A Surrogate Love Affair

  When I look up at her expectantly, she smiles. “In a heartbeat.”

  I exhale a big sigh of relief. “Thanks.”

  Sally squeezes my shoulder and stands up from my desk. “Don’t mention it. If you need me, for anything, give a shout, yes?”

  I nod appreciatively. “Yes.”

  “Good. Enjoy your coffee.”

  “Thanks,” I shout as she walks away, waving over her shoulder.

  Chapter Six

  Work is extremely busy, but I expected it. When it hits almost one, I realize Mrs. Bellingham hasn’t called back. Shrugging, I stand. “I’m going for lunch.” I smile as I walk past Sally.

  “Enjoy,” she calls after me as I walk out the door.

  As I reach the lift, sudden butterflies penetrate my stomach. I’m not sure why. It’s almost the same feeling I had when I went on my first date with Kyle. That thought makes me shake my head.

  I think back to the night Sarah and I meet Kyle and Ethan for the first time. Our mutual friend, Lucy, matched us up, obviously thinking I’d be better suited for Ethan. It’s funny how life has a way of altering things. I always thought meeting Kyle was fate.

  As I enter the lift, I take a deep breath. I’m not sure why the butterflies are growing, but nerves are definitely kicking in.

  Once the doors open, I walk out and stroll toward the coffeehouse, seeing Ethan sitting in the corner, reading a paper. As if sensing me, he looks up and smiles, waving. I notice he’s already ordered me a coffee.

  “Latte, right?”

  Smiling, I take my coat off and put it over my seat before sitting. “You remembered.” Ethan nods, but doesn’t say anything else. “It’s getting colder out there.” I give a little shiver to show my lack of enthusiasm for the weather.

  “We might have snow next week.”

  My eyes widen. “Really? It’s the beginning of November.”

  Ethan chuckles. “I know. It’s crazy.”

  I take a tentative sip of my coffee, realising the air has suddenly grown thick. “So… You wanted to talk?”

  He clears his throat. “Um, yes. I was kind of glad Sarah couldn’t come because I didn’t want to make you feel awkward.”

  I suddenly get nervous again. “Okay.”

  Ethan laughs. “Sorry. I haven’t started this very well, have I? It’s just… We have to talk about how and when we’re going to try for this baby. I didn’t know whether you wanted to come to my clinic when the time is right. Or, if you prefer, you could take my sample home with you. I think it would be better at the clinic because we only have about an hour after the sample is ready.”

  My face flushes, but I nod. There’s no way I would take anything home where Kyle could possibly see it. “Yes, the clinic would be better.”

  Ethan shifts a little, reaching down to pick up a bag. “I hope you don’t mind, but I took the liberty of bringing some leaflets and ovulation kits. All the information you need will be in there. It will tell you when the best time to conceive is, et cetera. When you run out of the tests, just let me know and I will bring you some more.” When he hands me the bag, I take a peek inside. He must have put about twenty tests in there. “I know this is daunting, and I’m sorry if I’ve come across as bullish. I’m just excited about getting started.”

  I look up at his smile. “It’s fine. I’m just as eager.”

  Ethan exhales. “I’m glad to hear that. Thank you. I’m not expecting anything within the first three months, but maybe that’s a good thing. I assume you’re on the pill?” When I nod, he cringes. “Can you let me know when you’re due to finish them?”

  I smirk at this discomfort. “I took my last one this morning.”

  Ethan’s eyes widen. “Wow… Okay. Are you planning on going back on them afterward?” I shake my head. “Okay. So this can start quicker than I thought. Are you okay with everything? Is there anything you want to ask me?”

  “No. I think you’ve covered everything.”

  “Just one more thing, Alice. If you wouldn’t mind, can you let me know when you start the tests? We will need to keep in regular contact when you’re ovulating. The leaflets give you a couple options for conceiving. Just let me know beforehand which one you’re more comfortable with.”

  I bite my lip, thinking just how unromantic this whole process is. It isn’t because I want to get romantic with Ethan, far from it, but I always thought having a baby would be so special. This all feels so...impersonal.

