How to Speak Dragonese

  The Sharkworms were indeed circling the boat in tighter and tighter circles. Fishlegs could have reached out and touched one of the fins.

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  Fishlegs and Camicazi stuffed Hiccup into the barrel, and Ziggerastica flew in with him. They then hesitated.

  "Are you quite sure you want us to throw you over the side?" asked Fishlegs, looking in absolute terror at the fins slicing through the water.

  "Quite sure," came Hiccup's voice from the barrel, rather muffled.

  "With the Sharkworms?" asked Camicazi.

  "Just do it, will you!" yelled Hiccup. Camicazi and Fishlegs reluctantly rolled the barrel over to the edge of the boat, heaved it up between them and dropped it over the side to the gasps of the watching audience.

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  "BRAVO!" the spectators cried, for the Romans admired bravery, even in a barbarian.

  "It's such a shame," whispered Camicazi. "He was quite nice -- for a boy, of course ..."

  The barrel bobbed merrily in the water.

  Almost instantly the Sharkworms stopped following the boat and turned their attentions to the barrel. To start with they circled it in a leisurely way, almost as if they were sniffing it out. And then they began to move faster and faster around it, coming in closer and closer with more and more intent...

  "Oh, H-H-HICCUP," moaned Toothless, fluttering overhead with his wings over his eyes. "I hope this is a really good plan...."

  Inside the barrel Hiccup was hoping the very same thing. He was sitting up to his waist in water, unable to see out of the wooden walls of the barrel. The water was vibrating and the barrel was rocking from the wake of the Sharkworms' tails as they passed it.

  He was regretting this stupid plan already. He couldn't see or hear anything but the horribly fast beating of his heart. And then the water in his barrel began to vibrate.

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  That's the sound of the Sharkworms calling to each other, thought Hiccup to himself, shivering uncontrollably.

  CRUSH!!

  The barrel rocked crazily from side to side and Hiccup put both hands out to try to right it, frantically trying to see where the danger was coming from.

  [Image: Hiccup.]

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  That must be the wake from the Sharkworms' tails as they pass, he thought to himself, almost hysterical with fear.

  CRASH!!!

  The barrel spun around again, more violently this time. Hiccup was sent somersaulting upside down and rolling over and over.

  Watching from above, their hands over their mouths, Camicazi and Fishlegs could see the Sharkworms playing with the barrel almost as if they were gigantic cats playing with a mouse. Toothless was dive-bombing them, trying to attract their attention, but they took no notice.

  They batted the barrel to each other with the wakes from their tails, but they hadn't touched it yet.

  Suddenly they withdrew and re-formed in a slightly wider circle.

  Inside the barrel Hiccup rose spluttering to the surface. The barrel stopped spinning and there was quiet again, apart from the lapping of the water against the sides. Hiccup knew his dragons, he knew that they would only have retreated to strike now in earnest.

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  He had to fight the urge to burst out of the barrel and swim for the boat.

  He knew if he did this he was as good as dead.

  But it was so scary not to be able to see what was going on, and so hard to stay completely still when he knew the beasts were all around him, could be underneath him, could be just a meter away, could strike suddenly at any moment from any direction ...

  C-C-CRUNCH!!!!!

  The left-hand side of the barrel caved in as some immense force crashed into it. The wood just about held from splitting in half. Hiccup caught a glimpse of terrible black teeth no distance away from his nose before they retreated.

  "Ziggcrastical!" screamed Hiccup. "HURRY UP!"

  The Sharkworms were so close they were nearly touching each other now as they swam round and round. One of them let out a jet of fire like an underwater torpedo, and the barrel burst into flames.

  "And now, my clever friend," said Alvin, matching the floating, flaming barrel with the four

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  predators surrounding it, "O Defeater of the Seadragonus Giganticus Maximus and the Mighty Monstrous Strangulator -- let's see you get out of THIS situation! I think I may safely say I've got you now ..."

  SPLASSSSSSSH!!!!

  All four Sharkworms reared out of the water at the same time and spread out their wings.

  They were a terrifying sight.

