Never Been Kissed: A Never Been Novel

  He huffs out a breath from his nose and turns on the radio. I think I said what he needed to hear.

  I’m not sure how it works, but we’re all struggling with something, and I have no right to judge what he’s going through because I haven’t been there.

  Still, I’m nervous of what’s going to happen tonight. I really, really, really want my buddies to like him. S’all I need, five people yelling in my ear that this guy is no good for me. I’m at the point that no matter how much bitching they do – I’m going for it. I deserve this small slice of happiness, even if it’s only for a little while.

  Walking into Alex’s duplex, we’re greeted by Tommy, Josh, Eli (another Greek) and Katie passing around wine. Alex smiles and kisses me on the cheek when I hand him over a homemade strawberry cheesecake.

  Alex owns the upstairs part of the duplex and lives with his girlfriend, Teresa. Having just moved in, the walls are bare and white, but the living room is spacious enough for two giant leather couches, and a humongous flat-screen TV on the far wall, hooked up to a couple of gaming consoles, speakers on either side.

  When the room goes quiet, I know they’ve spotted Hunter. I’m glad Alex has taken the cake tin away since my palms start to sweat and my blood pounds in my ears. I’m turning red, and biting the inside of my cheek so I don’t give into the insane urge to yell out that Hunter is hopefully going to pop my cherry sometime in the near future.

  “Everyone, this is Hunter. My next door neighbour.” In my head, Rocky raises his arms in victory, bloodied and hardly able to see.

  The boys come forward first, doing their weird handshake, fist-bump thing. Katie gives Hunter a kiss on both cheeks - as we always do when we greet each other - but I still can’t help the little heated flare of jealousy that burns inside my chest cavity. In the fairy tale world, yeah, Katie and Hunt would be perfect for each other –two exceptionally good looking people.

  Bloody hell, Katie wasn’t there, taking him to the hospital, or rubbing honey into his gums. I did that. Me. So he’s mine. He’s mine!

  I’m distracted by being petty when Josh comes to stand in front of me. “Hey, beautiful,” Josh says, giving me a hug and loud kisses on both my cheeks. “Is he really your next door neighbour?” he asks with a grin, the second part of the question implied, arms going around my shoulders.

  “I didn’t pay him to escort me to the housewarming, Joshy. I’m not that far gone yet.”

  Josh smiles, kisses my cheek with a smack loud enough that Hunter looks at the both of us, eyebrows low on his face. I don’t think it’s normal that I find his badassness so hot.

  “Hey, kitten.” Tommy says, kissing me on both cheeks, when Josh moves back to go to the kitchen. “So? Where did you get this guy? He doesn’t look like a biker to me.” He jerks his thumb behind his shoulder, indicating Hunter. “Although he does look rough around the edges.”

  I roll my eyes, disentangle myself from his grip around my shoulders. Funny how I never noticed all this before, how much the guys are affectionate with me. Something warm slithers through my chest, and I catch myself grinning at Tommy.

  “How about you get me a drink and stop asking me dumb questions?”

  Tommy shakes his head and smiles at his feet. “Yeah, sure. Corona’s, good?”

  I nod, finally stepping up to Katie. “Jesus, he’s delicious. The boys are going to have to beat their chests extra loud ‘cause he’s an outsider, and way, way, way better-looking than all three of them combined.” Katie bites her lip, and her dark eyes fill up with mischief. “Hunter MacLaine just raised the testosterone level to the stratosphere.”

  I watch as Hunter is surrounded by my four boys, all nodding and talking to him at once. Hunt looks odd in my group of friends – taller and bigger than all of them, demanding a presence even in his jeans, and wrinkled t-shirt, while the rest of them are wearing expensive denim and button-down shirts. God, Hunter would look amazing in a suit and tie. The image makes me want to sink to the floor, and something in my lower belly clenches. I bite my lip, and hope I don’t moan.

  “Yeah,” I breathe. “You think he’s okay with them?”

  “Obviously. The boys’ll be perceptive, and then we’ll discuss tomorrow. They know how to gage a guy, and what his intentions are. They’ve all gotten ass before with the sole intention of getting a girl into bed for one night only. They know what to look for, trust me.”

