False Colours

  In the event, this spiritless behaviour stood her in excellent stead, as Cressy, on the brink of picking up the cudgels in her defence, providentially realized. The Dowager said crossly: ‘For heaven’s sake, don’t start to cry, Amabel! You’re a pea-goose, and always were, and that’s all there is to it! As for your precious Kit, you may leave him to fight his own battles! He has enough effrontery for anything!’

  From this, Cressy, who had been doing her best to entertain the General when the Dowager exchanged a brief but pungent discourse with Mr Fancot during the course of dinner, deduced, thankfully, that he had not sunk beyond recall in her grandmother’s opinion.

  ‘I have something to say to you, young man!’ had said the Dowager, in a voice which was not less intimidating for being discreetly lowered.

  ‘I know it, ma’am,’ he had responded. ‘I only wish that I could think of anything more to say to you than Forgive me! but I can’t.’

  ‘I collect,’ she said, glaring at him, ‘that you fancy you have only to smile at me to bring me round your thumb!’

  ‘Indeed I don’t!’ he replied, looking startled.

  ‘Just as well! Next you’ll have the audacity to say you regret your conduct!’

  ‘No, no, ma’am! You are far too much up to snuff to swallow such a plumper as that! How could I regret it?’

  ‘For two pins,’ she informed him, ‘I’d box your ears, Master Jack-sauce!’

  That was the sum of their interchange. There was nothing in the scathing glance the Dowager cast at Mr Fancot to encourage him to suppose that she was at all mollified; but when the gentlemen later entered the Long Drawing-room it was noticeable that there was a hint of softening in her eyes, when they rested on the reprobate’s well-formed person.

  The General showed no disposition to outstay his welcome. Pleading a fifteen-mile drive, he took his leave as soon as he had drunk one cup of tea. Kit escorted him downstairs to his waiting carriage, and was just about to tell Norton to send Fimber to him when he perceived that that faithful, if censorious, henchman was standing on the half-landing, where the graceful staircase branched to the left and right. ‘Good! I want you!’ he said, treading swiftly up the stairs, and grasping Fimber by the arm. ‘Fimber, I must have a word with my brother!’ he said, under his breath. ‘I told him ten o’clock, but her ladyship ordered tea to be brought in earlier, and the coast should be clear in a very few minutes. Go down to the cottage, will you, and bring his lordship up to my room!’

  ‘His lordship, Mr Christopher,’ said Fimber, ‘as I was about to tell you, is already in your room – or, as I should say, his own room.’ Having delivered himself of this reproof, he unbent, saying confidentially: ‘Which was imprudent, sir, as I told him, but can you wonder at it, knowing what he is, and the way Mrs Pinner frets him to fiddlestrings, carrying on as if he was in short coats, and scolding as I am sure I should think it very improper to do!’

  ‘Well, that’s a new come-out!’ retorted Kit. ‘Let me know when Norton has taken away the tea-tray, you old humbug!’

  He found his twin moodily flicking over the pages of the latest number of the Gentleman’s Magazine. Evelyn looked up quickly, his frown changing to a smile. ‘Now, don’t scold, Kester! I’ve had enough of that from Fimber! Talk of jobations! But when it came to a glass of hot milk before being tucked up in bed at eight o’clock there was nothing for it but to escape from Pinny!’ He rose, and began to pace restlessly about the room. ‘I’ve thought till my brain reels, Kester, but it’s hopeless!’

  ‘Oh, no, it isn’t!’ replied Kit. ‘Something has happened which entirely alters the situation. Tell me one thing, Eve! If you were not faced with the burden of our treasured parent’s debts, and were free to marry Miss Askham, would you be prepared to endure the Trust until such time as it may take you to convince my uncle that you are very well able to manage your own affairs?’

  ‘Yes, I daresay, but since I am faced with that burden –’

  ‘No, you’re not, brother!’ interrupted Kit.

  ‘Oh, am I not?’ said Evelyn, a flash in his eyes. ‘I have already told you, Kester, that I will not, under any circumstances whatsoever, permit you to saddle a responsibility which is mine, and mine only!’

  ‘I’m not going to saddle it, so come down from your high ropes! Now, listen, Eve! I have some news for you which I know very well you won’t like, but which you must stomach. Mama has accepted an offer of marriage from Ripple.’

