The Princess & the Pauper

  "Where's the bathroom?" I asked.

  She looked me up and down, then snapped her gum.

  "I didn't hear the magic word, sweetie," she said.

  Magic word? What on earth was this woman talking about? Did I have to say "abracadabra" to magically open the door to the bathroom?

  "Uh ... I think she means 'please,'" the guy next to me at the counter said.

  I shot the guy a glare, then did a quick double take. He was about my age, maybe a little older, with light blond hair and eyes as blue as the protected lakes in Vineland. Just looking at him made me feel homesick.

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  I cleared my throat and swallowed my pride. I mean, I really had to find the bathroom.

  "Where's the bathroom, please?" I asked.

  The woman clicked her tongue at me. "Round the outside of the building on the left." Then she pulled out a stack of brown napkins from a holder on the counter. "You'll need these. We're out of toilet paper."

  I grimaced as I picked up the rough, scratchy napkins. And to think, before I'd come to L.A., I'd thought the United States was the most modern, civilized country in the world. I pushed through the glass door and walked as fast as I could around the side of the building, ducking into the bathroom just as Toadmuffin's drummer was coming out of the men's room. Apparently they all knew where the bathroom was.

  The stench that hit my nostrils when I closed the door behind me almost made me black out. It was no wonder they were out of toilet paper. The floor of the bathroom was covered with wads of it, along with mud, a couple of sanitary napkin wrappers, and a brown paper bag with some kind of stain on it.

  The toilet seat looked like it hadn't been cleaned in a decade.

  I want to go home, a little voice in my brain whined. But I knew that wasn't going to happen anytime soon. I was always telling everyone that I could do things on my own. Now was the time to prove it. Luckily there was a container of liquid soap on the sink. Breathing through my mouth to block the overwhelming smell, I squeezed a blob of soap onto one of my napkins and set about washing

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  down the toilet seat, even as my body yelled at me to just forget about germs and go already.

  Imagine what Mother and Father would think if they saw me now, I thought, a sudden irrational smile flitting to my lips. Princess Carina cleaning toilets!

  When I was finally satisfied with the job I'd done, I held my nose and did what I had to do. Then I scrubbed my hands for about five minutes before using a napkin to open the door again.

  When I emerged from that disgusting bathroom, I felt about five hundred times better. I felt like I'd accomplished something. Even if all I'd done was cleaned off a toilet seat.

  Tossing back my hair, I walked around the restaurant, ready to try one last time with Ribbit. And if it didn't work, then I was El Paso bound. Maybe this place was a big city where I could exchange my money and hire a car back to L.A. Or maybe it even had an airport and I could fly back!

  Suddenly I felt like I had some options. I felt like everything just might be okay. Then I came around the corner and saw the Toadmuffin bus pulling out of the parking lot, kicking up clouds of dust as it rumbled off.

  Everything was definitely not okay.

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  ***

  Chapter 25

  "In what year was the Queen Ariana Memorial Hospital built?" Fröken Killroy snapped at me, bringing a whip down on my desk. I looked up at her, my heart pounding, and saw that her wattle was hanging lower and lower, making her look like a half woman, half turkey. She glared at me and her eyes flashed red.

  "Baaaaawk," she said angrily.

  "Uh ... 1898?" I said, cowering in my seat.

  "Sit up straight!" she shouted, bringing the whip down again. "You're a princess!"

  Daryl and Theodore appeared out of nowhere and grabbed me under my arms, pulling me up until my back was ruler straight.

  "Name all the dukes and duchesses of Vineland and the provinces in which they reside! East to west. In height order!" Fröken Killroy demanded.

  "Okay...urn... Duke Charles and Lady Marielle of Glockenshire ...uh... Duke Michel and Duchess Corinne of...of..."

  I was drawing a blank. I couldn't remember a single province or the names of the lakes or the year the university was built. I couldn't remember anything about my country.

  Because it's not your country, a voice whispered in my ear.

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  You don't belong here, and they're going to find you out, and when they do ...

