F*CKER

  “What?” I yelled, spinning her back around to face me. “What the fuck do you mean?” I asked, searching her eyes.

  “She didn’t mean to, Ryker. It was a fucking accident. It’s not like she intentionally killed him, and I don’t know… I don’t think… I don’t know!” Bryleigh threw her arms up in frustration. “I’d do it for any of my friends, and if that makes me a shitty person, then so be it. I-I… I’m so confused,” she fell into my arms.

  Ryder stepped up and took Becca’s hand into his. “We’ll rip the bumper off and set up an accident. Have your car up in flames away from here, no evidence. Covers any of your tracks, and then all anyone would have is suspicion.”

  “You’re all fucked if you think Becca can handle this shit. It will be better for her to come clean, Ryder. She’s not mentally equipped to carry this around on her shoulders forever. Because that’s what it is, Becca, forever! You think you have the mental capacity to do that?”

  Ryder shook his head. “We can work on that, but she’s too young to be thrown into jail.”

  “Prison,” I corrected. “Jail is somewhere short term. Prison is for long term. I don’t like it. I don’t like it at all.”

  Bryleigh tensed in my arms as her head whipped up to the forest beside us. I rubbed her arm with my hand. “You okay?”

  “Yeah, I thought I saw something.”

  “It’s probably just a deer or something,” Tommy assured.

  “‘Or something’ is right. It’s probably the ghost of that man already starting his haunting.”

  “Not fucking funny, Ryker.”

  “Am I laughing, Leo? Fuck all of you. I don’t fucking agree with this. Not at all.” I turned and pulled Bryleigh with me toward the truck, yanking the door open and pushing her in. She settled in the middle of the back and I cradled her under my arm as her sobs died out again.

  “Ryker?” she whispered. “What if that man was someone’s father? If someone did that to my fa—”

  “Shhhh, baby. Don’t think about it, okay? We’ll play by their fucking rules. But I don’t want you to ever think about this ever again, understood? Becca can live with the repercussions of her actions, and I’ll kill her myself if I see that have an impact on you.”

  She nodded and buried her face into my shoulder. My emotions pulled from a foreign place inside of me, and I rubbed my hand over my chest. Fuck, what the fuck am I going to do with Becca? She was almost too far fucking gone to save.

  Six months later

  Ryker and I continued to spend every night together, lost in each other’s presence. None of us spoke about what happened that night six months ago. I think I preferred to not hear about it too. Becca had turned a little rough, and to be honest, I think since that night, even I had become a little more ragged around the edges.

  I was constantly craving something to fill a void that had been left in my chest. Ryker and I still hadn’t defined our relationship. I had gone to every concert they held at The Shack, and I had lost touch with Indie a lot. She had drifted with Matty, and I had always been around Ryker, so I was hanging out with Becca more.

  It was a Saturday night, and we were all drinking at Tommy’s house. His mom had gone away for the weekend, and we were supposed to just stop off here before heading back to Ryker’s, but we all sort of got distracted, so ended up staying. My dad knew what was going on with Ryker and me. I don’t know how he felt about it, but I did know he had a private word with Ryker when it became public knowledge. He loved Ryker though.

  Me and Becca were in Tommy’s bathroom, applying more makeup. Since hanging around with her, she’d taught me a lot about makeup and clothes, which was probably why my skirt was only just covering my ass, and my crop top displayed my belly ring. Indie hated that I was hanging out with her sister. She’d say Becca was a bad influence on me, but Becca would reply with, “She’s just jealous”, which made sense in a way, but I also knew what Indie meant. Becca was a bad girl, I guessed, and it had only intensified since that night. I loved Indie and I missed her, but she was always with Matty, and I wanted to be around Ryker. Becca wasn’t a bad person; she just liked pushing the rules. A lot. But I saw the regret and sadness that were caged in her eyes.

  She ran her bright red lipstick over her lips and fluffed up her brunette hair, putting up the internal guard that she always held.

  “You okay?” she asked, as I stood there watching her.

