The Works of Henry Fielding, vol. 11

  Chapter xi.

  _In which Julian relates his adventures in the character of anavaricious Jew._

  "The next character in which I was destined to appear in the flesh wasthat of an avaricious Jew. I was born in Alexandria in Egypt. My namewas Balthazar. Nothing very remarkable happened to me till the year ofthe memorable tumult in which the Jews of that city are reported inhistory to have massacred more Christians than at that time dwelt in it.Indeed, the truth is, they did maul the dogs pretty handsomely; but Imyself was not present, for as all our people were ordered to be armed,I took that opportunity of selling two swords, which probably I mightotherwise never have disposed of, they being extremely old and rusty;so that, having no weapon left, I did not care to venture abroad.Besides, though I really thought it an act meriting salvation to murderthe Nazarenes, as the fact was to be committed at midnight, at whichtime, to avoid suspicion, we were all to sally from our own houses, Icould not persuade myself to consume so much oil in sitting up to thathour: for these reasons therefore I remained at home that evening.

  "I was at this time greatly enamoured with one Hypatia, the daughter ofa philosopher; a young lady of the greatest beauty and merit: indeed,she had every imaginable ornament both of mind and body. She seemed notto dislike my person; but there were two obstructions to our marriage,viz., my religion and her poverty: both which might probably have beengot over, had not those dogs the Christians murdered her; and, what isworse, afterwards burned her body: worse, I say, because I lost by thatmeans a jewel of some value, which I had presented to her, designing, ifour nuptials did not take place, to demand it of her back again.

  "Being thus disappointed in my love, I soon after left Alexandria andwent to the imperial city, where I apprehended I should find a goodmarket for jewels on the approaching marriage of the emperor withAthenais. I disguised myself as a beggar on this journey, for thesereasons: first, as I imagined I should thus carry my jewels with greatersafety; and, secondly, to lessen my expenses; which latter expedientsucceeded so well, that I begged two oboli on my way more than mytravelling cost me, my diet being chiefly roots, and my drink water.

  "But, perhaps, it had been better for me if I had been more lavish andmore expeditious; for the ceremony was over before I reachedConstantinople; so that I lost that glorious opportunity of disposingof my jewels with which many of our people were greatly enriched.

  "The life of a miser is very little worth relating, as it is oneconstant scheme of getting or saving money. I shall therefore repeat toyou some few only of my adventures, without regard to any order.

  "A Roman Jew, who was a great lover of Falernian wine, and who indulgedhimself very freely with it, came to dine at my house; when, knowing heshould meet with little wine, and that of the cheaper sort, sent me inhalf-a-dozen jars of Falernian. Can you believe I would not give thisman his own wine? Sir, I adulterated it so that I made six jars of[them] three, which he and his friend drank; the other three Iafterwards sold to the very person who originally sent them me, knowinghe would give a better price than any other.

  "A noble Roman came one day to my house in the country, which I hadpurchased, for half the value, of a distressed person. My neighbourspaid him the compliment of some music, on which account, when hedeparted, he left a piece of gold with me to be distributed among them.I pocketed this money, and ordered them a small vessel of sour wine,which I could not have sold for above two drachms, and afterwards madethem pay in work three times the value of it.

  "As I was not entirely void of religion, though I pretended toinfinitely more than I had, so I endeavoured to reconcile mytransactions to my conscience as well as possible. Thus I never invitedany one to eat with me, but those on whose pockets I had some design.After our collation it was constantly my method to set down in a book Ikept for that purpose, what I thought they owed me for their meal.Indeed, this was generally a hundred times as much as they could havedined elsewhere for; but, however, it was _quid pro quo_, if not _advalorem_. Now, whenever the opportunity offered of imposing on them Iconsidered it only as paying myself what they owed me: indeed, I did notalways confine myself strictly to what I had set down, howeverextravagant that was; but I reconciled taking the overplus to myself asusance.

  "But I was not only too cunning for others--I sometimes overreachedmyself. I have contracted distempers for want of food and warmth, whichhave put me to the expence of a physician; nay, I once very narrowlyescaped death by taking bad drugs, only to save one seven-eighth percent. in the price.

  "By these and such like means, in the midst of poverty and every kind ofdistress, I saw myself master of an immense fortune, the casting up andruminating on which was my daily and only pleasure. This was, however,obstructed and embittered by two considerations, which against my willoften invaded my thoughts. One, which would have been intolerable (butthat indeed seldom troubled me), was, that I must one day leave mydarling treasure. The other haunted me continually, viz., that my richeswere no greater. However, I comforted myself against this reflection byan assurance that they would increase daily: on which head my hopes wereso extensive that I may say with Virgil--

  '_His ego nec metas rerum nec tempora pono._'

  Indeed I am convinced that, had I possessed the whole globe of earth,save one single drachma, which I had been certain never to be masterof--I am convinced, I say, that single drachma would have given me moreuneasiness than all the rest could afford me pleasure.

  "To say the truth, between my solicitude in contriving schemes toprocure money and my extreme anxiety in preserving it, I never had onemoment of ease while awake nor of quiet when in my sleep. In all thecharacters through which I have passed, I have never undergone half themisery I suffered in this; and, indeed, Minos seemed to be of the sameopinion; for while I stood trembling and shaking in expectation of mysentence he bid me go back about my business, for that nobody was to bed----n'd in more worlds than one. And, indeed, I have since learnt thatthe devil will not receive a miser."