Searching for Someday

  Madeline sighed. "I lied. I didn't want to tell you she died an old cranky spinster, destined for unhappiness since she refused to believe in her gift. I think she owned about fifty cats and no one came to her funeral except the local pet shelter representative."

  Kate buried her face in her hands and gave up. The morning had started out so rich with promise. Sex. No pesky virginity trouble. Denial galore regarding their future relationship. Now, big, bad reality was here to stay. And Slade looked like he'd swallowed a sharp object and was just about to dial 911. Kate wondered which caused more horror--her virginity or her touch. Definitely a tie.

  Slade cleared his throat. "Funny, I didn't hear about this before."

  "Kate didn't tell you? Maybe she was easing you into it. Some men have trouble believing in the concept of soul mates and love forever till you die."

  This time he choked. Kate pounded him on the back until he seemed back in the land of humanity. "Mom, I think Slade and I need to talk."

  "Of course, I really am sorry I interrupted." She blew an air kiss to them and headed out. Her bangles clinked and Robert gave her a quick lick good-bye. "Why don't you two come for dinner one night? I promise not to smoke any pot if it makes you uncomfortable, and you can meet my new lover, Richard. You'll adore him."

  "Sounds great. 'Bye, Mom."

  " 'Bye, darling."

  The door slammed. She waited in the dead silence, wondering if he'd just leave now or stick around to ask a few questions. "She gave you the joint, huh?"

  "Told you it wasn't mine."

  He nodded. Took a big sip of his coffee and straightened to full height. She remembered another requirement in his perfect companion. No embarrassing family members. Yep, she had officially blown every item on his list to smithereens. "Is that the reason I get an electrical shock when we touch? Because of this gift?"

  She gave him the space he seemed to need, though her chest hurt. She'd been crazy to think an extra night of mind-blowing sex would solve their issues. Already, she tried frantically to shore up the gaping hole in her chest, but she needed bricks because the big bad wolf had already blown down her first two attempts at shelter. "Supposedly."

  "Didn't want to mention it before, huh?"

  A flare of anger pushed away the grief. "Actually I did, at your first mixer."

  "A few more details would've been nice."

  "Oh, sure, let's see how that dialogue would go. 'By the way, Slade, I have a witchlike gene that senses when a couple is meant to be together. And guess what? You're the one for me! Sorry about the shock, but isn't that great, when's the wedding?' "

  He narrowed his gaze. "You could have tweaked the speech a bit, but yeah, maybe that."

  A humorless laugh escaped her lips. "I wanted to pretend it never happened. I begged you to stay away from me, remember? You're the one who knocked on my door last night! I was ready to try and move on, forget this--this thing between us ever occurred. We've been mismatched from the beginning."

  "Do you believe in it, Kate? Believe you can match the right couple just by touching them? Is this what you built your company on?"

  Ice trickled down her spine. His tone flicked with disbelief and already she sensed his distance. How could he believe in something that was almost as magical as love? Something undefined but full of hope? The question tore through the last of her defenses, and suddenly, Kate realized she had nothing left to fight. She could tell him the gift was gone and she had no idea if it was coming back. She could deny the whole thing, laugh it off as some crazy joke her mom played, and save her pride. Instead, Kate gave him the truth.

  "Yes. I've used my gift to guide many people together. I've sensed if it's a true and proper love match. I never experienced it with myself, though. Until you."

  He jerked back and coffee sloshed over the rim of his mug. He shook slightly as he mopped it up with a towel. "I can't deny what's between us," he finally said. "But do I believe in this type of love-spell witchery? No. How can I? Do I believe we were meant to have a happy ending just because we got a shock when we touched? Do you know how that sounds?"

  She huddled into her robe, desperately longing for warmth. Her skin chilled and goose bumps broke out on her arms. Yes. It sounded juvenile and silly. But it was the truth, a truth he'd never believe or believe in. She opened her mouth to defend herself and end the conversation. Retreat to her isolation and lick her wounds one final time. Then finally get over Slade Montgomery. For good.

  The phone interrupted them and beat out the seventies version of the pop song "We Are Family." He cursed. "My sister. I better get it."

