A Surrogate Love Affair

  Without looking at him, I swiftly walk out of the room. I can feel Ethan’s eyes on me every step of the way, but I can also feel the heat penetrating my very being. I need to get these dishes washed…and I need him to leave.

  After I place the dishes in the sink, I grab the edge and close my eyes. What’s wrong with me?

  “Alice?” My body tenses. “Alice, look at me.” My eyes are still locked on the sink. My body doesn’t want to move. “Alice, please, look at me.” He touches my shoulder, gently pulling me around to face him. As I do, I look up into his soft brown eyes. Eyes I could easily get lost in. “What’s wrong?”

  I stare at him. I don’t know what to say. I want your body more than the air I breathe? I’m like a walking hormone of mass proportions and I need you to have sex with me before I explode? That’s not really dinner conversation.

  As I remain quiet, Ethan edges closer, my breath hitching again. He stills for a moment before reaching out and touching my wrist. My breathing quickens as he gently moves his hand around it, placing his fingers on my pulse. There seems to be this electric charge between us. It’s something I’m not sure is welcome. My body definitely wants it, but my mind’s telling me to run.

  Then I see something in his eyes. It’s almost like a hunger. It makes the burning sensation between my legs reach new levels. Surely he doesn’t feel it, too. Is my mind playing tricks on me?

  “Do you want me to tell you what I see?” he says softly.

  I search Ethan’s eyes and nod. I can’t move, can’t speak, and can barely breathe. The closer he gets, the more my insides turn to mush.

  His stare seems to take on a more primal edge, making my legs wobble slightly. With my free hand, I grip onto the edge of the sink, holding me in place so I don’t fall. When he licks his lips, I find myself following every single movement of his tongue.

  “Your cheeks are flushed.” I look up to meet his hooded eyes. “Your pupils are dilated. Your breathing has quickened. Your pulse is definitely faster than it should be.” He walks even closer. I close my eyes briefly, swallowing hard before meeting his eyes again. “Do you know what that normally means?”

  I breathe out slowly and nod. I feel him getting closer, my insides burning hotter than ever. “It means I want you to fuck me…” I gasp, placing a hand over my mouth as I stare at a shocked Ethan. Shit, what must he think of me? “I’m so sorry,” I blurt, feeling absolutely appalled. I try to move away, but he stops me. “Please. I feel so ashamed.” I try to move again, but he grips my wrist tighter.

  “Don’t pull away, Alice. Not when I’ve finally got you.”

  I look up to see him smiling. “What do you mean?”

  Before I can take a breath, Ethan’s lips are on mine, seductively coaxing my mouth to meet his sensual dance. With both hands on my face, he holds me captive, taking his time as he kisses my waiting lips. I moan, grabbing his shirt and pulling him closer. I suddenly have this primal urge to be taken. I’ve always dreamed of a moment where someone would worship me, go slow, take their sweet time pleasuring me. But all I want now is to be screwed against my cold, hard sink. I’m totally blown away.

  My breathing quickens as I grab the back of Ethan’s neck. He opens his mouth, and I immediately delve my tongue in. Ethan growls, making my body hum. I moan, knowing if he doesn’t take me soon, I’m going to explode.

  “Ethan, please…”

  Why am I begging? What am I begging for? I have no idea, but he seems to get the message loud and clear as he picks me up, my legs wrapping around his waist. As Ethan carries me out of the kitchen, I take the opportunity to kiss and bite his neck.

  “Shit, Alice. I won’t be able to make it to the bedroom at this rate.”

  I rub my crotch against his, moaning as I bite his neck again. “Then don’t.”

  “Fuck!” he growls, his pace quickening up the stairs.

  “Please,” I beg again. “I need… I need… Hurry.”

  My god, what has gotten into me all of a sudden? I feel like I’m dying. This urge, this desire almost feels too painful to bear.

  “I got you, sweetheart,” he replies, placing me gently on the bed.

  He stills as he hovers over me, but I can’t take it. I start tugging at his clothes. “Too slow,” I say. Ethan chuckles, but it soon turns to moans as I bite down on his shoulder and work my way up toward his lips. “I can’t wait,” I breathe out. I feel like I need Ethan inside me more than my next breath.

