Necromancy for the Greater Good
leave?”
She brandished the plastic thing behind her back.
“What is that?” he asked, nearly laughing.
“This, Mr. Vampire, is the Ultra-Soaker 3200, the latest in water-gun technology. It holds two gallons of water and when fully pressurized can send a stream of water nearly a hundred yards.” She pumped up the gun quickly. “But most importantly, the water filling this water-gun is genuine, certified, bonafide, and sanctified holy water. So if you so much as blink at me the wrong way, I'll melt your face off.”
He was no longer nearly laughing. “I see you mean business.”
“And you get the hell out of here,” Nora said.
“So to speak,” Leah added.
“Girl, can you resist the puns even once?”
“No.”
“So you leave, but move slowly, so we can see you.”
He stared at them angrily, and then bowed very slightly. “Very well.”
“If you say, 'you win this round,' I'll melt your face on principle,” Isabella said.
He shut his mouth quickly, and then slowly sidled around the dining room and out the front door.
Isabella locked it behind her.
“He's not going to hurt Steph, is he?” Maryann asked, alarmed.
“No, no. Isabella and I went to find a vampire hunter this morning, just in case. Father O'Brien knew about our plan. He blessed the water-gun and I called him after I made the call to get Steph away. He sent another priest to watch out for Steph. She won't be alone for a minute, don't you worry,” Leah answered.
“How could she not have realized he was a vampire?”
“Vampires aren't supposed to be real.”
“And we didn't know either,” Nora said. “He's pretty smart. As an artist, he can keep weird hours and break dates and it won't seem weird. I wouldn't date a guy like that anyway, but that's me. It rains for two-thirds of the year so he's not going to have to deal with a lot of sunlight. He doesn't eat garlic because of acid reflux and she doesn't have any silver.”
“Then again, we don't know she didn't know. Look at her books and movies. Do you see a theme here?” Isabella asked, gesturing at the media collection in the living room.
Leah said, “But not anything from the Whedon-verse. She'd probably be into the whole Buffy-Angel thing, except that worked out about as well as I'd expect a human-vampire relationship to work out.”
“I keep forgetting you have a geek card,” Nora said. “Care to explain for the rest of us?”
“In short, it worked out badly and they broke up.”
“So, should we ask Steph if she knew?” Maryann asked. “I really don't want her to go find him. I don't think it's likely she'll run into another vampire. I don't know if we can convince her that dating monsters is bad, though,” she said, gesturing to the collection of contradictory media.
“I don't want to let her know he really was a vampire if she didn't know,” Isabella said.
“Here, I think I know what can help,” Nora offered. “Leah, go out and purchase this book,” she said, texting the title to Leah's phone. “Vampire or human, this is a great book on dangerous behaviors. And you said she tends to date guys who treat her badly anyway. If we can help her see that pattern that would be good for her.”
“But how are we going to give it to her?” Maryann asked.
“You have a heart to heart talk with your cousin and tell her the truth, or most of it. You tell her that you're worried because she's not her usual self. Maybe even skim the book before she arrives and point out some of the behaviors you've seen Nicholas exhibit. He didn't deny stalking her when we confronted him, so I'm going to guess he's exhibited other warning behaviors that she can identify. And if not, just tell her that it doesn't hurt to be armed with information and you just want her to be careful.”
“Okay. I think that will work.”
Leah went out and purchased the book, which was a well-respected text discussing the human fear response, the triggers for the fear response, and behaviors that were usually precursors to violent and/or dangerous actions. Isabella un-invited Nicholas from the house again and cast several spells of protection.
“That was weird!” Stephanie said when she returned. “I got to the office but no one was there and no one had called me. Oh, did Nicholas leave?”
“Yes, yes he did. Steph, can we go talk from a bit?” Maryann said, holding the book behind her back.
“Sure.”
The two disappeared into Stephanie's room for nearly an hour.
“I'm glad that's not me,” Leah said as the band packed up their van.
Eventually the two re-emerged. Neither looked nearly as peppy as usual.
“I'm so glad you could visit,” Stephanie said.
