A Surrogate Love Affair

  I smirk. “What brought that on?”

  He looks at me with sadness. “My father’s death.” I frown. “You see, what I had failed to realise was that although my mother and father were married, they were never truly happy. My mother wasn’t anyway. When I asked her why the change, she said she had always been this way. Over the years, my father had dragged her down. She began to feel worthless. She began to feel like she had nothing in life to look forward to, other than cleaning the house and making dinner. That was her life…and that was the life I was trying to force upon you.” I’m about to open my mouth, but he holds a hand up. “You and I both know it was heading in that direction.” He sighs. “You know the real reason I don’t want to be a father?” I shake my head. “Because I know, deep down, I’m not worthy.”

  “Oh, I don’t believe that.”

  Kyle laughs. “That’s very kind of you, but that is just you all over. Always trying to see the best in people. Even if I were this baby’s father,” he says, looking down at my obvious bump, “I would never be able to look after it in the way the child deserves. The baby deserves a mother like you, though. He or she is extremely lucky.” He smiles, and that is when I realise I’m crying. That has to be the sweetest thing Kyle has ever said to me.

  He reaches into a pocket and hands me a handkerchief. “Please, don’t cry. You know I don’t like it when you cry.” I cry harder, laughing at the same time. “This certainly wasn’t what I was expecting today.”

  “What? Me a blubbering mess?”

  “No, you agreeing to see me. But I know you were probably curious. I kind of hoped you would hear me out, but I wouldn’t have blamed you if you wanted to leave without saying a word. I know I deserve as much.”

  In that moment, I feel sorry for Kyle, which I thought would never happen. “We’ve known each other for years. You were my first love. Of course I would want to hear you out. You’re trying to make amends.”

  “I’m sorry,” he says. “For everything.”

  I smile. “That’s okay. You’re forgiven.”

  He blows out a breath. “You don’t realise how much I needed to hear that.”

  “Oh, come on. Everyone deserves a second chance.”

  He shakes his head. “Not after I hit you and broke your window in a jealous rage.”

  My smile vanishes. “Well… The window, yes, but not—”

  “Please, don’t make excuses for me. That’s what I used to do. Remember? I made you my enabler because I was selfish.” We stay silent for a moment. “I know I don’t deserve this, but can I ask one last favour before we leave each other today?”

  “Sure.”

  “Can you walk with me to the florist and help me pick a bunch of flowers for my father?”

  As much as I didn’t like the man, I can at least do this for Kyle. “Of course.”

  We get up, and it’s only then I notice Kyle carrying a briefcase. This is also something new, but I don’t ask. We walk silently to the florist where I help him pick out a beautiful bunch of white lilies. I follow Kyle to his father’s grave and watch as he bends down to place the lilies on top.

  We stand silently, looking at his grave. Kyle suddenly turns to me and opens his briefcase, taking out a brown manila envelope and handing it to me. He looks close to tears.

  “I know I can’t fully make up for my misdemeanours, but I sure hope this is a small start.” Frowning, I look from the envelope to him. “You’re a free woman, Alice. I signed the papers. There’s no need to go to court. I’ve instructed my solicitor to tell yours. I’m sure he’ll be in touch.”

  I start crying again. This time, he pulls me into his arms. “Please, don’t cry. We both know this is for the best. You’ll be a much better person without me.”

  For the first time in a long time, Kyle holds me without wanting anything in return. It’s a poignant moment, one I will carry with me for the rest of my life. Not because I’m still in love with Kyle or want him back, but because something tells me this will be the last time I will ever see him.

  Pulling away, he smiles. “Now go. Be happy. But,” he says with a troubled frown, “I feel that I have to warn you. Ethan isn’t everything you think he is.”

  I stand there, shocked, as he kisses my forehead and quickly leaves. I’m confused as hell. Why would he warn me about Ethan? What on earth has he done?

  Drying my tears with Kyle’s handkerchief, I turn to walk toward the exit. But when I see who’s there, I stop.

