In Pursuit of the English: A Documentary

  Worse than stews and flat-irons was to come, One day Dan was in the yard with Aurora. A heavy ladder rested against the wall near the old couple’s back window, where he had been mending a drainpipe. The old lady leaned out and pushed down the ladder, which missed Aurora by a couple of inches. Dan went mad with rage; he replaced the ladder, bounded up it, and in the space of a few seconds was in the flat, shaking the old lady like a pillow and threatening to kill her. He was checked by the realization that the old man, supposed to be a co-villain with his wife, was seated all this time on the bed reading the newspaper. He did not even raise his eyes at the scuffle. Dan was so astounded that he dropped the old lady on the floor, gazed in a hypnotized way at the old man, and withdrew, shrugging and scratching his head. In the basement he said to Flo: ‘He’s madder than she is. He doesn’t even fight. He just sits there.’

  The case went to Court, both sides claiming damages for assault, both being bound over for the second time.

  Next, the old lady climbed down the ladder in full view of Flo and shook red pepper over a bed of Flo’s tulips.

  Flo said: ‘I told the Judge she put pepper on my tulips once before and he bound us over. It isn’t fair. Dan shouted: Is this British Justice? and the Judge got mad. And the old lady said: We’ll get our rights in a British Court against the dirty foreigners. She meant me, because of my Italian grandmother. You should have seen her face when the Judge told her she was an old nuisance.’

  ‘He said you were a nuisance, too,’ commented Rose.

  ‘That was because he didn’t know about the potatoes on the stairs. Do you know – she rolls potatoes down the stairs hoping I’ll slip on them and break my neck. Well, I just pick them up and use them. But it’s not right, dear, is it? You’ll come and be witness for us, won’t you, sweetheart?’

  ‘But how can I be? I never see or hear them.’

  Ah, my Lord, it’s not fair. Dan and me, we’ve been waiting to quarrel until you’re out of the house, and keeping ever so quiet so’s you’re not disturbed, and now you say you haven’t heard them.’

  Rose said, speaking loudly as to one deaf: ‘Flo, I’m going to explain something to you. And you must listen careful.’

  ‘What, dear, what, darling? Why are you shouting at me, sweetheart?’

  ‘Because I want you to understand. Now there’s this oath, this thing they have in the Courts.’

  ‘Ah, my Lord, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, I know about that.’

  ‘Yes? But you’re supposed to tell the truth in Court. That’s what the oath is, just telling the truth.’

  ‘But, Rose, you’re my friend.’

  ‘Flo, I’ve told you. I’m going to answer the questions just what I know. And that’s all.’

  ‘Me, too,’ I said.

  ‘But there’s no use your coming at all, because you didn’t see the pepper and the potatoes and the stew that missed me by half an inch.’

  ‘Or that great iron, neither, that Dan threw.’

  Flo considered. She said with a sly look: ‘And there’s that policeman, that Froggy, you know about the police, dear, don’t you? And when did they tell the truth in Court?’

  ‘What’s that got to do with it?’ But Rose was beginning to blush.

  Flo was delighted, and pressed on: ‘You know as well as everyone else, he was getting fifty, sixty pounds a month along your street, for shutting his mouth about the black market stuff for the restaurants – all that butter? All that eggs and stuff? And I didn’t see Rose running to tell anyone, oh no, you was thinking of marrying him.’

  Rose was really distressed. She said to me: ‘Well, now you’ll think bad of me. But you have all those ideas about our police – I’ve heard you, and I didn’t say nothing, because all you foreigners are the same, like my Canadian boy. But the police take this and that on the side, my Froggy wasn’t nothing special.’

  ‘That’s what I’m saying,’ said Flo, ‘So why should you be so high and mighty about a little fib for a friend in the Courts?’

  ‘Because I am.’

  ‘Well, I don’t hold it against you. But when I think of what the lies were that the police said about your little brother so that he got to go to prison.’

  ‘Flo,’ said Rose, desperate.

  ‘What’s all this?’ I said.

  Flo glanced at me, saw Rose in tears, exclaimed ‘Ah, my Lord, Dan’ll give it to me now,’ and rushed out of the room.

  ‘I didn’t want you to know, Flo promised not to tell you.’

  ‘What?’

