Gingerbread Wishes
* * *
Jordan stood on the sidewalk before a bright yellow house that had been converted to a preschool. Block letters spelling “Cuddle Up Preschool” spanned the space over the porch. On one end was painted a child’s hand gripping several crayons and on the other was a stack of books. A four-foot high cyclone fence surrounded the yard of close-cropped grass.
Jenna gripped his right hand and leaned her body against his leg.
The two of them had spent every moment of the last ten days together. Leaving her in the day care center might have made packing easier, but their house in Lubbock was the only one she’d known. Where she’d last lived with her mother before Tricia’s fatal car accident sixteen months earlier. As sad as the process had been to close the door on that part of his life, he knew he had to—for Jenna’s sake. Unable to face an unknown place, he’d needed to return to his hometown where he had personal connections. Optimal would have been reclaiming the house where he’d grown up, but his folks had sold that a couple of years earlier when they moved to Arizona. His and Jenna’s fresh start would be in a new house where their family of two could create memories and traditions—ones his daughter would remember.
“This looks like a great preschool.” He stepped forward and stretched a hand toward the metal gate.
Jenna hung back. “Do I hafta go?”
He gave her hand a gentle squeeze. “The store where I’m going has dirty shelves and power tools on the ground. Daddy will be busy talking with the contractors. You will be bored.”
At the shake of her head, blonde ponytails bounced. “No, Daddy, I won’t. I’ll be real quiet.”
One of the exact reasons for this choice. But he couldn’t tell her that. Crouching to her eye level, he tugged on a ponytail. “You’ll be with other kids.”
She nestled close to his chest and gazed upward. “But I want to be with you.”
Looking into her hopeful gaze brought a lump to his throat. He swallowed hard, scooped her into his arms, and spoke through a dry mouth. “I know, sweetie, but this is what Daddy has decided is best.” With quick moves, he opened the gate and strode up the sidewalk to the entrance. Once inside, he set her on her feet and scanned the immediate area, hoping for a distraction. He spotted square storage bins to his right, topped with a row of coat hooks. “Look, I bet one of those bins is for you.”
“Morning, sir.” Soft footsteps approached. “Are you Jordan Dawson?”
“Yes, that’s right.” He turned and spotted a young woman with brunette hair wearing a T-shirt with the preschool name and jeans.
“Welcome to Cuddle Up. This must be Jenna. My name is Penny, and I’ll show you where to put your things.” She extended her hand toward the little girl.
Jenna wrapped her arms around Jordan’s legs and clung. “I don’t wanna stay.”
The plaintive note in her voice went straight to his heart and clamped tight. He glanced over at Penny and mouthed “help”.
Giving a shrug, she lifted both hands, palms up, then pointed to a schedule on the entry wall.
A quick skim of the activities provided the information he needed. He eased a thumb under Jenna’s chin and lifted her head until he could see her hazel eyes. “You’ll have fun. There’s play time with toys and story time. At craft time, you can make something special to bring home. Maybe a Christmas decoration.”
Brows wrinkled into a frown, Jenna shook her head. “Don’t want to stay here.”
“I’m sorry, doodle-bug, but Daddy can’t take you today. I know this is a new school--” he unwound her hands from his waist, “--but this is where you need to be.” He eased her hand into Penny’s and bent down to kiss the top of her head. His exit had to be quick. “I’ll be back later.”
The look Jenna turned toward him was wide-eyed and brimming with tears. “But when?”
He shot another look at the schedule, then tapped the spot where the laminated paper read Afternoon Snack, 3 PM. “I’ll be here right when you’re having snack after nap time.”
Penny winced and cupped a hand to the side of her mouth. “Oh, sir, we don’t like to mention n-a-p-s.”
Blonde ponytails bobbed. “I’m a big girl, I don’t need a nap.”
Guilt weighing his heart, Jordan lifted a hand in farewell and forced a smile. “Have fun, sweetie.”
“Daddy, one more hug.”
Penny shook her head and made a shooing motion. “Let’s wave goodbye, Jenna, and then find a great toy.” She kept talking in a happy tone as she steered Jenna deeper into the building.
“Daddy loves you.” Knowing this was truly the best for them both, he slipped out the front door, forcing himself not to look back, and dragged in a deep breath. A few strides took him to the gate, which he held open for a woman herding two kids in front of her as she juggled an infant on her hip. He couldn’t imagine how anyone handled more than one child.
When he climbed into the driver’s seat of the SUV, he leaned his head against the headrest and took several deep breaths. Jenna would be fine. A couple days of this clinging and then she’d settle into the new routine. In slow waves, his guilt lessened and the knot in his chest loosened.