  Chapter Thirty-Three

  “Alice, you gave me a fucking heart attack,” Ethan says as I near him. “I saw Kyle zooming off in his car. What’s going on? Have you been crying? Did he hurt you?” He starts fussing around me, so I put my hand up to stop him.

  “It’s okay. Kyle just wanted to meet me and give me this.” I hold up the envelope.

  Ethan looks at it, then back at me with a worried frown. “What is it?”

  “My divorce papers. He signed them. I don’t have to go to court.”

  Grabbing my shoulders, he smiles. “But that’s fantastic news. You no longer have to be known as Mrs. Armstrong.” He frowns. “Why do you not look happy about this?”

  I smile. “I am. I am,” I protest. “It’s just... You weren’t here to see him. He looked like a broken man, Ethan.”

  “Not your problem anymore.”

  “I know... And I know there’s no excuse for his past behaviour, but he’s been through hell the past three months. He’s lost his father, he started getting drunk and getting into fights, he’s gone to AA. He’s trying to make amends.”

  Ethan’s face softens as he pulls me in for a hug. “I’m sorry if I snapped. When you told me where you were going and who you were meeting, I became desperate. I tried to call you, but you didn’t answer. All sorts of shit went through my head.”

  I snuggle into his chest and breathe in his sweet scent. “I know. I’m so sorry. I just felt I needed to give him ten minutes of my time. I’m really glad I did.”

  He pulls away and looks at me. “And you really think he’s turned a corner?”

  I nod. “I really do. He looks so different. Besides, I can’t say he’s playing a game here. He signed the papers.” I hold them up.

  “Make sure you call the solicitor and get them straight over. In fact, do you want to drive over there now? I have some time until my next appointment.”

  I shake my head. “No, it’s okay. Could you come for a drink with me, though? I’m really thirsty. I could use the company, as well.”

  Throwing his arm around my shoulders, he smiles. “Of course. Let’s find the nearest café.”

  We find a place about five minutes down the road. I order an orange juice, and Ethan gets a coffee. We chat for an hour until he has to leave to get back to work.

  We walk out to the car. “I feel terrible leaving you.” Pulling me close, he bends down and places a warm, tender kiss against my lips. “I will never tire of kissing you, Ms Fairchild.”

  I smile against his mouth. “I won’t with you, either.”

  He groans. “I don’t want to go to work. Can you write me a sick note?”

  I laugh, then kiss him seductively. “Only if that means you’ll take me home and ravish me like I know you can.”

  Ethan groans again. “You’re impossible, woman.”

  “I try my best.”

  “I have to see this appointment, but I promise that when I get back, I will ravish you the way I know how.” He raises his eyebrows, then gives me a quick peck on the lips. “Look after yourself.” He bends down to kiss my stomach. “And the little one.”

  “He or she is not so little anymore. About the size of a hundred kumquats right now.”

  “She will be the most beautiful girl in the world. Next to her mother, of course.”

  “Well, if she looks anything like her daddy, I’m sure she will.”

  “I love you,” he suddenly blurts, kissing me again.

  “Love you, too.”

  He opens hi
s car door and jumps in. “Be ready when I get home.” He gives me a cheeky wink and shuts the door.

  As I watch him drive off, an uneasy feeling forms in the pit of my stomach. Why did Kyle say what he did about Ethan? I can’t understand it. Ethan is nothing like how Kyle treated me. What is it about him that I can’t trust?

  Walking to my car, I think all sorts of things, but nothing adds up. Once I get in and sit down, I place the envelope against the steering wheel and stare at it. After a few minutes, I decide to open it. As I look through the papers, I can see that he’s signed everywhere he’s supposed to. As I get to the last page, something white slips out and onto the floor.

  With great difficulty, because of my bump, I pick up the piece of paper, thinking it’s a compliment slip. But when I turn it over, I see it’s a note from Kyle.

  Ask Ethan about the paternity test.

  I frown and look on the other side to see if there is more, but there’s nothing. What on earth could that mean? I would normally say this is just Kyle playing another game, but something inside me believes he was genuine today.

  Which just leads me to one conclusion.

  Checking the time, I see I only have around three hours before Ethan gets home. We’re not living together yet, but we both have keys to each other’s houses.