  As if reading my mind, Ethan looks a little worried. “I’m sorry this is so clinical. I bet this wasn’t how you envisaged getting pregnant for the first time.”

  I take another sip of my latte and shake my head. “No, not really, but it’s all for a good cause. I’m happy to help.”

  He smiles. “Both Sarah and I really appreciate this. I want you to know that you’ll get the best of care. Everything will be paid for. If you get any cravings for anything, let me know. I’ll be on hand whenever you need me.”

  I regard Ethan, thinking how sweet he is. Of course, I won’t impose, but it’s lovely for him to offer. “Thanks.”

  He hands over a card. I take it to see his contact details. Dr. Ethan Connor has a nice ring to it. “This is my contact information. Feel free to ring if you have any questions or concerns, day or night.”

  I nod. “Sure thing.” I put it in my purse.

  When the silence stretches on, I’m not sure if I should go. Ethan soon speaks. “I hear you and Sarah have a bit of a party going on tonight.”

  I feel relief that he broke the silence. “Yes. It’s nice to get together now and then. I miss our little girly chats.”

  Ethan chuckles. “I know Sarah is very fond of you. She talks about you all the time. It’s amazing just how many years we’ve known each other.”

  I think back to the time when we all first met. I was already in that lovey-dovey, honeymoon stage with Kyle, just as Sarah was with Ethan. It was all new, exciting. Now, as I sit here and see how caring Ethan is with everybody, a part of me pangs for the life Sarah has.

  As I think that, my eyes widen. That is one area I can’t go to. Sure, Ethan is attractive, but it would never go beyond that. He’s just a very handsome doctor who happens to be married to my best friend.

  I sigh, realising it’s not Ethan I’m attracted to. It’s the way he is with Sarah. I wish I had that kind of tenderness with Kyle.

  “Are you okay? You look a little lost.”

  I snap my head to him, his deep brown eyes looking at me, a frown etched on his forehead. “Yes, sorry. I was just thinking about how time has flown by since then. It’s amazing how quickly it all goes.” I smile. “When I was a child, I couldn’t wait to get older so I could be independent. I just wanted to grow up and do my own thing without my aunt constantly looking over my shoulder. She was a fantastic guardian, but she was very overprotective. Time just seemed to go so slowly for me back then.”

  Ethan seems to be taking in every word I say. When I chat with Kyle, he usually looks away, like my conversation bores him.

  “Was it hard for you? Growing up without your parents?” He must have seen the sadness creep over me because he sucks in a breath. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to get personal. I just saw how sad you looked when you spoke of your aunt. It made me wonder about the loss of your parents.”

  I lean forward, thinking how sweet it is of him to get so flustered. “It’s fine. I guess it’s only natural that you’re curious about my background. I’m surprised you haven’t asked me my medical history.” I chuckle a little, but Ethan’s expression remains blank.

  “That was coming next,” he answers, his face still giving nothing away.

  “Oh,” I whisper, looking away.

  He laughs. “I’m only joking.”

  Seeing him laugh brings a smile to my face. “That was cruel.”

  “I’m sorry.” Ethan tries to suppress his smile, failing miserably. “Seriously, though. It must have been hard.”

  My smile vanish
es when I think about my childhood. Then again, Ethan was in the same boat. In fact, I think his situation was far worse than mine. “As I imagine it also was for you. At least I got to say goodbye to my parents. I can visit their graves, too.” It saddens me to think Ethan never truly managed to put closure on his parents’ deaths. They both died in a tragic plane crash when Ethan was fifteen. Their bodies were never found.

  I watch him momentarily look at his coffee cup, tapping it with his fingers. “It gets easier, but it never truly goes away. I’ll always wonder what happened and if they suffered when they died.” He looks like a lost little boy as he stares down in thought.

  I want to offer some form of comfort, but don’t know what to say. “I’m sorry I made you sad.”

  Ethan’s deep brown eyes look at mine. “Don’t be. If anything, I was the one who started it.” He laughs. “You know, Sarah told me you were like this.”

