Shreiber and Tome: Unlucky Vamps

  11. Not The Face.

  Lil missed the opening exchange. She was too busy putting her head down and diving for cover. As the hanger lights exploded in sparks and the building plunged into pitch darkness, she found herself sprawled behind a heavy tool chest with Tome, covering her ears as guns began to fire.

  “So, great plan by the way,” said Tome.

  The darkness was suddenly lit by an exchange of gunfire, followed by a huge yellow blast as someone let off a fireball. Shadows flickered on the wall grotesquely as magic was rapidly discharged.

  “Not my best,” Lil admitted. “I guess you can’t plan for everything.”

  There was more gunfire, then a huge roar like a flamethrower, and lots of people screaming.

  “We’re going to die, aren’t we?” asked Tome.

  “Oh, be positive. We might just be horrible wounded.”

  “And to think I was worried.”

  The darkness was suddenly filled with a large flash of yellow light. Lil smelt sulphur, then the fireball slammed into the tool chest they were hiding behind. It slid backwards and knocked into them.

  “Should we do something?” Lil yelled over the gunfire.

  “No thanks,” snapped Tome. “High on my list of things not to do before I turn thirty is getting shot in the head.” He ducked low as another fireball flew overhead and blew the wing off a nearby plane. “Or fireballed,” he went on. “Shot in the head, or fireballed.”

  “Gee, and both sound like so much fun.”

  There was a loud boom, and more screaming.

  “Well, we have to do something,” Lil decided. “We have to get that soulstone off Bill.”

  “We don’t even known where Bill is.”

  “Take a look.”

  “You bloody take a look!”

  Lil sighed, and raised her head over the top of the tool chest. In the dark she could see only random face lit by muzzle flashes. Then the guildman with the strange gun started firing. Each lever on his gun fired a different type of weapon. She watched as he shot of a volley of bullets, fired a huge cross bow bolt at what looked like Ryan, then lobbed a few grenades about randomly. As one of the bombs went off, she caught sight of a scene not too far away. The guildman with the staff was forcing back a group of agents. They were backed against a plane, shooting desperately. Their bullets just bounced off him.

  She ducked back down again.

  “The good guys are losing,” she told Tome.

  “What do you expect me to do about it?”

  “Well, you’re a warlock aren’t you?”

  “Ex-warlock!”

  “Same thing.”

  “Look, Lil,” Tome said in a surprisingly reasonably tone considering his circumstances. “Magic isn’t about waving your hands and saying magic words. It takes time, discipline. I need to focus my aura, prime my spells...”

  “Get priming, or someone is going to die. Probably us.”

  Tome made a face. Then closed his eyes and started breathing deeply. Lil gave him three seconds, then started yanking him to his feet.

  “You’re primed. Wave your arms and say the magic words...”

  “Lil!”

  “Look, help them!” Lil pointed at the FBI agents being menaced by the staff wielder.

  Tome’s jaw was set. He lifted his hands and started the complicated gestures of a spell. So engrossed he was in this, he didn’t notice the bullet ping off the chest and narrowly miss him.

  Lil felt the energy rising from Tome. His hands began to glow red, and blur with heat. Suddenly the air before began to heat, and with a roar of triumph, Tome released his spell.

  It was spectacular. A huge fireball shot away from them at great speed. It had been so hot, the air scalded Lil’s skin as it sped away down the hanger. They watched as it bore down on the guildman with the staff... and missed him by miles. It smashed into a nearby Cessna and blew it to pieces. The wizard was blown aside, but so too were all of the FBI agents.

  “Oops,” said Tome.

  “Mike, stop helping them,” said Lil simply.

  “Maybe I should have started with something smaller,” Tome reflected.

  A gun fired, and a stream of bullets forced them back down behind cover. But not before Lil saw Bill, hiding underneath his plane. She poked her head around the side of the chest, and spotted him crawling away.

  “I saw Bill,” she said, climbing to her feet. “Come on.”

  “Are you...”