  “I don’t want to leave him to the wolves, K.”

  She shakes her head and snorts. “They’re more like puppies, anyway. But ankle-biters so that when they want to, they can cause some serious damage.”

  I’m still laughing when Tommy comes back with my beer. “Thanks.”

  “You’re welcome, kitten. So who’s this guy you brought?” Tommy smacks his lips and licks them when he’s done sipping his beer. I used to think about that mouth quite a bit in the past. Now, all I can dream about is Hunter.

  I take a sip, wishing I had a slice of lime, but guys don’t think of these things when they have friends over. “I really wish I never answered your question about what my type was. You’ve been holding it over my head for five years now.”

  Tommy chuckles, and I’m again struck with the contrast of the two men; Hunter and my buddy. I think I was into Tommy because he was the only who ever paid attention to me, teased me, and my stupid brain thought it was affection. Hunter’s starting to show me different.

  “Who would have thought, kind, sweet and quiet Sera would harbour such dark desires for a thug?”

  I stiffen and I flash my teeth. “He’s not a thug. He’s a good person. He’s sweet and kind.” I bite off my words, saying them through clenched teeth.

  Tommy stares, blinking slowly. Then his frosty blue eyes light up. “Does he have tattoos?”

  “Yes,” I say, still clenching my teeth.

  “Piercings?”

  “Yeah.” I fidget, shifting my weight from foot to foot.

  “So he’s not clean cut, aka a thug,” and Tommy salutes me with the neck of his beer like that’s the end of the conversation. Asshole.

  “You’re ignorance astounds me. Jesus, Hunter’s my friend, Tommy. Don’t be a dick.” I’ve grabbed hold of his sleeve, twisting the material in my hand. “Your behaviour is going to reflect on me. I’m asking you, please, tone it down. Alright? For me?” Despite the cold seeping into my hand from the beer, I’m burning with anger, with guilt, with shame and I don’t know why. “This is important to me. Don’t do anything stupid, and try to be nice. Please.”

  Tommy leans in and kisses my cheek – odd, even for him. “For you, kitten. I’ll watch my mouth. I can’t vouch for the others though.”

  I sigh. “Thank you.” I know the other three are always on patrol for the shit that comes out of Tommy’s mouth. I don’t have anything to worry about from them. I still watch nervously as I go help Teresa in the kitchen, setting out paper plates, cups, forks and knives. Hunter seems to be alright.

  I stuff a cherry tomato in my mouth, while I contemplate going over to the gang just to see what Hunter will do. Will he put his arm around my shoulders? Will he keep me close?

  I watch Alex move to the living room wall, and buzz the delivery guy for Chinese food, while there’s a commotion with the guys searching their pockets for tip change. Soon Styrofoam boxes are arranged on the two tables they’ve set up, and the boys argue where to put what, and which way the line should go to pick food from. First world problems.

  “That was fucking weird, even for Russia. I mean, what the fuck? Why is he so interested? Shit, I hope he listens to you, Sera. That asshole has a potential to ruin a good night.” Katie says, adding some more lip gloss to her mouth without a mirror. Pretty badass, if you ask me.“Why are we friends with him again?”

  “Because they came in a packaged deal. Take one, take them all.” I bite my lip, stomach growling and wondering what I’m doing two feet away from the food. “What the frak am I going to do with him?”

  “You bett
er not be talking about Tommy when you have MacLaine right over there.” She puts a hand on my shoulder, giving me an affectionate squeeze. “And whatever you want to, you lucky bitch. It will be glorious. I can just tell.”

  “God, if you’re lying about this, I will make your life a living hell. So hellish, in fact, that Dean Winchester’s stay in the fiery pit will be like a bloody vacation.”

  Katie blinks at me. “I love how I have no idea what you’re talking about half the time. I always end up Google-ing half the shit that comes out of your mouth.”

  “I’m expanding your knowledge.” I take another sip of Corona, letting the bubbles hit my stomach. Hunter’s talking with Eli, who’s talking to MacLaine while staring into his glass of scotch.

  “Shut up. Let’s eat, I’m starving.” Katie sounds like she’s been starving her entire life, instead of a few hours. “I could eat General Tao every single day for the rest of my life and die happy. Wait, have you kissed him yet?” she whispers as we make our way to the food.

