The Long Way Home

  ****

  Doug couldn’t take his eyes off Simon’s teacher for the half hour he spent crouched down beside his son’s desk pretending to look at his schoolwork while waiting for his name to be called. She was hot, and soon he would be sitting opposite her, just a metre from her cherry red lips that would be gingerly biting her pencil while she playfully toyed with her long blonde hair. He longed to be her pencil, pressed teasingly between her full lips while….

  “Mr and Mrs Small?” Her voiced awoke him from his dream like a slap across the face with a cold fish.

  Doug sprung to his feet to rush forward, forgetting that while he was crouched down his legs had fallen asleep under him. He lurched awkwardly as his jellied legs bore the weight of his body before they buckled beneath him and sent him crashing to the floor. A collective gasp went up from the parents in the room as they leant forward to get a better view of a grown man sprawled across the floor with his head stuck under the tiny frame of a student’s desk. Collecting what little dignity that remained scattered on the floor of class 5A he stood to his feet, a little more sure footed now as the pins and needles stung under the surface of his skin from the blood pumping frantically through his limbs.

  “Are you alright?” Simon’s teacher asked as she reached forward and grabbed his arm to steady him as he hobbled forward like a drunkard.

  “Yes I’m alright, actually I’m divorced.” He smiled awkwardly.

  “Excuse me?”

  “Yeah it’s just me, Mr Small. There’s no Mrs Small tonight.” Doug stammered as he looked up at her puzzled face staring back at him blankly. “There’s no Mrs Small any night actually. She changed her name back to her maiden name. Hardwick, can you believe that? So it’s just me tonight and tomorrow, although tomorrow I won’t be here.”

  Again her face continued to stare at him in shocked disbelief.

  “Not that I’m not going to be here, I’ll be at work. It’s not like I’m planning to commit suicide or anything.” Doug paused, feeling like the biggest idiot to ever open his mouth. His palms sweated profusely, his tongue was knotting in his throat and as he watched her face continue to stare at him in stunned silence he wished he could just crawl under a rock. “Did I mention that I am divorced?”

  “How about you take a seat Mr Small and we can talk about Simon.”

  Doug followed her to the desk at the front of the classroom and watched her graceful figure disappear behind the other side as she sat down and tried to focus on the report cards stacked neatly in front on her. ‘You idiot!’ Doug cursed himself under his breath. ‘Is there any way I could have made a worse first impression?’

  “Right,” she said as soon as Doug sat down opposite her. “I’m sorry you tripped before Mr Small, are you alright now?”

  “Yeah, I’m fine.” Doug tried to appear cool and composed. “That was awfully clumsy of me.”

  “Never mind.” She tried to brush the incident off as she opened Simon’s student file in front of her. “I’m Miss McKenzie, Simon’s teacher…”

  “Doug. Doug Small, Coastal Realty.” Doug fired back. ‘Nice recovery,’ he thought to himself as he stretched out his arm to offer a handshake. “Actually, I was wondering if we may have already met before, you look kind of familiar.”

  “Oh I don’t think so, I’m sure I would have remembered.” The teacher accepted his hand awkwardly as Doug squeezed it until she thought her hand was going to break, all the while thinking to herself, ‘Who on earth is this guy?’

  “Oh well, my mistake. So how’s Simon doing?” Doug asked proudly.

  “Simon, yes of course.” She replied upbeat. Finally a chance to get this over with quickly, there were only four more parents to see and then they could all go home. “Simon has been doing extremely well this year.”

  Doug crossed his leg as he leant back proudly in his chair.

  “I was impressed with the results he achieved last year when I read through the students files before taking over from Mrs Hardwick earlier this….”

  “Hardwick huh, what are the odds on that one?” Doug interrupted with some casual banter.

  “I beg your pardon?”

  “Hardwick, that was my ex-wife’s surname before we met.”

  “Oh I see,” she tried to amuse him. “That’s right you did mention already that you are divorced. I’m sorry to hear.”

  “Don’t be, it’s for the best you know.”

  There was a brief pause of silence as Miss McKenzie tried to gather her thoughts once more.

  “Anyway, Simon is doing exceptionally well this year. I’ve given him straight A’s on his half yearly report card, he even scored 99% on his math test.” She paused to look at the huge smile spread across his face. “As we’re running a little bit late tonight, are there any questions you’d like to ask?”

  “Yeah there is one thing,” Doug cleared his throat as he leaned in across the table. This was it, she was practically asking for him to say the words she so obviously wanted to hear. “Are you free on Saturday night, would you like to have dinner with me?”

  ‘Oh my goodness!’ Sally reeled in horror. ‘Did this creepy man just ask me out?’ She sat stunned in silence for a moment until she realised he was dead serious and was waiting for an answer.

  “Oh I’m sorry.” She lied. “You seem like a nice man, but unfortunately I’m not looking to meet anyone at the moment and it is against school policies for teachers to date parents of students.”

  “Oh, that’s okay.” Doug slumped back in his chair and stared at the desk in front of him, unable to look her in the eyes. He sat dejected in the awkwardness of the moment. “Maybe some other time then.”

  “Yes.” Sally tried to let him down easy and get back to the parent and teacher interview. “Maybe some other time.”