  I frown, my posture immediately tensing. “Like what?”

  He gives me a cheeky smile. “Always looking out for other people. I asked about your parents, but you turn it around on me.”

  I bite my lip a little. “Your situation is far worse than mine.”

  “I see where you’re coming from. At the end of the day, though, the outcome remains the same. We both lost our parents at a young age. In fact, weren’t you younger than I was?”

  I nod. “I was eight when I lost my mother, ten when I lost my father.”

  “See? At least I was a teenager. I could understand it a little better. At the age of eight, you’re extremely vulnerable. It must have been so frightening for you.”

  I bite my lip again, trying to suppress the urge to tear up. It was frightening. At eight, I didn’t understand what was going on. All I knew was I wanted my mother. When I saw how sick she had become, it was a shock. One minute, she was on her feet, smiling, her hair vibrant, her face showing a warm, healthy glow. And then, almost in an instant, she changed. Her hair turned dark and limp, her face sullen and frail. I remember crawling into bed with her at night because I’d have nightmares I was losing her. I’d get up, walk to her room, and make sure she was still there. She suffered more because of my suffering. She would stroke my hair and tell me how pretty I was and that I would grow into the most beautiful woman. I could hear the sadness in her voice. I didn’t think much of it then, but now I realise that she knew she’d never get to see it for herself.

  “I don’t seem to be doing very well today, huh? I invite you to lunch to talk about the baby, yet I seem to be diverting to death all the time.”

  I shake myself out of the stupor and smile. “No, it’s okay. You’re right. I do miss both of them, but it happened and I have to learn to deal with it. One day, I will have a family of my own. I think I can safely say I will make the most of every day. You just never know when it will all get ripped away from you.”

  Ethan smiles. “Cherish all the moments.”

  “Yes. Isn’t that what life is all about?”

  He shrugs. “I guess...and iced doughnuts.”

  Did I hear correctly?

  I lean forward with a raised eyebrow. “Come again?”

  Ethan sighs, shaking his head. “That’s it. Now you know my weakness. I have a thing for the iced doughnuts they sell here. I order one after the gym every day.” He points at me. “Don’t tell Sarah I told you.”

  I start laughing. “She doesn’t know?”

  He shakes his head. “It’s the one and only thing I keep from her. I’m a doctor. I need to keep up with the pretences.”

  The thought of that makes me laugh even harder. “Even doctors have their weaknesses. I think it’s okay to have a vice. Where would the fun be if you didn’t?”

  Ethan sits up straighter and leans over the table. “What’s yours then?”

  My eyes widen. “Me? My weakness, you mean?” He nods. I sit and think for a moment, but all I can think about is my desire for a family. “I don’t have any.”

  Ethan huffs his disappointment and sinks back in his chair. “You must have something you can’t live without.” When I don’t answer, he leans forward again. “Let’s put it this way. If you were trapped on a deserted island and could only take one object, what would it be?”

  I smile because the practical me always wins. “I would take my mobile to ring someone to come get me.”

  Ethan laughs. “That’s not playing fair. A clever answer, though.”

  “So, for you, it would be a Starbucks on the corner so you can buy your iced doughnut every day.” I chuckle at my own joke.

  “You’re laughing like it’s the most harebrained idea on the planet.” I laugh even harder. “All this…” He waves his hand around the coffeehouse, “wasn’t always here. It was just land. Why would it be unreasonable to think a Starbucks can be built on a deserted island?”

  “Well, if Ethan Cooper wants his iced doughnuts, why not?”

  He swiftly nods, grinning. “That’s right.”

  After the briefest of stares, Ethan clears his throat and his smile fades. “What does Kyle think of all this?”

  I drop my smile. For a fleeting moment, all thoughts of Kyle had vanished, replaced with a happier, carefree me. That thought somehow scares me. I’m not sure what it is, but Kyle has been even more jealous and possessive lately. And his attitude this morning when I told him about going out with Sarah made me hate him for the first time in our five years of marriage.

