Oh, Money! Money! A Novel

  CHAPTER XX

  FRANKENSTEIN: BEING A LETTER FROM JOHN SMITH TO EDWARD D. NORTON,ATTORNEY AT LAW

  DEAR NED:--Wasn't there a story written once about a fellow who createdsome sort of a machine man without any soul that raised the verydickens and all for him? Frank--Frankenstein?--I guess that was it.Well, I've created a Frankenstein creature--and I'm dead up against itto know what to do with him.

  Ned, what in Heaven's name am I going to do with Mr. John Smith? Mr.John Smith, let me tell you, is a very healthy, persistent, insistent,important person, with many kind friends, a definite position in theworld, and no small degree of influence. Worse yet (now prepare for astunning blow, Ned!), Mr. Smith has been so inconsiderate as to fall inlove. Yes, he has. And he has fallen in love as absolutely and asidiotically as if he were twenty-one instead of fifty-two. Now, willyou kindly tell me how Mr. John Smith is going to fade away intonothingness? And, even if he finds the way to do that, shall he, beforefading, pop the question for Mr. Stanley G. Fulton, or shall he trustto Mr. Stanley G. Fulton's being able to win for himself the love Mr.John Smith fondly hopes is his?

  Seriously, joking aside, I'm afraid I've made a mess of things, notonly for myself, but for everybody else.

  First, my own future. I'll spare you rhapsodies, Ned. They say, anyway,that there's no fool like an old fool. But I will admit that thatfuture looks very dark to me if I am not to have the companionship ofthe little woman, Maggie Duff. Oh, yes, it's "Poor Maggie." You'veprobably guessed as much. As for Miss Maggie herself, perhaps it'sconceited, but I believe she's not entirely indifferent to Mr. JohnSmith. How she'll like Mr. Stanley G. Fulton I have my doubts; but,alas! I have no doubts whatever as to what her opinion will be of Mr.Stanley G. Fulton's masquerading as Mr. John Smith! And I don't envyMr. Stanley G. Fulton the job he's got on his hands to put himselfright with her, either. But there's one thing he can be sure of, atleast; if she does care for Mr. John Smith, it wasn't Mr. Stanley G.Fulton's money that was the bait.

  Poor Maggie! (There! you see already I have adopted the Hillertonvernacular.) But I fear Miss Maggie is indeed "poor" now. She has hadseveral letters that I don't like the looks of, and a call from avillainous-looking man from Boston--one of your craft, I believe(begging your pardon). I think she's lost some money, and I don'tbelieve she had any extra to lose. She's as proud as Lucifer, however,and she's determined no one shall find out she's lost any money, so herlaugh is gayer than ever. But I know, just the same. I can hearsomething in her voice that isn't laughter.

  Jove! Ned, what a mess I HAVE made of it! I feel more than ever nowlike the boy with his ear to the keyhole. These people are myfriends--or, rather, they are Mr. John Smith's friends. As for beingmine--who am I, Smith, or Fulton? Will they be Fulton's friends, afterthey find he is John Smith? Will they be Smith's friends, even, afterthey find he is Fulton? Pleasant position I am in! What?

  Oh, yes, I can hear you say that it serves me right, and that youwarned me, and that I was deaf to all remonstrances. It does. You did.I was. Now, we'll waste no more time on that. I've admitted all youcould say. I've acknowledged my error, and my transgression is everbefore me. I built the box, I walked into it, and I deliberately shutthe cover down. But now I want to get out. I've got to get out--someway. I can't spend the rest of my natural existence as John Smith,hunting Blaisdell data--though sometimes I think I'd be willing to, ifit's the only way to stay with Miss Maggie. I tell you, that littlewoman can make a home out of--

  But I couldn't stay with Miss Maggie. John Smith wouldn't have moneyenough to pay his board, to say nothing of inviting Miss Maggie toboard with him, would he? The opening of Mr. Stanley G. Fulton's lastwill and testament on the first day of next November will effectuallycut off Mr. John Smith's source of income. There is no provision in thewill for Mr. John Smith. Smith would have to go to work. I don't thinkhe'd like that. By the way, I wonder: do you suppose John Smith couldearn--his salt, if he was hard put to it? Very plainly, then, somethinghas got to be done about getting John Smith to fade away, and StanleyG. Fulton to appear before next November.

  And I had thought it would be so easy! Early this summer John Smith wasto pack up his Blaisdell data, bid a pleasant adieu to Hillerton, andbetake himself to South America. In due course, after a short trip tosome obscure Inca city, or down some little-known river, Mr. Stanley G.Fulton would arrive at some South American hotel from the interior, andwould take immediate passage for the States, reaching Chicago longbefore November first.

  There would be a slight flurry, of course, and a few annoyinginterviews and write-ups; but Mr. Stanley G. Fulton always was known tokeep his affairs to himself pretty well, and the matter would soon beput down as merely another of the multi-millionaire's eccentricities.The whole thing would then be all over, and well over. But--nowhere hadthere been taken into consideration the possibilities of--a MaggieDuff. And now, to me, that same Maggie Duff is the only thing worthconsidering--anywhere. So there you are!

  And even after all this, I haven't accomplished what I set out todo--that is, find the future possessor of the Fulton millions (unlessMiss Maggie--bless her!--says "yes." And even then, some one will haveto have them after us). I have found out one thing, though. Asconditions are now, I should not want either Frank, or James, or Florato have them--not unless the millions could bring them more happinessthan these hundred thousand apiece have brought.

  Honest, Ned, that miserable money has made more--But, never mind. It'stoo long a story to write. I'll tell you when I see you--if I ever dosee you. There's still the possibility, you know, that Mr. Stanley G.Fulton is lost in darkest South America, and of course John Smith CANgo to work!

  I believe I won't sign any name--I haven't got any name--that I feelreally belongs to me now. Still I might--yes, I will sign it

  "FRANKENSTEIN."