The Dysfunctional Affair
useful information from me. I will eventually pass out from blood loss, and then you’ll be right back at square one. Boy, you really are new at this. And what makes it worse is that you are clueless as to how ineffective it really is. Go ahead, stab me. You can stab me all day long, and it’s not going to do a bit of good. I have had far worse injuries. Hell, someone once carved a word on my chest. I’ve been shot, beaten, stabbed, attacked by a tiger and hit by a car. That little bitty knife in my limbs is like getting a shot at the doctor’s office.”
“Shut up.” He tossed the knife across the room. I was thankful it was gone, maybe I could survive now. “How the hell did you get attacked by a tiger?”
“Long story and I don’t want to bore you with the details.” I fought not to smile. His frustration was evident. While my situation still sucked, at least it was looking better. If I could just stay alive long enough, I would be saved.
“That would probably be the most interesting thing you’ve said all day.” He sat back down, facing me. I would have preferred him up, pacing the room, clawing at the walls, but I’d take what I could get.
“Actually, it’s not that interesting. I was attacked by a tiger. He got a good chunk of meat from my leg, I had physical therapy for two years and have a couple of really nasty scars, but, otherwise, it was just like any other day.” Even the attack hadn’t been that extraordinary. He was hungry, I looked like lunch. No harm, no foul. I never hold anything against large predators, they’re just doing what instinct tells them.
“Fine, what would make you loosen your tongue?”
“I don’t know, maybe if you knew one of my phobias and used that against me. Unfortunately, I’m not afraid of pain or death, so those are not effective. If you had asked me this earlier, we wouldn’t have had to ruin my favorite pair of jeans.”
“And I guess you’re just going to tell me what you’re afraid of?” He rubbed a hand down his face. It was a gesture I was used to, people did it to me all the time.
“No, but if you had done a little research before you kidnapped me, it would have helped. For example, my fears are pretty easy to discover. Just ask someone. Hell, even the press knows what I’m afraid of, I’m sure it’s been printed someplace. And you would have known that I hire mercenaries, S.E.A.L.S and Rangers.”
“What do your employees have to do with me?”
“Are you having a bad day or are you really this dense?” I shook my head. “They train for years on how to handle the stress of captivity and torture, not to mention how to deal with pain. You think I didn’t pick up a few tips? Of course I did. My goodness, I wouldn’t be very good at securely hiding people, if I didn’t know how to handle pain. Otherwise, I’d crack the first time someone threatened to cause me pain. I mean, come on, you think you’re the only person who has ever considered kidnapping me?”
“It’s a miracle someone hasn’t killed you before now. You are the most ridiculous person I have ever met.” His eyes were wide and his face was a mixture of fear, hatred, frustration and disbelief.
“Well, it’s not from lack of trying. I mean, I didn’t shoot myself and I certainly didn’t throw myself in front of the car. That really hurt.”
“And the tiger?” He nearly groaned.
“That may have been my own fault.” May have been was the understatement of the year. I spent three months working at a wildlife rescue center when I was in my teens, I would have stayed longer, but I antagonized the tiger. My boss really frowned on that.
“I should have kidnapped someone else.”
“Probably.”
“She’s not in Bogotá.”
“Nope, but you seem to prefer yes answers, and I don’t remember where I moved her, so it worked.” I tried to shrug and really couldn’t. The knots binding my wrists were loosening though. If I worked a little harder, I could probably get free.
“You are…”
“Tedious?” I volunteered. Above me I heard a noise, instinct brought my head up to look at the ceiling. “Do you have pets?”
“No,” he responded suspiciously. He looked up at the ceiling.
“Is your house haunted?”
“No,” he was still trying to follow my gaze.
“Then I think you have mice.” I looked back down at him.
“What?”
“I think you have mice. I can hear them moving above my head, sounds like they are in the ceiling. I bet I’m right under your kitchen.”
“Do you have super hearing now?” He looked disdainful.
“No, I just hear really, really well.” I heard the noise again, a slight shuffling sound. It sounded almost like someone dragging their feet gently across the floor. Maybe the cavalry had finally decided to put in an appearance. If it wasn’t, I was going to bitch for weeks about how slow they were.