  “Come on!”

  She dragged Tome by the arm, and together they rushed out into the firestorm. Bullets whizzed by her head. Fires flared all over the hanger, and things continued exploding. Lil focussed only on Bill. She had to get the soulstone.

  A heavy blast washed over them, and Lil stumbled. She fell on something soft, and realised it was a body. Fortunately, it woke up and swore at her.

  “Watch where you are going,” Von Drais snapped.

  “Are you playing dead?” she asked in amazement.

  “I prefer playing dead to being dead, thank you.”

  “Seen Bill?”

  “No. And if I get my hands on him...”

  “Yeah, yeah, whatever. You wouldn’t happen to have a gun would you?”

  He gave her a small pistol.

  “That’s a rather wussy gun for a guy,” noticed Tome.

  Von Drais glared at him, then went back to playing dead.

  They ran to the plane, but Bill was gone. As they were about the skirt around it, a heavy shockwave rolled over them and knocked them flat. As they climbed to their feet, the wizard approached. His robes were smouldering, and he didn’t look happy. He pointed his staff at them, and a stream of fire leapt from the end directly towards them.

  Tome threw himself in front of Lil and made a sign so fast the bones in his wrist cracked. The fire hit, and flowed around the barrier Tome created, barely missing them. When it stopped, Tome yelped in pain, and started beating out the smoke issuing from his coat.

  “You bastard,” he told the wizard. “That hurt.” He looked back at Lil. “Get Bill. I’ll be right with you.”

  Lil looked from Tome to the wizard, and realised he was about to get his butt kicked. But she had no time to help him.

  “Good luck,” she said, and ran.

  Tome regarded his opponent coolly. “What do you say we do this fairly? Hand to hand? None of this poncy staff stuff.”

  The wizard smiled, and threw aside his staff. “I've heard all about you, Tome,” he said.

  “Then you know what a dangerous, merciless killer I am.”

  The wizard raised an eyebrow. “They were right. You are a blithering idiot. But since we’re being fair, I’ll tell you what. I’ll let you have one free shot first. Then I’ll kill you.”

  Tome grinned. “Works for me. Brace yourself, laddo.”

  He raised both his hands, then lowered them. He did this again twice. Then he twirled them around and made honking noises. He was standing on one leg and hopping when the wizard clucked impatiently and rolled his eyes.

  “What on earth are you doing?” he asked.

  Tome stopped, and looked disappointed. “What do you think I’m doing, you bloody great womble. I’m distracting you.”

  At which point, Santiago slammed her gun into the back of the wizard’s head and knocked him out cold.

  Tome’s grin broadened. “I’m sure you’ve heard this a lot tonight, but that looked hot.”

  “Thanks.”

  “So, hey, if you’re not busy Saturday...”

  “Is this really the time?”

  “Guess not... Oh, right. Lil!” Tome sped off. “Thanks for the help. Keep your head down.”

  Santiago watched him go with a small smile, then she cautiously went off to help Ryan.

  He had dodged through the shadows, managing to avoid being shot, incinerated, or blown up. He hadn’t been expecting the Guild to show up, but what the hell, it turned out for the best. Bill had had to sneak across half his country to the borde
r after he had been deposed. He was still raw about that. Time may heal all wounds, but Bill had picked at the scab constantly. He wanted that piddly little country back, if only so that he could make every one of those ungrateful, stinking peasants who had dared form that mob against pay. They thought they were so tough, with their flaming torches and pitchforks.

  In fact, he decided right then and there, he was outlawing pitchforks as soon as he was back in power.

  All he had to do was get away. He had the list of vampire targets he needed to eliminate. He had the soulstone. This time, he wouldn’t tip toe around. There would be blood washing down the streets like a tsunami. That angel would be painted red when he was done with it, and then the world would know, all those annoying little shites would know, that no one, no one, screwed around with William de Hood IV.

  He found the back door to the hanger, and smiled. Soon the angel would arrive, and everyone in the hanger would be dead. No witnesses. Really, he was so good it was downright scary.

