Soaring

  “This will be discussed later between your mother and me,” Conrad declared.

  Auden looked at me. “Straight up, I want to live with you because I like your house, you and Mickey actually like each other and aren’t screaming all the time. Mickey’s decent and you love us enough to come to us, not jerk us around all over the effing country.”

  “I wanna stay with you too, Mom,” Pippa whispered.

  Conrad looked to his little girl, his little baby, his daughter who was always at his side, and the anger vanished.

  His look was now beaten.

  “All right, this is done,” Lawrie announced. “Con, the kids are staying with Amelia. You and she can sit down and have a talk when cooler heads can prevail. Right now, we’ve had a lot of drama and we need to calm things down and I’m afraid your presence here is not helping.”

  “I—” Conrad started.

  “Con, please. Go,” Lawr said low. “I can understand you don’t want to leave it as it is but quite honestly, it’s the kindest thing you can do at this juncture.”

  My ex-husband stared at my brother and he wasn’t angry or nasty. He seemed dazed.

  Then he looked to me. “We’ll talk?”

  I nodded. “We will, Con,” I said quietly.

  His eyes went to Olympia and came back to me.

  “I fucked things up again, MeeMee,” he whispered.

  Conrad calling me MeeMee?

  Yes, completely dazed.

  I pressed my lips together.

  “Dad, Uncle Lawrie asked you to go,” Auden declared, moving to the door and opening it.

  Conrad jerked and looked to his son. It took him a moment but he nodded and moved to the door. He gave Auden another look but Auden just scowled up at him.

  He turned to us all and mumbled, “Enjoy your Thanksgiving.”

  Then he walked out the door.

  Auden slammed it behind him.

  And I was shaking. Shaking uncontrollably.

  Finally, I couldn’t hold it back anymore and I burst out laughing.

  It was hysterical.

  I didn’t care.

  “En-en-en-enjoy your…” I gulped then cried out, “Thanksgiving!” and I kept holding on to my girl and giggling.

  “Yeah, right,” my daughter said, her voice shaking too. “Maybe next the bird will have salmonella and we’ll all get food poisoning.”

  I held her tighter and laughed harder and louder.

  “It really sucks what my sister did to you, Ash,” Auden said tersely, and I tried to control my laughter as Pippa and I turned eyes to him. “And it sucks more your mom has a problem. But as you can see, our dad’s a real peach.”

  “Our dad would so never cheat,” Cillian declared. “I was with him when he was playing poker with his crew. A jack had fallen on the floor in a suit he could totally use and he saw it and he totally coulda scooped that up but he didn’t. He called for a re-deal.”

  At Cillian’s words, I kept laughing.

  “I think, Cill, they mean—” Ash started.

  “Same thing, Ash, just a different game, baby,” Mickey said gently to his daughter.

  At his voice, I sobered and looked to my guy.

  I wiped under my eyes and kept hold of my girl, starting to announce, “Okay, Mickey, Ash and—”

  “Are freaking hungry,” Cillian interrupted me. “You got any of those horse do-overs?”

  I blinked at Mickey’s son.

  Mickey started chuckling.

  I swung my gaze his way and blinked at him.

  “Can I…Ash, would you come to my bedroom with me so we can talk?” Pippa asked.

  I tensed.

  Ash regarded her and then she nodded.

  Pip gave me a squeeze and whispered, “I’m good, Mom.”

  I looked to my girl. “You sure?”

  She nodded. “Yeah.”

  “Fix that.” I kept whispering, referring to Aisling.

  She knew what I meant and nodded again.

  I let her go.

  “This way,” she said to Ash and she moved.

  Ash followed.

  “Right, kid, you like cheeseballs?” Lawr asked Cillian.

  “The puffy kind or the crunchy kind?” Cillian asked Lawr.

  “The stick a knife and spread it on a cracker kind,” Lawr told Cillian.

  Cillian’s eyes got big. “With the nuts on the outside? Like, on Christmas?”

