Morris Hollett and St Vernon’s Ward for Strange & Unusual Diseases

  ***

  As soon as Morris and his mother had left Doctor Wimple’s room they had heard him quickly lock the door. Looking at each other blankly Mrs Hollett had straightened herself, gave Morris a pat on the back and said resolutely ‘I think we’d better get to St Vernon’s –.’

  ‘– as quickly as possible!’ had screamed the voice of Doctor Wimple from the other side of the door.

  So they left the surgery, after Morris had made a couple of dazed attempts to go through the right door…seeing in triplicate took a lot of getting used to.

  ‘They don’t like the look of you dear –,’ said Mrs Hollett despondently as the next bus barely slowed before accelerating away, the driver waving his hand dramatically.

  ‘– but I’ve got an idea,’ she continued as she looked over her shoulder.

  A quick visit to one shop solved their immediate problem and not one person on the bus took a second look at the little boy going to the fancy dress party wearing a gorilla mask and hairy gloves.

 

  2. The Strange and Unusual Diseases Ward

  ‘The Strange and Unusual Diseases Ward?’ repeated the reception nurse.

  ‘Yes, for the gorilla,’ said Mrs Hollett.

  ‘Straight down the corridor, first left, second right, next left, through the old doors. It’s straight ahead and across the red line…you’ll know you’re in the right place…you might even meet other monkeys,’ she said.

  There was a red line on the crisp white floor and behind the line; under the sign ‘The Strange and Unusual Diseases Ward’ was a desk, and a nurse.

  She greeted them cheerfully. ‘Hello! Lost your way? You don’t want to hang around here…funny things happen here you know,’ she giggled.

  ‘Well –,’ started Mrs Hollett.

  ‘– only last week a patient lost an arm and it crawled across the floor by itself…that was a funny one…can’t remember what the Doctor said he had…anyway we caught it and it’s back where it should be...with its owner,’ she smiled.

  ‘It’s –.’

  ‘– then there was dear Mister Fizlip…his hair loved to sing…sort of opera…tenor, we thought. We were all disappointed when he was cured, this wing has fantastic acoustics!’

  ‘We –,’ tried Mrs Hollett.

  ‘– and Felicity Hairwinkle,’ said the nurse with wide, excited eyes, ‘she grew an extra nose! Anyway –,’ said the nurse, ‘– for normal problems it’s back through the doors –,’ she pointed.

  ‘ – it’s my son,’ said Mrs Hollett, as Morris took off his mask and lit up the hall with an ultra violet glow, ‘– apparently he’s got Yiddle’s!’

  ‘Oh!’ The nurse was clearly taken aback and seemed a bit breathless. As they waited for her to pull a funny face and run away screaming, she did quite the opposite.

  She clasped her hands together and started to jump with, what Morris thought was pain…but her shrieks turned out to be joy.

  ‘Yiddle’s…oh Yiddle’s…Yiddle’s!’

  ‘Yes,’ said Mrs Hollett, waiting.

  ‘Why that’s absolutely fantastic, we haven’t had a Yiddle’s for a long time, the Doctor will be delighted!’

  Morris was ushered through the corridors by the nurse who was excitedly announcing to anyone they passed, ‘We’ve got a Yiddle’s, another Yiddle’s!’ and to Morris’ surprise they all reacted in the same way the nurse had when she’d been told.

  ‘My…he certainly is a vivid blue isn’t he?’ said the Doctor wringing his hands and smiling from ear to ear as he looked Morris over. ‘I haven’t seen a blue like this since we bought those tropical fish for the restroom several years back, do you remember, Nurse Lollipop?’

  ‘Oh I do,’ said the nurse who had taken great delight in presenting Morris to Doctor Grunk, the Head of the Strange and Unusual Diseases Ward.

  He was a small, wiry man with little wire glasses and he was busying himself around Morris as if the boy was a precious gem. At times he would go to touch but then thought better, as if wanting to savour the moment for later.

  The Doctor fascinated Morris equally – it wasn’t because he could actually see eye to eye with the man but it was his hair in particular; it was white and wispy but it seemed to be charged with electricity and constantly moving and reflecting the Doctor’s mood. At the moment it was doing a jig of delight.

  ‘Hmmm, ok,’ said the Doctor, straightening himself, ‘just one last thing, the tongue…out…please,’ he gesticulated.

  ‘My word,’ he said as Morris opened his mouth, ‘I’ve never seen green with white spots before.’

  ‘It was blue earlier,’ added Mrs Hollett who was feeling a bit left out.

  ‘And green first thing,’ said Morris.

  ‘Really?’ said the Doctor, his hair standing up abruptly.

  ‘Well, come along young…er…what’s your name?’

  ‘Morris Hollett,’ said Morris.

  ‘OK young Morris, come with me, we’d better get you settled in…’