Together We Heal

  “Everything okay?” Trish asked, her mouth full of taco.

  “Sure,” Stryker said, his eyes narrowing as he looked at her. “No thanks to you.”

  She just shrugged and went back to her taco.

  “Someone give me a taco,” Katie demanded as she sat down. Three were shoved toward her and she took one and put it in her mouth. She moaned and then smiled.

  “This makes it okay,” she said, her mouth full. She smiled up at Stryker

  “Sorry I’m so crazy. I don’t mean to be. I can hear myself saying things and I know they’re nuts, but it’s… I’m possessed.” She looked down at her barely-swelling belly. “You’re already ruining everything.” Katie spoke to her stomach.

  “Hey, be nice to our child,” Stryker said, sitting back down next to her again. He rubbed her belly and kissed her cheek.

  “Yeah, yeah. We both know who’s going to be the bad cop in this situation. You’re going to be the cool dad and I’m going to be mean old mom who always says no.” She pouted a little.

  “Maybe we should change things up every now and then. Just to keep him or her on their toes.” Katie nodded.

  “I like this plan. Always keep them guessing.” Trish snorted.

  “I love the fact that you’re already thinking of ways to screw with your future child. You’re going to be awesome parents.” They really were and they had plenty of people around to help. Despite her aversion to children, I could just picture Trish offering to babysit frequently.

  “I wish we knew what it was so we could stop calling it Blob,” Katie said.

  “But Blob is always a good backup name. Blob Grant sounds great,” Stryker said and that ignited a new debate about the name of the baby. Trish leaned against me and I found her smiling.

  “You happy?” She beamed at me and she was so happy it was blinding.

  “Yeah. I am. I feel… right. If that makes sense.” I gave her a quick peck.

  “Yeah, it does. Completely.”

  “SO NOW THAT I’ve told everyone, that means you have to go see your pa-rents,” Trish said, singing the last word.

  “Don’t remind me,” I said as we got in the car to head back to her dorm. Then I had an idea.

  “Okay, I’ll go see my parents. In five billion years.” That definitely earned me a punch on the shoulder.

  “That wasn’t the deal,” she said.

  “Actually,” I said, holding one finger up. “There was never a deadline specified in the original deal, so I can do it whenever I want.” Her lips formed a thin line and she glared.

  “I just fucking came out to everyone who mattered to me after hiding it for nearly nineteen years. So you can suck it up, grow a fucking pair of balls and go see your parents. If you’re that much of a pussy, I’ll go with you. Actually, I probably should go with you so I can make sure that you actually go and don’t just pretend and then lie to me.”

  She was pissed, but deep down I couldn’t really blame her for being pissed. I was being a baby about the whole thing. If she could do all the things she’d done in the past few weeks, then I could go and see my parents.

  “Okay,” I said after a few minutes of tense silence. “I’ll go.”

  “Good. And I’m coming with you.”

  “Okay.” There was no point in even trying to stop her. It would just make her madder and that was something I really didn’t need right now.

  “You’ve pushed me and supported me and I just want to do the same for you. But in my own way. You know I only yell because I care, right?” Her voice softened and I gave her a smile.

  “Yeah, I know.” She sort of dived over the console between us and gave me a hug.

  “You’re so good at the support thing. I’m sorry I suck so much at it. I’ll try to be better.” I closed my eyes and inhaled the scent of her hair and relished how good she felt in my arms.

  “Don’t you dare change, Trish Grant. Then I’d be the one doing the yelling.” I wasn’t a yeller by nature, so it only happened when I lost it and got really upset about something.

  “Okay,” she said, putting her chin on my chest and looking up at me. “Can we go have sex now?”

  I chuckled and gave her a sloppy kiss.

  “Yes, we can go have sex now.”

  STRYKER’S SCHEDULE WAS insane, but I sent him a text on Monday afternoon between classes asking if he had some time when we could talk. He responded back right away that he was at the house working on a surprise for Katie and I could come on over.