  I looked up and saw Ingrid standing next to me with a smirk on her face. Slowly she drew her finger across her neck.

  "You have to let me go home!" I shouted. "I just want out of here!"

  A million royal handlers closed in on me, circling around the desk, their eyes blank like zombies. I was just about to let out a scream when I heard a roar in the distance. The roar of a powerful engine. Suddenly the crowd of bodyguards split and a pair of headlights emerged in the darkness. A car screeched to a stop right before my desk. A convertible.

  "Leave her alone!" a familiar voice shouted.

  And then Markus emerged from the car, swinging his legs over the door and pushing through the crowd toward me. He reached out his hand across the desk and smiled, looking right into my eyes.

  "Don't worry," he said. "You're home."

  I smiled and took his hand, and suddenly we were in his car, cruising up the Pacific Coast Highway, the sun on our faces. And everything just felt... right.

  "You're home! Carina! Princess Carina! We're here!"

  I was suddenly jarred awake to find a stewardess touching my shoulder. I blinked up at her in confusion, wanting to be left alone so I could get back to my dream.

  "Welcome home, princess," she said, standing up straight and folding her hands in front of her. "Pleasant dreams?"

  I turned and looked across Ingrid's now empty seat to the window. It was daylight outside, and past the runway I could see green grass and towering snowcapped mountains.

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  I couldn't believe it. I really was in Vineland.

  "Carina?" Ingrid said, appearing behind the stewardess's shoulder. "Are you coming?"

  I stood up slowly and smoothed down my hair, my pulse already racing. What did Ingrid expect me to do? Was she really going to make me go to the castle and try to convince Carina's parents that I was their daughter? This was insane!

  "Would you mind giving me and my friend a moment alone, please?" I asked the stewardess.

  "Of course, Your Majesty," she replied, bowing her head. She disappeared out the side of the plane onto the walkway that led to the gate.

  I took a deep breath and looked Ingrid in the eye. She folded her arms over her chest and leaned against the wall. We stood there like that for a moment, staring each other down.

  "Ingrid, you have to tell me---"

  "Julia, I didn't mean to--"

  We both stopped talking. "You first," I said.

  "Okay," Ingrid said, standing up straight. "I'm sorry I tricked you, but Carina basically got lost in your country somewhere and we had to bring someone back to Vineland. You have no idea how much trouble she would be in if her parents found out what we did."

  "Do you have any idea how much trouble I'm going to be in when my mother finds out I'm in another country?"

  "So your mother will be mad--big deal," Ingrid said with a shrug. "Carina's parents will never let her leave the palace again for the rest of her life. Seriously."

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  I couldn't believe this. She still didn't care at all about me and how this whole little plot was affecting my family. I couldn't even imagine the condition my mother was in at this point.

  "Look, Carina will be here as soon as she can get a flight out of Los Angeles," Ingrid said. "I just found out her parents had to go to Sweden today for some funeral, so they won't even be back until the morning. Carina will probably be back by then, so just... play along, okay?"

  I was about to tel
l her she could just take her little plan and blow it out her butt. I'd make them give me a blood test, a fingerprint test, a DNA test--whatever. All I wanted to do was prove I wasn't Carina and get the heck home.

  "Carina's already in enough trouble as it is," Ingrid said, picking up her carry-on bag and starting for the door.

  A knot of guilt instantly formed in my stomach. She was right. Carina was in major trouble and I was responsible. Maybe I could just keep up the act for one more day. Then it would all be over. I mean, I had always wanted to come to Europe....

  "Carina, the car is waiting," Fröken Killroy said, appearing at the side door of the plane.

  "Coming," I said, shaking my hair behind my shoulders and pressing my lips together with resolve.

  It was time to take responsibility for what I had done. All I could do was hope that Carina had told the truth about her parents--that they were actually around as little as she claimed. Because there was no way they were going to believe I was their daughter. Maybe I could fool the world, but a parent is a whole different story.

