Searching for Harmony

Laughing and jumping up and down, TJ yelled out, “Tory time! Tory time, Mommy!”

  Reaching for his hand, I walked him into the living room and we snuggled up on the sofa together as I read his favorite book to him. Standing up, TJ wrapped his arms around my neck as he kissed me on the cheek.

  “I wuv you, Mommy.”

  “Miss? Um, are you getting off on the ground floor? Miss?”

  Snapping out of my memory, I jumped and let out an awkward laugh. “Yes, sorry, I was lost in thought.”

  Giving me a polite smile, the mother nodded and said, “Merry Christmas.”

  “Merry Christmas,” I said back as I watched the young family walk away.

  Forcing the tears back down, I turned and headed for the boardwalk. Maybe a walk on the beach would help clear my head. Making my way down to the beach, I happened to notice someone else walking ahead of me. Not paying too much attention, I turned left and he turned right. Wrapping my coat tightly around me, I pulled the baseball cap down farther as I lifted the hood of my coat over it and pulled the ties down, hoping to block out some of the wind. Sitting down, I looked out over the ocean.

  I smiled, letting the sound of the waves clear my mind as I fell back onto the sand and closed my eyes and quickly got lost in another memory.

  “Well, damn! Look at you, hot momma!”

  Spinning around in the two-piece bathing suit, I giggled as Trey’s eyes moved over my body. His eyes landed on my stomach, where my five-months-pregnant belly was taking center stage.

  “Jesus, Harmony. You’re looking fucking hot in that swimsuit.”

  Feeling my cheeks flush, I looked away. “Really? I feel kind of funny in it.”

  Walking up to me, Trey placed his hands on my stomach and leaned over and kissed it. Standing back up, he looked into my eyes. “Nah, you look beautiful.” My heart felt as if it skipped a beat.

  I was about to say something when I felt a flutter in my stomach. Almost like gas moving through.

  Taking hold of my hands, Trey led me out to the beach. We were just steps away from the water, and we even had our own private cabana. Laying a blanket on the sand, Trey pulled me down to sit next to him. Laughing, I looked out over the crystal-blue water. Glancing over at Trey, I wanted to ask him if he was happy. We both knew we were probably getting married for the wrong reason, but there was no doubt about us loving each other. Now we had something in common that would forever tie us together. Feeling the flutter again, I placed my hand on my stomach and fell back onto the sand.

  There it went again. Then it hit me. Oh. My. Goodness. The baby is moving.

  Letting out a giggle, I turned to look at Trey, who was lying back as well, with his eyes closed. “Trey?”

  “Yep?”

  “The baby just moved.”

  Sitting up, Trey looked down at me. “What?”

  Nodding, I said, “Yep. She’s moved about four times now.”

  Standing up, Trey reached down and pulled me up. Lifting me in his arms, he spun me around before setting me back down. “Wait one second. She?”

  Giggling, I nodded. “Or he.”

  Smiling, Trey placed his hand over my stomach. “I can’t wait to feel him…or her.”

  Setting my hand over his, our eyes met. Trey smiled as he took my hand and led me into the cabana, where we made love to the sounds of the ocean waves crashing on the shore.

  “Ms. Banks? Are you in need of a blanket?”

  Opening my eyes, I shielded them from the sun as I looked up at the bellhop who had brought up my bags the other day. Sitting up, I smiled and shook my head. “No, thank you. I’m about to head back in.”

  Nodding, he turned and headed back up toward the hotel. Standing, I brushed the sand from my pants and walked back toward the boardwalk. In the distance I saw a lighthouse. Stopping, I stared at it as I pulled the charm out of my pocket and looked down at it.

  Everything happens for a reason.

  Closing my eyes, I put the charm back in my pocket and looked over at the lighthouse again. “The Great Point Lighthouse. It’s amazing to see in person.”

  Jumping at the sound of a male voice, I spun around to see an older gentleman standing there. It was the same guy I had seen walking in front of me earlier.

  Holding up his hands, he laughed. “I didn’t mean to startle you.”

  “It’s okay. I’ll…um, make a note to head over and check it out.”