  ‘What?’ Evelyn exclaimed thunderously. ‘It isn’t possible!’

  ‘You’d have been even more incredulous had you been present when he made the announcement to me. Lord, Eve, I wish you had been present! He couldn’t have been cast into greater gloom if he had received a death sentence! My own view of the matter is that it wasn’t he who made the offer, but Mama.’

  ‘Oh, my God, no!’ Evelyn said, shuddering. ‘How could she do such a thing? How can you, Kester, think that I would let her make such a sacrifice? Just what sort of a contemptible skirter do you believe me to be? Don’t spare me!’

  ‘I shan’t, if you don’t stop behaving like a Tragedy Jack!’ replied Kit. ‘For God’s sake, twin, take a damper! I didn’t relish the notion either, but it will do, you know. I haven’t lived with Mama for as long as you have, but for long enough to realize that she’s no more fitted to live alone than a babe unborn! I know you think she’ll continue to live with you, but you may take it from me that she won’t. Well, what do you imagine will be the outcome, if she sets up an establishment of her own?’

  ‘I know, I know, Kester, but –’

  ‘I should rather think you might! Now consider what her life will be, if she marries Ripple!’

  Their eyes met, and held, across the space that lay between them, Evelyn’s holding an arrested look, Kit’s very steady. It was he who broke the silence. ‘We always thought him a bobbing-block, didn’t we, Eve? Well, so he is, but he’s been a pretty firm friend to Mama! He isn’t in love with her now, but Cressy’s right when she says that he dotes on her. There’s very little he wouldn’t do for her, and the more she wastes the ready the better pleased he’ll be! Furthermore, twin, he’ll take better care of her than ever you or I could! I fancy that such loose fish as Louth will be speedily put to rout!’

  There was a long silence. ‘If I thought that she would be happy – Oh, no, Kester, no! She’s doing it to smooth my path, and for no other reason!’

  ‘Yes, I think she is,’ agreed Kit imperturbably. ‘But if you imagine that she’s sacrificing herself, you’re fair and far off! It’s Ripple who is the sacrifice: Mama’s in high gig! I tell you, in all seriousness, Eve, that if you drive a spoke into this wheel you’ll be doing her the worst turn you could!’

  ‘Kester, you know I wouldn’t – !’ He broke off, as the door opened, and Fimber entered the room, and said impatiently: ‘Yes, what is it?’

  ‘The tea-tray has been removed, sir,’ said Fimber, addressing himself pointedly to Kit. ‘I have taken it upon myself to instruct Norton – informing him that such was your desire, Mr Christopher – to set out the brandy in the library. He will have no occasion, therefore, to enter the Long Drawing-room again this evening. I should perhaps add that, according to what he tells me, Lady Stavely has not yet retired, but is playing piquet with Sir Bonamy. I shall hold myself in readiness to accompany his lordship to Mrs Pinner’s cottage in due course.’

  ‘That,’ said Evelyn bitterly, as Fimber withdrew, ‘is what I have to endure! What now, Kester?’

  ‘Now,’ said Kit, ‘you are going to meet Lady Stavely, God help you! You are also going to felicitate poor old Ripple; and finally you are going to try and discover a way out of this scrape which will not set the ton by the ears!’

  ‘There isn’t one!’

  ‘There must be one!’ said Kit firmly. ‘My life’s happiness depends upon it!’

/>   ‘Then you find it!’ recommended Evelyn. ‘I’m not the clever twin! Kester, what’s the old lady like? How do I deal with her?’

  ‘Boldly! She’s a tartar!’

  ‘Lord, I wish I’d never come home!’ said Evelyn. ‘Don’t you dare to abandon me! I’m all of a twitter already!’

  ‘Courage, brother!’ said Kit, opening the door into the Long Drawing-room.

  They entered the room together, and paused for a moment on the threshold. The Dowager, who had just picked up the cards dealt her by Sir Bonamy, laid them down again, staring at the twins in astonishment. She did not speak, but the sudden gleam in her eyes informed her granddaughter that she was not unappreciative of the picture quite unconsciously presented by the Fancot twins.

  Apart, they were held to be very fine young men; together, with the candlelight glinting on their burnished heads, they were so striking that the Dowager, like many before her, was dazzled into thinking them the most handsome men she had ever beheld.