  “Yeah, I’m good.” I wasn’t; I was drunk. Again. I had begun to make a habit out of my weekend shenanigans. Ryker and I were inseparable, although we had never defined our relationship; I think everyone at school just assumed we were together. Their band had been getting a lot attention lately too, with a record company getting in contact with them this week, wanting to hear more of their music. I was so excited for them. Ryker and I both knew we were using each other until the end of the school year, when he would probably go to Hollywood. It worked for both of us, I thought; at least, he never said anything.

  She pulled out a little white bag from her purse and watched me closely. “Don’t freak out,” she said, rolling her eyes. “It’s just a little gas.”

  I shrugged, the alcohol once again doing me a favor by chilling my freak. “I don’t care.”

  “Want a line?” she asked, offering me the rolled up bill.

  I cocked my head and looked at her. “I’ve never done any drugs before.”

  She shrugged. “I’d look after you, babe. Nothing to worry about. I could give you a skinny?”

  Fuck it. You only live once and all that, and because I had been drinking, I was feeling a little reckless. “All right then.”

  She smirked, pulling out a little mirror and pouring some on before chopping it up with a razor.

  “Leo know you still do this?” I asked, taking a sip of my wine cooler.

  She nodded. “Yeah, we do it together sometimes. Usually only before big concert nights, but he doesn’t know how often I do it.”

  “And how often is that?” I asked, tilting my head while watching her in the mirror.

  She tapped her nose with a wink. “You’re up first.”

  I took the rolled bill from her and my stomach fluttered with nerves. I didn’t know why, but my dad’s smile flashed through my mind, and a part of me didn’t want to disappoint him. It flipped my stomach upside down to think I could do that, but then I thought of how young we were and how this would all be a life experience I could maybe share with my kids. “This one time, I did coke in Tommy Stevens’ bathroom.” The latter won out and I lifted the bill to my nostril, shutting off the other side with my finger, and bent down to the line of cocaine that was sitting there, staring at me like the future mistake it was going to be.

  Fuck it.

  I snorted sharply, sliding the bill across the entire line like I had seen in the movie Blow. Standing back up, I rubbed my nose viciously, clearing both sides when everything zoomed into perspective for me. Suddenly, I could hear the deep bass of Flo Rider’s “Low” pounding against the wall as Becca took her hit.

  I started dancing in a circle. Every single sense I had was heightened; the alert inside me was peaked. She shoved her tools into her little purse and I grasped onto her hand as she was clearing both sides of her nostrils, laughing. We were both in high heels. My hair was gliding down, running across my bare toned belly.

  We danced back into Tommy’s living room, my pulse thick and pounding in my head. When both of us started dancing together, I pulled her into me and started grinding against her, lost in my drug haze and stuck behind a wall of thinking this is what I wanted. I mean, party with rock stars and living in the fast lane—it was all about that, right? Wrong. I wish I could have told myself right then that I was making a huge mistake, only that’s not how life lessons work. My phone vibrated in my pocket and I fished it out, seeing a message from Indie.

  Indie: Hey, u out 2night?

  Me: I’m at Tommy’s. Whatsup?

  Indie: We hitting the clubs if u wann
a meet! Like old times? I miss u

  Me: Ok, I’ll do that and I miss u 2.

  I shoved my phone back into my pocket as Becca and I continued to grind against each other, laughing as the guitar of 311’s “Beautiful Disaster” started filling the air. I peeked over my shoulder at Ryker, whose legs were spread open and his arms thrown over the top of the couch, watching us closely with a smirk on his mouth. I unlatched myself from Becca and walked toward him, throwing my legs over his lap to straddle him.

  “Hey.” I smiled, wrapping my fingers around the back of his neck.

  He licked his lips. “Hey, baby.”

  “I like this song,” I mumbled into the crook of his neck, running my tongue across his collarbone. The sting of his light cologne tickled the tip of my tongue and his cock stirred to life underneath me. I shifted slightly, grinding against him slowly, but not in an obvious way that would have people knowing we were practically dry humping.

  “Yeah?” he growled into my ear, moving my hair out of the way. “I’ll play it for you one day.”