  With no time to lose, I start the car and drive off. I head for his place, getting a call from my solicitor. With my hands free, I answer.

  “Alice, I have good news—”

  “I know,” I say, cutting him off. “I’ve just met with Kyle. He gave me the papers. Do I need to bring them to you?”

  “No, that’s fine. Mr. Armstrong’s solicitor sent me a copy. I must admit, I’m so glad this was able to be settled out of court. I was convinced Mr. Armstrong was going to make things as difficult as possible.”

  I laugh a little. “Me, too.”

  “I have the paperwork for you to sign in regards to your name change. Do you want me to send them, or can you make it in sometime tomorrow?”

  “Tomorrow will be fine. Maybe during my lunch hour, if that’s okay? Around two?”

  “Perfect. I’ll see you then.”

  I pull up to Ethan’s place, park, and dig into my purse for his spare key.

  Once I let myself in, I close the door behind me and rush toward his workspace. If I’m going to find anything of interest, it’ll be in here.

  I try to pull open the file cabinet, but it’s no use. I curse, looking for a key, finding nothing. I start pulling out his desk drawers, not finding anything of interest. Closing my eyes, I lean against the wall and take a deep breath. This is useless. Maybe this was just a last-ditch attempt from Kyle.

  Shaking my head, I push away from the wall, noticing a pad with writing on it sitting on his desk. I start looking through. Most are random. Names, numbers, appointments, that sort of thing. But something catches my eye.

  Drinks with SJV. Remember £10K.

  I frown, wondering what this is about. I try to find a date before or after the squiggles, but only one pops out…from four months ago.

  I pull Ethan’s chair out and sit down, wondering if this means anything. Then it strikes me. Digging out my phone, I bring WhatsApp up. I search for Kyle’s unknown number and pull up the photo of the paternity letter. When I do, I’m shocked. Signed at the bottom is the name Doctor SJ Vaughan. Surely this isn’t a coincidence.

  Getting up and grabbing my things, I leave. There’s only one person who can answer my question. There’s only one person who needs to.

  Chapter Thirty-Four

  As I wait for Ethan to return from work, I hear his car pull into the driveway. I know what I have to say, but I’m not sure I want to hear his answer.

  I hear the car door shut, then the jangling of keys as he lets himself in. He’s holding the biggest bunch of roses I have ever seen, along with a big tub of ice cream. He smiles, but when he sees me sitting on the sofa looking angry, his face drops.

  “What’s the matter, babes? Has something happened? What did the solicitor say?” He places everything on the table and rushes toward me. When he sits next to me, he reaches out a hand. I flinch. “Honey, you’re scaring me. What’s wrong?”

  “Is it true that you know the doctor who performed the paternity test?”

  His eyes slightly widen at my question, then he frowns. “Who is it that told you..?”

  “Never mind that. I want to know. Is it true?”

  “Yes, but I—”

  I get up and turn to him. “You’re friendly with the guy who performed the paternity test and you didn’t think it would be an issue? Did you ever hear of conflict of interest? No wonder Kyle questioned the results.”

  Ethan looks pissed. “What did he say?”

  “He told me not to trust you.”

  Laughing, Ethan gets up and walks toward me. He cups my face with both hands. “Baby, this is coming from an alcoholic who did nothing but belittle you your entire marriage. You can’t believe a word he says.” When he sees the doubt in my eyes, he looks affronted. “I’ve been nothing but good to you, Alice. At least, that’s how I feel. If I haven’t, please tell me so I can fix it.”

  Grabbing his hands, I plead with my eyes. “All I want from you is the truth.” He looks away, sighing, so I squeeze his hands to make him look at me. “Ethan, please. I have a right to know the truth. Did you orchestrate the results to go in your favour?” He doesn’t answer, so I nudge him. “Tell me.”

  Ethan sighs again, and I drop his hands. “I threw the sample away.”

  My eyes widen. “You did what?!”

  Ethan holds his hands out. “Shh… You have to hear me out.”

