The Lives and Times of Archy and Mehitabel

will do to dance on

  francy is showing me a side

  paris he says tourists don t often

  get a look at he has a little

  love nest down in the

  catacombs where

  he and i are living now

  he and i go down there

  and do the tango amongst the

  bones he is really a most

  entertaining and agreeable

  companion archy and he has some

  very quaint ideas he is busy now

  writing a poem about

  us two cats filled with beer

  dancing among the bones

  sometimes i think francy

  is a little morbid

  when i see these lovely old places

  that us aristocrats built archy

  in the hands of the bourgeois it

  makes me almost wild

  but i try to bear up i try

  to bear up i find agreeable

  companions and put a good face

  on it toujours gai that is my

  motto toujours gai

  francy is a little bit done up

  today he tried to steal a

  partridge out of a frying

  pan in a joint up on the butte

  we went back there for more beer

  after our party

  at the morgue

  and the cook beaned him with

  a bottle poor francy i

  should hate to lose him

  but something tells me i should

  not stay a widow long

  there is something in the air

  of paris archy

  that makes one young again

  there s more than one

  dance in the old dame yet

  and with these words she

  put her tail in the air and

  capered off down the alley

  i am afraid we shall never

  get mehitabel back to america

  archy

  mehitabel in the catacombs

  paris france

  i would

  fear greatly for the morals

  of mehitabel the cat if she had any

  the kind of life she

  is leading is too violent

  and undisciplined for words

  she and the disreputable

  tom cat who claims to have

  been francois villon

  when he was on earth

  before have taken up their

  permanent abode in the catacombs

  whence they sally

  forth nightly on excursions

  of the most undignified nature

  sometimes they honor

  with their presence the cafes

  of montparnasse and the boul mich

  and sometimes they

  seek diversion in the cabarets

  on top of the butte

  of montmartre

  in these localities

  it has become the fashion

  among the humans

  to feed beer to these

  peculiar cats and they dance

  and caper when they have

  become well alcoholized

  with this beverage

  swinging their tails and

  indulging in raucous feline

  cries which they evidently

  mistake for a song

  it was my dubious

  privilege to see them

  when they returned to their

  abode early yesterday morning

  flushed as you might say

  with bocks and still

  in a holiday mood

  the catacombs of paris are

  not lined with the bones

  of saints and martyrs

  as are those of rome

  but nevertheless these cats

  should have more respect

  for the relics of mortality

  you may not believe me

  but they actually danced and

  capered among

  the skeletons while the cat

  who calls himself

  francois villon gave forth

  a chant of which the following

  is a free translation

  outcast bones from a thousand biers

  click us a measure giddy and gleg

  and caper my children dance my dears

  skeleton rattle your mouldy leg

  this one was a gourmet round as a keg

  and that had the brow of semiramis

  o fleshless forehead bald as an egg

  all men s lovers come to this

  this eyeless head that laughs and leers

  was a chass daf once or a touareg

  with golden rings in his yellow ears

  skeleton rattle your mouldy leg

  marot was this one or wilde or a wegg

  who dropped into verses and down the abyss

  and those are the bones of my old love meg

  all men s lovers come to this

  these bones were a ballet girl s for years

  parbleu but she shook a wicked peg

  and those ribs there were a noble peer s

  skeleton rattle your mouldy leg

  and here is a duchess that loved a yegg

  with her lipless mouth that once drank bliss

  down to the dreg of its ultimate dreg

  all men s lovers come to this

  prince if you pipe and plead and beg

  you may yet be crowned with a grisly kiss

  skeleton rattle your mouldy leg

  all men s lovers come to this

  archy

  off with the old love

  paris france

  i think

  mehitabel the cat and the

  outcast feline

  who calls himself francois

  villon are about to

  quarrel and separate

  mehitabel is getting tired

  of living in the catacombs

  she said to me

  last evening

  archy i sometimes wish

  that francy’s gaiety

  did not so frequently take

  a necrological turn

  when francy is really happy

  he always breaks

  into a series of

  lyric epitaphs

  personally archy