  ‘Because you’d think bad of me. Because my little brother’s turned out bad, but he’s the only one of the kids that did.’

  ‘I don’t see why you should think that.’

  ‘If you don’t you’ve got funny ideas, but you can’t help it. But now Flo’s told you, I’ll tell you proper. My little brother, he got into trouble – he was fourteen, and he was in with a bad lot of kids. He got into trouble over and over, and they put him on probation, and we had those nosey-parkers at us all the time. But the cops had it in for him. And I’m not saying they weren’t right, because he was a proper little devil, cheeky all the time. So one night he was with the gang, but he got home early while they did a job. I know he did, because it was me who gave him his supper and saw him to bed. We was sleeping in the same room then, so I know he was asleep when the job was being done. But the coppers said he was with the rest, and so he was sent to Borstal.’

  ‘But how could they when you knew he was with you?’

  ‘It’s no good arguing with them, you’d know that if you wasn’t a foreigner. They go into Court and tell any lie they fancy, and the magistrate always believes them. Well, the way I looked at it was this: if I spoke up for my little brother, they wouldn’t believe me anyway. But if he went to the Reform for a bit, it might settle him down. And, besides, my mother was ill anyway about then, and he was right out of her control. But I’ve felt bad about it ever since. Because it didn’t do him any good. He ran away once, and was took back again. And he’s coming out next month and my mother’s marrying this man I told you about, and my brother doesn’t like him, and there’ll be trouble, mark my words, So I want him to come here and live, and Flo’s against it because it means the cops’ll have their eye on this house. But she thinks, if she lets him come here, then I’ll tell lies in Court, and I don’t know which way to turn.’

  At this point Dan came in. He was scowling at Flo, who was near tears.

  ‘Yes,’ he said. ‘And has she told you why we need witnesses? Has she told you that?’

  ‘But I didn’t mean it,’ said Flo, wailing.

  ‘You never mean it. They put her into the witness box. That was the time of the ladder. And they said, did you hear your husband saying he would kill Mrs Black, and Flo here pipes up and says: Oh, yes, and he nearly killed her right then, shaking her so hard.’ At the memory, Dan’s veins swelled up dark in his forehead; and he clenched his teeth at Flo.

  ‘But it was true,’ said Flo, through tears. ‘I saw you. I thought her time had come, the old bitch.’

  Dan grinned sarcastically. ‘You see?’ he said to me and Rose. ‘You see?’ He gave Flo a light slap across the cheek. ‘Everybody in the Court laughed. And because my wife can’t keep her tongue still I was bound over.’

  ‘She can’t help being stupid,’ said Rose tolerantly.

  ‘No, I can’t,’ said Flo eagerly, clutching at Dan’s arm. ‘I don’t understand them Courts. I thought I was to tell the truth, because of what the laywer said, I got mixed up, that’s all, next time it’ll be different.’

  ‘It’d better be different.’ Dan looked at Rose and said: ‘You’re coming into Court or not?’

  Rose hesitated. Dan said: ‘If you want that kid brother here for a time you can.’

  Rose struggled with herself, and finally said, with a sigh: ‘But I’m not telling no lies, Dan.’

  ‘Flo’s stupid. Who said lies? The lawyer told me, you just say the things you k
now, that’s all.’

  ‘Yes?’ said Rose. ‘All of them?’

  He ground his teeth again. ‘No. The lawyer knows. Will you see the lawyer? The case is the day after tomorrow.’

  ‘My Lord, so soon?’ wailed Flo.

  ‘Yes, so soon. And Mrs Skeffington’s flat on her back and she’ll be there a week yet. Will you see the lawyer?’ he said to me.

  ‘Very well.’

  ‘Don’t listen to Flo. She’s …’ And he tapped his forehead angrily, glaring at her.

  ‘No, sweetheart, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to say what was wrong.’

  ‘And now you’ll come downstairs and get my supper and keep your mouth shut.’

  Dan and Flo went out.

  ‘Those lawyers,’ said Rose. ‘You wait till you see their lawyer. Enough to make God laugh. Well, it looks as if I’ll get my Len here for a bit. I’m a good influence on him if no one else is. You won’t think bad of me? You’ll see him and be a friend?’

  ‘Of course. Why not?’

