Missing Me

  As I fiddled with the car seat harness, Wolf squatted down beside me.

  ‘Is she all right?’ he asked.

  ‘I think so.’ I released the harness and took Ellie out. ‘Did we lose Baxter?’

  ‘Dunno.’ Wolf stood up and peered into the trees.

  I wrapped Ellie tightly in the blanket. She was still asleep, her tiny body all floppy. I held her close to my chest, as Lauren had earlier, and she nuzzled into me.

  ‘Sssh,’ I murmured, though she wasn’t making any noise. ‘It’s going to be OK.’

  As I stood up, footsteps sounded close by. It was impossible to tell what direction they were coming from. Wolf laid his hand on my arm. I looked up, into his eyes.

  ‘Madison?’ Baxter’s voice echoed through the trees. He sounded close. ‘You’re being stupid. You can’t stop me taking the baby. You’re just putting your sister and her boyfriend at risk.’

  I gulped. Had Baxter found Jam and Lauren? Were they OK? Wolf bent his head down. His lips brushed my ear.

  ‘Look after the baby, I’ll distract him,’ he whispered.

  ‘Madison?’ Baxter called again. The wind was carrying his voice so strongly it seemed to sweep through the trees from all directions. I looked around, desperate to work out where the sound was coming from.

  ‘The hut and the road beyond are over there.’ Wolf pointed through the trees to the left.

  I stared at him. How on earth did he know that? I had lost all sense of where I was in relation to the house, let alone the hut.

  ‘Straight through the trees?’ I whispered.

  ‘No.’ Wolf made a zigzag motion with his hand. ‘You have to head left at first, then more to the right when you reach the edge of the trees.’

  ‘Madison?’ Baxter yelled again. ‘There’s no way out of here. Come back, be sensible. You’re putting the baby at risk being out in this cold air.’

  I looked at Wolf again. I badly wanted to hand everything over to him, to let him be responsible for dealing with Baxter. But that wasn’t right. I had got us into this situation, it was up to me to get us out of it.

  ‘It’s me Baxter wants; he doesn’t even know you’re here,’ I whispered. ‘I’ll cause the distraction. You get the baby over to the hut. Find the others. Fetch the police.’

  ‘No—’

  But before Wolf could say any more, I pushed Ellie into his arms.

  ‘You know the way,’ I whispered. I reached over and tucked a stray scrap of blanket over her fragile body. ‘Keep her warm. Keep her safe.’

  And without looking at him again, I turned, picked up the empty baby car seat and ran out of the woods.

  37

  Deep Water

  I raced hard across the grass. It sloped sharply down, the momentum making me run faster until I was almost flying downhill into the darkness. Wind whipped through my hair, chilling my skin. The empty car seat banged against my legs. I wanted to drop it, but then Baxter would know Ellie wasn’t inside. The sea roared angrily in the distance.

  I tried to slow myself. No point me running if Baxter wasn’t following. The whole point was to draw his attention . . . to make sure Wolf had plenty of time to get away with little Ellie.

  I glanced over my shoulder. Was Baxter there? Yes. He was running down the hill towards me. I could just make out his outline in the dim light from the house. I turned round and raced on. The slope was levelling out, but the land beyond was pitch black. Surely, if there were houses or other buildings there would be some light. I glanced to the left and the right. The same total darkness.

  It suddenly hit me. That blanket of dark was the sea. And it surrounded me on all sides. I slowed right down. The wind was even fiercer here than it had been up in the woods. Another few steps and I saw the water.

  Jeez, I’d run in absolutely the worst direction possible. I scanned the horizon. I was on a cliff top that jutted out over the sea. Baxter was heading straight for me, effectively cutting me off from the land on either side that led back to the wooded area on my left and the house on my right.

  I glanced down at the waves, feeling my old terror of the ocean rise inside me. Yells echoed faintly up from the jetty far below. It was about fifty metres away, a short wooden platform lit by a string of lights jutting several metres into the sea. Leather Jacket and the other man were down there, watching a boat approaching fast, its front light flickering above the choppy waves. Immediately beneath me, the rock face ran sheer, straight down to the sea beneath. Powerful waves slapped against the side of the cliff. I watched, mesmerised, as the suck and drag of the tide pulled them back before hurling them at the rock again.