  “To be honest, I think it’s a delicate subject. He doesn’t want kids yet, but he wasn’t happy about me carrying another man’s baby, either. In the end, I had to compromise.” I bite my lip, immediately regretting letting that slip.

  Ethan frowns. “Compromise?”

  I sigh. “We’ve been saving for a long time. My idea was to save so we could start a family. But Kyle’s been saving for a whole different reason. I’ve just been holding him back.” I roll my eyes, trying to make light of it. “He’s been dying to buy a Porsche from work, and I basically told him he could now use the money for that because the family thing will have to be put on hold for a couple more years.”

  Ethan’s frown deepens. “Why are you sacrificing your needs for the sake of others?”

  “I don’t think Kyle ever wanted kids. I’m kind of hoping things will change in a couple years. The excitement of the Porsche should have worn off by then. I’m hoping I can start the family I always wanted at that time.”

  Ethan picks up his coffee, takes a sip, and places it back down again. “And what if he still says no? What if he wants to buy another car?”

  My eyes fall to my hands. I had thought about that, but tried to push it to the back of my mind. “I really don’t know,” I reply, still looking down.

  “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be getting so personal. It really is none of my business.” When I look up, I only see kindness and concern in his eyes. “It’s just… I can see you really want a family. I would hate to think you never got your wish. Something like that is an important factor to iron out before you get married to someone.”

  I almost laugh at the irony. In a sense, I feel duped. “Kyle and I did discuss it. He was all for marriage, mortgage, kids, but over the years, he’s always had an excuse to put it off.”

  Ethan sits rigid in his chair, but remains silent for a moment before he speaks. “Maybe once all this is over, you can broach the subject again. It’s important for you both to get a definitive answer.”

  I can tell he wants to say more, but is holding back. Ethan and I have only become friends because of the close friendship I have with Sarah. I suppose he feels it’s not his place. I won’t press him in this awkward situation.

  “Yeah, I think you’re right,” I reply. “Anyway, other than the tests, is there anything else I should do?”

  Ethan smiles. “Other than eating healthy, exercising regularly, and getting plenty of rest, no. There are other things you can read that will give you an indication of when you may be ovulating, but I’m sure you wouldn’t want to
get into that with me. Everything you need to know is in those leaflets…and online. Having said that, if there is anything you want to know, feel free to ask.”

  “Thanks.” I pick up my latte and drink a few sips before putting it down. “I hear you’re going to your sister’s over the weekend?”

  Ethan’s face becomes animated. “Yes. I like to visit my nephews as often as possible. Plus, it gets Sarah out of the house for a bit. I keep trying to get her to let her hair down. She’s been so uptight lately. I just want her to be happy.”

  I frown for a moment, remembering Sarah telling me she almost feels suffocated by Ethan’s need for her to eat and drink right. The person in front of me doesn’t sound like the Ethan she described. “Well, she can start with me tonight. I’ll make sure she lets her hair down.” I smile cheekily at him. Ethan nods back with an equally cheeky grin.

  “You make sure you both do. It sounds as though you need a little time out yourself.”

  I bite my lip, trying to suppress my smile. It’s been a while since someone has worried about my welfare. “Have you got any plans for tonight?”

  He shakes his head. “No. I will be the diligent husband and wait for his wife’s return.” He laughs. “I’ll probably have a small glass of wine and watch the newest episodes of Suits.”

  My eyes widen. “Suits? I love that show. It’s my favourite.”

  Ethan’s smile reaches his eyes. “Mine, too. It sucks that they left it on such a big cliffhanger last year. I wonder what’s going to happen to Mike.”

  I gasp, leaning forward. “I know. It really pissed me off that they made us wait so long.” I put my hand over my mouth. “Oops. Sorry for swearing.” Kyle hates when I swear, so I make a habit of curbing my potty mouth. With Ethan, I was so relaxed, it simply popped out.

  “I think I can forgive you,” he jokes. “You didn’t exactly say a bad word. We are adults.”

  I just smile. “At least we can watch the next episodes now. I keep meaning to get on Netflix, but Kyle doesn’t like the show, so I don’t get much of a chance.”