  ‘Of course, and why not. Well, it’s easy for some people. Make me a cup of tea. Thinking about going into that Court scares me, but I suppose I’ve got to.’

  Flo crept back.

  ‘Don’t say it,’ said Rose. ‘Don’t.’

  ‘But we’ve made it up.’

  ‘Let’s be thankful for small mercies.’

  Flo said to me, ‘I know Dan would be pleased at the idea if he’d thought of it, because he did it himself. Just stamp up and down this floor before you go to bed at night so as to get into their dreams a little.’

  Rose groaned. ‘Flo, it would count against you in Court, don’t you ever think of anything?’

  ‘But Dan used to do it every night regular. He’d come up and me too, and he’d stamp around the floor, he looked ever so funny, going stamp stamp In his shirt, with everything on view going flop-flop.’

  ‘Oh, my God,’ said Rose.

  ‘You don’t know nothing yet,’ said Flo. ‘Getting dressed up to go courting is one thing. Men in their underpants is another. One is ro-mance. The other is what we get for cleaning the floors and washing up to keep us quiet. And don’t you forget it.’

  ‘Do us a favour and leave us in peace one evening.’

  ‘Yes, well you make the most of Dickie in his courting mood because it won’t be like that afterwards.’

  ‘I wasn’t born yesterday.’

  ‘You’re not cross with your Flo?’

  ‘We’re sick and tired. Both of us. Just sick and tired.’

  ‘We could subpoena you, dear, you know that?’

  ‘Yes?’

  ‘All right, dear, I’ll go, I’ll go.’

  The day of the case it was hot, a sunny June day. Flo wore a black astrakhan coat and a muff. Around her black felt hat she had pinned another strip of astrakhan. Both Jack and Dan wore thick striped suits. For the first time, the three seemed commonplace and ugly. As for Aurora, she had on a white rabbitskin coat and hat, and was crying from the heat, but Flo slapped her into silence. As the family walked quietly towards a bus-stop it was the essence of respectability; and I tried to put myself into the position of a Judge, looking down into these lives from his height, and wondered how he would see them. The only sign that this was not in every respect that unit which is the foundation of a sound society was their complete indifference to the sufferings of Aurora. But even this was soon put right by Rose, who was showing her respect for the occasion by wearing her best grey suit, and her independence of it by fixing a look of weary scepticism on her face. She exclaimed: ‘Have you all gone nuts today?’ and grabbed the child, stripped off the thick fur and set her free. Flo saw Aurora’s paper-white face, with the sweat streaming off it, and was suddenly overcome by pity and tenderness. Mother and child sat entwined on the bus seat, presenting a charming picture. As for Rose, she said to me: ‘Well, let’s get it over with, and then we can start acting sensible again. It all makes me sick and that’s a fact.’

  We got off the bus and Dan said to Flo: ‘Now if you speak out of turn this time I’ll wring your blasted neck for you.’ Flo was subdued by this until the lawyer came to meet us. Her thoughts at once flowed into their usual channel and she whispered to Rose: ‘Now there’s a catch for you, sweetheart. A lawyer’s something like a husband.’

  ‘Oh, shut up,’ said Rose. The lawyer, who had heard this exchange, gave Rose a sympathetic wink and then took Flo’s arm. He was a brisk little man with the bloodless London look, a sharp raw face, and shrewd eyes. He handled Flo in an easy authoritative way she did not resent at all. But Dan resented it. He hated the way people responded to Flo, who talked and laughed in her frank, matronly manner with everyone. But they overlooked him, always, because when he was dressed in the ugly suit he was reduced to nothing, He was scowling savagely as we entered the building. It was gloomy, with its surfaces painted shiny brown or tea-coloured or mustard, as if the authorities had been determined to make the processes of justice as grim as possible. Our footsteps had a loud hollow ring.

  The old couple were standing with their lawyer near the top of some stairs, and they turned their backs on us with an emphatic scornful movement; and our faces all wore the suspicious wary look people instinctively assume in Law Courts, We looked at each new group as if they might turn out to be enemies. Flo actually drew herself up and shot an angry glance at an astonished old woman before breaking into a ringing laugh – which she at once smothered by clapping a hand over her mouth – and whispered through the cracks in her fingers that ‘she thought that was a witness for the prosecution’.