  “It’s called ‘Beautiful Disaster,’ right?” I asked, bringing my face back to look at him.

  He nodded, a cocky smirk kicking up on his mouth. “Appropriate, huh?”

  I laughed, running my fingers down his chest. “Very.”

  His hands gripped around my ass as he slowly guided my hips over his thick length. I bit back a moan, my eyes closing briefly.

  “Wanna call it a night?” he mumbled, looking up at me.

  I shook my head. “Nuh-uh, nope. I want to go out. Indie is out at the moment at a bar downtown.”

  He looked down to his watch. “It’s 10:30. You sure you’re up for that?” he asked, with a smile.

  I nodded. “Yeah, you’re coming, right?”

  He laughed, shaking his head. “Naah, I’ll stay here. Got a fight tomorrow night.”

  “You don’t care if I go?” I asked involuntarily.

  He threw his head back with a laugh. “Babe, remember we’re not together? Specifically so we have this freedom. You can do what you want.”

  I giggled nervously. “I know, silly. I was just asking.” Because you have been such an over the top, possessive jerk since we started fucking.

  “All right.” I swung my leg off and gave him a wink. “See you on the flip side then.”

  His eyebrows drew together as he looked at Becca, and then back at me. He shook his head then smiled. “Yeah, maybe.”

  Asshole.

  I gripped onto Becca once I was off his lap and pulled her aside. “Indie and Matty are picking me up. We’re heading to town. Wanna come?”

  She shook her head. “Nah, babe, this is my place, not out there with them. Go have fun.” She winked.

  I smiled. “Oh, I plan to.”

  Her eyes narrowed in on me before she pulled me into a hug. “Be careful. Ryker puts up a front, but we all see you mean something to him. That’s gotta count for something, right?”

  I thought over her words and then shook my head. “It doesn’t, because he doesn’t act on them and we have an agreement. We’re not together. We fucked, and fuck. He was my first, and every time is a-fucking-mazing with him, but obviously, I’m young, and I went into this thing with him with an open mind.”

  Her mouth dropped open before she closed it and began laughing. “Good to know you’re on the same page.”

  “Really?” I asked. “Why do you say that?”

  “Oh no, nothing, just the other night, when you couldn’t make it to The Shack, one of their groupies was hanging all over him, and let’s just say he didn’t exactly fight her off. I’ve been worried about how to approach you about it, but now I see where you stand with him.”

  My world stopped, my brain starting to buzz with anger, and my blood began to boil to dangerous levels. “Are you sure?”

  She nodded. “Yep, I told him I was going to chop his dick off, but he told me to relax and that you weren’t getting hurt because you didn’t care. He said what you just said now, that you both have an understanding.”

  My eyes burned and my throat scorched with flames. I swallowed, trying to put out the fire that had formed in my throat. Dragging my eyes to his, where he was laughing with Ryder, I looked at one of the hang-around girls that had joined us tonight. Her eyes would drift to Ryker every two seconds, displaying her thoughts.

  “Was that her?” I pointed with my head, and Becca spun around, nodding her head.

  “That’s her,” she laughed, taking a sip of her drink, not knowing what she had just started.

  “Okay, great, thanks for letting me know, Becca. I’ll see you in the morning.”

  I spun around and ran out the door fast. Becca yelled out to me as I took off, but I zoned her out. The drugs were making me hyper aware of everything. With my limbs feeling zippy, lightning fast, and as the cool night air rushed into me, a spike of adrenaline took over. I was obviously being a little irrational, but in this very moment, I couldn’t see it. I heard Ryker ask her what she had said, but it was too late. Just as I stepped onto the gravel driveway, Matty’s pickup pulled up and I quickly yanked open the back door and threw myself into the backseat, pushing Jason to move over. He had Stacy ‘Big Tits’ from school next to him, and I scoffed as he unlatched himself from her quickly.

  “Please, don’t stop on my account,” I mumbled, rolling my eyes.

  Indie poked her head around to look at me from the passenger seat just as Ryker came to the front door, zeroing his eyes in on me, and anger seeping from his baby blues. I wound down the window and made sure he could see Jason before flipping him off and telling Matty to floor it the fuck out of there.