  She nodded and turned away. The murmur of conversation drifted to her ears. Kate wiped up the counter and refilled Robert's water bowl, numb to the rapidly rising conversation. She had no time to transition before Slade stood in front of her, male fury vibrating from his figure in raw waves.

  Her heart skipped. "What's the matter?"

  "I have to go. Jane was very upset on the phone. Seems this guy you set her up with--the one who was pushing her for more--broke up with her this morning."

  Her hand flew to her throat. "Oh, no. What happened? Is she okay?"

  His face tightened. Green eyes held an accusing light that churned her gut. "He explained he's just not that into her, not for a long-term relationship, and took off after spending the night. Is this the type of operation you run? Did you use your magical power to set Jane up with this asshole and tell yourself it would all work out?"

  Pain sliced deep. She leaned slightly forward to catch her breath. "No! We set her up with two dates and she preferred Brian, but there's no guarantee each date or relationship will work out. Let me come with you, I'll talk to her, maybe set her up with a session with Arilyn if she's upset."

  "No, you've done enough." His voice flicked like a whiplash. "You still don't understand, do you, Kate? She's not made for this. I almost lost her once because I didn't take care of her. I wanted to trust you, even though my instincts told me she could get hurt again."

  "Slade--"

  "She's all I have left!"

  His words shattered around her. Her throat tightened, and she caught a glimpse of a raw vulnerability and fear swirling in those green eyes. He'd lost most of the women in his life. Kate realized his responsibility toward his sister was so much deeper than she imagined. When he loved, he gave everything. Unfortunately, he didn't believe he was enough for any of them. As much as she wanted to make him stay, to beg him to talk to her and open up, she knew it had to be on his terms. Perhaps he'd never be ready for more.

  He disappeared into the bedroom and came back out dressed, hair mussed, jaw full of stubble. He remained cool and distant, as if she were someone he didn't recognize any longer. "I need you to leave her alone, Kate. Please."

  He walked out without a glance back.

  Robert whimpered and slid over, pressing his warm body firm against her leg in full support. She sank down to the floor and put her arms around him, laying her cheek against his flat head, and soaked in his presence.

  SLADE WATCHED HIS SISTER and tried not to panic. Her eyes were red and puffy, and the box of Kleenex on the side was getting a workout. Crumpled balls littered the floor. Her bare feet peeked out from her long terry cloth robe, an old favorite she used to wear around the house when she needed comfort. He flexed his fingers and tried to remain calm. He'd stay all day and all night if possible. Hell, she could move back into his apartment, get her old job back, and leave Verily behind. He'd do anything in his power to make her feel better.

  Her lower lip trembled when she finally looked at him. "I feel so stupid," she sniffed. "He kept pushing us to spend more time together. Asked me to spend the night. Invited me to his class to speak. I knew Kate was right when she mentioned we were moving too fast, but I was so happy I just wanted to believe it would work."

  Helplessness rattled his core. "It's not your fault; the guy led you on and dumped you without a hitch. Kate should've seen this coming. Why was he a clie
nt there anyway? And why the hell would she have set you up with him?"

  "Not Kate's fault. I could've picked Tim, who also seemed super nice, but Brian had a bit more edge, which I thought was exciting. Arilyn warned me in counseling not to leap too soon. She said I tended to do that in my past as a way of ignoring some of my blocks and hang-ups."

  He growled under his breath. "You're fine the way you are. That asshole is the one with a problem."

  A watery smile curved her lips. "Thanks, big brother. I'm so sorry I dragged you out of bed this early. I got too used to calling you when I'm in trouble. Hard habit to break, I guess."

  "That's what I'm here for, Jane. To take care of you. Listen, I've got this whole thing figured out. You can move back in with me and get back on your feet. I'll get your money back from Kinnections and you start with a clean slate. Hell, I bet your old job will beg you to come back."

  Jane frowned. "What are you talking about? I'm not moving back with you."

  He leaned forward and rested his hands on his knees. "Just for a bit, not permanently. Hell, I've got a better idea. Why don't we go away for a mini vacation? Clear your head a bit. I'll have the movers take care of your apartment, and we'll pretend the whole thing never happened."

