House on Fire

Chapter 50

  I took the picture of us from the hallway and carefully set it on the coffee table, facing Dad’s chair. I made sure that the newspaper was handy. We were both so nervous that we spent the next twenty minutes getting on and off the couch and running to the bathroom.

  By the time Dad pulled into the driveway at midnight we were exhausted and near terrified. He had to notice that the living room light was on. He unlocked the back door, strolled through the kitchen, and leaned against the wall in front of us. He blinked, as if not sure he was seeing us violate the school night curfew.

  Dad turned around, and sat on a dining chair to take off his shoes. He got a glass of water, put on his slippers, and sat down in his chair. He saw the photo, picked it up and studied it; a crease appeared on his forehead. He set it back down gently. He just sipped his drink and looked at us, waiting for us to explain ourselves.

  My whole head was bright red. I wanted to curl into a little ball. Jessie already had, and was all but hiding behind a pillow in her lap. Here goes... “Dad,” I said, “There’s something going on, and we need to talk to you.”

  Dad took a long drink and nodded. “Okay, kids. What’s keeping you up?” His eyes were tired and wary. “Does this have to do with...?”

  I’d practiced the next line a hundred times, wondering if I had the guts to say it to his face. Now that it was time to do it, it didn’t seem too easy. “Last night I told you how I really felt about Jessie. It turns out that she feels the same way. We’re... attracted to each other.”

  “Hmmm.” He leaned forward studying us intently. “Attracted how?”

  “We’re in love with each other.” I glanced down at the picture, which expressed so well words I couldn’t reach. “But maybe you knew that.”

  Dad’s jaw muscles tightened. He glanced down at the photo again, rotating his face from side to side almost imperceptibly. Maybe he really didn’t know. “And how long have you felt this way?”

  “Years.”

  “As long as we’ve known each other,” Jessie chimed in.

  “Ah, I see. So, do you, uh, kiss and stuff?”

  I was kind of ready for this question. “Yes, we hugged and kissed today, and there’s a very strong – physical attraction. That’s why I – we – needed to talk to you, Dad.”

  “You’re pretty quiet behind that pillow. Is this true?” Sis nodded silently, trying to disappear. “You hugged and kissed Cory like he was your boyfriend?” She nodded again.

  “But that’s all that happened, and you didn’t do anything else?”

  “Not much,” I replied, “but it was enough that I really, really understand what you said about hormones being... strong and impatient.”

  “Geez, kids! Are you joking?” he growled.

  “Do we look like this is funny?” I snapped.

  “Bug!” he exploded, “Did he touch you?”

  I was on the edge of the couch.

  “Don’t you yell at her!” I screamed. I had never yelled at Dad in my life.

  “Shit. Shit! How did this happen?” His eyebrows pressed low over his glare. His hands were clenched into fists.

  “Answer me, Jessica,” he seethed. “Did he put you up to this?”

  “He can’t make me do anything! Didn’t you ever wonder why I don’t have a boyfriend? Do you even know me?”

  I held out my hand, signaling her to back off, but Dad jumped to his feet, startling both of us, and stalked out the back door in his slippers. The door slammed behind him, sending a cascade of snow off the roof and onto his shoulders. He was yelling and cursing like we’d never heard.

  After a few minutes he quieted down and came back in, shaking snow everywhere. His face softened; regular Dad was back.

  “Sorry kids,” he said, “That wasn’t my best moment.” He slumped into his chair, his slippers dripping slush onto the carpet.

  “Okay guys,” he said at last. “First, thank you for telling me. I know it’s not easy to talk about, especially about the physical part, and I’m really proud that you did. I appreciate that you didn’t put it off.

  “It’d be easier if you just wanted to kill each other like normal siblings.” He glanced out the window toward Harrad’s house. “Maybe Mom knew how you felt about each other ever since you met, but I couldn’t grasp it.”

  He looked away.

  “I still can’t. I can’t accept it. I won’t.”

  I knew I was on shaky ground, but I had to say it. “Dad? You and Mom – your families couldn’t accept it. But it didn’t change how you felt…"

  “You want to throw that in my face? Huh? How dare you!” His trembling finger jabbed the air between us. “I’ll throw you ass out in the street, you little punk! I’ll... I’ll...”

  “…forbid us to love each other?” I suggested softly.

  “Goddammit!” he yelled, jumping to his feet again, this time knocking the lounger over backwards. I was on my feet, too. Frightened. I backed up to protect Jessie, who bolted for her room.

  Dad’s chest heaved, spittle hung in his beard and his arms shook in rage.

  “Keep your filthy hands off my daughter.”

  “She doesn’t belong to you, Dad!”

  “She sure as hell doesn’t belong to you, ya little perv!”

  “Look who’s talking! At least I haven’t knocked her up.”

  His finger jabbed the air again.

  “Don’t you ever talk about your mother that way!”

  “That’s what this is all about, isn’t it? But your parents couldn’t stop you any more than you can keep us apart.”

  “The hell I can’t.”

  We leaned in toward one another, our faces hot and red.

  “What are you going to do? Send one of us away so we all can be miserable like you were? You’re going to destroy the family in order to save it?”

  “Shut up!”

  “No, I’ve shut up too much; now you can listen. I’m not you, and I’m not going to make the same mistakes you made. You taught us better. You have to let us make our own mistakes.”

  “Not this one, I don’t!”

