Mortal Mistakes

  Robert’s eyes were closed. He was in deep thought about cutting into the stomach of a small child, but the fragrance immediately caught his attention. He opened his eyes without straightening from his slumped posture. He called on his peripheral vision and examined her feet and calves. It must be her. He wished that he hadn’t placed a newspaper barrier in the seat beside him this morning.

  “Good morning," she greeted.

  Having almost embarrassed himself on the fourth of July by assuming that she was speaking to him, he now gathered that she must be speaking to someone else.

  She continued, “Still asleep? Been there, done that, myself.”

  He continued to assume that she was talking to someone else.

  “Mind if I look at your newspaper?" She rattled the paper that separated them. It startled him. His face flushed when he realized that she had indeed been talking to him. His heart raced.

  “Sure," he barely managed to come out with the single word, as he sat more upright.

  “Good morning to you too,” he said, I thought—" He fumbled for words, as he handed the paper to her. For an instant their eyes met. He quickly turned away, convinced that she would notice how flushed his face was. He was wearing a bright red baseball cap this morning, so she assumed that the red in his face was a reflection from the cap.

  “Thanks a bunch. Sorry I disturbed you. You can go back to sleep," she said jovially. “I’ll try to be quiet while I look at your paper." She smiled and wondered why he didn’t look at her.

  He must be in a bad mood, she supposed. She crossed her legs and unfolded the paper over her knee length skirt.

  Robert felt sure that she could detect the pounding of his heart. ‘Go back to sleep,‘ he thought, I couldn’t possibly sleep. He was eager to hear her say something else, to talk with her, to say something, anything; to tell her what a huge impression she made on their previous encounters, or to ask her name, or to tell her how beautiful she was. But words simply wouldn’t come out of his mouth.

  He continued to stare at the floor, while she slowly turned the pages of the newspaper. He deliberately slowed his breathing and inhaled through his nose in an effort to calm himself. His deeper breaths also allowed him to capture more of her fragrance. He had not felt so exhilarated since he saw her the last time, on the fourth of July. That encounter ended in total disappointment. He strained his peripheral vision to see as much of her as possible without being obvious.

  Something caused a delayed attraction to Jan’s attention, and she flipped a page backwards. It was a Chantley Gallery ad that offered a twenty percent discount sale through the weekend. She thought of the painting that her brother recently gave her, and then she thought of Stan. He described his apartment as bleak. She wondered if she might find a painting that would add some cheerfulness to his place. In any case, it would give her an excuse to visit and check up on him. And she really wanted to do something to lift his spirits. She leaned toward Robert, tapped his shoulder, and at the same time softly said, “Asleep again?"

  “No!" He was caught by complete surprise again. “Just thinking."

  He sat upright and turned in her direction but didn’t make eye contact.

  “Would you mind if I tear this ad out of your paper?" She pointed toward the advertisement.

  “No, I don‘t mind at all. You can keep the whole paper if you like." He was proud of his accomplishment in answering her query. Slow breathing had helped his nervousness. He was pleased too, with his quick response of generosity. He hoped that she was impressed.

  “No, I’ll just tear the coupon ad out, if that’s okay." She began to tear the page.

  “Here“, he quickly fumbled for his pocket knife. “You can use this."

  He opened the oversized knife and extended it toward her. She glanced at the knife. It had what looked like dried blood on the blade.

  “That’s okay. I think I've about got it. Thanks anyway." She didn’t want to touch the knife.

  “You sure? I can cut it out for you." He looked directly at her now without realizing it. He didn’t want to lose an opportunity to be of service.

  “No. I've got it. Thanks." She folded the newspaper and pushed it toward him.

  Still holding the knife in his right hand, he took the newspaper with his left hand. He turned his eyes away from her. She noticed that he wore no rings and his hands looked soft, smooth, and clean. They looked as if they could be the hands of a professional musician. The baseball cap and work shoes didn’t seem to fit that image though. She studied the side profile of his face. He seemed vaguely familiar to her.

  “Lake Street." A muffled voice spoke through the train’s speakers.