  These two-headed beasts had eyes out on stalks, rather like a hammerhead shark. They were sometimes known as Thor's Lapdogs because of those hammer-shaped heads. Their back set of teeth could shoot forward to grab prey and then retreat back, dragging the unfortunate victim with them, as the tongue of a lizard flicks out to catch a fly.

  Their hammerhead eyes swiveled on their stalks; their powerful tails lashed the water. They drew back their first sets of teeth in vicious snarls, and the second sets shunted forward as if they had a life of their own, madly snapping together like an automatic killing mechanism.

  [Image: A bucket.]

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  For a moment they hovered in a terrible ring, their hammerhead eyes swiveling on their stalks to focus in on their target.

  And then they let out a scream and pounced, all of them diving in on the barrel together...

  CRACK!

  The barrel split from side to side, and to the utter amazement of the watching Vikings, the audience and the Sharkworms themselves ... Hiccup FLEW out of it.

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  [Image: A bucket.]

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  [Image: Hiccup.]

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  20. HICCUP THE GOD

  The Romans flocked to the Circuses in their thousands to be entertained.

  They expected a glorious theatrical experience -- blood, guts, heroism, feats of astonishing physical prowess.

  They were certainly getting their money's worth NOW

  This was a sight no one had ever seen before.

  A flying boy?

  The crowd leaped to their feet, amazed.

  Fishlegs nearly fell out of the boat.

  And slowly, majestically, Hiccup rose up through the sky with his arms spread out wide, as if held up by magical forces.

  [Image: A dragon.]

  "Brilliant," whispered Camicazi. "I don't know HOW he's doing it, but it's brilliant."

  Hiccup rose and rose up to the metal "ceiling" of the amphitheater, the netting that the sharp teeth of the

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  Flashfangs had failed to bite through in their terror ...

  At a single stroke of Hiccup's hand the netting split in two ...

  He burst through and hung in the air, every awestruck eye upon him.

  The Fat Consul fell to his knees. Even Alvin's jaw dropped.

  "MY NAME," boomed Hiccup, in a voice he had never used before, "MY NAME IS THOR THE THUNDERER, ANCIENT GOD OF THE VIKING TRIBES!"

  The crowd gasped.

  "WELL MAY YOU TREMBLE," bellowed Hiccup. "FOR YOU ROMANS HAVE INVADED SACRED VIKING TERRITORIES AND MADE ME MAD ..."

  "We're very, very sorry ..." stammered the Fat Consul.

  "FOR THIS," boomed Hiccup solemnly, "I HAVE

  [Image: Hiccup.]

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  SENT A PLAGUE UPON YOU AS THEIR LEADER ..."

  The Consul scratched himself miserably. "AND I SHALL PLAGUE YOU FOREVER UNLESS YOU PROMISE TO GO FROM HERE AND NEVER RETURN."

  "We promise," said the Consul. "Here," he sobbed, "I offer you my shield, O Mighty One, as a sign of your protection from the Romans. Never again shall we come this far north."

  "I WILL TAKE YOUR SHIELD AS A SIGN OF YOUR PROMISE," cried Hiccup, "AND ALSO THE BOOK YOUR SERVANT STOLE FROM ME ... OH, AND ONE MORE THING ..."

  "Anything, anything," pleaded the Consul. "I EXPECT YOU TO BE A STRICT VEGETARIAN FOR THE RES
T OF YOUR LIFE."

  The god-like Hiccup flew toward the Consul's balcony.

  Still on his knees, the Consul offered him the rectangular Roman shield. Alvin put his trembling

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  hand into his breast pocket and found the tattered copy of How to Speak Dragonese, the two halves sewn together carefully with golden Roman thread.

  He fumbled to get rid of the booby trap he had placed inside the book. For Alvin was a careful man. He had slipped something very nasty indeed between the pages, a nanodragon called the Venomous Vorpent, so that anybody who tried to steal the book would get a horrible shock. But one does not booby-trap a god, and Alvin was desperately trying to shake out the poisonous nanodragon, when he caught a close-up sight of the shirt Hiccup was wearing...