  I looked up. Baxter was almost here. There was no way in the world I’d be able to dodge round him. He ran closer . . . closer . . . I froze, paralysed with fear. The car seat was still in my hand. I looked down, checking the back was facing Baxter. He mustn’t realise Ellie wasn’t inside. I had to give Wolf every chance to keep her safe.

  Baxter stopped, two metres in front of me. He bent over, clutching his side and panting for breath. I couldn’t move. I gripped the car seat.

  Think, Madison. Wolf only needs a bit more time. All you have to do is delay Baxter – just for a few minutes.

  Baxter straightened up. ‘Give me the baby, Madison,’ he said sharply. ‘This has gone on long enough.’

  ‘No.’ I moved the car seat slightly behind me, checking again to make sure that Baxter couldn’t see it was empty.

  ‘A newborn baby should not be out in this wind,’ Baxter snapped. ‘Tiny infants can’t control their body temperature very well. You’re putting her at risk.’

  ‘You put her at risk by taking her away from her mother.’

  Baxter growled with impatience. Down below us, far to our right, the boat was drawing closer to the jetty.

  ‘Give me the baby,’ Baxter repeated. ‘Give her up and I’ll let you go.’

  I shook my head. No way did Baxter have any intention of letting me go.

  ‘You’re going to kill me,’ I said. ‘And the others. That’s what the boat is for. You’re going to take us out to sea and kill us and dump the bodies in the water.’

  Baxter said nothing, but he took a step towards me. I took a step back. I glanced over my shoulder. I was really near the edge now. One more step and I’d be over the cliff.

  ‘I’m not letting you take her,’ I said.

  Baxter raised his arm. I caught the faint metallic glint of the gun in his hand. My legs trembled.

  ‘I’m not giving you a choice,’ Baxter said.

  I took a small step backwards. The earth at my feet crumbled, giving way under my heels. My head spun at the thought of the dark, cold water below.

  Baxter was going to shoot me. He was going to take the car seat, realise the baby wasn’t inside, and put all his efforts into finding her.

  I had no proper idea how much time had passed since I’d left her with Wolf, but it was certainly no more than a minute or so. Not nearly enough time for Wolf to get Ellie to Jam and Lauren and make sure they were all safely away from here.

  ‘Madison, now.’ Baxter cocked his gun. ‘Put the car seat down.’

  I gulped. A light spray rose up from the water below, salty and damp against my face. And I knew what I had to do.

  Baxter pointed the gun straight at me. ‘I’m going to count to three.’

  I looked down at the curling crests of the waves. Blood thundered in my ears, louder than the sea. If there were rocks down there, the waves would be whiter, wouldn’t they? Unless the rocks were lurking just underneath the water.

  ‘One,’ Baxter spat.

  My whole body tensed. If I didn’t risk the rocks and the sea, I would die up here anyway. And Baxter would discover immediately that Ellie wasn’t with me.

  ‘Two.’

  I steadied myself, trying to psych myself up for what I had to do. A memory flashed into my mind’s eye from when I was eight and Jam and Lauren had saved me from drowning.

  They weren
’t here to save me now.

  ‘Three.’

  I was out of time. It was jump or die.

  I turned and, still gripping hold of the car seat, I hurled myself off the cliff top.

  38

  Finding Me

  For a few seconds, time seemed to slow down. I was aware of the cold air slicing at my face and arms as I fell, of the salt sea smell, of the sound of Baxter’s roar above me and of the slap of the sea against the rock face below.

  The car seat I’d been holding on to so tightly was ripped out of my hand by the wind. I opened my mouth to scream. And then the icy water hit me. The shock of it took my breath away. All my senses seemed to dissolve into the feel of the sea on my skin – so cold it burned. I sank like a stone, the water rushing over my head. I couldn’t breathe. Panicking, I flailed in the darkness. My hand hit something hard. A rock. It stung, but I wasn’t connected to the pain. I was fighting, fighting the water, fighting the fear that consumed me, clawing, desperate to find air. I had no idea which way was up. Currents pulled at my arms and legs. In my mind I was a little girl again, struggling to keep my head above the water, losing all feeling in my body, hearing the terror in Lauren’s voice. Knowing I was drowning . . . that I was going to die . . .