  Her eyes widened like she was staring at a troll rather than at her brother. "Are you crazy? I love my job, and I love Verily. I don't need a vacation."

  He tried to speak gently. "You shouldn't be alone right now. Not after what he did to you."

  She shook her head hard. "No, Slade, I think you misunderstood. Yeah, I'm pissed and upset that Brian ended up being a jerk. I didn't see it coming. But I'll be fine. That's what women do. Bitch, cry, eat ice cream, get drunk. The girls at Kinnections showed me I can be normal, let my emotions run free, and still be okay. I'm not having a breakdown, and I'm sure I'll get right back in the dating scene once I get over this."

  He gritted his teeth and tried not to lose his temper. What were they selling over there at Kinnections? Didn't they realize she was fragile? When her relationships ended, she plunged into a black hole of blame, thinking she'd never be enough. He'd learned to avoid the minefields by protecting her, but after the suicide attempt, he never allowed her to stray too far. Yes, she'd finished years of therapy and declared her independence, but what if she was at the tipping point and he failed her? "I'm glad you're being reasonable about this, I really am. But I think it would be better if you stay with me for a little while."

  Her tears dried and her chin lifted. Uh-oh. That tone snapped into place and suddenly she didn't seem fragile at all. "I'm not going anywhere. God, this is my fault. I should've never called you."

  Slade flinched. "No, I'm glad you called me. I want to be there for you."

  "Listen, love sucks sometimes. Doesn't mean I don't believe it won't eventually work in the end. I'll always regret putting you through an emotional roller coaster, and I know you want to protect me. But I don't need your help anymore. I can handle this on my own now."

  He studied her for a long while. He'd taught himself she was like delicate china, yet . . . she didn't seem that breakable. Not like before. Was it possible her strength was greater than he realized? That somehow, along the way, she'd blossomed into a full woman who could handle life's curveballs on her own? "I don't want to let you down again," he whispered.

  Jane blinked back tears. "God, Slade, are you kidding me? You're the only one who never let me down. The reason I can believe in love, that I believe in myself, is because of you. You taught me that. I watched you through your divorce, through Mom's and Dad's deaths, through years of counseling brokenhearted couples in your career. You never lost your heart. You're a caretaker, and now I'm ready to take the reins. Do you understand? You're the one who saved me."

  Her words reached deep and broke open a mass of emotions he'd pushed down for years. The truth stunned him, the idea she could actually believe in him, that somehow along the way, he'd done something right and good. His throat tightened and it was a while before he could speak. "Thank you."

  She smiled at him, her face open and lit and beautiful. "You're welcome. Now, as the best-friend cliche you've now become, would you run out and get us bacon, egg, and cheese sandwiches? They have this great deli right down the block. Oh, and hash browns!"

  Slade chuckled. "Done. I'll scoop up a few of those awesome doughnuts while I'm there, too."

  "Great, you probably haven't eaten. Hey, how did you get here so quickly? It took you under ten minutes. Where were you?"

  The image of Kate naked and sprawled on top of him, taking him deep within her body, flashed before him. "Umm, stopped by to see Kate about something."

  A tiny frown creased her brow. "This early?"

  "Yep. I'll get going."

  "Stop right there, buddy." Jane crossed her arms and studied him with the scary teacher look that made him shake. "Holy crap. You're sleeping with her!"

  He clenched his jaw. "Was. Not anymore."

  "Oh my God, I didn't see this coming. But in a weird way, you're perfect for one another."

  Slade gave a bitter laugh. "Hardly. I don't think they can create two people who are so completely different. Can I ask you a question?"

  "Sure."

  "Did Kate say anything about having a special gift? When she set you up with Brian, did she, uh, touch you or say she felt a spark between you two?"

  Jane shook her head. "Nope. I never heard anything like that. They use a pretty scientific approach. On paper and from a few conversations, Brian seemed perfect. But they warned me ahead of time that it's a journey that could take some time. And I'm okay with that."

  "Good. I'll be back with the sandwiches."