  i am a lady who can

  be gay outside of

  a mausoleum

  as for morgues

  and cemeteries i can

  take them or i can

  leave them alone

  just because some of my

  ancestors are now mummies

  i do not feel

  that i have to wait

  till i see a sarcophagus

  before i cheer up

  i can fall in love

  with a gentleman friend without

  speculating how he is going

  to look to the undertaker

  and when i want to sing

  a comic song

  i do not always feel

  impelled to hunt up a tomb

  for a stage

  i am a lady of refinement

  archy i have had my ups

  and downs and i have made

  a few false steps in life

  but i am toujours la grande dame

  archy always the lady

  old kid to hell with anything

  coarse or unrefined

  that has always been my motto

  and the truth is that this

  francy person has a yellow

  streak of commonness

  running through his poetic nature

  i fell for him archy

  but i feel there is trouble

  coming we had words last

  night over something no real

  gentleman would have noticed

  and the slob said to me

  mehitabel if you make eyes again

  at that tortoise shell

  cat over there i will slice

>   your eyes out

  with a single sweep of my claws

  and toss them to the pigeons

  archy those are words

  that no gentleman would use

  or no lady would take

  you piebald fish thief

  i told him

  if i were not too refined

  i would rip you

  from the gullet to the mid riff

  it is lucky for you

  you frog eating four flush

  that i always remember

  my breeding

  otherwise you would be

  a candidate for what they call

  civet stew in paris

  something i won’t stand for in a

  gentleman friend

  is jealousy of every other

  person who may be attracted to me

  by my gaiety and

  aristocratic manner

  and if i hear another word

  out of you

  i will can you first

  and kill you afterwards

  and then i will ignore you

  archy a gentleman

  with any real spirit

  would have swung on me

  when i said that

  but this quitter let me

  get away with it

  i clawed him a little archy

  just to show him i could

  and the goof stood for it

  no cat can hold me archy

  that lets me claw him without

  a come back i am a strong free

  spirit and i live my own

  life and only a masterful

  cave cat can hold my affections

  he must be a gentleman

  but he must also make me feel

  that he could be a

  wild cat if he would

  this francy person is neither

  one nor the other

  ah me archy i am afraid

  my little romance

  is drawing to a close

  and no meal ticket in sight

  either but what the hell archy

  a lady can always find friends

  it won’t be the first time

  i have been alone in the world

  toujours gai archy

  that is my motto

  there’s more than one dance

  in the old dame yet

  archy

  archy s life of mehitabel

  the life of mehitabel the cat

  boss i am engaged on a literary

  work of some importance it is

  nothing more nor less

  than the life story of

  mehitabel the cat she is

  dictating it a word

  at a time and all

  she bunch gather around to listen but

  i am rewriting it as i go along

  boss i wish we

  could do something

  for mehitabel she is

  a cat that has seen

  better days she has

  drunk cream at fourteen

  cents the half pint

  in her time and now she

  is thankful for a

  stray fish head from a

  garbage cart but she is

  cheerful under it all toujours

  gai is ever her word

  toujours gai kiddo drink she

  says played a great

  part in it all she

  was taught to drink

  beer by a kitchen maid she

  trusted and was

  abducted from a luxurious home

  on one occasion in a

  taxicab while under

  the influence of beer which

  she feels certain had been

  drugged but still her

  word is toujours gai my

  kiddo toujours gai wotto hell

  luck may change

  archy

  when along came my father bold

  the minstrel and the maltese cross

  well boss i promised to tell you

  something of the life story of

  mehitabel the cat archy says she i

  was a beautiful kitten and as good

  and innocent as i was beautiful my

  mother was an angora you dont

  look angora i said your fur

  should show it did

  i say angora said mehitabel it must

  have been a slip of the tongue my

  mother was high born and of

  ancient lineage part persian and part

  maltese a sort of maltese cross

  i said archy she said please

  do not josh my mother i

  cannot permit levity in connection

  with that saintly name she knew many

  troubles did my mother and

  died at last in a slum far from

  all who had known her in her better