  “Christmas has come early this year,” Lawr replied.

  “Right on!” Cillian cried.

  “Let’s go lay it out,” Lawr suggested. “Kitchen.”

  They moved.

  I looked to Mickey.

  He was watching his son and my brother.

  I licked my lips and pressed them together, so deep in watching him watching his boy with Lawrie, I jumped when, from close, Auden said, “Mom.”

  I looked to him.

  “Need to take a walk.”

  I turned fully to him. “Auden—”

  “Just to blow off some steam. Get my head straight. I know we haven’t helped at all but—”

  “Go. Walk,” I said. “But don’t be long, kiddo.” I lifted my hand and cupped his jaw. “And we’ll talk more later about all that’s been happening. Okay?”

  Something I didn’t like but couldn’t quite read flashed through his eyes before he asked, “I gotta know now, you’ll let us stay with you?”

  I told him the straight up truth that would never change from that day until eternity.

  “My home is your home until the day I die, honey. You don’t even have to ask.”

  He looked like his face was about to crumble before his jaw went hard, he nodded, looked beyond me then he turned and walked toward the hall, probably to get his coat.

  “Amy.”

  I jumped again and turned the other way.

  Mickey was there.

  He was staring down at me.

  And again, I could get no read.

  “I’m so sorry that—”

  “Baby.” He grinned and my heart leaped. Then he gathered me in his arms and my heart melted. “You give good date. You give fuckin’ awesome holiday.”

  And again, I burst out laughing.

  * * * * *

  My phone on my nightstand rang.

  Sitting in bed, staring into space, I jumped, turned my head to it then grabbed it immediately.

  I took the call and put it to my ear.

  “Hey,” I greeted.

  “Hey back.”

  The weight had come back even though we’d managed to have a semi-decent meal (all because of Cillian, Lawrie, Mickey and, I was proud to say, me). The food was delicious and by the time the drama was all done and we ate, it was nearly time for Mickey and his kids to meet Rhiannon.

  They left half an hour early.

  That was when the weight settled hard on me.

  “You hit Dove House?” he asked.

  “Yeah,” I answered. “It was a good diversion. Hard to be in a bad mood around folks who were left behind on a holiday and were delighted with any company.” I paused, “And cupcakes.”

  He didn’t chuckle or give me anything to lift the weight.

  He queried, “You chat with your kids?”

  “Yeah,” I repeated. “Before Dove House. Not much more there than what you already heard. Martine is gone. She’s filing for divorce. Conrad has been offered a position in Austin that he’s considering taking, Auden says to get away from Martine, but there’s also another reason. Auden shared that they came to Maine because Conrad followed this woman who came to the house. This he learned during Conrad and Martine’s fights. She’s a neurologist and she’s moving to Texas. Conrad wishes to leave behind the mess he made of his marriage with Martine and follow her.”

  “Jesus,” Mickey muttered.

  “They both want to stay behind with me because they’re pretty ticked at their dad but also because they’re in school and they already had to move once, get the lay of the land, make fri
ends. They’re not excited about another move.”

  “I’ll bet,” he said.

  “That’s it,” I told him. “Obviously, I’ve told them I want them with me. I phoned Conrad and we made a date to have lunch tomorrow.”

  “You want me there?”

  Oh God.

  God.

  The weight started shifting.

  I closed my eyes.

  “Thanks, Mickey,” I whispered and opened my eyes. “I think I should do this just him and me.”

  “I’m on call, you need me.”

  “You sure?” I asked.

  “Fuck yeah,” he answered. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

  “Ash and Pippa,” I told him hesitantly.

  “Baby, I can’t say I don’t got an issue with your girl. But the way you laid her out, thinkin’ things are gonna change at school on Monday. Ash shared. Whatever went down in your girl’s room, she’s actually more worried about your daughter than she’s pissed or fucked up about what she did. She says this Polly kid is a fuckin’ mess, a freshman and she rules the school, within months of it starting, through sheer venom, which was apparently the way in junior high too. She’s gonna strike at Olympia and it isn’t gonna be pretty.”