  There was yet another explosion in from behind him as another plane went up in flames. As was typical, the Guild had all the subtlety of a sledgehammer. The fire cast his shadow over the wall, huge and ominous.

  A second shadow appeared beside it. He froze as he heard the hammer of the gun click.

  “Don’t move, Bill,” Lil told him.

  He sighed. I should have killed her first, he lamented.

  “Are you going to shoot me, Lil?” he asked in bemusement.

  “If you get tetchy with me, yes. I honestly don’t care if you’re arrested or not. Personally, you’re probably safer with Ryan. Von Drais will hunt you down wherever you go.”

  “If he survives,” Bill pointed out.

  “Rats like him always find a nook to hide in. But like I said, don’t care. But I want that soulstone.”

  Bill turned slowly to face her. He was taken aback. Her clothes were dirty, her hair a mess. And her eyes bored so forcefully into him, he took an involuntary step back. He knew then, she would shoot him.

  “Out of curiosity,” he said. “If you had it, would you really give the angel back his soul?”

  “Of course I would.”

  “Even though you know full well what it can do? The power it can give you?”

  “I don’t want power. It’s not mine to take. Or yours.”

  “That idiot Rosewood was right about one thing though,” Bill stalled. “The angel is dangerous. You don’t know how it will react when it’s let loose. Can you imagine what that thing could do down here?”

  “What?” said Lil with a hollow laugh. “Kill people? Pillage? Destroy the world? The sort of things you made it do? Please. I may not be the smartest girl on the planet, but even I know that Ascended Beings work in ways that we on this realm can’t possibly fathom. I’m not going to even try to predict how he’s going to react. I’m just going to do the right thing, and see where it takes me. So stop stalling, and give me the damn soulstone!”

  Bill glared at her. Then slowly reached into his jacket.

  “Slowly,” she warned him.

  Bill took out the soulstone. He held it up for her to see.

  “Set it on the ground.”

  He smiled coldly at her. He bent, as if to comply with her order, then threw the soulstone into the air. Lil’s gaze followed it only for a moment, but that was all the time Bill needed. His was one of the old vampire bloodlines, and he could move fast when he wanted to.

  Lil had only a sight of a huge blur shooting at her. She squeezed the trigger and fired off a single shot. But Von Drais, because he was such a tool, had only loaded the gun with normal rounds. The bullet hit Bill in the arm and lodged against the bone. He barely felt it as he grabbed Lil by the throat and lifted her off her feet.

  “Crap,” Lil said weakly.

  “I’d agree,” snarled Bill. He bared his fangs. “Because I like you, I’ll give you a choice. Death, or undeath. What do you say? It’s quite a nice life, so to speak. And since I’ll soon be ruler of my country again, one day you might even be in line for the throne. Mmmm?”

  “I don’t look good in black,” gasped Lil.

  “No? Oh, well, I guess it isn’t for everyone. Death then. Bye Lil. It was fun while it...”

  Lil pointed the gun at his torso and fired several times wildly. Each bullet hit Bill in his fleshy gut and sprayed blood over her.

  Bill looked surprised. He looked down, then made a face.

  “Lil!” he snapped in annoyance. “Really! This is an eight hundred dollar suit!”

  He threw her aside. She landed roughly, and the gun was knocked from her grip. She quickly crawled backwards from Bill.

  “Just for that,” Bill said. “I’m going to have to hurt you. Nothing personal. Vampire thing.”

  “I understand,” Lil said calmly, still backing away rapidly.

  “Good...” Bill bared his fangs. His pale face was illuminated suddenly by a pale light. Lil stopped and paused. The gunfire had stopped. “Well, looks like my good friend Halaphael has finally decided to make an entrance.”

  The shooting started up, even more frenzied this time. Flames spluttered and died as the wizards magic was quickly overcome by the more powerful being. Then there was screaming.

  “Stop it!” Lil yelled at him. “Make him stop! You don’t have to do this.”

