Christopher's Journey: Sometimes it takes being lost to find yourself

  * * * * *

  A couple of weeks passed. Everyone including Chris prayed for Priscilla's recovery and God answered their prayers. Priscilla's fever had ceased along with the aches, pains and chills. She was extremely weak, though and had only progressed to getting up and to a chair only feet from her bed.

  The doctor had stayed for two weeks then headed back to Shorlin when he felt Priscilla was out of the danger zone.

  "I want to go to the harvest dance." Priscilla cried one mid October day.

  "I'm not sure if you're ready for that yet, dear." Mrs. Browley stated.

  "I'm not planning to dance, I just want to go. It's still a couple of weeks away, I'll be strong by then, I just need to get out of this bed and try to go downstairs. Please, can I try, ma?"

  "We'll see." Mrs. Browley said, throwing Mr. Browley a concerned look.

  "Can I try to go downstairs, now?" Priscilla begged.

  A silence fell over the room as Mrs. Browley's eyes pleaded with Mr. Browley. "How about I carry you down today and you can read in one of the rocking chairs for awhile." Mr. Browley suggested.

  "Anything. Yes. I just need to get out of this room!"

  "Ruth, grab a slew of blankets and a pillow and get the chair closest to the fire ready for her. It's a mite chilly today." Mr. Browley said as he removed the blankets from Priscilla and scooped up his daughter.

  Mrs. Browley gathered two quilts and a pillow and rushed downstairs ahead of her husband. She laid one quilt over the cool, wooden rocking chair and put the pillow on the back of it. When Priscilla was placed into the chair, Mrs. Browley covered her with the second quilt and tucked it in around her legs, hips and back to assure no air would get in to chill her. She arranged the pillow into the small of her back and turned to stoke the fire in the fireplace.

  Priscilla leaned back into the chair and allowed one of her slippered feet to touch the floor, rocking the chair gently back and forth. Her mother brought her favorite book.

  “Ah, thank you ma and pa. It feels so much better to be downstairs. I’d almost forgotten what the downstairs looked like. If I never see my bedroom again, I’ll be happy.”

  “I’m sure you’ll feel differently once you get tired again.” Mrs. Browley stated.

  “I’ll sleep right in this chair, then.” Priscilla said in a joking voice with a smirk to her mother.

  “There’s my Priscilla.” Mrs. Browley smiled back and gave her youngest child a kiss on the forehead.

  Chris was finishing up his morning coffee in the kitchen when Mr. and Mrs. Browley brought Priscilla down, he had heard her complaining about wanting to go to the dance earlier.

  “I’ve heard a couple of people talk about this harvest dance, what is it?” He asked Hanna as she took two loaves of bread from the oven, laid them on their sides and covered them both with a cloth.

  “It’s a dance we have every year after everyone in the community is done with their harvest. It’s a celebration of what God has provided for us and a celebration of everyone’s hard work. It has turned into the biggest event of the year, here in Coar. I can see why Priscilla does not want to miss it.”

  “Are you going?” Chris asked.

  “Of Course.” Hanna said with a soft giggle. “I go every year.”

  "Well." Chris began, his mind jumbled. "Maybe we could, I mean... if you'd like to, um.. well, we could.."

  A heavy knock on the front door interrupted Chris's scattered thought. He still couldn't figure out if these interruptions were a save or a curse when he was alone with Hanna. He never could seem to get the words out correctly.

  Chris glanced at Hanna who had her hands submerged in the sink, scrubbing the bread pans.

  “Would you mind?” she asked.

  Chris nodded and headed to the front door. As he opened it, his smile quickly faded.

  “Hello, Chris.”

  “Cale.” Chris answered with a scowl.

  “How is Priscilla?” Cale asked.

  “She’s fine. She’s up and downstairs today. Did you come to see her or did you come to see Hanna cause they are both busy right now.” Chris lowered his voice so the girls would not hear him being so rude. His body stretched across the frame as if he was prepared to guard the doorway if Cale attempted to enter.

  “Uh, neither actually. I came to see Mr. Browley. Is he home?”

  “Oh,” Chris said, calming his tone. “Yeah, he’s out back in the barn with Mason.”

  “I’ll find my way. Thank you Chris.” Cale called back as he already made his way down the porch steps.

  Chris shut the door and returned to the kitchen where Hanna was putting away the dinner dishes.

  “Who was at the door?” Hanna asked swinging around from the sink to the plate cabinet.

  “Cale Edmund.”