  “So to what do I owe the pleasure of this visit?” he said as he opened the door and I walked in. I knocked now instead of just barging in like I used to do. Respect, you know?

  “Well, you remember how I yelled and told everyone I’m bi? Well, there’s a little more to it and I need to tell you something that I don’t think is going to make you very happy.” He motioned for us to go to the couch and I saw that the floor was covered in small white canvases on top of layers of newspaper and he had little jars of paint all lined up and ready. Stryker wasn’t much of a painter, but his drawings were incredible and tacked all over the apartment.

  “I’m making something for the baby,” he said, seeing where my gaze was.

  “That’s really sweet.”

  “Yeah, well. Anyway.” He rubbed his hands together and leaned forward, his hands on his knees. “What do you have to tell me?” I opened my mouth to start, but then he put his hand up.

  “Hold up just a second before you say something. I know you’re scared that I’m going to be mad, or judge you or some shit, but you know that’s not true. I love you, Trish. I know I don’t say it enough, but I do. It’s been the two of us against the world for a long time and that’s not going to change. Got it?” I licked my lips and wished my mouth wasn’t so dry.

  “Uh huh,” I said, clasping my hands together and then unclasping them. I really needed a cigarette, but there was no way he was going to let me have one anywhere within the vicinity of this place.

  “Spit it out, Trishella.” His use of my real name made me glare. He held his hands out and waited.

  “I had sex with Ric. A few times. When she was dating Baxter. Before you had sex with her.” I exhaled and waited for him to blow up.

  I squinted at him, but he wasn’t looking mad. Instead he was thoughtful for a minute and then he did something I totally did not expect. He threw his head back and laughed. Like, one of those laughs when you’ve heard the funniest thing in the history of ever and you have to grab your side and your stomach hurts after like you’ve had an ab workout. I just sat there with my arms crossed, waiting for it to end.

  Finally he looked at me, still chuckling. He wiped his eyes and shook his head.

  “We both keep making the same mistakes, don’t we? Ah, some things don’t change.” I didn’t really know what he meant.

  “I’m glad you find this hilarious. I should have told you sooner.” He scooted closer to me on the couch and put his arm around me.

  “Oh come on, don’t be grumpy. While I’m not thrilled about your choice of sex partner, it’s all water under the bridge. Don’t care. Doesn’t matter. I remember when I had to tell Katie about Ric and it was the worst. I thought she was going to bail and realize she was far too good for me and that if she stayed, I was eventually going to fuck things up. But she didn’t. She wasn’t happy about it, but she loves me and a pesky little fuck with some chick wasn’t going to stand in the way of us being together. I felt so guilty, though. For a really long time. I still think about it, but then I think about Katie and the baby. We all do bad things, Trish. It doesn’t make us bad people. Well, there are a few exceptions in this world and I’m pretty sure you know who I’m talking about.” He hadn’t mentioned Ray at all, but I found myself asking about him.

  “Do you really want to know?”

  “Yes? No. Yes. I don’t want him to have power over my life anymore.” It was something Beth had told me.

  Stryker hugged me as if he was trying to hold
me together.

  “Well, he’s currently in jail because he can’t post bail and no one is going to give that fucker money to be out in society. The trial will probably be in a few months. These legal things take forever.” I knew way more about legal shit from both Audrey and Katie than I hoped I would ever reasonably need to know.

  “Where?” I asked. Ray had way up in northern Maine near the Canadian border. In the middle of fucking nowhere. I shuddered when I thought about it.

  “He’s in the State prison. I guess he’s been bouncing around a lot with where he’s living since the trailer burned down a few years ago.” I looked up at him, surprised.

  “What?”

  “Yeah, I didn’t tell you. I just happened to see it on the news.” Emotions coursed through me. Pain. Anger. Relief.

  “You should have told me,” I whispered. He sighed and rubbed his eyes again.