  “Sure I do.” Bill spied the soulstone and went to pick it up. “Don't worry he’ll be here soon. You can say goodby-”

  There was a shrill warcry, and Tome charged out and crash-tackled Bill with all the grace of a cow that’s just spent the day feeding in its farmers secret, camouflaged field. They landed awkwardly, the soulstone knocked out of Bill’s grasp and went spinning into the darkness.

  “What took you so long?” Lil chided, climbing to her feet. She ran after the soulstone.

  “I... met... Santiago...” Tome gasped as he waged a rather one sided struggle against the stronger vampire.

  “Oh, figures. I’m getting killed so that you can pick up girls. That is just so typical...”

  “She... likes me...”

  “Why would anyone like you?” Bill put in.

  Tome got him in a head lock. “You stay out of this... OW!”

  Bill had sunk him fangs into Tomes arm. He slid from the headlock, and got his arm around Tome’s neck.

  “Cheater,” Tome wheezed.

  “It was no picnic for me either,” replied Bill, spitting disgustedly. He tightened his grip, as Lil suddenly abandoned her search and leapt onto Bill’s back. Distracted, Bill let Tome slip away. Triumphantly, Tome turned, and punched the vampire in the jaw with all the strength of freshly baked loaf of bread.

  “Could you put a little effort into this?” Lil asked through clenched teeth.

  A powerful hand suddenly grabbed a handful of her clothes, and yanked her off Bill. She thrown unceremoniously to the floor, and realised there was only one person who could throw her around with such a specific manner.

  She glanced over her shoulder and saw the angel Halaphael standing over her. The gunfire in the distance had gone eerily silent, and Lil swallowed.

  “Well, it’s about damn time,” hissed Bill. Tome lay at his feet clutching at his nose. “Kill her.”

  Halaphael looked up blankly. “But...”

  “Don’t you start with me, you glorified, overgrown, song bird. Just kill her.”

  The angel grabbed Lil, one hand slipping behind her head, the other held tightly to her throat. All the time, staring at her fearfully, unable to control his actions.

  The angel implored Bill one last time, “She is of the...”

  “Oh, for love of crap, I don’t care!” Bill yelled impatient. “I command you! You do what I tell you! NOW KILL HER ALREADY!”

  “You don’t have to listen to him,” Lil tried.

  “I have no choice,” the angel cried.

  “Yes you do!” Lil snapped. The frightened angel routine was getting on her nerves. “You’re an Ascended Being! He?
??s just an obnoxious little vampire. He’s not even a half breed. How can his power be so much greater than yours...”

  “I’m too weak...”

  “You’re only weak,” said Lil, “because you never tried.”

  The angel stared at her, frozen. In his eyes, she could see the terrible battle of wills taking place. Whatever Bill had done to place the soulstone under his power was strong.

  “Listen to me, you feathery moron, kill her, or I will make you suffer like never before,” warned Bill.

  “Fight him,” said Lil. She felt the hands holding her quiver.

  “Kill her.”

  “Fight.”

  Slowly, needing all of his strength to do so, the angel pulled his hands away from Lil. She quickly pulled herself away.

  “What are you doing!” Bill yelled in outrage. “Kill her. I have your soul! I will... I have...” He suddenly realised the soulstone was no longer on him. He patted down his jacket meekly. “I had it somewhere...”

  “Looking for this?” asked Tome. He stood holding the soulstone in one hand. It glowed with new ferocity.

  “Give that to me!” Bill demanded with intense worry. It was scary to see your most prized possession in Tome’s hands.

  Tome ignored him, and examined the soulstone. He found a small patch of what appeared to be dried blood.

  “Oh,” he said with realisation. “A simple blood tie. Clever.” He pulled down the sleeve of his coat and started scrubbing the soulstone. With a few quick movements, the blood was gone. There was no flash of holy fire, no bolts of lightning. Just Tome grinning his stupid grin. “There! Good as new.”

