doing things gradually? Besides, we tried your way for ten years, and he wouldn’t come near her. There’s no time to go slow anymore.”

  “I guess you’re right.” Grudgingly. A sigh. “Poor Micah. He hates himself so much for what he feels for her. If only we could tell him about the adoption somehow.”

  “You know we can’t. We’re forbidden to give them that kind of straightforward information. We can only hint and push them in the right direction.”

  “I know. But I wish Micah could know how right his need for her actually is. They belong to each other more truly than any other beings in all of creation.”

  A snort. “How can he possibly know anything in that frail human body? It’s a wonder to me that they can exist at all. Anyway, at least he’s awakened to her. She still doesn’t even realize her need for him. That has to change—quickly.”

  “It will.” With quiet confidence. “You heard the vow he made. She’ll be staying with him from now on.”

  “Only until she gets a place of her own.”

  “Leave that to me. I’ll see to it there isn’t a single place in town she’ll be able to take. She’ll have to stay with him. And the closer they get…”

  “The sooner they’ll join and reenter their celestial bodies. Of course.”

  “And Ariel’s visions must continue. I only wish we could give them to Micah as well, but his mind is so much more resistant.”

  “It will be enough if we can get Ariel to act on what we send her. He can deny her nothing—even if he thinks it’s wrong. Will they remember everything at once, do you think? As completely as they forgot when their souls were reeved and sent down to earth?”

  “I don’t know.” Soberly. “I certainly hope so. The fate of heaven may depend on it.”

  “We must watch them carefully. Because you know we’re not the only ones watching. Have you seen that imp Beelzebub sent around lately?”

  “I got rid of him before Ariel got sick, cast him back to the pit. All he knows is that she’s in Micah’s home, not that he’s touching her again.”

  “Good, we need to keep it that way. If the upper-echelon demons even think—”

  “I know. There’ll be hell to pay.”

  “Literally. And you shouldn’t make jokes.”

  “I’m not.”

  “Look, she’s stirring. They’ll be getting up soon. Are you ready?”

  “Of course. You know, I can’t help being excited. After all these years of watching over them, to finally get to speak to them face-to-face…”

  “I wouldn’t get too excited if I were you. This is terribly risky, and you know it. If there were any other way—”

  “But there’s not.”

  “I know.” A sigh and then a thoughtful pause. “Do you think they miss their wings? I can’t imagine life without mine.”

  Softly. “I don’t think they miss them half as much as they miss each other.”

  Chapter Five

  Leah woke in dreamy slow motion with a feeling like everything in the entire world was somehow perfectly right. It was such a good feeling, she didn’t even wonder where she was, though her surroundings were completely unfamiliar. It was dim in the strange room, though the first light of dawn was beginning to show through the window, and the vast bed she was in was warm and comfortable.

  It didn’t matter where she was because of who she was with—her mate. Her other half. The one man in the universe who completed her. She had been there again—in the white marble palace with golden doors. But this time her lover had followed her back into reality. She could almost feel his wings wrapping her in bliss as he held her, and the feeling of rightness at their joining was undeniable.

  Being so close to him felt like coming home. He wasn’t James or Philip or any of the other handful of men she’d dated in her life either. No, he was… Michael? Martin? Leah frowned. No, neither of them, though they were close. Why couldn’t she remember his name? Well, never mind. The name would come to her when she woke up properly. In the meantime, she was currently resting against the broad, bare chest of the man she loved, and he smelled wonderful. Leah’s nose detected a hint of expensive aftershave—something with cedar notes in it—as well as the scent of warm skin.

  Mmm, whatever his name is, he must have been amazing. I’m all worn-out! She snuggled closer, humming with pleasure. It didn’t occur to her to wonder why the idea of sex made her so happy when she usually hated it. She wasn’t a prude or anything; it just felt wrong somehow. But she had never felt more right than she did just now, pressed against the sexy, muscular man who had his arms wrapped protectively around her.

  He stirred against her, and she felt something hot and hard nudging her thigh through the thin pants he was wearing. Hmm, maybe he wanted to go again. In that case, those pants would have to go. Why was he even wearing them in the first place? It bothered her that she couldn’t quite remember the night before, but that was all right. She would have to make the morning after memorable. Just feeling his arousal rubbing against her was getting her excited.

  She could feel her nipples peaking, and she stretched like a cat, rubbing them against his chest in a deliberate display of sensuality. It wasn’t like her to act like this; she never initiated sex. In fact, she usually tried to get out of it, which was one of the main reasons she and James had broken up. But just at this moment, she didn’t feel like herself at all. She felt like a whole different being was waking up inside her and stretching its wings… Leah paused. Just like in my dream. Wings… We both had wings…

  She shook her head. Oh well, who cared how much her mind wandered, as long as her body was right here touching the man
she loved. He fit against her perfectly, as though they had been made for each other, as though they had always belonged together. It was a delicious sensation—comforting and sensual at the same time.