  Thankfully, he takes the hint and wastes no time pulling my t-shirt above my head. As he throws it, he looks down at the swell of my breasts. I must have grown two sizes since getting pregnant.

  I break Ethan’s stare by pulling his shirt over his head. I have dreamed about seeing his body for weeks. I’m finally going to get my wish. As I discard his shirt, I stare at the sight before me. I know he likes to keep in shape, but I never knew it was to this extent. His chest is broad and muscular, his pecks pronounced and smooth. I run my hands from his shoulders down to his stomach. I can see how heavy his breathing has become, noticing his obvious arousal trying to break through his trousers. It only makes the throbbing between my legs worse.

  I lie back down and lift my bum up in the air. “Now it’s your turn.”

  Ethan wastes no time, pulling my trousers and knickers down, tossing them aside. For a moment, he stares at my body, making my insides burn.

  “Ethan, please…”

  There I go begging again. I have never begged for sex. I’ve never had to. With Kyle, I got sex whether I wanted it or not. For me, it was part of my marriage, so I felt obligated to give it to him. I realise now that was wrong, but I guess I was kind of brainwashed. After all, I was barely twenty, young and impressionable, when I met Kyle.

  Ethan hastily unbuttons his pants, pushing them and his boxers down. When he stands back up, I hiss in a breath. He’s bigger than Kyle, which worries me for a moment, but once he starts edging toward me on the bed, all thoughts quickly disappear. He leans down to kiss me. I moan, instinctively raising my hips to meet his erection.

  “Are you that impatient?” he mumbles with a smile. Chuckling a little into his mouth, I nod.

  Ethan breaks our kiss and stares at me before kissing his way toward my breasts. He quickly removes my bra and stares at my erect nipples. “You’re so beautiful,” he murmurs as he takes one into his mouth.

  “Oh, my god!” I cry, threading my hand through his hair. This is like beautiful torture. I don’t know whether I welcome this feeling or not. My body craves more...more of his tongue, more of his lips, more of everything.

  He pulls away, then gives the other nipple some attention. More fireworks explode inside my head. As his tongue dances around, licking and sucking the sensitive nub, I arch my body again, knowing I can’t keep this feeling in any longer. When Ethan pulls away, I think he’s going to finally enter me. I grip his arms, waiting for that pain I have become accustomed to with Kyle, but not minding that it’s coming this time.

  Ethan kisses under my breasts and slowly makes his way down. Immediately, I tense, wondering what he’s up to.

  “Relax,” he instructs.

  I frown as he ventures farther down, kissing my ribs and making his way toward my stomach. “What are you doing?”

  “Relax and enjoy,” he whispers, gently placing kisses on my stomach. I close my eyes and push my head back into the pillow. I’m about to beg again, I can feel it coming, but as he kisses the inside of my thighs, all that comes out is a gurgled moan.

  I have nothing to hold onto, so I grip the sheets. If he doesn’t enter me soon, I’m going to scream.

  Then I feel his tongue flick against my clit. “Holy shit!” I scream, colours dancing before my eyes. I have seen this in porn movies, but I’ve never felt it myself. Kyle never went down on me, despite me wanting him to. For years, I’ve desired this. Now I can finally feel what it’s really like.

  As he licks me again, my legs wobble and I get dizzy. I never expected to orgasm,
I never have without my own intervention, but I recognise the signs. As Ethan dances his tongue around my clit, I tense, trying to control my breathing, but also trying not to come straight away. I never thought it would feel this good.

  “What’s wrong? You’re tensing.”

  I breathe out, closing my eyes before looking at Ethan. “I’ve never had this…” I see how wide his eyes become. “I’m frightened I’m going to come too quickly.” I flush red and look away.

  “Alice, it’s fine. Just relax and let your body do the talking, okay? I want you to feel good. Please, don’t hold back. I never want you to hold back with me.”

  I glance down at him, nodding. I hadn’t held back so far. In fact, I have been forward. I never even knew I had that sort of primal animal inside me.

  As his tongue continues its leisurely dance, I close my eyes, revelling in the feeling he’s giving me. It’s so additive and so good. Quicker than before, that feeling comes back. I tense.