  My head burst through the waves. I sucked in the salty air, gasping for breath. My eyes strained into the darkness. I could just make out the rock face in front of me – sheer and high and dark. The jetty lights twinkled an impossible distance away. I could see the boat moored there too, the boat Baxter had brought to take us and kill us in. I pulled desperately at the water, trying to head towards the beach between the jetty and the cliff, but the current was too powerful. Panic spiralled up inside me. Why did it have to be the sea? It was the monster that had always lurked in my dreams. While other kids feared the shadows under their bed, I would close my eyes and hear the creaking of a boat, the suffocating water closing over my head. Not being able to breathe. My worst nightmare.

  I clawed at the water again. My hands were numb with cold. I forced my head above the waves. I had to swim to the beach. But I wasn’t strong enough. The current was more powerful. As I pulled at the water, trying to head for the shore, the tide sucked me out again. The sea all around was dark and vast. I shrivelled inside myself, suddenly aware of how tiny I was, how helpless against this force of nature. Waves crashed inside my head. Always before there had been Lauren. Strong and fearless, her voice had given me hope. And Jam . . . Jam had saved us both.

  But now I was totally alone. The current was too strong: it was pulling me away from them, from Annie, from my whole life.

  From Wolf.

  As I thought his name, I heard his voice.

  ‘Madison!’ Was I imagining it? I turned my head, spitting seawater from my lips, shivering with cold and fear. Where was the sound coming from?

  There. He was running towards me from the jetty, along the rocky beach. The jetty lights were just bright enough to show his outline, dark against the stones on the beach. How far away was the shore? Ten metres at least.

  Wolf reached the bottom of the high cliff from which I’d jumped. He stopped running and waved his arms. ‘Madison!’

  I tried to raise my arm out of the water, but I was too weak.

  ‘Madison! Swim!’ His yell was faint over the waves.

  I wanted to shout back that I could barely move. That I’d never been a strong swimmer. That the sea was beating me. But no sound came from my mouth. I tried to do what he said. I pulled with my arms and kicked with my legs. Wolf was still on the beach, as close to me as he could get. He called my name again.

  I fought to get nearer. But every pull of my arms seemed to take me back out to sea. It was hopeless. I looked towards Wolf again, hoping the sight of him would help, that I would find I was closer to shore than I thought, but Wolf was no longer there. I looked all along the beach. He had vanished.

  Where had he gone? Crushing misery threatened to overwhelm me. Had I imagined him? Or had he gone to get help? It didn’t matter. Without his voice urging me on, I wasn’t going to make it to the shore.

  Except I had to. For him. For Lauren. For Annie. For my beautiful new baby niece. I kicked and pulled. I wouldn’t give up. My movements grew slower. Weaker. I was exhausted. I lost all sense of time and place. The water was rising, covering most of my face. I swallowed a gulp of brine. Spat it out. I wanted to cry, but I didn’t have the energy. My limbs felt like they were made of cotton wool.

  Something grabbed my arm. A hand. Strong and warm, I felt the power behind it. Wolf was in the water beside me.

  ‘Come on!’ he yelled over the wind. ‘Swim!’

  He was here. Hope surged inside me. I kicked with my legs, trying to force myself on. Wolf pulled me after him, strong in the water. One stroke. Two.

  ‘Put your feet down,’ he ordered.

  I did as he said. To my amazement, my feet touched the rocky seabed straight away. I stood. The water was only up to my chest. Wolf pushed me forwards, holding me round the waist with one hand, clawing through the waves with the other. The rocky beach he had called to me from was in sight. Closer and closer.

  The water was up to my waist, then my thighs. A second later, Wolf stood too. He held me tight, propelling me on. The water was only at my knees. My legs were shaking. I couldn’t walk. Wolf drew me even closer.

  ‘Nearly there,’ he gasped.

  We reached the beach. Over the rocks. I staggered on, leaning against him. We stumbled across the slippery rock to the shingle beyond. The wind dropped slightly as we reached the shore. I sank to my knees, unable to stand any longer. Wolf fell beside me. We held each other.