  Nodding, he gave me a polite smile and headed back to the hotel.

  Watching him walk up the boardwalk, I couldn’t help but think about the emptiness I’d seen in his eyes when he talked to me. I wondered if that was what people saw when they looked into my eyes.

  As the older man walked into the hotel, I let out a sigh and began walking up the boardwalk. Once I was inside, I glanced around and saw nothing but couples and families. Smiling slightly, I made my way into the hotel café.

  The hostess smiled. “Table for how many?”

  Holding up one finger, I said, “One.”

  As she walked me into the restaurant, I saw the older man sitting alone in the corner. At least I wasn’t the only one spending Christmas Day alone.

  Chapter 24

  Waiting on You

  Preston

  Standing at the window, I gazed out as the snow slowly fell. Feeling my mother’s hand on my shoulder, I smiled slightly. “Preston, dinner is ready.”

  Nodding, I turned and followed her into the formal dining room. Stopping at the table, I looked at the seat Harmony had sat in at Thanksgiving. Uncle John was now occupying it as he talked my father’s ear off about the Patriots’ last game.

  Pulling my chair out, I sat down. Staring down at my plate, I felt my sister bump my shoulder. “She’s going to call. She has to. It’s Christmas.”

  Attempting to smile, I gave her a quick nod and then looked back down at my plate. My father stood up and hit the side of his wineglass to get everyone’s attention. I didn’t feel like looking at him. I didn’t feel anything. My chest ached where my heart was, my stomach felt sick, and my head was pounding—evidence of how much I’d had to drink at the pub last night. Finn ended up having to come and pick me up.

  We’d stopped at Harmony’s and I quickly packed up what I could. I was half drunk out of my mind as I wandered around her condo. When I opened the hall closet to see if my coat was in there, I saw all the presents.

  Grabbing my coat, I headed out the door with my bag. There was no way I was planning on going back to that condo. I felt lost and alone without Harmony there.

  “Now, let’s all stand and give one hope for the upcoming year,” my father said as he looked around the table.

  Tuning everyone out, I sat there in a daze. Where is she? What is she doing? Who is she with? My mind was racing as I kept coming up with all these scenarios. Maybe she’d met someone and was too afraid to tell me.

  “Preston, it’s your turn,” Angie whispered.

  “Just pass over me,” I said, barely above a whisper.

  Clearing his throat, my father’s voice boomed across the room. “Preston James, it’s your turn.”

  Looking up at him, I shook my head. “I’m going to pass on the Christmas traditions this year, Dad. I don’t really have much to look forward to in the new year.”

  “Preston,” my mother said as she stood. “For your father.”

  Glancing around the table, I saw that everyone had their eyes on me. My mother gave me pleading eyes. I stood up and pushed my chair back, causing it to fall backward.

  “The one thing I’m looking forward to next year is…” Glancing at Uncle John, I let out a laugh. “Saint Patrick’s Day, a day when I can get drunk and don’t have to answer to anyone.”

  “Preston!” my mother and Angie both said at once.

  “Excuse me, I’m not much in the mood for eating.” Leaning down to pick up the chair and pushing it back in, I headed up to my room, but not before I stopped in the living room and grabbed a bottle of rum from my father’s li
quor cabinet.

  Once I was in my room, I sat down in the chair and stared at my bed. As a took a shot of rum, I could almost feel her hands moving across my body as she softly moaned in my ear.

  My phone buzzed in my pocket, but I ignored it. I had lost count of how many times I had sent her a text or called and left her a message. Harmony Banks did not want to talk to me. Letting out a laugh, I pulled out the phone number that was shoved into my pocket from last night.

  Karen Mitchell. From what I could remember, she was pretty cute. Finn said he would have banged her had she given him her number. But she gave it to me. Said she had the perfect cure for a broken heart.

  Tossing my head back, I laughed. “Fuck.” Holding up the rum bottle I said, “This! This is the perfect cure for a broken fucking heart.”

  Opening the bottle again, I drank straight from it until I’d finished it off. I stood up, stumbled to my bed, and fell face-first on it as I passed out. Finally, I had drunk enough booze to pass the fuck out.