  “Well, have to go. Thanks for letting me borrow your paper; and for the ad. Sorry again for bothering you." Jan said cheerfully, as she rose to leave the car.

  Robert had to restrain himself from holding his ears as he usually did to block the squealing sound of the train’s brakes. He still held the knife in his right hand and as he swiftly rose to his feet, he thrust his right hand upward in a sharp motion and awkwardly dropped the knife as he lifted his baseball cap. The knife made a loud thump on the floor.

  “Goodbye. Have a good day. Are you sure you don’t want the newspaper?" He asked, making a final friendly gesture and holding the paper in the air.

  “No thanks." She smiled back at him as she left the car.

  His last words and gesture left her with a strong sense of déjà vu. She turned quickly, to look back into the coach windows with a puzzled expression. The train doors were closing and the train began to move. Robert made a small wave with the newspaper.

  “Why did I have to look so stupid?" he whispered. He smacked his thigh with the newspaper in disgust, and groped under the seat for the dropped knife. Then he angrily slapped his thigh again in self-reproach.

  *****

  A noise from the direction of the living room of her apartment caused Karen to stir. She wondered if she had forgotten to lock the door. She tried to rise from the bed but her body felt as though it had doubled in weight. Her eyes were heavy too. She looked out of her bedroom door into the living room. She saw only the faint light from a street lamp that shined through a curtained window and dimly lit the room. She strained to keep her eyes open but lost the battle and fell sound asleep again.

  After what seemed like only a few seconds to her, another noise grabbed her attention. Again, she looked through the open bedroom door toward the living room. This time, through heavy eyes, she saw a short interruption of the ambient light from the street lamp as though someone had walked through the living room in front of the window.

  Now she was scared and determined to get out of bed. But again she felt as though a tremendous weight was holding her down. No matter how hard she tried to raise herself, she felt as though she were strapped to the bed. She tried to remember if she might have taken too many of the pills that the doctor gave her. Maybe it was a combination of wine and tranquilizer that has paralyzed me, she thought.

  A bright light flashed across the hallway, from the direction of Jenny‘s room. Jenny! Karen tried to cry out, but something prevented her from getting the sound out of her mouth. It seemed to her as though her mouth was being held closed; as though her lips couldn’t move. She felt a desperate need to get to Jenny.

  Suddenly a silhouette darkened her doorway. With the light behind them, Karen couldn’t make out a face; but she could tell that it was a man. She could make out the outline of a baseball cap and could see his white tee shirt. It couldn’t be Stan. He never wore a baseball cap or tee shirts.

  Terror engulfed her. Her heart raced. She heard heavy breathing coming from the silhouette. She saw his hand reach into his trouser pocket. Then she saw something flash in his hand. He turned from where he stood and moved toward Jenny’s room.

  Oh, God. It’s a knife! He has a knife! Jenny! She tried to scream t
he words but no sound would escape from her mouth. Karen was overcome with panic. Her heart was pounding so hard that she felt like it would explode. With one final strain of every muscle in her body, she thrust herself and the weight that was constraining her upwards!

  “Jennnnneeeeee!” Karen was finally able to scream.

  *****

  Stan rose suddenly from his bed. He thought that the scream that awakened him came from across the hall. He hurried to slip on his pants. He stepped quietly but quickly across the hallway. He stood in front of the door of the apartment that faced his, and listened intently.

  Stan had seen the young man who lived in that apartment only briefly. He seemed to be a loner, which had been okay with Stan. He had no interest in becoming chummy with other residents of the run down building. He concluded before he moved in, that only sleaze bag people would live in such a place. And while he was forced to live there by financial circumstances, he considered himself to be above other residents.

  When he failed to hear any sound coming from the stranger’s apartment, Stan shuffled back across the hall to his own unit.

  I guess I must have dreamed that I heard a scream, he thought.

  *****

  Jenny let out a whimper as she tumbled onto her mother’s lap from her chest where she had been lying. The back of her head banged against the top of Karen’s knee. Karen shook her own head vigorously. Jenny whimpered again and looked up at her mother’s face with anxious eyes. Karen, still in yesterday’s attire, was sitting upright on the edge of her bed with Jenny lying awkwardly on her lap on her back and facing her mother.

