Train to Nowhere

  I could tell she was not impressed.

  Amy quickly replied,” First you have to lose that smooth talk. We are in the desert, there is no one to impress here, just me and a bunch of animals, and I am sure neither they nor I could care less about your smooth talk.”

  I was taken back by her abrupt tone and lack of sense of humor; I was perplexed! Where was this woman’s sense of humor anyway? I could not help myself and decided to stand up for my manhood! She had an attitude since she splashed water in my face and I was about to find out why?

  “Are you always so mean and honestly kind of rude?” I asked smartly, with my arms crossed in front of me.

  I stepped back, thinking she may hit me with something. I was not used to this kind of confrontation. I never confronted Lucy. I was her doormat. Here I was trying to be a big man in the middle of no man’s land. I thought I might live to regret my sudden burst of masculinity.

  My timing may have not been the smartest move I had ever made; I was sort of at her mercy.

  I thought to myself, Dusty, you have gone and done it now! She is going to get her shotgun, steal your boots, and make you walk all the way back to Alamogordo.

  To my surprise, Amy did not say a word. She totally ignored me, walked around the trailer, and began to unload the animals. I felt somewhat bad; maybe I had hit a nerve. I was not used to someone not yelling back at me or flinging the nearest object to get my attention. She let me speak my mind without repercussion. This might take some getting used to but I had to admit, I kind a liked it.

  Words were few as we fed and put the animals up for the night. Amy mentioned to me that there was an old camper in the back and I could stay in it if I would like.

  “Go ahead and get settled and I will call you for dinner. I’ll cook us up some breakfast since it is so late,” Amy said almost shyly.

  I had forgotten about eating, and I had to admit I was hungry.

  “Oh I almost forgot to mention, there is a shower behind the house, no warm running water, but it is clean.”

  That was the most Amy had spoken to me since we left the train, and I could sense a softening in her demeanor.

  I began to walk towards the back of the house when Amy warned, “Don’t forget to check for snakes.”

  Not wanting to sound fearful, and add to the already feeling of low self-esteem, I did not know what to say. I picked up a big stick, and headed towards the trailer.

  I turned around and offered a boisterous, “thank you.”

  I twirled my stick in the air, as I felt a bit more confident. I was not sure where this newfound emotion was coming from.

  I found a small Airstream trailer tucked behind the house. To my surprise, the trailer was pleasant. I put away my meager possessions, and headed towards the showers with my big stick in my hand. No man should be without his stick, I thought laughing to myself.

  I did not discover any snakes and welcomed the cool water on my body. As I showered, I began to think about from where I had come, Lucy running off with Earl, losing my job, the house, my old dog abandoning me. Strangely, I had the most peace I had felt in a long while. I was not sure where this was coming from. For the first time in years, I felt alive!

  I peered over the wooden shower structure and let the water trickled over my skin. I could see the mountains in the distance. I thought to myself, I could want this all my life, then my thoughts drifted to Amy.

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  ~ ~*~ ~

  Chapter 5

  I made myself come back to reality, after thinking a couple thoughts that made me feel somewhat guilty. After all I was a man and alone with a beautiful woman for the first time in many years. I was not certain the length of time I had been resting underneath the water. I must have got lost in time. I hoped Amy would not think I was goofing off.

  I threw on my jeans and a clean white t, and hurried to the house. I walked up to the door of Amy's simple wooden structured house and felt as if I was going on my first date. My stomach was doing flips. I was not sure if I still felt guilty for the thoughts I had earlier about Amy or I was just downright hungry. Standing at the screen door, I observed Amy setting the table.

  I tapped lightly on the door and I heard her say, "It’s open, come on in!”

  She did not look up. I entered the house slowly, feeling like I was an intruder. I treaded softly across the wooden floor, almost in slow motion, as if not to disturb anyone.

  Amy turned towards me, giving me the once over, "You cleaned up good, have a seat.”

