Good For The Goose: Enough For The Gander

been at it since you left us. At first he wasn’t responding at all. He limited himself to curt remarks insinuating I’ve gone ahead to be sworn-in without his knowledge and consent so what do I want of him?

  MONICA: So he is still adamant then?

  DENISE: Just give him some more time.

  TITI: But I don’t have the time.

  MONICA: Don’t rush him Mama Dayo; you might just end up worsening the whole thing.

  TITI: I agree, but I just really don’t have the time!

  DENISE: How do you mean?

  TITI: Denise that is why I had hurried over here.

  DENISE: Mama Dayo, I’ll not go over this thing with him again, not right now at least. I really do believe he should be given more time. He will surely back down.

  TITI: No, that is not what I require from you at the moment. I was hoping for a more practical gesture.

  DENISE: Like what?

  MONICA: Practical gesture?

  DENISE: What do you have in mind?

  TITI: Denise, I know your encouraging words to me this morning were not just off the top. I've been as convincing as I can, but my husband is yet to give me definite consent. I'm however confident that when he realizes how much this lucky break can improve our lives and that of our larger community, he'll come to terms with it.

  DENISE: Oh I am sure he will come through Mama Dayo.

  TITI: I pray so because the last thing I need right now is a sulking husband and a matrimonial feud. It will simply torture the children. You saw how little Dayo reacted to only our momentarily raised voices?

  MONICA: It will be well Mama Dayo.

  TITI: I pray so! But Denise, the practical gesture I was referring to is yours to give. Let me explain. You see as part of the special benefits of my new job, I have the choice of a personal assistant, cum secretary. Seeing that it is Monica’s discipline, I had hoped you will let Monica be my assistant.

  b/g (Silence)

  It just occurred to me when she said something about doing an extended internship with a similar organization in the past. I can really do better with her experience.

  b/g (Silence)

  Denise.

  MONICA: Di.

  b/g (Denise clears his throat)

  TITI: Well…I…

  MONICA: Di!?

  b/g (Spoon clinks as tea is stirred in a cup)

  TITI: I am… I mean.., I think I will just leave.

  b/g (Furniture movement)

  MONICA: Mama Dayo, please give me time to sort this out with my husband. I will quickly get word back to you. I am so, so grateful for your thoughts.

  TITI: I am sorry….I mean. I didn’t mean to be a bother. But…, I start tomorrow morning and really I must know your decision by then.

  MONICA: I will see you in good time. Thank you so much.

  TITI: I must leave now and let you enjoy your breakfast. I don’t want you to be late for church.

  DENISE: Thank you!

  b/g (Silence)

  MONICA: (In a choked voice) Thank you Mama Dayo.

  TITI: (Chuckles softly) Bye.

  b/g (Door squeaks shut)

  MONICA: Di! Come on, a simple thank you would have been quite in order.

  DENISE: But I said thank you.

  MONICA: Yes! That was for her leaving obviously, but it was most certainly not for offering your jobless wife a great job on a platter of Urban Council Gold!

  DENISE: That is not a job; it is just a glorified apprenticeship arrangement.

  MONICA: Good God!

  DENISE: That is what it is and God has nothing to do with it; all thanks to Him.

  MONICA: Are you serious?

  DENISE: Yes I’m!

  MONICA: This isn’t fair.

  DENISE: I’ll tell you what is not fair. It is you ladies cunning both of us like this.

  MONICA: Cunning you?!

  DENISE: Don’t play the innocent with me. You admitted to being in on it from the very beginning.

  MONICA: Di! But you just heard the woman yourself. This is purely something she decided now, just this morning!

  DENISE: At the spur of the moment?

  MONICA: Definitely!

  DENISE: Please don’t play on my intelligence.

  MONICA: Honestly, this secretary thing is completely new to me.

  DENISE: That notwithstanding, it isn’t appropriate.

  MONICA: We can make our own decision, devoid of what theirs is.

  DENISE: Oh yes! We most certainly can. But the sheer diabolic intent of it would taint the very essence of its sincerity and our objectivity.

  MONICA: Our conscience is spotless.

  DENISE: Is it?

  MONICA: Of course!

  DENISE: Just hear yourself. The way you are taking to water like a duckling that was hatched by a Hen; all very guilty by natural creation.

  MONICA: Di, in the name of God; you know I don’t call the Lord’s name in vain. I had nothing to do with this. I did not mislead you!

  DENISE: (Sighs) I hear you.

  MONICA: Why can’t you believe me on this?

  DENISE: Well I’m sorry, whatever way it went down doesn’t matter any more.

  MONICA: It happened the way I said.

  DENISE: Well, I’m sorry I don’t approve of this job and will not consent to you accepting it in this or any other circumstance.

  MONICA: Just like that? (Pause) Without giving me the benefit of an opinion?

