The Air He Breathes

  “She’s awake?” I asked. I started for the door to go see Elizabeth, but I paused, looking back at Emma.

  “I’ll stay with her. She won’t be alone.”

  “You’re up,” I said, staring at Elizabeth, who was looking out the window. She turned toward me, and a small smile appeared on her lips.

  “Is Emma okay?”

  “Yeah.” I walked over to her bed and sat beside her. “She’s doing good. Your mom is with her right now. How are you doing?” I took her hand and her stare fell to our fingers.

  “I guess I got shot.”

  “You scared the crap out of me, Lizzie.”

  She pulled her hand away from mine. A tiny breath fell from her lips and she closed her eyes. “I don’t know how to deal with all of this. I just want to go home with my little girl.”

  My hand ran against the back of my neck, and I studied every inch of her. The bandage around her side. Her bloodstained body. Her frown. I wanted to make her feel better, I wanted to make her feel less alone, but I wasn’t sure how.

  “Can you find out when we can leave?” she asked.

  I nodded. “Of course.” As I stood up, I paused in the doorway. “I love you, Lizzie.”

  Her shoulders rose and fell before she turned her head away from me. “You can’t just love me because I got shot, Tristan. You should’ve loved me before that.”

  Emma was able to go home before Elizabeth, and she stayed at the house with Hannah. I didn’t leave Elizabeth’s side until she was able to go home. When it was time to leave, she didn’t pass up the offer of me driving her to her house, but she didn’t speak a word to me.

  “Here, let me help you,” I said, hopping out of the driver’s seat and rushing over to help her out of the car.

  “I’m good,” she whispered to me, not wanting my help. “I’m good.”

  I followed her into the house, and she told me I could leave, but I didn’t. Hannah and Emma were both sleeping in Emma’s tiny bed.

  “Tristan, you really can go. I’m good, I’m good.”

  I wondered how many times she could say those words before she realized they were a lie.

  “I’m just going to go take a shower and then head to bed.” She walked toward the bathroom and took a deep inhale, gripping the doorframe. Her body went a bit limp, and I rushed over to help hold her up. She pulled away from me. “I don’t need you, Tristan. I’m fine without you,” she said coldly. But in the back of her tone I heard more fear than anything. “I don’t need anyone except myself and my baby girl. We’re good, I’m good. I’m good.” She spoke softly, holding on to my T-shirt to keep herself from falling. “I’m…I’m…” She started crying, and I pulled her closer to my body. She cried into my shirt. “You left me.”

  “I’m so sorry, baby.” I sighed. I didn’t know what to say, because I had left her and Emma. I ran away when things got real. I didn’t know how to deal with the fact that I loved her, because loving her meant that someday I could lose her, and losing people was the worst feeling in the world. “I got scared. I got mad. And I handled it all completely wrong. But I need you to hear me now: I’m not going anywhere. I’m here. I’m here and I’m here to stay.”

  She pulled back, wiped her hand beneath her nose, and laughed lightly, trying to stop her tears. “Sorry. I just need a shower.”

  “I’ll be here when you’re done.”

  Her beautiful brown eyes locked with mine, and a tiny smile grew on her lips. “Okay.”

  She closed the bathroom door. I heard the sound of the shower coming on and I leaned against the bathroom door, waiting for her to finish.

  “I’m good, I’m good,” she told herself over and over again. Her voice started to shake as she said it, and I could hear her crying again. My hand wrapped around the doorknob, and I pushed it open to see her sitting in the bottom of the tub, her hands covering her face as she cried, dried blood washing out of her hair. Without thought, I climbed into the tub with her and wrapped myself around her. “Tanner’s gone?” she asked, shaking against me.

  “Yes.”

  “Emma’s okay?”

  “Yes.”

  “I’m good?” she wondered out loud.

  “Yeah, Lizzie. You’re good.”

  I stayed with her that whole night. I didn’t lie beside her in her bed, but I sat in the chair at her desk, giving her the distance she needed, but also letting her know that she wasn’t ever going to be alone again.