  I pulled out a chair from the table and sat down. Amy placed a plate of bacon, scrambled eggs, biscuits, hash browns, and a cup of black coffee in front of me. I was not used to being catered to like this.

  I looked up and humbly whispered, "thank you.”

  I could not help but notice Amy had removed her hat, and beautiful locks of hair were hanging down to her shoulders in soft curls. It was dark with some silver streaks. She had changed her shirt and was wearing a white cotton t-shirt too. I laughed to myself, what are the odds? I tried so hard not to stare but it was difficult. She was a beautiful woman.

  Amy leaned against the kitchen counter and appeared uncomfortable, not sure, if she should sit down or not.

  “Are you not going to eat, I would really love the company,” I asked Amy.

  I could tell I made her a bit nervous. Wiping her hands on her jeans, she then crossed her arms, looking at me, strangely. She had been so sarcastic this entire trip, but now she appeared jittery also a bit uncertain. I could not truly put my finger on it.

  She moved closer to the table at a turtles pace. “I will just sit for a minute; I am really not that hungry.”

  Amy sat down at the table across from me, sipping her coffee, not making eye contact. I caught her looking at me a couple of times as I gobbled down my meal.

  “Amy, uh… thank you for making this great meal for me, I really appreciate it. I am thankful that you offered me some work and have given me a place to stay,"

  My words were forced, uncomfortable, and they did not roll off my tongue with ease. This setting made me feel uneasy. Perhaps it was because I had not sat across the table from a woman in many years. Dinnertime was always spent alone in the kitchen. I wanted to say all the right things, so she would not think I was acting like a fool.

  Amy smiled, “Well good workers are hard to find so it should all work out just fine. I hope you found the camper comfortable, my husband, I mean my Matt, and we used to love that old camper.”

  Amy looked down quickly as if she was a little embarrassed, and had just spilled words that she wished she could take back. I could tell this topic was hurtful and one she did not want to talk about.

  “I am sorry Amy; you do not have to talk... uh... thank you.” I stuttered.

  Why I said thank you was beyond me, it was the best I could come up with at the time.

  Amy stood up abruptly, “It’s late so I will just clean up these dishes and see you in the morning; I am an early riser so... do you need me to knock on the door or something?”

  I looked at her and smiled, “No thank you, just tell the time and I will be up!”

  I thanked Amy once more for the fourth time, and this time in the right context. I headed for the door but turned to look at her once more. Amy was already busy as she fiddled in the kitchen. Amy looked up and our eyes met for just a second. In perfect unison, we said goodnight.

  I could not sleep; I began to think about how long I might stay with Amy. I mean nothing lasts forever. I had only met this woman; she needs my help, end of story! That is it!

  I decided to go outside and walk around the property. The stars and moon were so brilliantly bright, that I did not feel as If I was traipsing around in the dark. I could see areas where Amy may need my help. I saw part of a fence line that was down.

  I would tackle that in the morning, I thought.

  I headed back to the camper and went to bed. As I slowly drifted off to sleep, I thought, I hope A
my is okay.

  I wondered what she was thinking tonight as she laid her head on her pillow. I wondered if she was thinking about me or missing her deceased husband. Strangely enough, I wanted to let her know I was here for her.

  ******

  I did not realize how difficult it would be to bring another man into my home. I felt like I was doing something wrong but at the same time it felt so right. I could not help but think about Matt. Just the mention of his name flooded my mind with him. I missed him so much.

  “Tuff, come on boy!”

  Jumping up on the bed, Tuff laid down beside me. “I know you miss him too, don’t you boy.”

  Tuff enjoyed the caresses to his head, laying his head across my belly. I could feel myself getting lost deeper in my thoughts. The picture of Dusty sleeping out in Matt and I's camper gave me a strange feeling. I felt like Matt would come through the door at any time, questioning me why this stranger was sleeping in our camper but it had been five years.

  I whispered as if Matt could hear me. I still found myself talking to him.

  “I need help around the ranch Matt. I realized tonight that Dusty seems like a good man and I should try not to be so hard on him. You know how I can get. Matt, I just miss you so much. I hope you do not mind.”