  “Cale? What did he want? Did he come in?”

  “Naw, he wanted to talk to your pa. I told him he was in the barn and he headed back there.”

  “He... what?” Hanna gasped as the handful of tin plates hit the floor in a loud crash. “No, I asked him not to do this!” She hissed, scooping up the plates, throwing them back into the sink and running up the stairs.

  Chris heard her footsteps run down the hallway and her bedroom door slamming.

  “What is all the commotion?” Mrs. Browley asked coming in from sitting with Priscilla in the parlor.

  “Uh, Hanna dropped some plates by accident. Everything is ok.” Chris hesitantly said since he was not sure what was going on, either.

  “Well, that doesn’t explain why she went tearing up the stairs and slammed the door. I’ll go see what the matter is.” Mrs. Browley wasn’t even done with her sentence when she began heading up the stairs.

  Chris heard Mrs. Browley tap on the door, then enter. He could hear muffled voices but couldn’t make out what was being said. He could hear that Hanna was crying. He wanted to bolt up the stairs, find out what upset her and comfort her as he had throughout Priscilla’s ordeal.

  He, instead, walked into the parlor, throwing Priscilla a quick wink and to the back door window. He could see Cale and Mr. Browley speaking outside of the barn door. Chris was never good at reading body language but Cale looked nervous while Mr. Browley wore a strong decisive expression. He had his hands on his hips and nodded a lot but his face seemed tight.

  What could Cale possibly be talking to him about that would make such a face on Mr. Browley. Just then, Mr. Browley lifted an arm and patted Cale on the shoulder. His face was softened a bit and he began responding to Cale with shallow nods. He patted him again on the back as they walked up toward the house. Cale then turned, shook Mr. Browley’s hand and headed down the road. Mr. Browley continued walking up to the back door.

  Chris dodged the window and walked quickly back into the kitchen before he was caught spying.

  “Hanna?” Mr. Browley called when he entered the back door.

  “She’s upstairs with ma.” Priscilla announced. “What is going on, pa?”

  “I’m not sure what you mean. Anyway, it’s between your sister and me at this moment. You mind your own affairs, young lady.”

  “Yes, pa.” Priscilla hung her head then continued reading her book.

  After he ascended the stairs and entered Hanna’s bedroom everything went quiet. A few moments, but eternity to Chris, passed. They all emerged. Hanna was no longer crying but still looked extremely upset.

  “May I go for a walk, mother?” Hanna asked.

  “Of course, dear.”

  Hanna walked gracefully out the back door. Chris noticed as he glanced out the window that when she reached the end of the yard, she began running. She was still upset and Chris was determined to find out why.

  “She’s going to the peninsula.” Priscilla whispered from her chair behind Chris.

  “The what?”

  “It’s a part of the bank that jots out into the middle of the river but it’s
dry and grassy on top. It’s her favorite spot. You didn’t ask but I know you were wondering.” Priscilla stated with a smirk.

  Chris glanced over to the kitchen to see Mr. and Mrs. Browley discussing something at the table.

  “What do you mean?” Chris asked Priscilla in a whisper.

  “Please, I’m almost ten years old, I’m not blind. I know how you feel about my sister. Plus, nobody else is going to tell me what is going on...”

  Chris glanced back into the kitchen, then slowly made his way out the back door. He passed the yard and field, then followed the path Mason always took him fishing. He reached the river. ‘Peninsula... peninsula.’ he said in his thoughts looking left then right.

  He took a right and followed the river past the bend. As he rounded the curve, he saw her. Sitting on what appeared to be an island in the middle of the river but attached to one side of the bank. A peninsula.

  Hanna sat facing away from Chris. Her dress spread out around her and offered a sparkle of blue to the orange, yellow and red leaves falling from the dozens of maple trees. Her golden hair glimmered in the sunlight as a soft breeze made the wisps flow. She stared off into space, only moving long enough to dab her teary eyes.

  Chris slowly approached this angel not being able to take his eyes off of her. She was a vision. Crying or not, she was a sight to see. She looked straight from Heaven.

  Hanna jumped when Chris stepped on a fallen twig. She quickly turned her head and dabbed her eyes dry.

  “What are you doing here?” She asked as Chris walked across the peninsula.

  “I came to see if you were alright.” He said with true concern.

  “How did you know I was here? Did you follow me?” She asked with a slight raise in her voice.

  “No. Priscilla told me... um, once that this was your favorite spot. I just took a guess that you’d be here. Did you not want to talk about it?” He asked, kneeling down beside her.