  ***

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  Now that we were back "home," Fröken Killroy allowed Ingrid and me to have the princess's limo to ourselves. We were both silent as the car sped along a pristine highway surrounded by fields filled with grazing cows. The mountains rose toward the sky in the distance and the air was so clean it made me realize that I had been breathing in smog my entire life.

  Still, as beautiful as the surroundings were, they could do nothing to lift my spirits. I had never felt so alone. I ached to talk to my mother and let her know that I was okay. I ached for her to hug me and tell me everything was going to be fine.

  "Carina, listen," Ingrid said suddenly, casting her eyes toward the driver. "Don't tell Julia about ... uh ... about what you figured out this morning at the hotel, okay?"

  I turned and looked at her for the first time since we'd left the airport. She had this vulnerable look on her face that I'd never even imagined Ingrid was capable of.

  "You mean about you and--"

  "Marrr ... cellus. Marcellus," Ingrid answered, looking nervously at the driver again. "She'd freak if she knew I liked him."

  I glanced at the driver and saw him look at me in the rearview mirror. Apparently someone was always listening.

  "But Julia doesn't like Marcellus, does she?" I asked, raising my eyebrows.

  Ingrid sighed and pulled her cell phone out of her bag. She typed something into it and then held it out to me.

  no. but he belongs to her.

  My heart twisted in my chest and I nodded slowly.

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  What had I been thinking, letting myself have feelings for Markus? He was so totally, completely untouchable, it was almost surreal. Leave it to me to get my first serious crush on a guy who lived in another country and belonged to someone else. And, oh yeah, didn't even know who I was.

  I took a deep breath and let it out slowly. It was time to stop daydreaming about Markus and focus on the task at hand--getting through the rest of this day and night. Soon Carina would be here and I would go back to my normal life. It would be like none of this had ever happened.

  We had been driving along a high stone wall for a few minutes now, and the driver suddenly turned the car down a short drive and came to a huge, iron gate that opened instantly. We proceeded along a wide, winding drive bordered by beautiful fir trees. Then we came around a bend, and the castle appeared as if out of thin air.

  My breath caught in my throat at the sight of it. The palace seemed to stretch out for miles in either direction, and its towers reached far into the sky. The pale white brick of its walls shone in the sunlight, and a bubbling fountain stood in the center of the circular drive. I could see rich draperies hanging in each and every window, and red flowers exploded from boxes beneath the lower ones. More red flowers lined the drive, and a pair of horses were tethered to a post near the front door, making me feel like I'd just time-warped back to the nineteenth century.

  "Whose horses?" I asked.

  "Yours," Ingrid said, looking at me meaningfully, then glancing at the driver again. "You have six horses, remember? Jeez, Carina, how long have you been in America?

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  The grooms were probably just exercising them for you in case you wanted to ride this afternoon."

  Yeah, like that was gonna happen. The closest I'd ever come to riding a horse was the five minutes I'd spent sitting on a pony at a petting zoo when I was in kindergarten. I'd cried and my mother had had to pick me up from school.

  The driver parked the car and came around to open the door for me. He offered me his hand and I took it, staring up at the castle in awe as I stood. For the first time in my life I knew what the expression "it takes your breath away" meant. If I was going to be kidnapped from home, this was definitely the place to be held prisoner.

  "I have to call my mom," I said to Ingrid as she joined me at the side of the car.

  "The queen is in Sweden for the night, Your Highness," the driver told me. "She's staying at the embassy."

  "Oh--yes--thank you," I stammered. "I'll ... call her there."

  Ingrid hooked her arm through mine and led me into the castle. The foyer was at least three stories high and polished to the point of glimmering. My entire apartment building could have fit into that one room. An intricate mosaic of the Vineland crest decorated the center of the floor, and three women in maid's uniforms stood at the double doors across the way.

  "Those are your servants. The one on the left is your personal maid, Asha," Ingrid whispered. "They'll take you up to your room and help you unpack."

  "Wait! You're leaving me?" I asked desperately as she started to move away.

