Christopher's Journey: Sometimes it takes being lost to find yourself

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  Several more years passed as Chris struggled to fit into the group. They continued to lure him into doing their petty thefts... mostly for food, candy and cigarettes. Chris was pleased, however, that he hadn’t been caught yet. The group just kept saying that he was closer to becoming a member but Chris wondered when he’d ever cross that line and earn his jacket.

  The group seemed interested in his progress and even gave him birthday gifts. For his twelfth birthday, they gave him a new pair of sneakers. For his thirteenth, it was a baseball cap and a new chain that all the boys were wearing. For his fifteenth birthday he got five, one hundred dollar bills.

  He anticipated what they could possibly do for him on his sixteenth birthday that was just around the corner.

  Chris’ mom never acknowledged his birthdays. She barely even acknowledged his existence anymore, at all. The only time she paid any attention to him was when something would happen that reflected onto her.

  “The school called me at work again, Christopher!” She screamed at him one day when he was fourteen. “They said that if you don’t start attending class again, they’re going to come to the house. I cannot have them coming over. You are going to make me lose everything, Christopher! You either shape up and do what you’re supposed to do or I will have nothing to do with you, you will be out!” She glared at him with pure hatred in her eyes.

  Why did she even put up with him when it was evident that she wanted nothing to do with him. She didn’t love him, she didn’t want him, she didn’t even care what happened to him.

  He did try to honor her wishes and would sporadically return to school but it became usual that it didn’t last long. The gang just needed more and more of his time. School was un-cool to them when there were plenty of ways to survive without an education. The easy life.

  Chris didn’t want to disappoint his mother but he didn’t want to disappoint his gang, either.

  The night he made the decision to permanently drop out of school, he snuck home after his mother left, packed up his small bag of belongings and decided to finally leave that world behind. His mothers previous words buzzing through his brain. “If you ever walk out that door, don’t even think about coming back. The moment you leave, I no longer have a son!”

  Chris clenched his eyes shut, took a deep breath and closed the apartment door behind him.

  Joe-Z had his own house on the South-East side of town and took in any member of the gang that needed a place to stay. It was run down, filthy and always crawling with thugs but it was a place for Chris to lay his head at night and he knew he was always surrounded by protection from his gang.

  Joe-Z took Chris in without hesitation and continued to show him the simple life of stealing, cheating and lying. “As long as you’re not caught, it’s the easiest way of life.” Joe-Z always exclaimed. That teaching was always followed by a glare and a scowl. “You just never be caught! You understand?”

  Two weeks before Chris turned sixteen, Joe-Z approached him with an ear to ear grin. “You got a birthday comin up, don’t ya? I have an early present for you.”

  Chris’ eyes lit up. ‘I can’t even imagine what it could be this year, what could top last years gift?’

  Joe-Z reached behind him and pulled something out of the back of his pants. It was a gun.

  “This is my favorite .22, so you’d better be good to it. I want you to have it.”

  Chris was taken aback, even though he’d not handled a gun before and felt some anxiety in his gut, he was enthralled by the shiny black beauty of this weapon. This had to mean he was closer to becoming an equal in the group. He reached his hand out to grab it but Joe-Z snatched it away. “Oh, no. Not so fast. This isn’t your whole present, this is just a part of it. Your present is thousands of dollars of jewelry.”

  Chris’ eyes lit up. “Really?” he almost squeaked.

  “The thing is, you have to earn this gift. If you get the jewelry, you’ll be insured a permanent spot in our group AND you get to keep 50% the loot. You have to earn the job, however, by competing for it.” Joe-Z’s sneer told Chris that he was serious.

  Chris wanted nothing more than to finally be an actual member of this group. Even with a fist full of jewelry, he could get a place and finally be out on his own. This was the only chance for him to make it. He had no place to stay, no education, no job skills or opportunities and no family.

  “How? What’s the competition?” Chris hesitantly asked.

  “You have to get the loot by performing your biggest job yet, you need to prove that you’re ready for such a responsibility. You get the job by earning the gun, you earn the gun by fighting for it. You see, you’re not the only one in the group that wants a shot at this. You’d be fighting Pauly for it.”

  Chris gulped. Pauly was one of the biggest boys in the group. “Pauly? He’s twice my size.” Chris protested.

  “It’s simple, Chris. You fight Pauly for three minutes... if he doesn’t kill you, the job is yours. You want it or not. This is everything you‘ve been waiting years for, don‘t throw it away or you‘d be throwing us away.” Joe-Z looked down on Chris with a stern demeanor. “You wouldn’t want that, now would ya?”

  “There’s always another way.” A voice echoed through Chris’ head. He closed his eyes to intently listen to this voice. It wasn’t his. ‘Grandma?’ he thought.

  “I taught you better than this Chris, there’s always a better way.”

  Chris snapped his eyes open, not wanting to disappoint Joe with his hesitation. “I’ll do it!” he said in his most manly voice.

  Chris, shoulders back and head up, strutted away from Joe-Z. As soon as he turned the corner, however, his head dropped and a tear escaped the corner of his eye.

  “I’m sorry, grandma... I don’t know what else to do.”