  I laid there for the longest time, as my mind would not calm down. I felt lost and alone. I looked over at the picture of Matt and me. It was a picture of us on our wedding day. I kissed the picture, and whispered a good night.

  "Night Tuff, my sweet dog,” as I offered one last pet on the head.

  Pushing him down towards my feet, I laid still, twirling my wedding band around my finger until I drifted off to sleep. In my dreams, the desert would speak softly to me, tonight it said, “It was time to let go.”

  The radio was playing an old familiar tune, “Lost without your love.”

  I thought to myself, oh God when will this pain ever end.

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  ~*~

  Chapter 6

  Early mornings was always my favorite time of day, as I would go out to the stables and spend time with Trump. He loved it when I brushed his mane and shared our early morning rides.

  Trump was only six months old when Matt brought him home. I can still see Matt trying to hook up this old horse trailer to the back of the pickup. He did not have any idea how to do that; much less drive a truck with a trailer hitched behind. Matt told me he would be back and to just sit tight, as he had a surprise for me. For all I knew, he could have been bringing home a couple goats. Nothing surprised me with Matt; his zest for life was off the charts. He was always full of adventure and spontaneity.

  Matt did make it back home, but with a wonderful surprise. Before I could run out to greet him, he told me to stop and then proceeded to blindfold me. He led me to the back of the trailer and then took the blind fold off. I then saw this beautiful little horse and my heart jumped like never before.

  Trump was pure black, with a little white between his eyes. He would be the first horse we had ever owned. We had to buy every book we could find on taking care of a horse. We were city slickers and did not have a clue how to care for a horse. He became the son I never had, but most of all he represented the corporate, fast pace life we left behind.

  My thoughts of the past quickly departed as I bridled and saddled Trump. Today, Dusty and I would spend the whole day together, just having fun. I decided to get the horses and surprise Dusty this morning. He hated it when I was up earlier than he was. I do it more to aggravate him a bit. It was funny to see his face get in an exasperated state. I could not believe Dusty had been on the ranch for six months. I realized soon after Dusty’s arrival, I could not have made it without him.

  He was one hard worker for a greenhorn. You would have thought he had been doing this sort of work all his life. He filled my days with so much laughter. He always made me smile. I had come to depend on him, and that frightened me at times. I used to believe in forever but after losing Matt, I was not sure if I believed in the happy ever after anymore.

  He had never once tried to kiss me or give me any indication that he cared for me more than a friend. I kept waiting for him to make the first move, but he let more opportunities pass than I could count. My heart was so complete, and all I could think about was that moment when he would hold me in his arms.

  A couple of weeks ago, we shared a tender moment when the calf was born. We stayed up all night with Gracie, as she delivered her baby. We sat next to each other watching this miracle unfold before our eyes. I wanted to kiss Dusty so badly. I kept leaning closer and closer, but he would lean further away, as if he was scared of me. Maybe I should have just grabbed him and lip locked him.

  If given the chance again, I would not turn away. He would get the biggest, juiciest kiss planted on those sweet lips of his. I knew this trip to the natural spring would be our special day. I just felt it.

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  ~*~

  Chapter 7

  I could hear Amy yelling from outside the trailer door, “Hey Dusty, are you ready?”

  “Yes, I am coming, hold on…I mean I am ready, I’ll be right out!”

  I was shouting and I knew I could just open the door. My thoughts of today were all over the place. Today was making me a bit nervous. I had decided that no matter what I was going to kiss her! I had held back long enough. I knew there were times I could have kissed her, I think she wanted me too, but I did not want to ruin the moment. I mean I had not kissed another woman in many years. I did not even kiss my own ex much after the first five years. I was worried I had forgotten and what if I did not kiss well.

  Amy was outside the camper with both horses packed and ready to go. I thought to myself, darn it woman! When are you going to slow down! You are making me look bad here! She seemed to be always ten steps ahead of me. I was forever trying to keep up with her.