  Purring with lustful contentment, Leah shifted against him again. His knee seemed to slip naturally between hers, and she parted her legs to accept him. Her pussy was hot and wet, and she rubbed eagerly against his hard thigh. God, it felt so good. She smiled and dropped a teasing kiss on the broad plane of his chest.

  He stirred and then a deep, familiar voice said, “Leah?”

  Leah? No, that’s not my name. I’m…who? Alexis? Andrea? No…

  “Leah,” he said again, sounding incredulous. “What are you doing?”

  “Why, I’m just…” she began, and then he shifted, and the bedside lamp suddenly flickered on. Leah looked up to see the face of her lover and… “Oh my God! Owen!” She nearly jumped out of her skin in her haste to get away from him. “I’m so sorry.” She babbled, “I didn’t know. I thought… I was having a dream. Such a weird dream.”

  The look on his face went from strangely hopeful to closed in an instant. “That’s all right. It’s just…for a minute I thought…” He shook his head.

  Thought what? That she had been deliberately coming on to him? That she was tempting him? Her own brother? How could he believe she would do that to him, put him through that kind of agony? The memory surfaced like a jagged shard of glass sticking out of the sand at the beach. Usually she tried to suppress it, tell herself it was no big deal, but… That time when he came home from college and he kissed me and I kissed him back and then he hated me and things have never been the same since…

  “God, Owen, I swear I would never,” she whispered in horror. “Please, please don’t be mad at me again.”

  He looked down at his hands. “Don’t worry, Leah. I know you would never do anything like that deliberately.”

  “Of course I wouldn’t. Neither of us would.” She reached over to touch his arm, wanting to emphasize her point, and then realized she was naked. Completely naked and in bed with her brother. Oh God, what the hell is going on? She snatched the sheet, and she pulled it up, trying to cover herself. “Uh, Owen? Why am I…?” She couldn’t finish and simply gestured to herself instead.

  He glanced over at her and frowned. “You don’t remember anything at all about last night?”

  Leah’s heart started pounding so hard, she felt like it was trying to batter its way out of her chest. “No, no, I don’t. Oh my God, did we…? We didn’t, did we?” She trailed off, unable to finish.

  “And what would you do if we had?” he asked, a trace of bitterness in his voice. “How would you feel right now?”

  “I…I don’t know,” she whispered. “My God, Owen, you’re my brother.”

  “Nothing happened,” he snapped. “I came home, and you were burning up with fever. You’re naked because I had to put you in a cold bath before you completely overheated.”

  Another memory surfaced, this one much more recent. “I was hot all over—on fire,” she said slowly. “I felt terrible. I could see the angels standing at the door…”

  “What? What angels?” He looked at her worriedly. “Are you sick? Do you have a fever again?” He leaned toward her, one hand out as though to feel her forehead, and then he drew back. “I’ll go see if I can find the thermometer.”

  “No, wait.” Daring greatly, almost holding her breath, Leah reached for his hand and brought it to her face. “It’s okay,” she said quietly. “You can touch me, Owen. I mean, if…if you want to. You did last night to save me, didn’t you? To heal me.”

  “Now you remember.” He frowned, but the warm palm cupping her cheek was gentle.

  “I’m sorry I didn’t before,” Leah said. “It was that crazy dream I was having. It…it was so real that nothing else seemed to matter.” She shivered at the memory. Imagine thinking that Owen was her other half, the love of her life. How weird was that?

  Owen’s grim look softened a little. “It’s all right. Everybody has crazy dreams sometimes. I just thought that you thought that I…” He shook his head. “I wouldn’t, you know. Not unless you wanted me to…but not even then. I mean, we could never…”

  You wouldn’t what unless I wanted you to? Touch me? Kiss me the way you did that one night so long ago? But it seemed better to leave that question unasked. Bringing up that painful memory would only hurt Owen, and that was the last thing she wanted to do. Leah bit her lip and rubbed her cheek against his palm. “I know,” she whispered. “I’m sorry.”

  He exhaled and pulled his hand away slowly. Reluctantly. “Me too.”

  “Thank you for healing me.” She smiled at him. “You have a gift, you know. I know we never used to mention it when we were kids, but…I think it’s great that you’re using it to help so many people.”

  His cheeks turned red, and he looked away. “It’s nothing. Just…it always worked best on you anyway.”