  He headed out the door and wondered if he had made a huge mistake. Blaming Kate for his sister hadn't been right. They were both right: there were no guarantees. Kinnections did nothing wrong except believe in something his sister did, and he had no right to blame Kate or hold her responsible for what happened.

  His head throbbed when he thought of the way he'd left. Two for two in the dickhead department. But it had just been too much for him to handle. First, her mother, then a magical power, then Jane. And where did that leave them?

  Slade didn't know. And for the first time in his life, he didn't know what to do about it.

  fourteen

  LET ME GET this straight. You sleep with him. Break it off in the morning. Decide to go your separate ways and set him up with another date. Then he shows up at your doorstep right after said date, and you sleep together for the second time. Then break up in the morning. Again. Do I have it right?"

  Kate lowered her forehead to the cool granite and groaned. Sunday morning and twenty-four hours since the episode. She hadn't slept or changed out of her ratty pjs. And a shower was definitely on the agenda. "Yep, that about covers it."

  Gen shoved the last of the crumb cake in her mouth and chewed. "It's official. You've lost your mind along with your virginity."

  "I know. He freaked out when he found out about the touch/curse. Didn't believe me, which I can't blame him for, but still. Now he thinks I screwed up Jane's life and I'm a criminal. I've been afraid to call her because he was so upset."

  Gen tapped her finger against her mug of coffee. "Let him calm down--seems he's the overprotective sort. Give it a few days to settle, then call Jane if she hasn't reached out."

  "I don't understand, she was doing so well. He acted like she was going off the deep end. I knew they should've slowed down. Why didn't I make them listen?"

  "Can only lead the couples to the water, girlfriend. Can't make 'em drink."

  "I guess. I'm sorry, I'm always babbling about my problems and you're newly engaged. I frickin' adore the ring! Are you excited?"

  The three-carat, princess-cut diamond sparkled in the morning light, but Gen's smile didn't reach her eyes. Maybe they were too tired. "Sure. I've been working nonstop and fielding questions about the wedding. It's a bit overwhelming."

  "I can imagine." Gen
avoided her gaze, concentrating on her cake, and once again Kate felt that twinge of foreboding slither down her spine. "He's good to you, right? I mean, you do want to marry him, right? Because if he's rushing you or it's too soon, you need to stand your ground."

  "No, this is the right thing. He's perfect for me, and so sweet. Loves to spoil me rotten yet pushes me to be better. I'll never find another guy like him."

  All the right words, yet . . . Kate still felt she was missing something. There were shadows lurking in her best friend's eyes she'd never glimpsed before. Gen grabbed the napkin, slugged a last sip of coffee, and slid off the chair. "Sorry, I gotta run back to the hospital. Listen, Kate, I know this whole thing is confusing, but I'm going to tell you one thing: I've never seen you look so happy before."

  "This is happy?"

  Her friend laughed. "You glow when you speak his name. You gave him your virginity and actually experienced the touch for the first time. He's special. I know there seem to be obstacles, and he says he doesn't believe in love, but have you given him a real chance? A fighting chance?"

  Kate frowned. "I'm not sure what you mean."

  Gen's beeper went off like a fire alarm and she stiffened. "That's David. I'm being paged. We'll talk later, hang in. Thanks for the coffee."

  She shot out the door. Robert barely moved his head, used to the quick comings and goings of her friend. Kate thought about her words and cleaned up the kitchen. Odd. Slade already knew she had deep feelings for him, though she kept trying to fight them back and bury them deep. No sense in sharing when there would be no reciprocation or interest in moving forward. Maybe she'd curl up on the recliner and spend the afternoon doing nothing but watching movies and reading books. Paperwork could wait. Gym could be delayed. Nothing seemed that important.

  The door slammed open. Kate looked up, startled, and frowned when her mother shot through. "Are you okay?" she asked, moving forward. "You've never come to see me twice in one weekend."

  Madeline crossed the room and clasped Kate's upper arms. Her blue eyes were wide and full of fear. "I had a dream."

  Kate fought a smile. "Did you watch the planet get swallowed up by plastic bags and diapers again? People are recycling more, Mom, don't worry."