  The angel sagged, and staggered as if a great weight had been lifted. When it stood up again, it was with the bearing of an angel. Its wings spread wide, and its eyes burned with fury as it glared at Bill with utmost hatred.

  Bill swallowed. “Okay, look,” he said. “I think there may have been a bit of a misunderstanding...”

  The angel back handed him across the face. The blow sent the vampire flying with such force, when he impacted into the side of a nearby plane, its fuselage crumpled inwards.

  “Ouch,” commented Tome. “That had to hurt.”

  Bill climbed unsteadily to his feet as the angel advanced. “I... please, don’t...”

  The angel struck him again.

  “Do something!” Bill yelled at Tome, who had pulled a chocolate bar from his pocket and was eating it was he watched.

  “What with this?” Tome held up the soulstone. “No bloody way. My bladder is doing the hula just holding this thing. You really think I’m going to try and connect with it? What am I, thick?”

  Bill cowered beneath the angel's might. Lil gaped with horror.

  “Please,” he begged.

  “Please?” the angel mocked. “How many have said that to me? I have lost count. I killed them all anyway, because of you. Why should you be shown any mercy?”

  Bill held his hands up, as though it would act as a barrier. The angel took him by the wrist, and with one rapid motion, ripped his arm from its socket. Bill screamed.

  “No!” screamed Lil.

  “Ew,” said Tome. He put the chocolate bar away. “There goes my appetite for good.”

  The angel threw the arm away carelessly. It stared back down at the whimpering Bill.

  “I want to show you all the pain and suffering that you have inflicted on me,” it told him. “Then if I am to return to the dark, I will take one more soul to hell with me...”

  It took Bill by the other wrist.

  “No,” said Lil softly. She placed her hand gently on the angel’s arm. “No.”

  “He has tortured me. Corrupted me...”

  “What you’ve done, you did because you had no choice,” Lil said. “You’re not a monster, Halaphael. Don’t become one now.”

  The angel hesitated. Then it let Bill go.

  “You are lucky, vampire,” it told him, “that this woman has more compassion in her heart than I ever will.”

  “Thank you, Lil,” breathed Bill.

  “Oh, shut your ugly face, Bill,” snapped Lil. “And in case I don’t get to tell you later, I lied. Your coffee sucks. By comparison, Starbucks is actually drinkable.”

  Nothing the angel could have done would have cut as deep as that remark did. Bill cringed.

  “That was low,” he said. “Why would you say something like that? Below the belt...”

  The angel looked at Lil and smiled. “Thank you.”

  “Shucks, it weren’t nothin’” said Lil with a grin.

  “I helped,” pointed out Tome.

  “Yeah, eventually.”

  “Better late than never.”

  “What is that? Your family motto?”

  “Very touching!” The hammer of a gun was cocked.

  Tome turned slowly and glared at Rosewood. The man was badly wounded, and a deep cut on his head bled copiously.

  “Roseweed?” Tome looked at the angel distastefully. “Him you let live. Clever.”

  “As much as I enjoy listening to your clever witticisms,” Rosewood said sarcastically. “I’m in a hurry. The soulstone.”

  “You’re a sore loser. It’s because of that lacy g-string you’re wearing. Riding up underwear always makes me cranky. What kind of wizard uses a gun anyway?”

  “One that intends to win.” Rosewood turned the gun on Lil and fired. But Halaphael moved with lightning speed and was in front of her before anyone realised it. The bullet entered him just the below the ribcage.

  For a moment, he stood, seething at Rosewood, then he fell backwards to the ground.

  Lil dropped to his side. “No,” she said. “What did you do that for?” She clamped her hand over his wound.

  “Seemed like a good idea at the time,” the angel replied weakly.

  “Black Iron, from the Lower Realms. Forged in the fires of the Inferno,” Rosewood explained. “One of the few elements in the universe that will kill an angel. And he can die here, in this realm. Of course, it is only flesh, and that angel is so much more. So just give me the soulstone, and I can help you.”

  “Don’t...” the angel said.