  I give her a look. “It’s been five days since I last saw you, don’t you think I would have told you something so monumental?”

  She nods. “Right.” She looks over my shoulder and nods again. “Maybe you should go talk to your man. He doesn’t look too happy.”

  My man. Bloody hell, that sounds awesome.

  I glance back to where Katie indicated, and stop piling food on my plate. Hunter’s nodding but in a way that tells me he’s not listening to a word Eli’s saying. As Eli moves to get a plate of food, Josh, Alex and Tommy come forward to keep him engaged in conversation. I watch Hunter’s eyes rove over every person in the room until he finds me.

  And with that one look, I know what to do. I register the paleness of his face, and the way his lips look white. But his eyes do me in – they’re glassy and lost. Tearing my eyes away, I work fast.

  I make a plate for Hunter, high with protein and vegetables. I snag a glass and pour some apple juice from the fridge – without asking Alex’s permission ‘cause I’m a badass like that.

  Hunter is surrounded by all my boys. He has a red cup of most likely beer in his palm, frowning and listening to what Josh is saying. His eyes hit me as I come closer to the group, unsure if I’m interrupting something important – like fantasy hockey pool or whatever.

  “Here,” I say, holding out the plate to him. I included a napkin and fork along with it, doing a trade off so I get his cup in my hand, having left my beer behind on the kitchen counter. I make sure he gets the apple juice and watch him put it to his mouth, drink as his eyes slide shut.

  I’m floored that he trusted me enough to get him apple juice without saying anything.

  “Jesus, what did you do? Give her the best orgasm of her life? Fuck, man, she never gets us plates of food, no matter how long we beg,” Tommy says, clapping Hunter hard on the shoulder, jostling his cup in his hand.

  I’ve been electrocuted with shock and can’t move from my spot, tingles of embarrassment crashing over me. I can’t find words to speak – my tongue is paralyzed.

  All I see is red, and it’s the color of Tommy’s blood spattering the walls after I’ve killed him for fraking embarrassing me.

  In my head, I’ve killed him three times, each more gruesome than the last. Decapitation, disembowelment and castration – in that order. My skin feels tight on my bones, and all my cells are vibrating, screaming for some small measure of revenge.

  I keep staring dumbly at Tommy – the blue eyes, the light brown hair and wonder how I’ve made so many excuses for his behaviour in the past. Because I had a stupid crush. I snap back to the present, staring at the shocked faces of Josh, Alex and Eli looking between Hunter and I.

  Tommy, with a grin on his face, eyes bright. Josh, eyebrows high, mouth open. Katie, flawless lipstick being chewed on as she waits for my reaction. Eli, hastily taking a drink and looking anywhere but at me.

  And Hunter, imploring me with a gaze that is part sugar-low and part something that could look like love. The anger gets sucked back into a spot inside me, leaving me deflated and alone. Josh explodes first – he who’s known Tommy the longest, and dealt with all his bullshit. “What the FUCK is wrong with you?”

  Katie, Alex and Eli all join in, a cacophony of what-the-fucks, asshole, and go-fuck-yourself.

  I look at Hunter and feel like I’ve swallowed razors, while a donkey has kicked me in the gut repeatedly. His blue eyes have darkened, and while his face appears calm and stoic, like a true hero, his eyes are telling a different story. They’re telling me that he can’t protect me because he needs food, because his body needs sugar.

  I move toward him, taking the plate and the fork in my free hand, using my awesome skills of balance and grace (not!) to get him onto the couch in the living room, not giving a fraking FUCK if we ruin Alex’s carpet if I drop some food.

  “Why did you even drive if you weren’t feeling well?” I growl, arranging his legs so the plate is on his thighs. I’m angry, and he’s not in the frame of mind to take it. But fuck, what if something happened to him? What would I do? What would Matty do? No, but really, what would I do? To be given a chance with someone who seems so wonderful, only for it to be snatched away?

  “Eat. Now.” I order, ignoring the shouts. The boys and Katie are still yelling at Tommy. I catch Katie looking at me and I point to the balcony door. She ushers everyone out, closing the patio door behind them.