  ‘Evelyn, my dear one!’ exclaimed Lady Denville, springing up from the sofa, and going towards him with her light, graceful step, and her hands held out in welcome.

  He took one in his own left hand, and kissed it, murmuring wickedly: ‘You are smart tonight, love! Dressed like Christmas beef!’

  She chuckled, and would have led him forward, but he put her gently aside, and advanced down the room alone, to where the Dowager sat. If he was in a quake, no trace of it was apparent in his bearing. He bowed, and with a smile quite as disarming as Kit’s, said: ‘I owe you an apology, Lady Stavely. But indeed I couldn’t help it!’

  In spite of herself, her lips twitched, and she put out her hand. ‘So you are Denville, are you?’ she said. ‘H’m! You’d better beg my granddaughter’s pardon, young man!’

  ‘Why, yes!’ he agreed, his mother’s mischievous look in his eyes; and turned towards Cressy, holding out his hand. ‘So I do, Cressy – but you are very well rid of me, you know!’ She had risen to her feet, and as she laughed, giving him her hand, he kissed it, and then her cheek, saying: ‘I wish you every happiness, my dear!’

  ‘Thank you! May I return that wish?’ she said demurely.

  The smile in his eyes acknowledged the sly allusion, but he replied audaciously: ‘Indeed, I am excessively happy to have you for a sister!’ He turned his head. ‘Kester!’

  Kit strolled forward, but his eyes were on Cressy, warmly appreciative. Evelyn said: ‘If I have any right to this hand, may I bestow it on my brother, Miss Stavely? He is much more worthy of it than I am – but that I needn’t tell you!’

  ‘Thank you, twin, that will do!’ said Kit, receiving the hand, and clasping it strongly.

  Evelyn laughed, and turned away to confront Sir Bonamy. He looked down at him, laughter dying, and his smile a little rigid. ‘Kit tells me, sir, that I must offer you my felicitations.’

  Sir Bonamy, regarding him with all the wariness of one faced with a cobra, said: ‘Yes, yes! Very much obliged to you, Denville! That is – if you have no objection!’

  ‘Eh?’ exclaimed the Dowager. She looked sharply from Sir Bonamy to Lady Denville. ‘So that’s it, is it? Upon my word!’

  ‘Yes, ma’am,’ corroborated Lady Denville sunnily. ‘That’s it! Sir Bonamy has done me the honour to ask me to marry him, and I have accepted his offer.’

  ‘You have, have you? Well,’ said the Dowager trenchantly, ‘if that’s so, it’s the only sensible thing I’ve ever known you do, Amabel!’

  Sir Bonamy, paying no heed to this, seized the opportunity to say, in an urgent undervoice: ‘Not if you dislike it, Denville! Naturally, it’s the dearest wish of my heart, but no need for you to take snuff! Only have to tell me! For I wouldn’t come between you and your mother for the world!’

  Over his hapless head the twins’ eyes met for an instant of unholy joy. No more than Kit could Evelyn resist the appeal of the ludicrous; the rigidity melted from his smile; he produced his snuff-box from his pocket, unfobbed it with an expert flick, and offered it to Sir Bonamy, saying: ‘Take snuff? Yes, indeed! Will you try my sort, sir?’

  ‘Well, that isn’t precisely what I meant, but – thank you, my boy! I’ve often wondered what your mixture is – a touch of old Havre, I fancy, and a suspicion – no more – of French Prize, added, of course, to –’

  ‘Just so, sir – and you will not find it dry!’

  Sir Bonamy, helping himself to a pinch, was shaken by one of his rumbling laughs. ‘Ah, that was where I was a trifle too knowing for Kit! Told you about it, did he? He hasn’t your deft way of opening his box, either!’

  ‘Oh, he will never acquire that!’ said Evelyn. ‘His taste is for cigars!’

  ‘No!’ uttered Sir Bonamy, profoundly shocked.

  The Dowager broke in impatiently on this digression. ‘Now, listen to me,’ she commanded, driving her cane into the carpet with an imperative thud. ‘Very pretty talking, all of this, but if you think – any of you! – that I’ll give my consent to this havey-cavey business you very much mistake the matter!’

  ‘But, Grandmama!’ interposed Cressy, releasing Kit’s hand, and sitting down beside the Dowager. ‘You told me more than once that you liked Kit! Why, this very day you said that he was a very proper man, and were ready to eat me for seeming to be unwilling to accept his offer! You said I was no better than a moonling!’