  DENISE: It is clear that this isn’t a career developing opportunity. We'll decline her offer.

  MONICA: (Chuckles) I hear you. (Barely audible) Okay.

  DENISE: Mama Dayo has the audacity to come here to tell you; not minding me, that she is disobeying her husband’s wishes and she wants you to join her.

  MONICA: In disobeying our husbands you mean?

  DENISE: I beg your pardon?!

  MONICA: Don’t bother dear, you have been pardoned already, because I have just accepted the job! (Hisses)

  b/g (Furniture movement, hurried footsteps)

  DENISE: Moni… Moni! (Pauses) Monica!

  b/g (Door slams, bolts shifts)

  MONICA: (OFF) Leave me alone!

  DENISE: Monica, come back here. I am talking to you!

  MONICA: (OFF) Just don’t bother yourself. (Sobs) I hope you're happy now since you’ve gotten your wish and we are not going to church again.

  b/g (Loud furniture movement, hurried steps followed by insistent knocks)

  DENISE: Moni! Monica, please open this door!

  MONICA: (OFF) Your lunch is in the food warmer and you have enough for supper too, because I am not coming out of this guest bedroom till tomorrow morning! (Sniffs and more sobs)

  DENISE: (Barely audible) Suit yourself.

  b/g (Footsteps)

  MONICA: (OFF) I heard that! That is the whole idea, isn’t it?!

  (More sobs) You suit yourself and I do the same.

  DENISE: I only meant if you want us to stay home, fine. You were the one who was up beat about going to church.

  MONICA: (OFF) That is not what you meant. (Scoffs)

  You meant I can lock myself up forever for all you care.

  b/g (Furniture movement and footsteps)

  DENISE: If you want to be childish, I might as well go back to bed.

  MONICA: (OFF) Suit yourself! (Sniffs and sobs)

  DENISE: What would you have me do?

  MONICA: (OFF) Do whatever pleases you!

  b/g (Silence)

  DENISE: Did you lock the front door?

  b/g (Denise hisses and door slams shut)

  MONICA: (OFF) Didn’t you lock up?

  b/g (Silence)

  Di!

  b/g (Bolt shifts, door creaks open, footsteps)

  (Clearer) Nonsense! (Hisses)

  DENISE: (OFF) I thought you were staying locked up? (Snorts)

  MONICA: Just like I thought, you didn’t lock the front door.

  b/g (Bolt shifts and footsteps)

  I get to do everything around here, everything
. Keep you clean, wait on you, feed and serve you. I do everything!

  DENISE: (OFF) For better and for worse! (Chuckles)

  MONICA: That sacred vow is not made merely for the benefit of the officiating minister, doting kin or friends and a few bored and hungry idle witnesses!

  DENISE: (OFF) It’s said for the bride’s benefit mainly, I guess. (Laughs)

  b/g (Footsteps, doors creaks open and shut and bolt shifts)

  MONICA: (OFF) Nonsense!

  DENISE: (OFF) Just kidding! (Chuckles)

  MONICA: (OFF) How could you so loosely joke about our sacred marital vows like that?! That is the very foundation of our union!

  DENISE: (OFF) For crying out loud, it was only a joke!

  MONICA: (OFF) You wouldn’t make fond of it, unless you actually belittle our vows and the essence of our union!

  DENISE: (OFF) I was only trying to ease the tension!

  MONICA: (OFF) The very same tension you and your brethren had continually maintained with the procreative quasi-slavery you pass off for marriage!

  DENISE: (OFF) You see what happens when you loose the fun in a marriage?!

  MONICA: (OFF) Nonsense!

  DENISE: (OFF) You can say that again!?

  MONICA: (OFF) Double nonsense!!

  b/g (Denise laughs long and loudly till it fades into silence)

  Scene Six

  INT, Morning

  SFX (Eating sounds, cutleries on dishes)

  MONICA: Your lunch is in the food warmer and I have put out the cat. Please don’t let him back in when you leave for work. Please!

  b/g (Silence)

  Mama Dayo is picking me up any moment now.

  b/g (Silence and continued eating sounds)

  So you will not answer me?

  b/g (Silence)

  For how long do you plan to keep this up?

  b/g (Continued eating sounds)

  Di?

  b/g (Silence)

  For God’s sake it is a beautiful Monday morning; lets set aside this malice thing.

  b/g (Silence)

  Denise, we were like this all day yesterday.

  b/g (Silence)

  Do you want some more eggs?

  b/g (Silence)

  Chips? Tea? Some of this (Mimics Tetuma)."Really good Coffee"? (Giggles)

  b/g (Continued eating sounds)

  Some cold water, maybe?

  b/g (Silence)

  Di?

  b/g (Denise clears his throat, eating sounds continue in silence)

  It’s so airy in the guestroom. I wish you’ll listen to me and make it our master bedroom