  “Let it come, Alice. You’re tensing again. I know it’s because you’re about to orgasm and are trying to stop yourself. Just…lick…let…lick…go…lick.”

  As his tongue does one final dance, I arch my back again, knowing it’s coming and coming hard. “Oh god!” I scream, the feeling intensifying.

  As if sensing my impending orgasm, Ethan seems to pick up the pace slightly. My body tenses on its own. I feel it build in my toes before working its way up my legs, into my torso, through my breasts, and out through my eyes as I explode.

  Colours dance through my vision, my body trembling with intensity. Sounds I never knew existed inside me come out of my body. A body that doesn’t seem to be mine anymore. It’s like I’m not in control of it.

  Ethan slows to a stop, then kisses his way back up my body. “That was the most beautiful scene I have ever had the pleasure to witness.”

  As I try to catch my breath, I smile, wondering how I could have missed this in my twenty-eight years. “Thank you,” I suddenly blurt. The words just seem to leave me without me having a chance to stop them.

  Ethan’s eyes widen slightly. “There’s no need to thank me. It was my pleasure.”

  When he leans down to kiss me again, I can taste myself on his mouth. The fires start working their way up again. I need him inside me already.

  “Ethan…,” I start, but he’s already in position. I tense again, waiting for the pain to come.

  He stops and stares at me. “I’m not going to hurt you, Alice.” I breathe deeply, immediately relaxing. “I’ll take it slow, okay?” I nod nervously. I can tell he’s trying his best to make me feel comfortable.

  I feel the tip of his erection at my entrance. I’m about to tense again when I feel him slowly ease into me. I gasp, but not because of the pain. I’ve never felt such immense pleasure before.

  “Are you okay?” Ethan’s expression looks pained. I can’t tell if it’s because he’s trying to hold back or if he’s worried I’m in some sort of discomfort.

  “Please, keep going,” I encourage, needing him to go faster. He doesn’t disappoint. He thrusts forward, making us both cry out. Instead of the usual pain, I feel pleasure dancing inside me.

  For a moment, he stays still, hovering. He leans down, careful not to crush me, and kisses me tenderly. I feel him twitch slightly inside me, making me moan into his mouth. As his hips start moving, pleasure fills me. I never knew sex could feel like this. I don’t want it to stop.

  I look down as Ethan flexes his hips. With each thrust forward, new waves of pleasure take hold, making me cry out.

  “Fuck…,” Ethan moans. “Alice, you feel so good. So fucking good.”

  Sure, I had heard those same words from Kyle, but not once did it get a reaction from me. Only emptiness. With Ethan, everything seems so natural, so right, so glorious.

  I moan and scratch his arms. I find myself almost becoming feral as I grasp his arse and push him harder into me.

  “Jesus, Alice,” he cries.

  Shit, what is this feeling growing inside me? Surely it’s not another orgasm. It builds with every thrust. And with every thrust, my moans become louder. I have never had two orgasms in one go, but it seems I’m going to have a lot of firsts with Ethan. Now I can understand what all the fuss is about when it comes to sex.

  “You’re going to come again, aren’t you?”

  I snap my eyes to Ethan’s and see the pleasure dancing on his face. It makes the orgasm rise even quicker.

  “Yes!” I suddenly scream, unable to fathom how he knows my body better than I do. “Oh shit, yes! Don’t stop. Don’t ever stop!” I grab his arms and squeeze, knowing it’s probably going to creep up on me without warning.

  Ethan picks up the pace, breathing and grunting as he thrusts in and out of me. I can sense he’s close, too, which only heightens my desire. That same feeling dances up through my body, but faster and harder than the first time. “Ethan!” I scream as my body explodes and toes curl.

  “Shit!” he shouts, making my orgasm last even longer. I find myself crying out again.

  Ethan groans before thrusting inside me one more time and stilling. He leans forward, breathing steadily in the crook of my neck.

  “Wow…,” I hear him mumble.

  I chuckle through my heavy breaths. “Definitely wow.”

  We lie there for some time, our breathing calming as I absentmindedly stroke his back. It’s such an intimate act for me, but one I find natural after the most spellbinding orgasms I have ever experienced in my life.