  “Wonderful,” I mumbled.

  “Girl like that needs a lesson more extreme than the one you delivered to your daughter, babe,” he told me. “She hands it out, you go to the administrators. This shit needs to be stopped. I talked with Ash about that too. She said that would not be good in the way of the high school world, but I don’t give a fuck. Kids don’t dictate the way it is. This isn’t Lord of the Flies. Shit goes down that’s unacceptable, adults step in. This little bitch doesn’t back off Ash and steer clear of Olympia, she can’t continue her bullshit. She doesn’t do both those things, her rule is over.”

  “They seemed to be getting along okay during dinner,” I noted hopefully. “I mean, Ash isn’t super talkative and it was a little awkward. Pip was obviously embarrassed and didn’t know how to behave because she’s usually really social but that wouldn’t be appropriate. But it wasn’t the Antarctic.”

  “Don’t wanna hurt you, Amy, but I’m not thinkin’ those two are gonna be in the same crew. Ash told me her friends think your girl is a bitch by association so her eyes may have been opened to the way of things but it’s not likely they’re gonna open arms to her.”

  “Right,” I murmured.

  “She’ll find her way with better guidance from a mom who gives a shit than a dad who’s all about his dick.”

  That, I hoped, would be true.

  “Just to say, not to take any of the blame off Pippa, who deserves it—” I started.

  “You kinda made that clear,” he interrupted me and I heard humor in his tone, which gave me hope.

  “Yeah, I definitely did that,” I agreed. “But anyway, during our chat in my bedroom, Ash shared that the struggles she’s experiencing aren’t just about being picked on at school. It’s about her mom.”

  “No offense, but no shit, Amy.”

  I took no offense and soldiered on, hesitantly, “Also looking after her mom in the way you did when you were married, hiding it from Cillian.”

  There was a moment’s silence then a soft, wounded, “Fuck.”

  I hated to have to go on but this was his girl so I couldn’t hold back.

  “And me.”

  “Come again?”

  “The reason for the shopping trip. The change in your circumstances your ex-wife who you loved, who also loved you, would react to.” I explained.

  “Fuckin’ great,” he muttered.

  “I think Rhiannon is adjusting to that,” I told him, thinking I didn’t want to go back on my promise to Rhiannon but I could no longer hold back in sharing what could give the Donovans some hope after all that had spilled out that day.

  So I was setting up to tell him his ex had made the colossal step toward recovery…for her kids.

  “You guys sittin’ at my bar, drinkin’ tea, think you’re right,” he agreed.

  “Ash wanted her mom to know I was cool,” I kept explaining. “I think she wanted her to know that everyone was moving on and it was good and she was trying to make it so her mom moved on with the rest of us.”

  Mickey didn’t say anything.

  “Anyway, how was the visit with Rhiannon?” I asked, hoping he’d give me a natural lead in to share about his ex-wife.

  “Get this, the woman is in AA.”

  My mouth dropped open before I used it to ask, “I’m sorry?”

  “Obviously had to have a word with her to tell her what was up with Ash and the shit Cillian spewed. Took her out outside to chat. Told her what went down and what was said. Thought that would be yet another fantastic conversation for this stellar Thanksgiving.”

  I closed my eyes again.

  I opened them when he went on, “She then tells me she’s been in AA for a while, it’s goin’ good, she hasn’t had a drink since the night of town council meeting, and if I’m good with it, we can share that with the kids.”

  This was great.

  “Did you?” I asked.

  “Yeah. Cillian didn’t know what to do with it and neither of them did cartwheels, but Rhiannon didn’t expect that. She knows she’s got things to prove and that’s gonna be a long haul. But it was somethin’. She never admitted to having a problem. Now the woman’s in AA?” He paused before finishing, “It was definitely something.”