  Leah grinned. “I’m glad. Or I might be in the dreaded hospital right now.”

  Owen sighed and glanced at the bedside clock. “Which is where I need to be headed in the next twenty minutes or so. I have an early staff meeting and then morning rounds.”

  “Well, don’t worry. I’ll be long gone by the time you get back tonight,” Leah promised. “I’m going to the airport to hopefully get my luggage, and then I’ll find a hotel room to stay in so I can change before my two-o’clock appointment with Professor Dobrev.”

  Owen leaned toward her, a concerned look on his face. “No, don’t do that.”

  “What? Why not? I have to meet with Professor Dobrev. She’s my new boss, and she’ll probably be the head of my department when I start my doctorate.”

  “No, not that. Don’t move out. Don’t go to some stupid hotel room.” He looked at her earnestly. “Stay here, with me.”

  “Oh, but…” Leah was so taken aback, she hardly knew what to say. For years Owen had been pushing her away, and now he suddenly wanted her near him? “I’m afraid I’ll get in your way,” she said uncertainly. “And besides, you only have the one bedroom.”

  “I can take the couch, and maybe later when I get a chance, I’ll run out and get a futon. It’s no big deal. Please, Leah… I just… I don’t want you out there on your own. Last night when you were so sick, I was worried half out of my mind. So please…”

  He put out a hand to her as though he wasn’t sure she would take it. Leah clasped it at once and gave him a reassuring squeeze.

  “Of course I’ll stay,” she said, smiling. “On one condition.”

  “Name it,” Owen said immediately. “Anything. Anything at all.”

  “I don’t want you sleeping on the couch,” Leah said with mock severity. “Or some horribly uncomfortable futon. You have to get a good night’s sleep so you can do your best work in the operating room. I couldn’t live with myself if I thought you were so sleep deprived, you gave a lobotomy or something to somebody who didn’t need one.”

  Owen rolled his eyes. “First, nobody gets lobotomies anymore. And second, I’m an orthopedic surgeon. The day I start doing brain surgery, we’re all in trouble.”

  Leah laughed. “All right, but you know what I mean.”

  “Yeah, I know. But I don’t want you sleeping on the couch either. It was damn expensive, but it’s not too comfortable. Found that out the hard way the other night.” He grimaced.

  “Then we can share the bed,” Leah said decisively. “I mean, it’s certainly big enough.”

  Owen gave her a wary look. “I, uh, don’t know if that’s such a good idea.”

  “Of course it is. I mean, we can each take a side, and I won’t be sleeping nude anymore, so there’s no reason we should end up, um, like we did this morning ever again.” Leah felt her cheeks getting hot as she remembered how she’d pressed against him, rubbed her breasts against his chest… God, she’d been acting like a cat in heat. What was wrong with her? That dream, that weird dream where he was my one t
rue love. And the feeling that we belonged together, it was so strong… No, stop thinking like that. “It’ll be fine,” she told Owen firmly. “Really.”

  He raised an eyebrow at her. “And you’re sure you’ll feel safe?”

  “Safe? What are you talking about?” She started to laugh and then stopped when she saw the serious expression on his face. He really meant it. “Owen,” she murmured. “I know you would never hurt me.”

  He looked down at his hands. “Not purposely, anyway.”

  “Look, this morning wasn’t your fault. It was mine,” Leah pointed out. “And it’s not even like anybody got hurt. Unless being mortally embarrassed counts.”

  One corner of his mouth quirked up. “No, I don’t think so.”

  “Okay, then. It’s settled. I’ll stay here a few days, until I get a place of my own, and we’ll share the bed.” She looked at him cautiously. “If that’s really okay with you? I mean, you’re not just being nice because of those awful things I said about…about Mom?” Her voice cracked. She had been close to her mother—much closer than Owen had been, after he’d started to distance himself, and it was still hard to believe she was gone.

  “It’s really okay,” he said softly. “Hey, don’t cry, Leah.”

  He sounded so much like he had when they were younger and still close that she almost laughed through her tears. “Okay, I’ll try not to.” She dabbed under her eyes with a fold of sheet and tried to smile at him. “It’s just that I miss Mom so much.” As long as I have you, though, I’ll be all right, she wanted to add. But she kept her mouth closed. Owen was being wonderful right now, but Leah didn’t feel she could trust his change of heart—not yet. It was better to wait and see than let herself get hurt again. But at the same time, she felt so desolate, so alone…

  “I…I could really use a hug right now, big brother,” she whispered. “If…if you don’t mind.”

  “I, uh…” He looked at her uncertainly, as though he was trying to figure out how to hug a cactus without being pricked by its needles.