  “I probably shouldn’t. There’s nothing I can do about it. I just can’t believe a decision like this was made without me.” She couldn’t help but to start crying again.

  “What decision?” Chris asked slowly.

  “Cale...” more tears.

  “What did he do?”

  “He came here to... to ask pa for my hand.”

  “Your hand?” Chris asked in complete confusion. “What does that mean?”

  Hanna glanced over and looked at him as though he had lost his mind.

  “My hand... in marriage.”

  “What?” Chris almost yelled. He wanted to jump up onto his feet but thought better. “I mean... I thought you liked Cale. You two seemed awfully close at his parents barn dance.

  “I do like Cale.” Hanna admitted. “but not in that way. We’ve always been such great friends but I’ve never seen myself marrying him. He wants to be a writer, ya know.”

  “No, I did not know that.” Chris said with jealousy in his voice. “What? You don’t think he’ll be successful, is that why you don‘t want to marry him?”

  “I know he will be successful, he is going to New York University in the fall. I just..”

  “Just what?” Chris asked taking the chance by covering her hand with his.

  “I don’t want to leave Coar.” She sobbed again. “I could never leave my home or my family and live in a big city like that. Not only do I want to marry someone that I love but I want to marry a farmer, someone who loves this place as much as I do.”

  Hanna’s eyes grew wide and took in a gasping breath. “I shouldn’t be talking to you about all of this. It’s too personal and not proper.” She pulled her hand out from under Chris’.

  “I don’t want you to feel that way, Hanna. I want you to be able to talk to me about anything.” He began saying something but then retreated.

  “If you don’t want to marry him then tell him ‘no’.” He said instead.

  “My parents think it’s a good idea. They know he’ll be successful, they know what good friends Cale and I are and they feel he’s my last chance in Coar. Everyone else is either too old or too young. I feel the same way sometimes but I don’t want to compromise my happiness because I feel it’s my only option.”

  “You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do. I don’t know your parents as well as you do but if you explain this to them, they will probably understand. I know your ma will. Cale is not your only option, Hanna.” Chris said, not knowing if he should finish that thought.

  “What do you mean?” Hanna asked looking into Chris’ eyes.

  “Well, you just never know who’s going to venture into town.. you know, like I did.” Chris hoped she wouldn’t read between the lines but, then again, hoped she would.

  She did raise her face to him but said nothing of the comment.

  "I just don't know what to do." She said hopelessly trying to find a corner of her handkerchief that was dry.

  “What would you tell me to do?” Chris asked, turning the tables on her.

  “I would tell you to bring it to God, pray about it and head into the direction He tells you to go.” The words flowed out of her as natural as could be as if she was really offering this advice to Chris. The fact that she was talking about herself made her stop. Her expression grimaced then relaxed as if her thoughts were shifting in multiple directions.

  Chris just smiled knowing that she, herself, had solved her problem.

  “I don’t know why I fret, when I know God is in control.” she softly whispered, folding up her hanky. “Thank you for reminding me, Chris.” she put her hand over his, briefly, then got up onto her feet. “Shall we go back? I have a lot of praying to do.”

  Nothing more was said about Cale in the next week. Chris’ nerves took him over day by day as he worried that he had somehow, without realizing it, convinced Hanna to marry Cale. He knew what he said to her was the right thing to say. It was in God’s hands and if it was His plan for Hanna to marry Cale.. he would just have to accept that.

  That’s what Chris’ brain said, anyway. His heart wanted to curse God’s plan if it meant he wouldn’t be with Hanna. Everyday was like walking on needles waiting for Hanna to reveal her decision, her answer from God.

  One cool afternoon, Chris was brushing the Sam’s when Hanna entered the barn.

  “Pa?” she bellowed through the long building.

  “Up here.” he called from the loft as he forked scoops of hay, throwing it down for Chris to later give to the horses, cows and goats.

  “I need you to come inside. Ms. Rougen is here and would like to speak to the entire family.”

  Mr. Browley climbed down the ladder which was nothing more than spaced out boards nailed to the wall. He walked to the front door of the barn then turned to Chris.

  “I’ll just throw this hay to the animals.” Chris exclaimed.

  “She said the family, son. Let’s go inside. Maybe the missus has some coffee to take the chill off.”

  Chris was taken aback by Mr. Browley’s comment. He had been invited to a family meeting. He felt a warm sensation come over him and could not hide his wide grin as he made his way to Mr. Browley’s side.