  “Yeah, I know. I just didn’t want to bring it up. You were having a really rough time and I didn’t want to throw that at you.” As much as I hated to admit it, he was right. I went through several years where I wasn’t very stable. Stryker and I had both attempted suicide multiple times. He thought I didn’t know about all of them, but I did. We knew almost everything about each other.

  “Good. I’m glad it burned down,” I said and he squeezed my shoulder.

  “Me, too. I used to have dreams about torching that shithole. With Ray in it.” I had those same dreams.

  Stryker shook his head.

  “That’s enough of that. Do you want to give me a hand?” He got up and held his hand out.

  “Sure.” We walked over to the canvases and he told me what his plan was.

  “Actually, you could be a huge help. I want to get some famous poems and quotes and shit and then paint them. I’d really love to do a mural on one of the walls, but the landlord wouldn’t like it. Someday, though.” He chewed on his thumb.

  “I started looking for houses,” he said.

  “Really?” He’d never said anything and neither had Katie.

  “She doesn’t know,” he said as if he’d heard what I’d been thinking.

  “Where?” I asked, my heart clenching a little. I couldn’t bear it if he went far away.

  “Not sure yet. Probably around here. I mean, I’ve got my internship and the TA job. It’s going to be a while before Katie finishes school so I’m thinking about going back.” Now I was the one laughing.

  “You just don’t want to grow up. You’re going to be one of those guys with fifty million degrees.” He shrugged.

  “We’ll see.” I bit my lip and stopped myself from begging him to stay here.

  “I’m not going to move away. If you’re worried about that. At the risk of sounding like a dumbass, where you go, I go. Families stay together.” I put my arms around his waist and he gave me another hug. We weren’t huggers by nature, but it was nice to be able to without it being weird.

  “How about ‘Life’s a bitch’? For one of the quotes,” I said and he turned on me, messing my hair all around until I poked him hard enough in the side to make him stop.

  “YOU HAVE TO call her and tell her you’re coming,” Trish said on Wednesday. She’d been bugging me for days to call Mom and tell her I was coming by this weekend. I’d been putting it off as much as I could. Mostly by kissing or going down on her. Worked like a charm.

  I leaned toward her, but she put her palm on my mouth to stop me.

  “Nope. That’s not going to work, lover boy.” She grabbed my cell phone from my desk and held it up. I reached for it, but she reached her arm back.

  “If you don’t do it, I’ll do it for you and I’m pretty sure you don’t want me telling your mom all about our sex life.”

  Shit, she had me by the balls.

  “It’s ringing,” she said and I realized she’d somehow hit the Call button.

  “Fuck,” I said and took the phone from her. It rang one more time and then Mom picked up.

  “Hello?”

  “Hi, Mom. It’s me.” There was an audible sigh of relief from her.

  “Oh, Maxwell, we’ve been so worried. Why haven’t you called me back?” I glared at Trish, but she just wore a smug smile that was too fucking adorable.

  “I’m really sorry about that. Things have just been busy here.” We both knew it was a lie and that I’d been avoiding her. Shit, this was why I hadn’t been talking to her.

  “I understand, but you could take a few minutes to call us, you know?”

  I sighed.

  “I know, I know. Listen, is it okay if I come home this weekend? Just for the day. I’d like to see you and Dad.” That last part was also a lie. Or at least part of one. I did miss my parents, but it was always hard when I did see them.

  “Oh, Max, that would be wonderful. I can make that creamy chicken you like and we can have ice cream.” My heart twisted painfully and I bit my lip so I wouldn’t get emotional.

  “Okay, great. I’ll be by maybe around noon? Oh, and um, a friend is coming with me.” Friend? Why had I called Trish a friend?

  I looked up and found her looking at me in confusion.

  Friend? she mouthed at me. I waved her off.

  “That’s fine, we’d love to meet your friends. You have a good rest of your week. Are you taking the bus?” Normally I rode the local Concord bus line and my parents picked me up at the local drop-off which was about ten minutes from our house.