  ‘Hold your tongue, girl! I’ll have you know that there has never been any scandal attached to the Stavelys, and I’ll have no hand in helping you to create one! A fine piece of work this is!’

  ‘Well, of course, it is a little awkward,’ agreed Lady Denville, ‘but I daresay it will soon be forgotten!’

  ‘That,’ said the Dowager witheringly, ‘is an observation only worthy of such a jingle-brain as you are, Amabel!’

  A flush rose to Evelyn’s lean cheeks; but before he could speak Sir Bonamy forestalled him. ‘Perfectly true!’ he pronounced, fixing the Dowager with his round-eyed stare. ‘I never knew a scandal that wasn’t precious soon ousted by another! What’s more,’ he added, pointing a stubby finger at her, and wagging it, ‘if it hadn’t been for that dashed silly notice in the Morning Post there ain’t a soul worth a rush who would have known anything about this affair!’

  ‘Yes!’ Evelyn struck in. ‘Who was responsible for that notice? Not you, Mama!’

  ‘No, indeed!’ Lady Denville replied indignantly. ‘I may be jingled-brained but never have I been guilty of vulgarity!’

  ‘No one said you had!’ said the Dowager testily, and for once in her life disconcerted. ‘We all know it was Albinia who was responsible for that! Not that it’s proved against her, mind, but I’m not one to blink what’s as plain as the nose on your face! It was her doing, no question about it! I wrote instantly to tell her that I knew it, and not one word has she dared set down on paper in reply! And if she thinks that because she has given Stavely an heir she’ll hear no more of the business she will very soon learn her mistake! But,’ pursued the old lady, making a gallant recovery, ‘I’ll thank you all to remember that pretty well every member of the family believes that it was you, Denville, whom they was invited to meet in my son’s house, and you who had made her an offer!’

  ‘What of that?’ demanded Sir Bonamy, continuing to fret the Dowager with his unnervingly blank stare. ‘It ain’t to be supposed they’ll spread it about that they was hoaxed! They’ll do what you bid ’em, my lady!’

  ‘Not all of them!’ replied the Dowager unexpectedly. ‘Stavely saw fit to gather his relations together stock and block, and there were several sprigs there I never saw before in my life, and don’t wish to see again!’

  ‘That’s very true!’ said Lady Denville. ‘Only think of that tiresome young man who pestered Kit to buy a horse which I know poor Evelyn doesn’t want to own!’

  ‘Lucton!’ ejaculated Evelyn
. ‘Kester, you didn’t?’

  Kit, who had seated himself a little apart from the rest of the group, replied briefly: ‘Nothing else I could do.’

  ‘Gudgeon!’ said Evelyn. ‘An abominable screw! Why didn’t you consult Challow?’

  He won no answer at all to this inquiry, Kit having relapsed into frowning abstraction. He took no part in the lively discussion that followed, although once or twice he showed that he was not wholly deaf to it by raising his eyes from contemplation of his own clasped hands to glance thoughtfully at one or other of the disputants. If the Dowager was brought to own that, despite his perfidy, she would be very well pleased to see her granddaughter married to Kit, only that hitherto pattern of superior sense and propriety herself maintained, in what the Dowager did not scruple to inform her was an unbecomingly highty-tighty manner, her unshakeable indifference to public opinion. Lady Denville was fully alive to the necessity of concealing (by unexplained means) the true facts of the case from the world; Evelyn, knowing that these could only be extremely prejudicial, if not fatal, to his twin’s career, came down heavily on the Dowager’s side; and threw Sir Bonamy into disorder by demanding whether he, an experienced exponent of the established mode, was sincere in declaring that no one would think anything more of the hoax than that it was a very good joke.

  ‘But it’s something you have frequently done before!’ urged Cressy. ‘Would people be so very much shocked?’

  ‘I should hope they would be!’ replied Evelyn tartly. ‘Good God, Cressy, I’d a better opinion of your understanding! Of course we have done it before, but only for the sport of it! That was one thing: this is quite another!’

  ‘Oh, dear, that is exactly what Kit said!’ exclaimed Lady Denville guiltily. ‘I ought never to have asked him to do it! It is all my wretched fault – only I was fully persuaded that you would have done the same thing for him!’