  Sleep had finally come to me.

  ONE MONTH LATER

  Wiping down the bar, I looked up when the door opened. Uncle John walked in and gave me a smile. “You’re here early.”

  Shrugging my shoulders, I simply said, “I was thirsty.”

  Walking around the bar, my uncle gave me a push. Not just a small push, but a push so hard it caused me to lose my balance and fall on my ass.

  “What the fuck, Uncle John?”

  He pointed at me. “Don’t get up. Sit there for a second while I talk to you.”

  Not moving an inch, I sat there, frozen. I’d seen my uncle beat the shit out of men twice my size. No way in hell was I gonna move.

  “Are you finished yet?”

  Tilting my head, I looked at him. “Excuse me, sir?”

  Slowly shaking his head, he let out a breath. “Are you done walking around with your goddamn head stuck up your ass, trying to drown your problems in alcohol?”

  Looking away, I shook my head. “I don’t know what else to do.”

  Laughing, he gave me a kick.

  “Ouch. Motherfucker! That hurt, Uncle John!”

  “Good! Maybe it will wake your ass up. You don’t know what to do? Son, you find her.”

  Standing up, I wiped my ass off and rolled my eyes. “I don’t know where she is. I have no damn clue where to even think of finding her.”

  Frowning, my uncle narrowed his eyes at me. “Is that so? Maybe you don’t love her like you thought you did.”

  It felt like someone had just punched me in the gut. “What?”

  Taking off his coat, Uncle John hung it up and then walked over and poured himself a draft of Guinness. Taking another glass, he filled it and slid it down the bar to me. Grabbing it, I took a drink.

  “There once was this Irish lad I knew. Couldn’t have been more than twenty at the time. Fell deeply in love with a girl named Abby. Abby got spooked and ran off. O’Ryan wasn’t going to have it. He packed a bag and began searching for her. Took him four months before he finally found her. It took some winning over, but O’Ryan ended up marrying her and they popped out six kids.”

  “How did he know where to look?” I asked as I watched my uncle down his beer. Wiping his mouth, he looked at me like I had just asked the stupidest question ever.

  “He knew all of her favorite things. Her favorite places. He kept going until he found the one where she was.”

  Pulling my head back, I let my uncle’s words sink in. “Favorite places, huh?”

  Nodding, he pulled out his phone and showed me a picture. “Seems to me there was a beautiful young lady who you brought in a few months back. First thing I noticed was all of the New York Yankees shit she had on.”

  Smiling, I let the memory of that day fill my body with warmth. “Uncle John, she’s been gone over a month. What if…”

  Holding his hand up, he shook his head. “I’ve seen the way she looks at you, Preston. She’s waiting for you to find her. She may not know it, but she’s waiting.”

  Chapter 25

  Letting Go

  Harmony

  Standing on the beach, I closed my eyes and inhaled a deep cleansing breath. The time I had spent on Nantucket had been good for my soul, but terrible on my heart. I hadn’t slept more than four hours a night and woke up at least twice a night sweating. The nightmares hadn’t returned, thank God, but the feeling of loss seemed even greater.

  Sitting down on the cold sand, I glanced over my shoulder at the lighthouse. I’d come to the lighthouse almost every day since coming to Nantucket a little over a month ago. I wasn’t sure why; it was as if it was drawing me to it. There was something there for me to find, I just hadn’t found it yet.

  Standing, I slowly made my way back to the hotel. As I walked, I noticed couples walking hand in hand along the beach. Families running and playing chase with their kids as their laughter echoed off the waves crashing on the shore.

  Wrapping my arms around me, I buried my face in my scarf as I walked back to the boardwalk. A little girl ran up to me, letting out a squeal. “It’s Princess Elsa from Frozen!” Stopping, I quickly turned and looked behind me. The next thing I knew, I had little arms wrapped around my legs. Laughing, I glanced down as big brown eyes stared up at me.

  “Why, hello,” I said with a giggle.

  Smiling the biggest grin I’d ever seen, she said, “Wow. It’s really you. Let’s sing ‘Let It Go’!”