  "Hang on a second ..." said Alvin.

  But it was too late.

  Hiccup snatched the book from him (still with the Venomous Vorpent inside it, please note), and rose swiftly into the air.

  He held the shield victoriously above his head and made his final speech.

  "I HOLD THE SHIELD AS A SIGN OF YOUR PROMISE ... BUT IF YOU EVER BREAK THAT PROMISE, YOU CAN TELL YOUR CAESAR THAT THE FORCE OF MY ANGER SHALL REACH INTO

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  THE HEART OF THE EMPIRE AND ROME HERSELF WILL BE SWEPT AWAY BY THE DELUGE ..."

  Hiccup pointed his sword at the dam.

  Right on cue a couple of cracks appeared.

  And the dam split in half and numberless tons of seawater burst into the stadium.

  [Image: Men.]

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  21. YOU CAN'T KEEP A BOG-BURGLAR UNDER LOCK AND KEY

  The spell that Hiccup had cast on the audience was instantly broken.

  It was as if they had been sleeping, and had suddenly woken up to the reality that they were about to be swept away by the flood.

  Furthermore, everyone had forgotten about the Sharkworms. The metal netting that should have protected the audience had been broken by Hiccup. The Sharkworms were back in the water again, and they were already nearly able to reach the wooden seating.

  The audience screamed in terror as one of the Sharkworms leaped upward and was almost among them ... It lost its grip on the slippery edge and fell back into the water -- but the water was rising so quickly it was clearly only a matter of time before it succeeded in getting up to their level.

  Suddenly the afternoon's entertainment of "SURVIVAL OF THE FITTEST" had taken an

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  interesting twist. The audience who had laughed so heartily at the tables being turned on the greedy Sidewinders didn't seem so amused to find they themselves had become the prey...

  They stormed toward the entrance, shoving each other out of the way and screaming for the doors to be opened.

  The pressure of the water on the doors caused them to open anyway. They burst apart, and the water poured out and down the hillside.

  Fishlegs and Camicazi turned their attention to steering the boat.

  The flying Hiccup descended and landed beside them on the deck.

  Toothless appeared from nowhere and perched on his shoulder.

  "I am lost for words," said Camicazi. "How did you do it?"

  Hiccup pointed to his shirt. "Look a little closer," he said.

  The Vikings craned forward. Hiccup's shirt seemed to have changed color. Indeed, when they looked closer still, it seemed not to be a shirt at all. It was made up of millions and millions of tiny winged

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  creatures, all practically invisible to the naked eye and all clinging to Hiccup's clothing underneath. This was what had caused Hiccup to fly.

  The numberless armies of Ziggerastica. The little nanodragon himself flew out from his position of command on Hiccup's chest to bow to the Vikings.

  "This terrible, terrible plan," announced Ziggerastica joyfully, "has worked beautifully. I, Ziggcrastica the Mighty, have made it do this! How wonderful I am! How Glorious is my Empire! How numerous and powerful are my peoples!"

  "We were lucky too," grinned Hiccup.

  "I am almost sorry to leave you, O-Boy-With-No-Muscles-At-All," said Ziggerastica sorrowfully. "But we are quits now. I have saved your life in exchange for you saving mine and you are still a stinking HUMAN after all..." "Thanks," said Hiccup.

  "But this has been a great day for the little creatures of the world...'

  Ziggerastica gave a single command and the nanodragons instantly rose in a gray mass, like a small thundercloud, and disappeared into the sky.

  [Image: Hiccup.]

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  As they rose, they sang a song that the Romans would have been wise to listen to ... but they were too busy panicking.

  [Image: Birds.]

  A WARNING TO EMPERORS

  Watch out

  O Romans with your Empires and your Stinking Breath

  Watch out for the smaller things of this world

  For we are going to get you...one day

  You live your lives up in the skies

  Building your aqueducts and your coliseums

  And you never think of US

  Ticking away in the grassed

  But we see you

  And if you bend your car you just might hear

  The steady beat of countless feet that come to cat

  The wall that curls a hundred miles across a continent.