  And then Wolf drew back. He pushed my wet hair off my face. I was shivering uncontrollably. He stood, ran across the beach. A moment later, he was back, his jacket in his hands. It was dry.

  ‘Put this on,’ he said, draping the jacket over my shoulders.

  I sank into it, grateful for its warmth. ‘Thank you,’ I breathed.

  ‘You were almost here,’ Wolf said, fastening the jacket round me at the front. ‘You’d almost made it. I just came in to help you with the final bit.’ His teeth were chattering.

  ‘Where’s the baby?’ I said.

  ‘Safe,’ he said. ‘With Lauren and Jam.’

  I glanced over at the jetty. Men were charging over the wooden boards. I peered more closely. I could see at least five of them. Surely there had only been two before.

  ‘Did those men come off the boat?’ I said, tensing again. ‘Shouldn’t we hide?’

  Wolf followed my gaze. Under the jetty lights I could just make out the word ‘police’ on the men’s dark jackets. One of the policemen handcuffed Leather Jacket. He marched him off the jetty and out of sight, up towards the house.

  Relief flooded through me.

  ‘N . . . no need to hide,’ Wolf said, his voice all jerky from the cold. ‘That’s the police.’

  ‘You called them?’ I asked.

  ‘Not me.’ Wolf shook his head. ‘I just gave the baby to Lauren then came to find you.’

  We stood up and made our way to the jetty. The wind still whistled around us and the sea still roared, but I was warmer now, inside Wolf’s jacket and with his arm round me.

  ‘What happened to Baxter?’ I asked.

  ‘I saw him running to the house as I was coming down here,’ Wolf said. ‘How did you end up in the water? Did he push you over the cliff?’

  ‘Not exactly.’ I told Wolf what had happened. As I finished, we reached the jetty. I could hear Lauren before I saw her.

  ‘She’s my sister,’ she was shrieking. ‘If she wasn’t with Baxter, she must be here.’

  ‘Lauren!’ I tried to call out, but all that came out was a soft croak. Wolf helped me up, onto the jetty. My legs still felt weak and I was suddenly aware of a throbbing pain in my hand, where it had banged against the rock under the water. I caught sight of Lauren further along the jetty, just past a couple of uniformed officers. She was g
esticulating wildly as she spoke, though the wind was carrying her actual words away from me. I stumbled across the jetty towards her. She saw me and broke into a hobbling run, clutching her belly.

  We reached each other. Lauren threw her arms round me. ‘Oh,’ she wept. ‘Mo, I thought you were dead.’

  We hugged. Lauren was holding me so tightly I could hardly breathe.

  ‘I couldn’t bear to lose you,’ she whispered. ‘You know that, Mo. Don’t you? You know how much I love you? You’re as precious to me as Jam and Ellie.’

  ‘I know,’ I said. ‘I love you too.’

  Despite the chill of the night air pressing my wet clothes against my skin, a warmth spread through me. A memory of how jealous I’d once felt about the baby flashed through my head. I’d been so wrong about that. Ellie’s arrival didn’t push me out of the picture at all. If anything, Jam and Lauren and I were closer than ever.

  One of the police officers ran over to us. He gently prised me away from Lauren.

  ‘Are you all right?’ he asked me.

  I nodded. ‘Where’s the baby?’

  ‘She’s fine. She’s up by the house with Jam.’ Lauren looked down at my hand. ‘Oh, you’re hurt, Mo.’

  I held it up. Even in the dim jetty lights it was clearly red and swollen.

  ‘We have ambulances on their way for Lauren here and the baby,’ the office explained. ‘I’ll take you up to the house. As soon as the paramedics arrive, we’ll have them check you out and get you warmed up.’

  I looked around for Wolf. He was hanging back, watching us and shivering with cold.

  ‘Wolf too,’ I said. ‘He came into the water to help get me out. I wouldn’t have made it without him.’

  Lauren reached out and touched his arm. ‘Thank you,’ she said.

  The police officer helped us up the hill to the house. As we walked, I learned that Declan Baxter had been arrested as he tried to leave the premises, and so had the men on the jetty and in the boat.