Maryann gave her a hug. “I'm glad too. We'll be back again. You take care, okay?”
“Okay. Good luck!”
The band said good-bye and was soon on their way.
“Well?” Leah asked.
“I told her all my worries. She listened, I think, but she's still really into the idea of reforming the bad boy and having that kind of passionate romance,” Maryann sighed. “But anything learned can be un-learned, and Steph's a smart woman. Hopefully she'll learn better.”
“Hopefully,” Isabella agreed.
“She's also still kind of mad at me, but she gets over stuff pretty quick. I'm sure we'll be just fine in a few weeks.”
“I hope so. Having a talk like that isn't easy,” Nora said kindly.
“Thanks.”
The Lyrics:
Back in college, I met the coolest guy
A handsome and well read grad student
But a little reserved, a little mopey, and a little shy
I asked him out and a year sped by
I could tell he had something to say to me
One night he got down on one knee
And said, "I confess; I've been an awful liar"
"But here is the truth – I'm a vampire"
Refrain: I've read those stories; I've seen those shows
You don't have to tell me; I know how it goes
I don't need dark passion and tortured love;
That's not the romance I've been dreaming of
When he told me, I was stunned
How could I not have noticed he never saw the sun?
But the city was cloudy most of the time
Even I would go weeks without seeing sunshine
And then his aversion to garlic became clear
It explained his dislike of silver
And why he greeted any faithful people with fear
Which was something I'd always thought queer
Refrain
"It's not as bad as it seems
"I'm not evil, nor a blood-sucking fiend
"But this doesn't have to be the end
"With patience our relationship will mend"
"Just one little bite and you can have immortality
Forever young, never die, forever with me"
"Thanks, but no thanks," I said with dread
"But I just couldn't live life as an undead"
Refrain
He looked heartbroken and upset
"But listen, there's another way yet
If you will not accept the dark embrace
Perhaps you can be my saving grace!"
"I can be human," he said with elation,
"If our love is true and strong."
"Johnny," I said with hesitation
"I don't think I'm ready to be your salvation"
Refrain
"So you'll stay human; I'll be a vampire,"
"It could work; it's been years since I've seen my sire
I'm sure my past won't catch up with me
Like it did with the last six women of my desire."
"Johnny," I said, "I don't know if I can take this life
It sounds as though it would full of pain and strife
But
would you think less of me if I said no?"
"No," he said, "And I would let you go."
Refrain
(slower tempo)
My common sense I could not defy
On love alone I could not rely
So with a heavy heart I told Johnny good-bye
Fate was not kind; it was outright cruel
But I was not going to be a lovesick fool
To avoid further encounters with such woe
I packed my bags and moved to San Diego
If my boyfriend can't stand silver or walk in the sun
That's my cue to break-up and run!
Track 12: Centaur Express
The Interview:
Brad: Okay, ladies, you can't keep giving me the runaround now. I asked you if you had any experience with role-playing games with “Secretly a Drow.”
Lee: I thought we answered that.
Brad: Nope. You gave me a non-answer. But I'm going to pin one of you Ravens down. Someone here played table-top RPGs or knew someone very well who did.
Lenore: I think it's you.
Brad: Me? Why?
Lenore: You seem to think that's our inspiration.
Brad: This interview isn't about me. Come on, which one of you was it? All of you?
Lee: We'll say that one of us has more than a passing familiarity with the many uses of a set of Platonic solids plus two decahedrons.
Brad: Platonic solids? I'm sorry; I must have slept through that philosophy class.
Belle: I remember it coming up in geometry. She means a tetrahedron, a cube, an octahedron, a dodecahedron, and an icosahedron.
Brad: That's Greek to me.
Lee: That's funny.
Anna: A four-sided die, a six-sided die you're probably familiar with, an eight-sided die, a twelve-sided die, and a twenty-sided die. Plus two ten-sided die are part of the standard set for many games.
Brad: So you played.
Anna: We're not going to answer your question.
Brad: Hey, I'm not here to judge. Just do an interview.
Lee: It's not about judging, although gamers are often judged as immature. Then again, judgmental