  Chapter Forty-Four

  Elizabeth

  I awakened to the sound of a lawnmower coming from the backyard. The sun was just waking, and there was no need for anyone to be cutting the grass at such a time. Walking toward my back porch, I looked at Tristan, who was cutting the grass around where the accident with Tanner had happened. My hand lay over my heart, and I moved down the steps, feeling the wet morning grass against my toes.

  “What are you doing?” I asked.

  He turned my way and shut off the lawnmower. “I didn’t want you to have to see this when you came out to the backyard. I didn’t want you to have to deal with what happened.” He reached into his jeans pocket and pulled out a coin. “Tanner dropped his coin… I mean, did you ever see this?” He tossed it my way.

  “It’s a double-sided coin. It’s always heads.” I said, a bit shocked. “He never truly won the coin toss?”

  “Never. I can’t believe I didn’t put the pieces together sooner. I can’t believe he was almost able to hurt you and Emma… I should’ve known something was off. I should’ve known…”

  He’s my world. I wanted so much to overthink everything. I wanted to overthink him leaving us. I wanted to overthink his return. I wanted to doubt that he could ever be something that was mine, but my heart told my head to shut up. My heart told me to just allow myself to feel, to live in this moment in time, because all we had was the here and now, and in the blink of an eye, that could be taken away. I had to allow myself to cherish the man in front of me. “I love you,” I whispered, and his stormy eyes smiled in the saddest way as he slid his hands into his pockets.

  “I don’t deserve that.”

  Moving over to him, I wrapped my fingers around the back of his neck, pulling his lips closer to my lips. His hand fell to my lower back, and I jumped a little from the pain that shot through me. “Are you okay?” he asked.

  I chuckled. “I’ve felt worse pain.” My lips lay against his, and I felt his breaths weaving in and out of his mouth. As I inhaled his breath, he exhaled mine. The morning sun was rising behind us, lighting up the grass with a light we both craved. “I love you,” I whispered again.

  His forehead pressed against mine. “Lizzie…I need to prove to you that I’m not going to just run away again. I need to prove to you that I’m good enough for you and Emma.”

  “Shut up, Tristan.”

  “What?”

  “I said shut up. You saved my daughter’s life. You saved my life. You’re good enough. You’re our world.”

  “I’m not going to stop loving you both, Lizzie. I promise you that for the rest of my life I am going to prove just how much I love you.”

  My face brushed against his thick beard and my finger danced around his bottom lip. “Tristan?”

  “Yes?”

  “Kiss me?”

  “Yes.”

  And then he did.

  Emma and I sat on the front porch of the house the next morning, drinking the tea and cocoa that Mr. Henson dropped off for us. When a car pulled up to our house, Emma screamed with excitement as it parked and the driver climbed out, and opened the back door. Zeus came sprinting out of the car and he headed straight to Emma.

  “Zeus!” she shouted with the biggest smile ever. “You came back!” Zeus wagged his tail, excitement overtaking the both of them as he knocked Emma to the ground and covered her in kisses.

  My heart smiled as I walked over to the two older people who just climbed out of the car. “Sorry about that,” I said, nodding toward Emma and Zeus. “It turns
out they are old friends.”

  Before I could say anything else, the older woman wrapped me tight into a hug. “Thank you,” she whispered. “Thank you.”

  When she pulled away I smiled to the woman who was clearly Tristan’s mother. “He has your eyes. I remember when I first met him, I felt like there was something so familiar about him, and that was it. He has your eyes.”

  “I don’t think we’ve properly met, I’m Mary and this is my husband, Kevin.”

  “It’s so great to meet you both. I’m Elizabeth, and that’s my daughter, Emma.”

  “She’s beautiful,” Kevin said. “She looks like you.”

  “Really?” I disagreed. “I think she looks like her father.”

  “Trust me, honey. She’s a mini you. Come on inside. Tristan said you remodeled his place and I would love you to show me around.” Mary winked. We walked inside with Emma and Zeus following behind us. “So did Tristan tell you about his shop? How Mr. Henson left it to him?”