  “I should tell you,” I began carefully. “She shared this with me at Bed Bath and Beyond.”

  “Say again?”

  “She told me she was in recovery. She didn’t put pressure on for me not to tell you but she did say she wanted to do it herself. Since it’s hers, I agreed.”

  He was silent a second.

  I fretted that second.

  Then he said, “Since you and me got a future, you two gotta establish your own relationship and with that comes trust. Sucks she put you in that position but you probably made the right decision for her.”

  I liked his mention about us having a future but I still asked, “Was it the right decision for you?”

  “Guess if your ex came and shared somethin’ important with me that affects you and your kids that he didn’t want to share with you. Somethin’ I know might strain things between him and me when we all gotta try to keep shit loose and good. Somethin’ I know might strain things between you and me. I got no good choice. Then he shares it with you a few weeks later. If that ever happens, I’ll be able to answer if it was right or not.”

  “Are things…strained?” I pushed.

  “Babe, you didn’t keep her secret for eternity.” I could hear the grin in his voice. “Relax.”

  “Hard to relax after this day,” I told him.

  “No shit,” he replied.

  “Are we okay?” I asked.

  “Amy.” He said my name, said nothing for very long, terrifying moments, then he gave me what I needed. “I love you. I told you that. I meant it. I meant it in a way you needed to know so you’d know I want a part in your future, which means you definitely got your part in mine. You gave that back to me, tellin’ me you want the same thing. We had a rocky day. We’re fucked if we can’t get through the first rocky day we have together and do it whole.”

  I slid down the bed and rolled to my side, curling up like I could curl his words into me.

  “Amy?” he called when I didn’t say anything.

  “I’m here.”

  “Are you okay?”

  “Your ex-wife is in recovery. My ex-husband has outed himself for the loser cheat he is and the kids want to live with me. There is no longer any mystery around all the things Aisling is coping with, which means those who care about her can focus on helping her through them in a more directed way. I know why my kids were escaping their father. And you and I survived all that because I love you and you love me. It seems I actually do give awesome holiday.”

  He burst out laughing.

&nbsp
; I stayed curled up and listened.

  When he stopped laughing, he asked softly, “So you love me, Amy?”

  “I so love you, Mickey.”

  “Trial by fire today, baby. The extremes we waded through today proves we’ll get through anything.”

  I curled deeper into myself, curling that knowledge to me, that he believed it and him doing that made me believe it, and replied, “Yeah.”

  “More good, your brother is fuckin’ cool.”

  Mickey liked Lawrie.

  I loved that.

  I smiled. “Yeah.”

  “You got a good son,” he stated, surprising me. “He did what he did, gettin’ in your face, to protect his sister who took some hits from their dad before they got to you.”

  I hadn’t thought of it that way but thinking it then, I knew what I already knew.

  I did have a good son.

  He didn’t go about it the right way but at least he tried.

  “Yeah,” I repeated.

  “And your girl’s got courage. You laid her out like that, no mercy, your brother backin’ you, she’s got nowhere to turn. She pulls it up to ask Ash to talk. Says a lot, Amy. She’s gonna make it.”

  She would.

  God, I hoped she would.

  “Yeah,” I said.

  “We’ll all be okay,” he promised me.

  I hoped that too.

  “I’d be better now with your arms around me,” I told him.

  “We’ll arrange that, soon’s we can.”

  I sighed.

  “You in bed?” he asked.

  “Yeah,” I answered.

  “Go to sleep. I’ll call in the mornin’ to check how things are goin’. Then I want you to call me after you have your meet with your ex.”

  “Okay, Mickey.”

  “Right, love you, baby.”

  I sighed again through my, “Love you too, Mickey.”

  “’Night.”

  “’Night.”

  We disconnected and I reached out to put my phone to the nightstand.

  I stared at it.

  I did not go to sleep.

  I got out of bed, put on my robe and walked to my daughter’s room.

  I knocked and got no answer, so I went in.