  My mouth dropped open as I said, “Um…” Glancing around, I saw a couple walking up laughing.

  “In her defense, you do kind of look like Princess Elsa,” the father said with a chuckle.

  Reaching up, I played with my braid as I smiled back at the little girl. My heart ached with thoughts of TJ, but something else happened as well as I looked into her brown eyes. It was as if she was searching my soul and trying to tell me something. Bending down, I tapped her nose and said, “I love the movie Frozen, but alas, I am not Princess Elsa.”

  Jutting out her lower lip, she stomped her foot on the ground. “Drat. Can I still tell my friends at school I saw a princess?”

  My heart melted as tears formed in my eyes. Preston’s whispered words from the last night we spent together flooded my thoughts.

  “I love you so much, princess. I’d climb the tallest tower just to hold you in my arms forever.”

  “Someone once told me I was a princess. If he said it, it must be true.” Jumping up and down, the little girl took off running again as her father went after her.

  “Hey, don’t run off! Pumpkin!”

  Laughing, she called out, “Daddy, try to catch me.”

  Laughing too, I turned back to the mother. “She’s adorable. Her daddy sure does love her.”

  Nodding, I saw the happiness dancing in the mother’s eyes. “Thank you. Her daddy died a few years back and Scott has been so patient waiting for her to open up to him. Really, he’s been patient with both of us.”

  Swallowing hard, I looked back at them. The man was spinning the little girl around as she laughed. “I’m so sorry for your loss. She seems very happy, though.”

  Letting out a chuckle, she said, “She is happy. I’m so glad I took the leap of faith and opened my heart again to love. It’s an incredible feeling once you let the walls you build up after such heartache fall down.”

  My head jerked back to look at her. “What?” I whispered.

  “Opening my heart again to love—it was a huge leap of faith for me. I knew I needed to do it not only for me but for my daughter as well.”

  Fighting to keep my tears at bay, I asked, “How did you do it? How did you move on without feeling…guilty?”

  “Oh, I felt guilty, but my mother told me to ask myself if it had been me who passed and my husband was left with our daughter, would I want him to be happy?” Looking down, she smiled. “I would. I wouldn’t want my husband to live the rest of his life without love.”

  I glanced back at the little girl running around laughing. Wat
ching her was freeing. Something moved through me as I watched this family living out their second chance at love and happiness.

  Smiling, I looked back at the mother as I whispered, “Love really does heal all wounds, doesn’t it?”

  Smiling too, she said, “Love is such a powerful thing. Once we allow it into our hearts, it’s amazing how it heals not only our heart, but our soul as well. We never forget, but we do heal.” Glancing at her husband and child, she let out a small chuckle. “I guess everything really does happen for a reason.”

  Reaching in my pocket, I felt the charm. Closing my eyes, I was taken back to the day TJ was born and heard the words Trey had whispered. My life would never be the same without my son in it, but I knew deep in my heart, love was healing the pain of losing TJ and Trey.

  My lower lip trembled as I rubbed my fingers against my charm and I whispered, “Yes, it certainly does. If you’ll excuse me. Enjoy your day.”

  Smiling the sweetest smile I’d ever seen, the mother nodded and said, “Every princess deserves her happily ever after. Follow your heart.”

  My heart dropped to my stomach as I nodded and smiled. Quickly walking away, I rushed down the boardwalk and into the hotel. My heart was slamming against my chest as I fought to drag in air.

  Reaching my room, I shut the door, took off my coat, and slid down the wall until I hit the floor. Burying my face in my hands, I cried out, “Oh God. What have I done?”

  Dropping my head back against the door, I tried to calm myself down. Jumping up, I walked over to the small kitchen area and pulled out the Nutella and a spoon.

  Taking a bite of Nutella, I looked down at my phone.

  Preston.

  Setting the Nutella down, I wiped my tears away as I turned my phone on. I hadn’t had it on since Christmas, and it was now the first week of February. I had used a prepaid phone each time I called Jake. Knowing how upset he was with me, I had only called him three times. Each conversation was less than two minutes. Enough for me to tell him I was okay and that I loved him. Each time he begged me to call Preston.