  “I heard that. I think it’s great. Tristan’s amazingly talented. I think he’ll do so well.” I smiled and turned to Kevin. “I hear you are running it with him?”

  “That’s the plan,” he replied. “I think it’s great. A new beginning for all of us.”

  As I showed them around Tristan’s new and improved home, Mary commented that I should consider going back into interior design. For the first time in a long time, I was starting to consider the possibilities of starting over. It didn’t scare me the way that it used to. The idea of beginning again inspired me. I was hopeful for the future, and I was ready to make my daughter proud of me.

  Chapter Forty-Five

  Elizabeth

  “So, are you two like…together now?” Faye asked one night as we sat on the seesaw in the park. Emma was running around with another kid, playing on the slides and swings. It’d been a few months since the accident with Tanner, and ever since then, Tristan had been back in Mr. Henson’s shop, turning it into his own dream.

  “I don’t know. I mean, we’re good, but I don’t know what it means. I don’t think I have to know what it means, either. It’s just nice to have him around.”

  Faye furrowed her eyebrows. “Nope,” she said, jumping off the seesaw and sending me slamming against the ground.

  “Ouch!” I said, rubbing my behind. “You could’ve given me some warning about your leap of faith.”

  “Where’s the fun in that?” She snickered. “Now, come on.”

  “Where to?”

  “Tristan’s shop. This whole ‘I don’t know what we are but I’m okay with it’ bullshit you’re talking about is annoying, and we are going to demand answers from him. Come on, Emma!” she shouted toward the slide.

  Emma hurried over. “Are we going home, Mama?” she asked me.

  “Nope. We are going to see Dick,” Faye said.

  “You mean Tick?” Emma asked.

  Faye laughed. “Yeah, that’s what I mean.”

  They started walking down the street and I hurried behind them. “We should really do this another day. He’s been stressed out with the store, working with his dad to get everything set up for the grand opening next week. I don’t think we should bother him.” They didn’t listen, just kept up their brisk pace. When we got to the shop, all the lights were out. “See? He’s not even here.”

  Faye rolled her eyes. “I bet he’s just sleeping somewhere.” She turned the doorknob—which was unlocked—and pushed her way in.

  “Faye!” I whisper-shouted. Emma followed her inside, and I hurried behind her, closing the door. “We shouldn’t be here.”

  “Well, maybe I shouldn’t,” she agreed, flipping on the light switch, illuminating thousands of white feathers sprinkled around the room. “But you definitely should be.” She walked over to me and kissed my forehead. “You deserve to be happy, Liz.” She turned and left the shop, leaving Emma and I standing still.

  “Do you see all the feathers, Mama?!” Emma said excitedly.

  I walked around the room, touching Tristan’s wooden masterpieces, which were covered in white feathers. “Yes, baby. I see them.”

  “I’m in love with you,” a deep voice said, forcing me to spin around. At the front door stood Tristan in an all black suit with his hair slicked back. My heart skipped a few beats, but in the moment they didn’t seem that important.

  “I’m in love with you,” I replied.

  “You two haven’t seen any of my pieces yet, have you?” he asked, walking around the room, looking at all of the wooden carvings that he and his father had created.

  “No. It’s amazing, though. You’re amazing. This store is going to do great.”

  “I don’t know,” he said, sitting on top of a dresser. The knobs on the dresser drawers were carved with words, and the dresser drawers had different lines from children’s novels carved into them. It was stunning. “My dad kind of backed out on the idea of opening the store with me.”

  “What?” I asked, confused. “Why? I thought this was a dream you both shared?”

  He shrugged. “He said he just got his son back, and he didn’t want to lose him by going into business together. I mean, I kind of understand, but I don’t think I can do this alone. I just need to find a new partner.”

  “How do you even start looking?” I asked, sitting beside him while Emma ran around the room picking up white feathers.