  I let out a breath, trying to settle my shaking organs by breathing in through my nose. Funny how my body goes from relaxed to DEFCON 1 when he’s feeling low.

  Hunter continues to frown at his plate, glaring at the meat and veggies like they’ve personally done him harm and he’s thinking on his revenge.

  “Would you eat, please? Hunter?”

  His big hand is wrapped around the plastic fork, his scowl still in place.

  “Eat first, and then you can cuss me out, if you want. Right now, I really need you to eat. Please,” I beg. I’m not above begging. I wish I had his glucometer with me. I should’ve just asked for it and put it in my purse.

  His body relaxes into the couch, and he stuffs food in his mouth as fast as he can. I count up to ten minutes when the patio door opens and Josh comes to sit next to me.

  “I’m sorry, man. Fucking Tommy’s a dick on normal days, he saves the side of egocentric asshole for when we have company,” Josh says, staring into his beer, elbows on his knees. “Is there anything you guys need in here?”

  “Nah. We’re good, buddy, thanks. Actually, Josh? Do you mind giving us another fifteen minutes? I...I don’t think I want to talk to anybody just yet.” Yes, pull out the introverted nerd card and everyone will follow your suggestions.

  Josh gives me a nod, another kiss on the cheek and the patio door closes. I turn my attention back to Hunter and watch him eat. He’s demolished all the greens and is still chewing on the beef; his apple juice is gone.

  “Feeling better?”

  Hunter sighs, and leans back into the couch, legs splayed out in front of him. He keeps the plate on his thigh, but leaves the fork in it, eating the beef with his fingers. His eyes are at half-mast and I can’t tell why he’s looking at me like that.

  “I couldn’t tell him to shut his fucking mouth. That’s me as your friend, Sera. I can’t even tell a guy who’s saying inappropriate things to shut the fuck up or I’ll beat his face in. Because I can’t do that, not when my sugars are low, or high. I’m only okay seventy percent of the time. Do you really want that as a friend?”

  I shake my head, shoving hair behind my ears hard enough that I scrape the skin from behind my ear with my nails. Frak.

  “You’re pissing me off. One fraking second, you’re all like, ‘yeah baby, give me that mouth’ and now you don’t even want to be my friend? Stop being an asshole, MacLaine! Decide what you fraking want, and stop playing goddamn games!”

  His face gets tight, mouth set in a snarl, eyes blazing. My heart beats faster, and I can’t seem to look
away from his mouth. In another time, another place – that look would have meant something to a primitive female, would have readied her for what was to come.

  I’m blindsided.

  “I’m trying to take it slow – for you. I’m beating myself every fucking day – for you, because you deserve better, because you deserve more than half a man. But I’m too damn selfish. I want those nerdy shirts, to see you put them on every morning. I want you there every single night, reading Matty to sleep, waiting for you to crawl into bed with me. I want your voice in my apartment, I want your geeky posters on my wall, and your body in my bed. Is that real enough for you?” Hunter heaves in air, and with his nostrils flared and his body in that relaxed pose on the couch – he’s absolutely magnificent.

  “Super real,” I croak, not even trying to clear my throat. “I’d be lying if I said those weren’t words I wanted to hear.”

  A small tug at one corner of his mouth has the potential to become a smile. It dies quickly and he keeps his solemn stare on my face.

  “I’ve wanted to say them for awhile. You just need to know what you’re getting into with me.”

  “I’m having a thought here, Barbossa.” I sigh when he gives me a blank look. “Pirates of the Caribbean again. I really need you to watch that movie. I’m making jokes to the walls, over here,” I smile at him, and even though my hand shakes as it makes its way to the side of his face – I get there in the end. Even though my heart wants to riot and bolt out of my chest; even though I’m scared of being hurt – Hunter is hurting, and I know enough about that to want to make him feel better.

  I tell him what I know. “I think you’re amazing. Really, I do. You’re sweet and kind. You don’t understand my nerdy jokes, but you care enough to look them up after. You’re the only one who likes my nerdy shirts. You’re strong, and brave. So, yeah, I think you’re amazing. And no matter what you say or do – nothing will make me change my mind from that.”

  Hunter nuzzles my hand like he’s a pet starved for affection. I don’t see the Duchess giving her little boy hugs and kisses.