  "Morning Amy,” I said, with a big grin,” as I mounted Ivana.

  “Morning to you Dusty," said Amy, with a bigger grin, as she mounted Trump.

  We were both smiling bigger than usual, two cheesy grins, with hidden thoughts and agendas.

  Side by side, we began to follow the trail up the mountain. We watched as the sun was coming up over the horizon. The morning could not have been more beautiful. We traveled a few miles when Amy pointed to the cleft in the rocks.

  "It’s just behind that rock, Dusty be prepared for the most beautiful sight you have ever seen,” declared Amy.

  Amy pointed at the gigantic boulder, “Isn’t this beautiful Dusty?”

  Looking at Amy, I made my first move, “This rock is not the most beautiful thing I have seen today."

  I could not have been more proud of myself at that moment. I actually opened my mouth and the words flowed. I made her blush just a little, and that was no small task.

  My question was this, was it enough to get a kiss later?

  We rode between the large boulders of rocks, which led to the natural spring. Water flowed down the mountain into a glistening pool of water. We dismounted and the horses drank heartily from the cool water. Amy spread a blanket on the ground and we sat together watching the horses.

  "It is beautiful Amy, just like you.” I said thoughtfully, as I looked deep in her eyes.

  “You know Dusty, if you keep up that smooth talking, I will not be responsible for my actions.”

  I was ready for anything Amy had to throw at me.

  Amy reached up, taking the cowboy hat off my head and said softly, “Dusty, would you mind if I kissed you?”

  I had this all planned out in my head and once again Amy took control. She even was so bold to take my hat off, throwing it to the side. I did not put up a fight and gladly gave into her request.

  "I thought you would never ask." I said with a sheepish grin.

  We leaned into each other and the magic began. Her lips were sweeter than I could have ever imagined. We kissed and then we kissed some more, sharing many long lingering kisses,
one after another.

  Stopping for air, we looked at each other and we knew.

  She grabbed my hat, placing it back on my head. “So Dusty… where do we go from here?” Amy asked smiling.

  I looked at Amy, knowing I was looking at the love of my life, and said the best thing I could come up with, "Absolutely, nowhere!”

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  ~*~

  Chapter 8

  I could hear pounding on the door of the camper and I catapulted like a rocket out of bed.

  I heard Amy in a very distressed tone, “Dusty wake up, please wake up, something is wrong with Trump!”

  Opening the door, I found Amy crying; she frantically grabbed my hand, pulling me out of the camper. I was not used to seeing Amy so upset. She was always so calm, like a rock.

  “Wait Amy... please let me throw some pants on!”

  Running back into the camper….I realized I was stark naked but I don’t think she even noticed.

  We ran hand in hand to the stable to find Trump lying on his side. His eyes were wide with fright.

  My first thoughts was, oh God please do not let anything happen to this horse. Amy loves this horse so much.

  My heart was pounding; I did not know what to do. I felt so helpless and unequipped for this kind of crisis.

  Amy looked at me and said, “I know I need to get him up, I have heard about this sort of thing, he needs to walk. Dusty, he has not been eating very well for a few days, but I did not think too much about it. I wormed him a couple of months ago so I know that is not it. I just do not know what is wrong!”

  I looked him over and could not see anything out of the ordinary.

  “I should ride into town and get hold of Dr. Brooks, the vet. He usually will come out if I need him too.” Amy explained.

  I knew this was my chance to help, to do something, anything!

  “I will go, you stay with Trump, just give me the directions and I will be back as soon as I can!”

  Squeezing Amy’s hand tightly, I reassured her that everything was going to be okay whether I felt it or not. Amy agreed that I should go, so I got in the old Ford pickup, and headed to town. This was when I wished we had a more reliable vehicle, one that could go over 40 miles per hour. It was still dark and the roads seemed long and rough tonight. I had been back and forth to town by now a dozen or more times, I knew my way. I prayed that Trump would hold on until the Doc and I could make it back. I did not want Amy alone should something happen.