  “I don’t know. It needs to be the right person. Someone who’s smart. Who understands interior design a bit, because I only know how to sell wood pieces, but I think the store would do better if we had more household items, you know?” My cheeks heated up as he kept speaking. “Do you happen to know anyone who might be into interior design? I need to hire someone soon.”

  I smiled wide. “I think I might know someone.”

  He slowly ran his finger across my bottom lip before he hopped off the dresser and stepped in front of me, placing himself between my legs. “I’ve made a lot of mistakes in my life, and I’ll probably make more. I mess things up. I messed us up. I know you can never truly forgive me for what I’ve done, for how I left, and I don’t expect you to. But I’m never going to give up. I’m never going to stop trying to fix this. To fix us. I love you, Lizzie, and if you give me the chance, I will spend the rest of my tomorrows proving to you that you have all of me. The good, the bad, and the ugly parts.”

  “Tristan,” I whispered. I began to cry and he wrapped his arms around me. “I missed you so much,” I said, falling against his chest.

  He pulled open the drawer on my left side; a small black box was sitting inside. Picking it up, he opened it and I saw a beautiful, handcrafted wooden ring with a large diamond in the center. “Marry me.”

  “I…” My eyes moved over to Emma. “I have baggage. I’m part of a package deal, Tristan. I wouldn’t expect you to have to step up into Emma’s life, but with me comes her.”

  He pulled open the drawer on my right side, which held a smaller black box. My heart melted right then and there. He opened it up, and I saw a smaller, almost identical ring.

  “I love her, Lizzie. I adore her, and there is nothing about her that is baggage. Emma is a luxury. I’ll take care of her for the rest of my life because it would be an honor. Because I love you. I love your heart, I love your soul, I love you, Elizabeth, and I’m never going to stop loving you or that beautiful girl of yours.” He walked over to Emma, lifted her up, and sat her on the dresser beside me. “Emma and Elizabeth, will you both marry me?” he asked, holding the two ring boxes in his hands.

  I was speechless, unable to find any words. My sweet baby poked me in the side with that big goofy grin upon her lips—the same one I was probably wearing on my face. “Mama, say yes!” she told me.

  I did exactly as she said. “Yes, Tristan. Yes over and over again.” He smiled.

  “What about you, Emma? Will you marry me?”

  She tossed her hands in the air and screamed the loudest yes I’d ever heard. He slid the rings onto both o
f our fingers, and a few seconds later, the shop began to fill with all our best friends and family. Emma went rushing over to Zeus, who came dashing her way, telling the faithful dog that they were now each other’s family.

  Everyone began cheering and congratulating us on our future together, and I felt as if my dream had somehow turned into my new reality.

  Tristan pulled me toward him, my lips connecting with his as he kissed me for the first time in what felt like centuries. He held his lips to mine, tasting all of me, and I kissed him back, silently promising to love him from that day forth. Our foreheads pressed against one another, and I sighed, staring down at the ring on my finger. “Does this mean you want to hire me?”

  He swept me into his arms and kissed me deeply, filling me up with happiness, hope, and all of his love. “I do.”

  Epilogue

  Tristan

  Five Years Later

  Under the wooden dining room table that Emma had helped me build, I saw the three of them sleeping. They’d transformed the table into a fort, the same way they did every Saturday night when we watched movies and camped out inside our house. Emma claimed to be too old to play make-believe anymore, but when her baby brother, Colin, asked her to play, she couldn’t say no.

  Colin was handsome, and very much his mother’s son. He laughed like her, cried like her, and loved like her too. Each time he kissed my forehead, I knew I was the luckiest man alive.

  I crawled under the table next to my beautiful wife and placed my lips against her growing stomach. Within a few weeks we would be bringing yet another miracle into the world. We would be adding yet another beauty to our family.

  For a long time, I just stared at Lizzie, Emma, and Colin. Zeus joined us underneath the table too, snuggling under Emma’s arm. How had I gotten a second chance at life? How had I become so happy? I remembered the moment I’d died. I remembered sitting in the hospital room when the doctor told me Charlie was gone. I’d left that day too. Life stopped existing, and I stopped breathing.