  That temple built with the tears of millions of slaves

  And turn to dust in our months

  So watch out

  O Caesars with Fat Bottoms and Hard Hearts

  Watch out

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  "Goodbye, O-Boy-with-Arms-Like-Pieces-of-String..."sang Ziggerastica, "and may the winds that blow you be strong..."

  And with that, he was gone.

  "Why did you let him go?" shrieked Fishlegs. "I hate to mention this but we're not free yet, we're still stuck in an arena surrounded by Sharkworms!"

  "The Sharkworms seem more interested in the audience," said Hiccup. "That's why I got Ziggerastica's armies to eat through the metal netting and to spend all night chomping through the dam. It was all part of my plan, you see -- now the dam has cracked, we can simply sail out..."

  Hiccup gestured to the open doors of the auditorium. The water was pouring out of them in a great river.

  "Brilliant," said Camicazi. "I've got to admit, that's brilliant... for a boy, of course."

  Hiccup was already at the tiller and he pointed the ship toward the open doors of the stadium.

  The Valhalla Express nosed its way toward the entrance.

  "We're going to make it!" yelled Fishlegs. "We're nearly there!"

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  The Valhalla Express was halfway through the door...

  ... but Alvin had spotted them trying to escape and given the order to send the portcullis rattling down. It cut The Valhalla Express in two. Fishlegs and Camicazi and Hiccup were thrown into the water on the wrong side of the bars. The sea was breath-quenchingly cold.

  "AAAARGH!" shrieked Fishlegs, almost rearing out of the water, he was so terrified of the Sharkworms.

  "Climb the portcullis," ordered Hiccup.

  The three young Vikings swam to the portcullis and climbed it, Hiccup towing Fishlegs, and with Toothless flapping behind them. Two meters or so up, they clung, dripping and terrified, like four little spiders.

  Through the slippery bars they had a tantalizing view of the freedom of the open ocean, hopelessly out of reach. All around them were the shrieks of the crowd, and clouds and clouds of escaping dragons. (The nano-dragons had eaten the locks of those giant cages too.)

  The Romans were running to their ships and setting sail back to Rome as fast as they could.

  The Sharkworms were taking over the island,

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  climbing over the battlements and destroying the soldiers' tents. One or two of them had already made their way to the Fat Consul's swimming pool and were wallowing in the water.

  "So what do we do now, then?" shouted Camicazi, her teeth chatte
ring.

  "I give up!" Hiccup shouted back, a sudden gust of wind nearly blowing him off the portcullis. His fingers were so frozen he wasn't sure how much longer he could hold on.

  "This isn't part of my plan. What more do you want of me? It's all up to you now. You're the Master Escaper, aren't you? You're Ze Great Camicazi, no prison can hold you ..."

  "Ze Great Camicazi will get us out of here," shouted Camicazi, "if you admit that girls are way, way better than boys and always have been ..."

  "Dream on, sunshine," grinned Hiccup.

  "OK!" shouted Camicazi. "Ze Great CAMICAZI will get us out of here anyway .. . You can't keep a Bog-Burglar under lock and key. Are you sure you want to follow me?"

  "Lead on!" said Hiccup, with a slightly mad laugh. "We can't hang around here forever."

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  Camicazi craned her neck upward. Some way above them, tethered to the top of the amphitheater entrance, was one of those enormous Roman observation balloons.

  "If we can't sail our way out of here," she yelled, "I vote we fly!" and she pointed to the balloon.

  "Ohhhh brother ..." moaned Fishlegs miserably as he climbed slowly after the others, "if Woden had meant us to fly he'd have given us wings ... Don't look down, Fishlegs -- don't look down."

  Camicazi climbed expertly upward, and she got to the balloon first, closely followed by Hiccup. They scrambled into the basket.

  It was empty except for a rather depressed-looking Gronckle, trapped in a cage right underneath the open mouth of the balloon. Every now and then he shot out a burst of flame that heated the air, and this would send the balloon bouncing upward for a moment before it was stopped by the rope that moored it.