  “He’ll die if you don’t,” said Rosewood. “And God knows what happens then. His soul is still there in the stone, so he’s stuck here. And since he killed all those people, would he really be allowed to ascend again?”

  “Mike, don’t you dare give him that stone,” Lil said sternly.

  “I’m not a complete dunce, Lil. I have figured that out for myself,” Tome replied irritably. He looked at the soulstone, which started to throb with power. Then he glanced at the angel. Then he exchanged a look with Lil. “I have an idea.”

  “Do it,” said Lil.

  “You aren’t going to do anything stupid, are you, Michael?” asked Rosewood.

  Tome grinned. “Roseweed, when have I ever not done something stupid?” He lifted the soulstone, and threw it to Lil.

  Rosewood followed its descent through the air into Lil’s hands, as as Tome ran at him, he shot her. This time for real.

  Lil felt the bullet pass through her ribcage and enter something vital. Figures, she thought drily as she fell backwards. She landed on her back next to the angel, her vision turning black as pain overwhelmed her. With her last ounce of strength, she pressed the soulstone into the angel’s hand.

  She had the satisfaction of hearing it shatter as the angel crushed it, then there was nothing.

  When she next awoke, she was understandably disorientated. But her head was clear, and the pain was gone. She stood uneasily, wondering what an odd dream she had just had. For a while there, she thought she had actually been shot.

  When she looked down and saw her own body laying prone on the floor she was taken aback.

  “Oh,” she said simply. She stared at it for a moment. She figured that people had wondrous revelations when they had out of body experiences. All she could decide was that she needed a haircut.

  When she glanced
around, she realised she was in the hanger still. But there was no light, and everyone was gone. Behind her came a sharp intake of breath. She turned to find Halaphael kneeling on the floor, holding the now dull shards of the soulstone in its hands.

  “It is back,” it said. “All of it. I can feel it in me... burning.” A silver tear ran down his cheek. Lil reached out and gently wiped it away.

  “It’s all right,” she said. “It’s part of you. Who you are.”

  She smiled at him, and the angel smiled back.

  A light suddenly came down on them, like a spot light. When Lil shielded her eyes and glanced upwards, she gaped in shock. Everyone knows about the light at the end of the tunnel, but the tunnel that stretched upwards into realms unseen by human eyes glowed and swirled with colours and beauty that mortal beings could not even see was beyond description. Within, a dark speck rapidly descended, growing with speed as it came lower.

  At the last second, it spread wide its wings, and landed gracefully besides them. It was older than Halaphael, though its face was still youthful, and though not as heavily built, it had an aura of power that overwhelmed Lil’s senses.

  The new angel looked at her, and then to Halaphael. Relief and delight washed visibly over its features.

  “Halaphael!” he said. “There you are! We have been searching for you for so long.”

  “Icarius,” breathed Halaphael. “Is it you? Really you?”

  “Of course! Who else would it be? What are you doing here? Why could we not see you?”

  Halaphael opened and closed his mouth several times, unsure of what to say. He settled for the age old standard, “It is a long story.”

  “You have suffered,” said Icarius. “I can see it...”

  “I would have suffered more,” said Halaphael. “If it were not for her.” He nodded at Lil. “She is the daughter of Sarael.”

  Icarius looked at her in surprise. “Really? Oh, yes. I see it now.”

  “I’m Lil,” she said, with a timid wave. “Nice to meet you.”

  “The honour is mine. I wish that I could stay longer, but we must return at once.”

  Halaphael lowered his head. “Icarius,” he said quietly. “I... I have performed great travesties whilst I was in this plane...”

  “I have heard,” Icarius said with a dissmissive wave. “I do not know the specifics. But my orders are clear. You are to return to the Higher Realms with me at once.”

  “I will be held accountable for my actions,” Halaphael said, not a question.

  “Hey,” Lil said, “whatever he did, it wasn’t his fault. It was all Bill, that vampire. Halaphael did everything against his wishes... Except that thing with the arm. But really, you can’t blame him for that.”