  days but alas my father

  was a villain he too had noble blood

  but he had fallen into dissolute

  ways and wandered the

  alleys as the leader of a troupe of

  strolling minstrels stealing milk

  from bottles in the early mornings

  catching rats here there and

  everywhere and only too frequently

  driven to the expedient of dining on

  what might be found in

  garbage cans and suburban

  dump heaps now and

  then a sparrow or a robin fell to my

  fathers lot for he was a mighty hunter i

  have heard that at times he even

  ate cockroaches and as she said

  that she spread

  her claws and looked at me with her

  head on one side i got into the works

  of the typewriter mehitabel i

  said try and conquer that wild and

  hobohemian strain in your blood archy

  she said have no fear i have dined

  today but to resume my

  mother the pampered beauty that she

  was was eating whipped cream one

  day on the back

  stoop of the palace where she resided

  when along came my father bold

  black handsome villain that he was and

  serenaded her his must have been a

  magnetic personality for in spite of

  her maiden modesty and

  cloistered upbringing she responded

  with a few well rendered musical

  notes of her own i

  will not dwell upon the wooing suffice

  it to say that ere long they

  not only sang duets together but

  she was persuaded to join

  him and his troupe of strollers in

  their midnight meanderings alas that

  first false step she

  finally left her luxurious home it was

  on a moonlight night in may i have

  often heard her say and again and

  again she has said to me that she

  wished that robert w chambers could

  have written her story or maybe john

  galsworthy in his later and

  more cosmopolitan manner well to

  resume i was born in a stable in

  greenwich village which was at

  the time undergoing transformation

  into a studio my

  brothers and sisters were drowned

  dearie i often look back on my life and

  think how romantic it has all

  been and wonder what fate saved

  me and sent my brothers and sisters

  to their watery grave archy i

  have had a remarkable life go

  on telling about it i said never

  mind the side remarks i became

  a pet at once continued

  mehitabel but let us not make the first

  instalment too long the

  tale of my youth will be reserved

&nbs
p; for your next chapter to be continued

  archy

  we could muzzle the child

  mehitabel s first mistake

  well i said to

  mehitabel the cat continue

  the story of your life i

  was a pampered kitten for

  a time archy she said but

  alas i soon

  realized that my master and

  mistress were becoming

  more and more fond of a

  dog that lived with

  them in the studio he was

  an ugly mutt take it from

  mc archy a red eyed little bull

  dog with no manners i

  hope i was too much of a lady

  to show jealousy i have

  been through a great deal

  dearie now up and now down

  but it is darn seldom

  i ever forget i was a

  lady always genteel archy

  but this red eyed mutt was

  certainly some pill and those

  people were so stuck on

  him that it would have made

  you sick they called him

  snookums and it was snookums

  this and snookums that and

  ribbons and bells and porterhouse

  steak for him and if he

  got a flea on him they called a

  specialist in only one

  day archy i hear my

  mistress say snookums ookums

  is lonely he ought to

  have some one to play with

  true said her husband every

  dog should be brought up along

  with a baby a dog

  naturally likes a child to

  play with we will have no

  children said she a

  vulgar foolish little child

  might harm my snookums we

  could muzzle the child said

  her husband i am sure

  the dog would like one to

  play with and they

  finally decided they would get

  one from a foundling home

  to play with snookums if

  they could find a child

  with a good enough pedigree

  that wouldnt give any

  germs to the dog well

  one day the low lived mutt

  butted in and tried to

  swipe the cream i was drinking even

  as a kitten archy i

  never let any one put anything

  across on me although i

  am slow in starting

  things as any real lady

  should be dearie i let

  this stiff snookums get

  his face into the saucer

  and then what i did

  to his eyes and nose with

  my claws would melt the

  heart of a trained

  nurse the simp had no

  nerve he ran to his

  mistress and she came after

  me with a broom i

  got three good scratches

  through her silk stockings

  archy dearie before i