  “No, I’m borrowing a car.” It was an easier explanation than telling them that my girlfriend they didn’t know about had given me one. We’d deal with that on Saturday.

  “Oh, well, drive safely. I’m so excited to see you and so is your father.”

  “Yeah, me too,” I said, keeping my voice upbeat. We hung up and I fell back on my bed.

  “See? That wasn’t so bad,” Trish said, sitting next to me. “But what the hell was that with calling me your friend? She’s going to think I’m a dude and then when I show up she’s going to be pissed and I’m already going to be the girl who’s stealing her little boy. Also, I look like a mother’s worst nightmare.” My mom probably would think Trish was a guy just based on what I’d said, but I was going to disagree about the last two points.

  Although…

  My mom had never really been a fan of any of the girls I’d dated. Shit, Trish was probably right. And neither of my parents were much a fan of tattoos. My hair was bad enough.

  Oh, this was not going to go over well.

  “Hey, this was your idea, so you’d better suck it up, buttercup, because you’re meeting the parents,” I said, pointing my finger at her. She bit it and then that led to a whole lot of other things until we both stopped thinking and talking about my parents for a while.

  “HOW ARE YOU feeling?” I asked Max in an upbeat voice as we got in his car on Saturday morning. He’d tried to pretend he was sick, but it was a wasted effort. I told him that he was going even if I had to strap him to the roof with rope like a Christmas tree.

  He was a little pale and I realized this was Max in freak-out mode. I was trying to be as supportive as I could, but I hadn’t had a lot of practice.

  “Like I want to crawl back into bed,” he said, turning the key. The car started with no problem and I heard Max mutter a curse under his breath. He was probably hoping that the car wouldn’t start and then he’d have a good excuse.

  “No matter what you do, this is happening, so let’s go and get it over with. I’ll be right beside you, I promise.” I took his hand and squeezed it before bringing it up and giving him a kiss on the back of his knuckles.

  He opened his mouth and then I had an idea.

  “I will do that thing that you asked about the other night,” I said and his mouth snapped shut just as he raised one eyebrow.

  “Really?” I nodded.

  “Really.”

  He swallowed and shifted into Reverse.

  “Then what the fuck are we waiting for?”

  Sex was such a good reward system. br />
  MAX’S PARENTS’ HOUSE was in a nice neighborhood. The houses were a little shabby, but most had window boxes and fences and garages. He pulled up in front of a little yellow ranch house that could only be described as cozy.

  “So this is it. It’s not much, but…” he shrugged one shoulder and looked over at the white van parked next to us with his father’s business logo on the side.

  “Look at me,” I said and he tore his eyes away from the van. I wanted to do something to take that look away.

  “It’s going to be okay, okay? Just remember what your reward will be tonight.” He gave me the tiniest of smiles and I figured that was as good as it was going to get right now.

  “Deal?” He nodded.

  “Deal.”

  We both got out and I noticed there were little frilly curtains in the windows and a cat sitting looking out from one of them. When I was younger this would have been a dream house to grow up in.

  “Let’s go,” Max said, holding out his hand for me.

  “Oh, you want to go in guns blazing?” I asked. He took my hand and held it tight.

  “Something like that. It’s more that I need something to hold onto.” I kissed his cheek and covertly squeezed his ass.

  “Let’s go.”

  HE DIDN’T BOTHER to knock, just opened the door. Yup, I was right. The place was cozy. Thick carpeting, cute little framed pictures of barns and fences and chickens, a plaid couch and overstuffed chairs. The coffee table was a lobster trap with a piece of glass on top. Precious.

  “Hello?” Max said, calling out. He was holding my hand so hard it almost hurt, but I let him.

  “Max?” A woman came around the corner of the living room wall who could only be his mother. She was Max in girl form, only about twenty-five years older and without blue hair. She threw her arms around him and I saw tears on her cheeks. She held his face in both hands and the love shining out of her eyes made a lump form in my throat.