“I think you’re trying to trick me into leaving the basement, leaving you alone for a while.”
“Why do I need you to leave the basement?” I pulled my arms around in front of me, folding my hands neatly on my lap. “You tie terrible knots. I had it undone shortly after you stabbed my leg. Granted, getting you to leave the room would speed up getting my legs untied, but I don’t necessarily need it. The knots work lose if you move against them. You should have taken a class in rope tying or you should have used duct tape. It’s impossible to get out of duct tape without a knife and losing lots of skin.”
He stared at me, mouth open. His gaze moved from my hands to my feet. He really was a crappy knot maker. The doorbell rang, making him jump. He looked at me, wiping the surprise off his face.
“Hmm, maybe it’s not mice, maybe it was someone walking up the front walk that I heard.” I frowned, milking the effect it had. “Usually, I’m better at pinpointing distance. Maybe the basement makes it sound weird. I can’t believe you didn’t hear it. Now, the moment of conflict. You have kidnapped someone and they are currently being held in your basement. Do you: A) leave them unattended while you answer the door, B) try to tie them back up and then answer the door, hoping the guest doesn’t get suspicious about what took you so long, or C) stay in the basement and hope they go away.”
“I’m not leaving.” The doorbell rang again.
“Then let’s hope it’s the FedEx man, and not someone who knows you’re home.” I twirled my thumbs. “So, whatcha wanna do now?” I asked as it rang a third time.
“Fuck!”
“No, I’m not really up for that.” I frowned.
“Shut up.”
“Ok, I’m getting really tired of that. Would you please stop telling me to shut up?” There was the sound of breaking wood. The cavalry was finally here. Now, all I had to do was hope he didn’t kill me before they got to the basement.
Luck was finally on my side. My captor jumped up and started towards the stairs, taking them two at a time. He cursed under his breath. I reached down and untied my feet, then just sat there. Above me I could hear people yelling for the suspect to get down on the ground.
“Nadine?” My brother, Ivan, shouted. He worked for the Kansas City police department as a homicide detective. This was just peachy. Rescued by my brother. All I needed was my mother picking out wedding dresses and it to be my birthday for this day to get worse.
Home Again, Home Again
Zeke was snoring quietly in a chair when I opened my eyes. His head had dropped down, his chin nearly touching his chest. The room was mostly dark, the lights from outside filtered through the windows, giving it a strange glowing look. There was too much light pollution to show any stars, and I had a moment of sadness. I was obviously not at home. The sky at my house was only somewhat polluted, you could see the bright stars.
I listened to Zeke snore. I knew where I was and why I was there. Funny what the brain remembers even when it doesn’t want to. The threat was obviously real now, the panic I’d been feeling earlier was quiet, leaving my mind available to
think. My inane chatter had probably saved my life. He might not have been really sure about killing me, but the need to cover his tracks would have eventually won out over his desire not to kill. Knowing this calmed me even more. I would definitely have to take more caution next time. The clock on the wall said it was just after midnight, I hoped that meant it was Thursday. The Chiefs had the Thursday night game. Football would be good at removing the stupidity I felt about letting myself get kidnapped.
“You’re awake.” Zeke’s voice was soft. I jumped at the sound. I had been lost in thought and hadn’t realized he’d stopped snoring.
“So are you.”
“Nadine, I’m sorry.”
A nurse bustled into the room. She was about 5’4” tall with graying brown hair pulled tightly into a ponytail. Smile lines creased her face as she flipped on the light.
“So she is.” She came in close to me. “How do you feel?”
“Not bad. Look, I want to get out of here as soon as possible.”
“I think the doctors are going to release you late today or Monday.”
“That doesn’t exactly work for me.” I smiled as she frowned at me. “See, the Chiefs play football in about twelve hours. That means in twelve hours I want to be at home, sitting on my couch, eating junk food and screaming at my TV.” Her frown deepened. “Just bring in the waiver, let me sign it and I’ll be on my way.”
“Humph,” she took my blood pressure.
“If it’s not