  ‘Not prosecution,’ said the lawyer. ‘It’s not that kind of case.’

  ‘How was I to know? This law is too difficult.’

  ‘You’d better remember that,’ said Dan. Flo, protected by the lawyer, defied him with her eyes for the pleasure of seeing him grow more angry.

  Rose whispered: ‘Storm warning! Trouble tonight! I’ll come and we’ll have tea in your room and leave them to kill each other.’

  The lawyer was nursing Flo because he remembered how at the last case she had ruined everything by allowing herself to be carried away by the spirit of truth at the wrong moment, Flo, he thought, was the weak point. But Dan did not understand this: he could not understand why Flo, who was so stupid, should get all this attention. He kept his heavy yellow gaze fixed on the lawyer’s face, and was looking for an opportunity to impress himself.

  We went into the side room to confer with Counsel. It was a dull, yellowish, high-ceilinged room, like a station waiting-room, all the doors standing open, people drifting in and out with the bored yet expectant look of travellers waiting for a train. We had a glimpse, through a momentarily-opened door, into the court-room itself: an old man, the Judge, rested his head on his hand while he listened to black-draped lawyers arguing about some legacy.

  As our Counsel entered. Rose dropped her eyes, put on a prim face, and whispered to me: ‘Look what’s come. Isn’t it a sweet little thing?’

  Counsel was a willowy stripling, with smooth little-boy cheeks, spaniel eyes, and an assured upper-class manner that caused Flo to gaze at him with incredulous admiration and Rose to whisper again: ‘Don’t laugh now, but we’ll have a good laugh afterwards.’

  Counsel’s voice was as smooth as milk; he was deferential and beautifully polite as he cross-examined Dan, who began staring suspiciously at him. As for Flo, she looked as if she might cry, and exclaimed: ‘I thought you were on our side, sir?’

  ‘But, madam, I am,’ purred the youth, who must have been so much older than he looked. He received the potatoes on the stairs, the filth in the basins, and the pepper on the tulips without a smile. Soon tears stood in Flo’s eyes, and in order to provoke him into some semblance of sympathy she began repeating herself, raising her voice in the querulous appeal: ‘I do my best for the dirty old bastards, sir, and see what they do?’ And, as he patiently continued: ‘What happened next?’ she could only mutter: ‘Ask the neighbours, ask my wit
nesses,’ and lifted her handkerchief to her eyes, tears of real disappointment flowing down her cheeks. With a calculated loss of temper Counsel shouted: ‘Answer my questions,’ and this finished Flo altogether. She had to have a warm response from the people she thought of as friends, and now she sat, clutching at Aurora, both of them gazing with wounded eyes at Counsel.

  Counsel, his exasperation checked only by the thought of the fees he was earning out of this ridiculous feud, made a helpless gesture and retired to the window to try and regain his temper. The lawyer tried to explain to Flo, for at least the tenth time, the processes of justice. She kept repeating, ‘But he’s not on our side, sir,’ while the lawyer patted her arm and said: ‘There, now, it’s all right.’

  Then Counsel and lawyer attacked Dan, in an attempt to make him lie consistently. But Dan imagined they objected to the lies themselves, and at every point where his conscience troubled him, he began shouting justification, so that for the second time Counsel retired to the window to smoke and fume.

  So far the witnesses had not been questioned; what was the use of satisfactory witnesses if the two main complainants could not be made to sound convincing? At last the lawyer, hot, anxious and amused, came to Rose, and said: ‘Perhaps you could explain to them?’

  Rose faced Flo and Dan and said: ‘Now see here. You’re just being plain silly. You don’t have to get upset. It’s like this – they don’t mind your telling lies, see …’

  ‘Who’s telling lies?’ shouted Dan belligerently, while the two legal gentlemen exchanged ambiguous glances.

  ‘Oh, shut up,’ said Rose. ‘Can’t you listen? These two gentlemen here are trying to help you.’

  ‘Are they, dear?’ said Flo doubtfully.

  ‘Now listen. What you’ve got to do is to tell the same lies at the same time, see?’ She looked for encouragement to the men, who had turned their backs in order to leave the thing in her far more capable hands.

  Meanwhile the old couple, who had finished conferring with their Counsel, sat in the next room through a half-opened door and could hear every word that was being said.