  Jenny woke earlier and left her own bed to join Karen who was still asleep. She had been lying on top of Karen‘s chest pensively studying her mother’s face with one of her little arms laying across Karen's mouth. When Karen screamed and bolted upright, Jenny was suddenly thrust from Karen’s chest onto her lap. The child didn‘t quite know how to respond. She continued to look up at her mother with wide anxious eyes.

  “Oh my. Oh goodness." Karen began a return to reality. “Good morning sweetheart." The words trickled out. Karen curled her arms around Jenny, pulled her up, and hugged her tightly for a few minutes, then began rocking her. “I see you woke up before Mommy did." Karen yawned and struggled to shake off the remains of her drowsiness. After fully waking, her thoughts quickly picked up where they left off as she fell asleep.

  Oh, Stan. Stan, where are you? She was interrupted by Jenny.

  “Wahn cuh-hii.”

  “Sweetie, Mommy will fix you some nice warm cereal first, then maybe a cookie," She hugged the child closer.

  “Oh-kaay, Mummih." She returned the hug.

  Karen moved to the kitchen and prepared instant oatmeal for both of them. After they finished their breakfast, Karen interested Jenny in a television cartoon, while she showered and dressed. She talked to herself as she showered. “What caused that nightmare? What in the world could that dream mean?”

  She studied herself in a mirror as she toweled. Her eyes looked tired. She recalled that Dr. Ravit said he wanted to see her again this morning. Maybe he knows how to get in touch with Stan. I’ll drive straight to his office, soon as I‘m dressed.

  Then Karen remembered that her car was still at the doctor’s office. As soon as she dressed and applied a minimum of makeup, she hurriedly pushed buttons on her phone to call her best friend.

  “Pau, it’s me. Listen, I need a big, big favor. I need a ride to Dr. Ravit’s office this morning, as soon as you can. No, no. Nothing’s wrong with me or Jenny. I left my car there yesterday evening. ‘Why?’, she echoed. It’s too long a story for the phone, Pau. I’ll explain later. Can you come over right away? Great. Thanks Pau.”

  “Jen, come get dressed, honey. We may go see your daddy today." She exclaimed with widened eyes, and made a big smile for Jenny.

  “Daaaaahih?" Jenny exclaimed.

  “Yes, sweetie, Daddy.”

  Paula arrived thirty minutes later in her convertible sports car. Karen and Jenny met her at the street.

  “I guess you’ll have to strap Jenny in your lap, Kay. Sorry. No back seat." Paula smiled, nodding behind her.

  “Sorry? A lot of people would give their eye teeth for this car." Karen returned the smile. “Jen will be fine in my lap. Won’t you sweetie?" Jenny was intrigued by a car with no top. She pointed up.

  “Pau, maybe we had better put the top up though. There’s so much attention being paid to children not riding in car seats. Let‘s don‘t make it so obvious.”

  “No problem," Paula said. She raised the top. “Now tell me what’s happening. Why’s your car at the Dr.’s office?”

  “Well, as I said, it’s a long story. I went there yesterday because Jenny had gotten a cut on her knee at the nursery.”

  Karen replayed every detail of her conversation with Dr. Ravit, for Paula. She again confessed her many faults and her mistakes of misjudging Stan and Jan too. Her eyes fought against burning moisture. There was a long silence interrupted only by the powerful hum of the car's engine.

  “We all make mistakes Kay. I’ve sure made my share. You just need to let Stan know that you were wrong. Be totally honest with him.”

  “I’ve got to find him first, Pau. I just hope to God, I find him soon and that he’ll forgive me.”

  “Me too, Kay. Me—e too!" Paula turned her car into Dr. Ravit’s parking lot. “Do you want me to stay with you?”

  “No. You’ve done enough Pau. I really, really, appreciate it. I’ll call you later." Karen quickly unbuckled herself and Jenny, and stepped out of the car.

  “Love you Kay. Good luck. Be sure and call me later."