  You can’t fuck a fucker. And he was the maker of this one.

  “You okay?” Indie asked, as we sped toward town and she handed me my fake ID. I had left it at her place the last time we decided to go out.

  “Yeah, I’ll be fine. I just need to get out.”

  “Okay,” she said. “We can talk about this later.” Her voice was reassuring, kind of like swallowing a warm glass of milk after you had eaten a dry, stale cookie. Not a nice warm cookie. A dry, fuck-face kind of cookie. That should be a new cookie, The fuck-face cookie. Ingredients include: one cup of Oakley and a dash of charm. Actually, just pour the charm all up in there a stir it vigorously. Made with hate. God, I missed her. I missed us. I had been so caught up in Ryker and his life that I had begun to lose what mattered to me. Indie.

  Jason cleared his throat from beside me, and I smiled while keeping my eyes locked onto the back of Indie’s seat. He could be the perfect distraction for tonight, and I needed something that would help numb the gaping pain I felt throbbing deep in my chest. My phone vibrated between my breasts, but I ignored it.

  Indie tsked from the front seat. “You still keeping that fucking thing in your bra? I told you, you could get breast cancer from that. Stupid cow.”

  “Shut up, you whore.”

  And just like that, we were fine again.

  “What the fuck did you say to her?” I asked Becca, who was so high you could probably tie a string around her ankles and fly her. She needed to lay off this shit, and if Leo wasn’t going to say something, I would.

  “I just told her about slut face over there.” She nudged her head toward Sophie, the girl who had been hanging around us for the past week.

  “What about her?”

  “That you two were all over each other the other night and that she didn’t have to… Wait, why the hell are you glaring at me? I thought you two had your ‘understanding.’” She rolled her eyes with a scoff. “You’re both as fucked up as each other when it comes to each other. I love that girl though, Ryker. So sort it out.” Then she spun around and walked into the bathroom.

  “Fuck!” I looked to Ryder, pulling at my hair in frustration.

  He shrugged. “What’s the problem? I thought that was the plan all along.”

  “Ry, you know damn well I haven’t touched anyone since I dipped in Bryleigh.” br />
  He nodded with a laugh. “I know, but looks like she doesn’t.”

  “Tommy, drive me.” I began walking toward the sliding door that led outside. Tommy’s house was run down and in a rougher neighborhood. His mom was a good woman though; she was always working to make sure Tommy never went without.

  Ryder stepped in front of me. “Whoa, you have a fight tomorrow night. You can’t be getting into bar fights the night before.”

  I kept my eyes locked on his, jaw flexing. “Get out of my way.”

  Tommy walked up to me, dangling his keys. “You sure this is a good idea? You’re drunk.”

  I shrugged Ryder’s grip off my shoulder and continued toward the door, the rest of them following me before we all jumped into Tommy’s pickup. Ryder, Tommy, Leo, me… and Becca, of course. The little shit-stirrer was sitting there with not a smudge of guilt on her face. When Tommy pulled out of the driveway, I spun around to where she was cuddled into Leo on his lap. They were in love so much it made me sick.

  “Why’d you fucking tell her about Sophie, Becca? I didn’t fucking do anything. She was all over me.”

  Becca raised her head and looked deep into Leo’s eyes. Leo nodded his head and smiled. “He’s telling the truth, baby. He didn’t touch her.”

  “Well how the fuck was I to know? It didn’t exactly look like you were fighting her off, Ryker.”

  “Probably because you’re too fucking high most of the time, Becca.”

  “Bro…” Leo warned.

  I rubbed my hands over my face in frustration. “Just fucking drive.”

  “You’re fighting Sanchez tomorrow night, Ryker. You need to be on top of your game, so try to behave yourself.”

  I chuckled, running my finger over my bottom lip. I couldn’t guarantee him that, because I was completely aware of how my body reacted when Bryleigh fucking Monroe was involved.

  “She’s at Sins and she’s not alone,” Ryder said from behind me. “Bro, this isn’t a good idea.”