Monstrato

  ~~~

  After Spanish class, I threw my books in my locker and began hurrying down the hall, excited about leaving school. But when I walked by the computer lab, I saw Ms. Strauss standing there as if she were waiting for me. She said, "Macy, I need to talk to you. Can you come in here?" I went into the computer lab and watched her shut the door behind us. Then I watched her walk all the way across the room to her desk and sit down. She gestured to me and said, "Come over here, Macy." She was acting different and kind of mysterious, and I was starting to wonder if maybe I should be scared of her. As I approached her desk, she said, "Have a seat," so I pulled a chair out from a computer table and sat down. At first, she didn't say anything. She moved some pencils and papers aside, crossed her arms on the desk, and sat there staring at me through her thick glasses. It made me feel like I was being leered at because she could only focus with that one eye. And the way she was looking me over, with this real serious look on her face, I felt like she was waiting for me to answer some question she hadn't even asked. I always love it when people do that because they expect you to feel uncomfortable, which I did, but instead of showing it, I just gave her a big smile.

  After sitting there for what seemed like two minutes, she said, "I read what you wrote. That's not exactly the assignment I gave you."

  For a moment I felt a little panic drop in my stomach, but I stayed cool and said, "Did you read the whole thing? I thought you'd just check to see if I had enough words."

  "Of course I read it. You spent the entire period writing. Everyone else was finished. Didn't you think I'd be curious?"

  I said, "Well, yeah…" She was right. I guess, in the back of my mind, I knew she'd read it. I said, "Ms. Strauss, I've got a lot of things going on in my head right now, and I just had to get some of it out."

  "Well, you certainly did. And I saw you didn't have any nice things to say about the teachers, either. You said that all we're worried about is our jobs. Do you really think that's true?"

  "Yes."

  She pouted and furrowed up her brow and asked, "Why, why do you think that?"

  I thought, god, what's the deal with the teachers around here, and why do they try to defend something that's so obvious?

  I said, "Well, what do you think about Makayla getting kicked out and the other things we talked about this morning?"

  She said, "I don't know, I don't think I even understand…"

  "And everything else? You've been here, you've seen what goes on. Just look at the way they treat you. Do you think it's right?"

  "No, I don't think it's right at all. And it makes me mad…"

  "Then why don't you do something?" I asked.

  "What can I do? I've only been teaching here for a couple of months. I don't even know if I'll get hired back next year."

  I banged on her desk, "There you go! It's just what I said. All you teachers are worried about is your jobs."

  Then she kind of sneered back at me, "Well if we don't work here, we're not going to be able to change much, are we, Macy?"

  "But why don't you do something? God! There should be something someone can do."

  "Like what? You think Tammy's going to listen to me?"

  "I don't know. Isn't there someone you can complain to? I don't know how these charter schools work, but somebody must be in charge of Tammy."

  She sort of shrugged and said, "I don't know. I've never worked at a charter school before."

  "It just seems that if you teachers were really concerned about kids, you wouldn't be able to stand by while all this stuff goes on."

  She said, "Oh, it bothers me, and I've wondered myself how all the other teachers can deal with it. Maybe, after you've been here a while, you just get used to it."

  I said, "No, you accept it. And that's the problem. Everybody says, 'Well that's just how it is around here, Welcome to Lifegate Academy.' Well, I'm tired of that attitude because it's my friends who are getting hurt, and I still have two more years of school left at this joint. All I wanna see is one adult, besides Hope's mom, stand up and say to Tammy, 'This isn't right!' That's all I want."

  She said, "Well, you've got a good point, Macy. This kind of stuff shouldn't go on, and I see why you think the teachers are partly responsible."

  So she thought I was right. I couldn't believe it. Someone actually agreed with me and was willing to open her mouth and say, "This stuff shouldn't go on." I wanted to thank her just for agreeing with me, but I also wanted to press her while I still had the edge, before she changed her mind. I leaned forward in my chair and said, "And see, Ms. Strauss, you're in a special position because you're new here, and you can see just how screwed up it really is."

  She furrowed her brow and said, "Well, yeah, that's true…So?"

  "So you're gonna do something."

  "Well, I don't know about that."

  "But you said I was right, that this stuff shouldn't go on, and so that means you gotta do something, right?"

  Then she smiled because she knew I had her. It was the first time I'd seen her smile all day. She said, "I don't know what to do. I don't know what there is to be done. But I'll think about it. Okay?"

  I said, "Okay. You think about it."

  She said, "I will. And thanks for talking to me—for explaining the stuff you did this morning."

  I said, "No problem," and gave her a big smile. As I stood up, I said, "Now I'm gonna come back and ask you about it later, Ms. Strauss. I won't forget."

  She said, "Okay, Macy. Goodbye."

  I left the computer lab and ran to the parking lot just in time to see Lori starting to pull away. I yelled at her, and she stopped her car so I could hop in. I was glad not to have to wait around for my mom because I wanted to party, and Lori did, too. I was full of energy and full of life and felt like I'd just conquered something, though I wasn't sure if what I conquered was in me or if it was something else. Maybe I felt justified because I found one person who didn't think I was being crazy. I didn't try explaining any of this to Lori; she wouldn't have cared. She was driving towards the liquor store over in Minnith where we knew we could buy some liquor. The sky, which had been bright all day, was turning dark and dreary like it might thunderstorm, except that it seemed too cold for rain. It didn't bother my mood any; in fact, it made it better. I rolled down the window and let the cool air blow over my face and thought about Ms. Strauss.

  Ms. Strauss was kind of like a dark, dreary day. You could hear it in the way she talked, the way she sneered even when she was agreeing with you. There was so much hurt in her voice, and it came out whenever she raised it. I got the feeling she didn't like people and that she'd been that way all her life and had accepted it, or learned to deal with it. I know she didn't like kids, certainly not high school kids. I liked her, though. She was intense. I felt like she was smart enough to realize I was right and that I was making sense. I could tell this by the way her face would twitch whenever I made a good point. I was used to people sneering at me. That was how my mom always talked to me. What I liked about Ms. Strauss was that she listened to me.