  I feel Ethan shiver as goose bumps form beneath my fingers. “Nice?” I ask.

  “Gorgeous,” he replies. “Just like you.” He moves to the side and stretches out facing me, supporting his head with his hand. “You have no idea how long I have wanted to do that. I pictured it being good, but I never envisaged just how good.”

  “How long?” I ask, rolling to my side and facing him.

  “I would like to say ever since the day of the first scan, but that would be a lie. It’s pretty much since the day you told me you were carrying my baby.”

  I gasp. “That long? But...we hardly knew each other.”

  He laughs. “I know, but from the few times we spent together, I could sense the good in you. I could also sense your vulnerability. It made me want to scoop you into my arms and hold you...protect you from the ugliness surrounding you. I found that thinking about this made me more and more attracted to you. I already knew how beautiful you were. I’m not blind. It’s just... I was married and thought I was happy. Truth be told, Sarah and I were never happy. We constantly argued about babies, losing ourselves somewhere along the way. In a sense, I’m glad she cheated; otherwise, I wouldn’t have realised just how unhappy I was or how much I wanted you in my life. I know this is too soon, but can we make this work? Not just for the sake of the baby, but for ourselves? If you want it to…”

  The thought makes my heart light up. “I do want this, but let’s take our time. We have five months until this baby is born. Let’s see where we are then. Step by step.”

  Smiling, Ethan nods. “Okay, I can do step by step. I know we need to get our divorces finalised first.”

  I bite my lip. “Technically, we just cheated on our spouses.”

  Ethan strokes my arm. “Technically, our spouses are not living with us, and haven’t for some time. We’re doing nothing wrong.”

  “I know.”

  “I have to be up really early tomorrow morning, but would you mind if I stayed?”

  Thinking about spending the night with Ethan makes me smile. “I would love nothing more.”

  Chapter Thirty

  The next morning, Ethan got up before the sun rose, kissing my cheek before he left. I could have gone back to sleep for another hour, but thinking about the night before kept me up. We made love two more times, sleep the only thing keeping us from seeking more.

  At work, I couldn’t stop the smile on my face. Of course, Sally asked me what was going on. Because I trusted her, I to
ld her everything. She was happy, but warned me to go slow. I was not going to let the fact that Ethan was the father of my baby get in the way of things.

  That night, I tossed and turned. I knew I missed Ethan, which pissed me off. I should be able to survive a night without him. I had survived several when Kyle went away on trips.

  The following morning, I rush out to get Ethan some of his favourite iced doughnuts. Our sixteen-week scan is later this afternoon, but I can’t last a moment longer without seeing him.

  I pay for the doughnuts and head out the door, a smile on my face. It’s another cold day, but I don’t care. The skies can be overcast and grey for all I care. Nothing can take my happiness away. Also, the possibility of curling up in Ethan’s bed for a couple hours before leaving for our appointment has my head spinning with excitement. I thought all the sex Ethan and I had the night before would have calmed me. Instead, it seems to have done the opposite. I haven’t thought of anything else since.

  I walk the twenty minutes to Ethan’s flat. With every step, the cold in my veins turns hotter. As I reach the last corner, I’m boiling. My heart starts drumming in anticipation.

  Biting my lip, I open the gate that leads to his flat and knock on the door. When he doesn’t answer, I decide to ring the doorbell. Nothing. I start to walk away when I hear the door open. I smile as I turn, but it immediately vanishes when I see Sarah standing in the doorway wearing nothing but Ethan’s shirt.

  “Oh, sorry,” she says with a giggle. “Ethan’s in the shower. I was about to head in to join him when I heard the doorbell. How are you?”

  I feel my eyes start to well with tears, but I push them away. “Are you two back together?”

  “Well,” she says, opening the door more. “I came over yesterday because I had some big news to tell him.” She places her hand on her stomach and rubs over a very definite baby bump. One that’s bigger than mine. Stepping back, I place a hand over my mouth. “Shocking, I know,” she says, beaming. “Ethan was elated when I told him. All this time of not being able to get pregnant. I was so convinced I couldn’t, I didn’t even realise I was. I just thought I was putting on weight.”