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  "I have to go. My parents are expecting me."

  "But... what do I do?" I hissed, clutching her hand.

  "Just ... stay in your room, use Carina's computer ... hang out," Ingrid said. "Either Carina or I will call you, and if you need me, just tell the operator to dial Ingrid."

  "Ingrid! Don't go!" I begged, my heart pounding. The servants were looking at me like, well, like I was a big, fat fake.

  "I'm really sorry, Carina, I have to," she said, her eyes genuinely apologetic. "Call me."

  And then she rushed out the door. Practically shaking, I turned to look at my servants and tried to smile.

  "Hi...," I said, tentatively approaching them.

  "Your Highness," they all said at the exact same time, in the exact same way. Then Asha stepped forward.

  "How was your trip, miss? I'm sure you'd like to wash up. We've already drawn your bath," she said with a small smile.

  "Uh ... thank you," I said. Then I saw the other two girls exchange a glance and remembered how Carina treated the people who worked for her. Well, that was one thing this actress was not going to get right. "I'd just like to go to my room and ... rest first, I think."

  I just need a phone, I thought. Take me to a phone,

  "Of course, miss," Asha said.

  The other maids opened the double doors for us and Asha led me to a huge, plushly carpeted staircase. I followed her up the stairs and then down a long hallway lined with doors. Finally she opened the very last door at the end of the hall and moved aside.

  I smiled at her and stepped into Carina's bedroom. It was absolutely huge and totally gorgeous. I mean, there were too

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  many flowers and frills and laces and fringes for my taste, but it was still beautiful. She had a four-poster bed dripping with pink velvet and plump pillows, and there was about a mile of open carpet between her bed and her desk, which held a brand-new flat screen iMac. And a phone.

  "Anything else, miss?" Asha asked.

  "No, thank you," I replied. "I'll be fine." I think, I added silently.

  "Ring if you need me," she replied. Then she shut the door and I was left in silence.

  I lunged at the phone. There was no dial tone. I was about to just burst into tears when a voice asked,
"Who would you like to call, Your Highness?"

  I blinked, startled. "Urn ... a number in the United States? California?" I attempted.

  "What's the number, please?"

  I recited my home phone number and held my breath while the phone rang.

  "Hello?" my mother answered, her voice strained.

  "Mom?" I said, hot tears springing to my eyes. I had made her sound that way.

  "Julia! Where are you! Are you okay?"

  "Yeah, I'm fine," I replied. I sat down hard in the desk chair and clutched the phone.

  "Oh, thank God you called. What is this note all about? And this money? Where are you?" She sounded so desperate and scared, I barely even recognized her voice.

  I looked around at the old-fashioned cream-and-gold wallpaper, the ornately gilded mirror hanging on the far wall, the painting of Carina hanging over her bed that

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  made her look like something out of a Jane Austen book.

  "I'm ... uh ... I can't tell you that," I said, closing my eyes. "But I'm going to be home as soon as I can and I'm fine. I swear."

  "Julia Lynn Johnson, you tell me where you are or you are going to be grounded for so long you're gonna need a walker to get down the stairs."

  Okay, she was starting to sound like my mother again. "Mom, you're just gonna have to trust me," I said quickly. "I'm fine and I love you and I'll be home soon."

  And then I did the hardest and probably the stupidest thing ever--I hung up on my mother.

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  ***

  Chapter 26

  It took about fifteen minutes for me to realize that Ribbit and Crazy Dave were not coming back for me--that they would probably never even notice I was gone. Dave was, well, crazy--definitely in his own little world. If he did realize I wasn't around anymore, he'd probably think he'd made me up. And Ribbit? He was so totally self-centered he hadn't even talked to me all morning until I'd come to him. If he remembered me at all, he'd probably wonder whatever happened to that psycho who thought she was a princess.

  I'd never felt so deflated. Just when I'd been getting used to the idea of going to El Paso and figuring out what to do from there, I was stranded in the middle of nowhere. What was I supposed to do now?