  They walked into the house to see everyone already sitting in the parlor. Priscilla was in her usual spot, the rocking chair closest to the fireplace, only this time she’d been making the trips downstairs on her own. Mason, Mrs. Browley and Hanna sat snuggly on the small sofa and a woman, Chris recognized from town and church, sat in the other rocker.

  Chris and Mr. Browley each grabbed a chair from the dining table and took their seats next to everyone else.

  “Pa, you remember our school teacher, Ms. Elizabeth Rougen.”

  “Of course.” Mr. Browley stated with a smile. “to what do we owe this pleasure?”

  “This is regarding Hanna. She doesn’t know why I’m here yet. I assume this would be purely her decision but I thought I’d discuss the idea fir
st with the entire family.” Ms. Rougen was sure to smile and nod at every member of the family, including Chris.

  She was the perfect vision of a school teacher. She was an older maiden, with dark hair, a gaunt face and a pointed nose. ‘All she was missing was a mole at the tip of her nose.’ Chris thought, immediately regretting where his mind was going. ‘That wasn’t nice. She was a perfectly kind person.’

  “I’m not sure if any of you have heard” she continued. “I have been looking for another teaching position near my home town. Not that I don’t love it here in Coar, I do, but I miss my family terribly and long to be near them again.”

  Everyone nodded, understanding what she meant, except for Chris.

  “Yesterday, I received a letter from my sister that there will be a teaching position at the school that she teaches in, in the heart of Minneapolis. Now, don’t worry, the position will not be open until the beginning of next fall’s school year, so I will be finishing this entire year and will be moving in the mid summer.”

  “Congratulations, Ms. Rougen. We are truly happy for you, although we will be terribly sorry to see you leave.” Mrs. Browley stated with an excited turned solemn voice. “What will we do for a teacher?”

  “That’s why I am here. There are possibilities to search for a teacher, possibly running an ad in the Shorlin and Branson newspapers, but my first thought was our Hanna.”

  Hanna’s eyes widened.

  Ms. Rougen continued. “She had expressed to me in the past a love for teaching and she is wonderful with the children. I could arrange for a test to be administered to you, Hanna, to allow you to graduate early. Then you could assist me to learn the ropes, so to speak. After several months, I would put you in charge of the classroom as I assist you. It would be a smooth transition for the children and an easy one if they’re left with someone they know. There is no pressure on you and please take all the time you need to think it over.” With that, she rose out of the chair as though she had a board down the back of her dress. “Let me know, dear.” She said, giving Hanna a warm smile.

  Hanna and Mrs. Browley walked her to the front porch, thanked her for the visit and opportunity, then came back in to join the family.

  “Well, this certainly changes a few things.” Mr. Browley stated first, breaking the silence. “What are you thinking Hanna?”

  Hanna shot a quick glance to Chris then turned to her parents. “I think this is the answer to my many, many prayers.”

  “What do you mean, dear?” Mrs. Browley asked.

  “Ma, Pa. I don’t want to marry Cale.” Hanna exhaled sharply as if the statement had released a great burden. “I don’t love him, I don’t want to leave Coar and live in a big city. I’ve been praying almost every moment of every day about where God wants me, asking Him for his guidance and to please tell me what to do. This is the answer. He wants me to stay here in Coar and teach!” Hanna’s excitement grew with each word.

  “The opportunity is a wonderful one.” Mrs. Browley stated. “but, why didn’t you tell us how you felt about Cale?”

  “I don’t know. I just felt it was what you both wanted and I didn’t want to disappoint you.”

  “No wonder you were so upset last week.” Priscilla said.

  “How could not marrying someone whom you don’t love disappoint us? We love you Hanna and want nothing but the best for you.” Mrs. Browley gave her husband a look of pride. “We are also proud of you that you took your worry, concern and question to the Lord.”

  She got up and crossed the room to embrace her daughter, kissing her on the cheek. “I suppose you only have one more hurdle to leap. You need to speak with Cale. It’s the fair and noble thing to do.”

  Hanna nodded nervously. “I will speak to him immediately. Do you mind?”

  “Not at all, dear, I’ll handle supper.” Mrs. Browley said with a smile.

  Hanna walked past Chris in slow motion. She looked into his eyes, then bowed her head to symbolize a ‘thank you’ to him.

  Chris did the same, for his prayers were answered as well. Hanna was not to marry Cale and he still had the chance to be with the one he truly and purely was head over heals in love with.