  I want to scream at him, but I’ll let him tell me what happened. No matter what it is, though, it can’t take away from the fact that he lied to me.

  “I knew how much it meant for you not to have Kyle be the father. I sat at home and debated about what I was going to do to make this right. Steve owed me a favour, so I asked him to make up a false test. If you don’t believe me, give them a call. With data protection these days, you’re entitled to any medical records in your name. You’ll find nothing.”

  I shake my head. “I don’t understand. Why would you do that? Why not get the test done to know for certain one way or another? Why go through this big charade?”

  Ethan looks away. “Because I was scared, okay?” He looks back at me. “I was scared of what the results would be. I was scared that if it the baby were Kyle’s, he would never let you go. I was scared he would ruin you.” He walks toward me and grabs my arms. “Ruin us.”

  Shrugging his hands off, I walk back to the sofa, but don’t sit. “That still didn’t give you the right to do what you did. It’s an abuse of power, Ethan. Not only that, you lied to me. How can I trust you after this?”

  I watch the fear in his eyes as he stalks toward me. He grabs my face with his hands again. “I’m so, so sorry. I really am. I know I fucked up, but I promise to make it up to you. I will make you trust me again. Please, don’t shut me out.”

  Tears start to well in my eyes. As much as I love him, I can’t do this. “I love you so much—”

  “I love you, too. More than you’ll ever—”

  “Please, let me finish.”

  Stroking my cheek with his thumb, he smiles. “I’m sorry. Go on.” He drops his hands from my face, but makes sure to grab both of mine.

  “But one of the reasons I broke up with Kyle is because he lied to me. You knew how much their betrayal broke us. When you’ve been through that yourself, why would you do it to me?”

  “I would never, ever cheat on you. I promise you that.”

  I wave my hand dismissively. “I know that, but a lie is still a lie. You could have told me what you’d done, but you chose not to.”

  He squeezes my hands. “I don’t care about the results. This baby is mine.”

  Looking into his eyes, I implore him. “Then why didn’t you submit the samples for testing? Why not k
now for sure?”

  He shrugs. “Does it really matter? Kyle is not a role model for Father of the Year, is he? I’m standing in front of you and telling you that I don’t care. This baby is mine, regardless of the results. She’s not here yet, but I’ve already fallen in love with her. And do you know why?” he asks, grabbing the back of my neck and pulling me closer. “Because I’m in love with you. How can I not love something that’s a part of you?”

  Leaning in, he gently places his warm lips on mine. At first, I relent, savouring his sweet taste. For a fraction of a second, I allow those feelings to wash over me. The same feelings that always come when he kisses me.

  Then I remember his betrayal, the huge lie. A lie he can’t take back. “Ethan, stop,” I say, trying to push him away. He doesn’t listen and carries on kissing me. “Ethan, I said stop!”

  He pulls away. “I’m sorry. Please, Alice. Let me make this up to you somehow. I’ll do anything.”

  He looks at me with those pleading eyes. It would be so easy to give in, but how can I trust him now? “There’s only one thing you can do...”

  “Name it. I’ll do whatever it takes.”

  “Leave. I want you to leave.”

  He reaches out a hand to touch me. “I know you’re angry now, but we can surely work this out. We can—”

  I flinch away. “I mean it, Ethan. Don’t make me beg. Just leave. I need to be alone.” I give him a look that tells him I mean business. At first, he stares at me. Eventually, his shoulders sag, as if in surrender.

  “Okay, I’ll go. I will give you time. Just, please, don’t shut me out completely. You know we were always meant to be together. We were meant to be together nine years ago. You know that to be true as well as I do.” When I don’t say anything, he walks toward me and places a kiss on top of my head. “I love you so much, Alice. Please, think about that while I’m gone.” He turns and leaves the house.

  Once the door shuts, the flood of tears start. I sit on the sofa and mourn for the man I thought I could trust with all my heart. How can I ever go back with him after he lied to me over something as monumental as who the father of my baby is? I always thought I could trust Ethan explicitly, but it seems he’s just as bad as Kyle. He’s right when he says it’s not in the same context, but still. This is huge.