  Icarius looked amused. “I do not intend to take my student to a trial,” it said. “We ascended ones work for a far greater power. One that works without question. If we are to return, then I am sure that which has occurred down here has been taken into account.”

  “Oh,” said Lil. “Good. And you thought you were irredeemable,” she nudged Halaphael in the arm.

  “We should be going before our presence is noted,” said Icarius.

  “Yes. Let us go,” agreed Halaphael enthusiastically.

  “Uh,” Lil looked at her body. “Am I coming? Or do I have to wait for the elevator down?”

  “As I have said, I do not know the specifics,” explained Icariius. “But I believe the rules may be stretched, just this once.”

  “Whew,” Lil sighed in relief. “Thanks. Really, thanks a lot!”

  Halaphael stood before her, then gently embraced her.

  “I cannot thank you enough.”

  “Keep that in mind next time I cheat on my taxes. And remember,” she added. “Whatever happens, there is more strength inside you than you may realise.”

  They broke off. Halaphael joined Icarius under the tunnel of light. They spread their wings, and with the softest of wingbeats, ascended upwards. Lil stood and watched them go. Soon the two angels were just two dark specks against the swirling myriad of colours in the tunnel. And as they reached the very top, Lil looked upwards and saw what lay at the end.

  She stared unblinking at the Higher Realms, never before truly believing that such a place could exist. The human mind had no way of fully comprehending what it was like, but Lil was more than human. She could do nothing but stare, and felt wetness on her cheeks and realise she was crying. When she wiped her face, she found that the tears were silver.

  As quickly as it had appeared, the light vanished, and Lil was left in the dark.

  She sat up so fast it made Tome jump, and was wracked with a violent fit of coughing. Something was lodged in her throat, and when she spat it out, she found it was a bullet.

  “Are you alright?” Tome asked in shock. “I swore that bugger got you...”

  “I’m fine,” Lil replied. She was. Better than fine. There was a blood on her shirt, and a hole made by the bullet, but her skin underneath was unscarred. She was almost disappointed. No one would ever believe she had been shot and killed. Neither of them noticed that the bruises on her face had also vanished.

  “I thought you were dead,” Tome said, as he helped her to her feet.

  “I was. But I got better.”

  She looked around. There were FBI agents everywhere, looking confused. Some had large patches burned in their clothes, but the flesh underneath was healthy.

  “What happened?” she asked. “Did we get Rosewood?”

  “No,” Tome said with contempt. “The little sod disappeared with all his cronies.”

  “What about Bill?”

  “Ryan’s got him. Brandtner was killed. Von Drais, unsurprisingly, didn’t even break a nail...”

  Lil looked around. “And Halaphael’s body.”

  “One minute it was there, the next...” He shrugged.

  Lil just smiled. Then she noticed Tome was holding something. “What is that?”

  “What does it look like?”

  “It looks like someone’s arm.”

  “Bill’s actually.”

  “And you have it because...?”

  He grinned. “Might come in handy.”

  They found Ryan having a heated discussion with Von Drais.

  “And I must stress again,” said Von Drais, “that you really do not have any case against Mister de Hood here. No witnesses, no evidence. Just his word.”

  “And I admit to everything,” said Bill. He stood, minus one limb, between two huge FBI agents. “I confess it all. I murdered those people with Brandtner. Arrest me.” Bill looked worried. And rightly so. Incarcerated by the FBI he might just a measure of protection. On the street, it was only a matter of time before Von Drais caught up with him.

  “And poor Mister Brandtner, his life taken,” said Von Drais. “Who will collaborate your story?”

  “What point are you trying to make?” asked Ryan wearily.

  “Simply that it is hardly worth the effort arresting this man. Your case has no chance of reaching the high courts.”

  “So arrest him for assaulting an agent,” suggested Tome.

  “When did he do that?” Santiago asked.

  Tome walked up to Ryan and hit him, hard, with Bill’s severed arm.

  “Ow!”