  *****

  Karen anxiously entered the doctor’s waiting room. Great! Only one other person, she thought.

  “Good morning Mary. Dr. Ravit said I should see him again this morning.”

  “Good morning Mrs. Bronsky. Yes, he told me to work you in. You’re in luck. We had a couple of cancellations. I‘ll take you back, in just a few minutes.”

  Karen shared a story book with Jenny while they waited.

  Mary bid a departing patient good day, and then escorted another to a exam room.

  Karen and Jenny were alone in the waiting room now. Having finished one book, Jenny lay on one end of a couch on her back, with her head on the couch’s arm and her legs crossed. She was enjoying looking at pictures in a book about kittens. She had looked at the book the day before. Another patient passed through the waiting room to leave.

  “Have a good day Mr. Harper," Mary said. “Ready Mrs. Bronsky? You can come with me.”

  Mary led Karen and Jenny into Dr. Ravit’s personal office. Karen wondered if it was going to be okay for Jenny to stay with her, but didn’t ask, as Mary was quick to close the office door and return to her post.

  “Good morning Karen," Dr. Ravit boomed as he entered his office from a side door. “How’s Miss Jenny this morning?" He tickled her chin and Jenny smiled. He looked into Karen‘s eyes. “How did it go last night? Did you get some sleep?”

  “Yes, I did. In fact I overslept. That pill you gave me must have really zonked me." She smacked her palm against her forehead to demonstrate her point. “I didn’t have to take another. I was so tired that I really didn’t spend much time thinking about everything that you told me. I went straight to sleep. But I did have an awful dream.”

  “Really?” He noted the frown lines on her face.

  “Yes. I guess it was a nightmare or something. I dreamed that a man came into our—" Karen stopped short.

  She suddenly realized that it was indeed the same man that she had dreamed about several months ago in another nightmare.

  “Do you believe in premonitions, Dr. Ravit?"

  “Well, I can’t say that I have personally experienced a premonition. But there have been some interesting studies done on the subject.”

&nbs
p; “Well, I’ve dreamed about this same man, a stranger, before. Both dreams were very upsetting. Anyhow, I did sleep soundly I suppose, right through the night. I just wish that I hadn't had the nightmare. And I wish that I knew if the dream was a premonition or something.” She lowered her voice to a whisper. “Both times that I've had it, it was about a strange man with a knife and Jenny.”

  “I wouldn't worry too much about the dream unless it continues to recur. Most bad dreams are the result of negative emotional experiences. It's good that you were able to rest. Have you thought about what you will do now?”

  “Well, I know that the first thing I want to do is find Stan and tell him how terribly sorry I am about being so wrong. And then, I’m going to beg him to forgive me. If he will, then we’ll go from there." Tears started to appear in the corners of her eyes.

  “Good. That sounds like a good plan, Karen.”

  The doctor went over Stan’s recent medical prognosis again. He wanted to make sure that Karen had understood everything that he told her yesterday. Given her emotional condition at the time, he reasoned that she might not have understood everything. His review again brought tears to her eyes.

  “Dr. Ravit, you said Stan was supposed to see you again, but didn‘t show up. Do you have his address or phone number? I don‘t have either one.”

  “Let me check with Mary. She should know." He pushed a button on his desk phone. “Mary, would you please get me a current address and phone number for Mr. Bronsky.

  Mary looked puzzled. Why doesn’t he just ask Mrs. Bronsky? Oh, well. She punched a few buttons on her computer and relayed the information to the doctor. He scribbled on a notepad and handed it to Karen.

  “That’s our old address and phone number," she said.

  He buzzed Mary again and asked her to double check to see if there might not be more recent information. After a few more minutes, somewhat annoyed at a second request, she answered in the negative.

  “I’m sorry, Karen, looks like that’s all we have. Tell you what. Let me call Red Griedlach and see if he has anything different." He picked up his telephone and started to dial Dr. Griedlach‘s personal number, then looked at his watch and hung up. “He’s probably still making rounds," he said. He buzzed Mary and turned the task over to her.