  “Just then,” Tome smirked.

  “What is wrong with you?” Ryan snapped.

  “It’s a mystery,” Tome admitted. “I’m just full of enigmas.”

  “You’re full of something,” Ryan said. He rubbed his arm, then nodded to Santiago. “Take him away. Murder, conspiracy, and assaulting a federal agent.”

  “Wait a second,” Bill objected as they dragged him away. “That’s my arm! Hey, wait-”

  “Finders keepers,” Tome called to him. He slung the arm over his shoulder proudly. Ryan gave him a look, and shook his head.

  “Let’s clear the place for forensics,” he said to his men. “Oh, and Lil.”

  “Yeah, Hugh?”


  “This is the only time I’m going to say this, so listen close. Good job.”

  “Thanks, Hugh.”

  “Hey, I helped,” said Tome.

  “If that’s what you call it,” said Ryan dismissively as he walked away.

  “That’s typical. We save the day and as always, you get all the credit,” he look at Lil irritably. “Typical. Just. Typical.”

  She smiled at him sweetly. The turned to Von Drais. “So,” she said. “About our money...”

  Von Drais raised an eyebrow. “Money. My dear Miss Shreiber, the conditions of our deal were payment only when you delivered to me the killer. And as you can see, dear William has been taken by someone else.”

  “I delivered my part of the bargain,” said Lil. “I gave you his name. I told you where he was.”

  “You also told the FBI,” replied Von Drais. “Before you told me. So, I am afraid our contract is void.”

  “Oh, you son of a...”

  “I would suggest you think carefully before you finish that sentence,” warned Von Drais.

  “Yeah, Lil,” said Tome. “If you yell at him too loudly, he might fall down and play dead again. He may even wet himself.” He stood nose to nose with Von Drais fearlessly. “Listen, princey. We worked for you for two days, and we are entitled to payment for those two days. Got it?” He thumped Bill’s hand into Von Drais's chest to make his point.

  Von Drais stared back at him for a few moments. “Fine,” he said, defeated. “Send me the bill.”

  With that, he pushed roughly past Tome and strode away.

  “Git. Can’t believe we were actually scared of that guy. So,” he said to Lil “You died then?”

  “Apparently,” replied Lil. They slowly made their way to the exit where dark cars with flashing lights were accumulating.

  “What was Heaven like?” he asked.

  “You know, the usual. Clouds, blue skies, harps, pearly gates.”

  “I don’t suppose you managed to put in a good word for me?”

  “Sorry. The opportunity never came up.”

  Tome rolled his eyes and clicked his tongue. “That is just like you,” he chided. “You’ve already got a nice plot rented out, and you’re still going to let me burn in hell aren’t you?”

  “Sorry, Mike.”

  “Ah, forget it,” he waved Bill’s hand dismissively. “I wouldn’t have liked it anyway. All those do gooders. I’ll just live forever.”

  “Sounds like a plan. Uh, Mike, are you planning to keep that.” She nodded to the arm Tome had slung heroically over his shoulder.

  “Sure, never know when you might need a spare.”

  “You are nuts. Anyway, I thought you were screamish of dead bodies?”

  “I was,” Tome replied. “But like you said this morning, I think I'm getting desensitised. Besides, Bill really had nice hands. Look at this...”

  “Keep that thing away from me...”

  “And he still has his watch on. Looks expensive.” Tome grinned. He looked down at his own arm, which was bleeding from where he was bitten. “Remind me to get my shots,” he said. “Otherwise I’ll get vamped, and you’re the first one I’m coming after.”

  “Why bother? You’re British. All pasty skin and snobby. You’re practically undead as it is.”

  “Hey, be nice, or I won’t split the money with you.”

  Lil looked at him suspiciously. “What money?”

  “The money I’m going to get out of Von Drais’ wallet when we get out of here.”

  “You picked his pocket?”

  “He owes us.”

  Lil shook her head with resignation and more than a little pride. What the hell, she thought. I'll make for it tomorrow.