  “What are you going to do? Call the cops?” He looked confused. “Dad, please,” I tried to reason; “It’s not our fault. Getting mad at us doesn’t fix anything – we need your help.”

  Still breathing hard, he set the chair upright. He walked to the kitchen sink and splashed water on his face, drying it with a dishtowel. He threw the towel across the kitchen and put his palms on the table, as if he was ready to leap right over at me. We stood facing each other, man to man. Now I was a bull male, too. Outmatched, perhaps, but determined. I held my ground and looked him square in the eyeballs.

  “Son, you can’t have a relationship – you’re her brother.”

  “But we do, Dad, it’s a fact. You knew how I felt about her.”

  “I didn’t expect your sister to be insane, too.”

  “We just didn’t know it was mutual.”

  “So, what? You two have been smoldering for years, and now I have another house on fire?” His eyes were blazing. “I won’t permit it.”

  “You can’t change how we feel.”

  He glared. “Do you want to bet?”

  “How well did that work for your parents?” That pissed him off even more.

  “I should never have told you that. Besides, it’s just infatuation.”

  “It is not. Years, Dad.”

  “You have no idea what mature love is at your age.”

  “And you did?”

  He grimaced. This was going nowhere. “You’ll get over it,” he growled.

  “You didn’t, and we haven’t either.”

  “You’re just caught up in the moment.”

  “No, we’re excited because we’re reunited, like when you found Mom after the Army.”

  “But, but...” He seemed lost for a moment. “But you’re siblings – this is wrong.”

  “Cou
sins are wrong, too, but that didn’t change how you felt.” He winced at that one.

  “Son, you don’t need to make the same mistakes your mom and I did.”

  “Which mistake was that? Falling in love?”

  “Not being careful.” He edged around the table, starting to turn red again. “You’re not ready for sex.”

  “Who said anything about sex? This isn’t about sex – it’s about love.”

  “I just don’t want you to endure what we had to.”

  “I appreciate that, I do. Your problem was a lack of support from your family. We’re asking you to support us like your family couldn’t.”

  I could see that one landed hard. He shut his eyes tight for a moment, “What do you expect of me? To dance a fucking jig of delight over this?”

  “We don’t expect anything, but we’re hoping that you’ll accept the facts and help us deal with them.”

  “What kind of father would I be to tolerate this kind of thing?” He wasn’t talking to me, but I answered anyway.

  “The kind that looks out for us, just like always. The kind that keeps us safe.”

  His eyes focused on me again, puzzled.

  “Safe from what?”

  “Don’t you see?” I pleaded, “All we have to do is look at each other and our friends will know. Then all the kids’ll know, then all their parents, and then Child Protective Services. And the media, and the police. They’ll call us perverts. I grabbed the morning paper from the edge of the sofa, held it up and stabbed my finger on the front page where Danny Yirzbik was being led from the courtroom in handcuffs.

  “Dad! They’ll call it incest."

  My words hung in the quiet room; I had been shouting. Shouting at Dad. I lowered my voice intentionally.

  “No one will accept it, Dad. At the very least, they’d think you were a bad father, that you weren’t doing a good job at bringing us up. It could get very serious, understand? I’ve studied this for three years. We know that there’d be consequences if our feelings went public. We’re not too worried about us, but we have some idea how it could affect you, your job, your reputation. We know that you can be held liable for whatever we do. Criminally liable.”

  He looked at me, stunned as the gravity of it all sunk in. “Shit! How did this happen?”

  “It doesn’t matter. We can analyze that for the rest of our lives, but right now we have a crisis.”

  Dad sat back down in the recliner as Jessie timidly walked back in and knelt by him.

  “We have to protect you, Daddy. That’s the most important thing.”

  “I’d like to know how you think you can protect me.”

  “We’re still working on that,” I said, sitting on the couch. The best idea so far is to spread the rumor I’m gay. That might misdirect any casual inquires.”

  “That’s the best you have? Sounds rough.”

  “It would be, but the last couple years have been worse. I didn’t say it was my favorite plan, just the best so far. But how else can we convince our friends there’s no chemistry? One more thing, Dad. This is about love, but there’s still a, um, a physical problem.” He cocked his head, not comprehending. “Our, uh, hormones?”

  He lifted his chin. “Go on...”

  This was very uncomfortable. “Anything we do – beyond kissing – is enough to put me on the sex offender list. It puts you in danger...”

  “Have you considered abstinence?” he growled.

  “Of course,” I weighed my next words carefully, “But that’s not a reliable solution. We’re only human. And Dad, I don’t think we can honestly promise nothing will happen.” His eyebrows went up again. “I don’t mean to be disrespectful, but it’s just not realistic, and you know it.” I couldn’t believe that I was speaking to him this way.

  Neither could he, and I could see he didn’t like it.

  Jessie saw it too, and tried to defuse the situation. “Daddy, I think Cory’s right, but we love you and respect you. We’ve come to you for help. We don’t want to defy you and we’ll try to do whatever you think is best.”

  It wasn’t working; the idea of us having a physical relationship was just too much. Veins stood out on his temples.

  “Daddy, listen to our hearts,” Jessie pleaded. “Mom knew. She tried to tell you. What would she say now?”

  Like a balloon with a leak, he visibly deflated into his chair. Jess and I kept looking at each other as the seconds dragged into minutes. I wondered if maybe we should just leave him alone now, or if that might come off as defiant, too. At last he spoke.

  “There are other issues, and this complicates things immensely.” That gave me some hope – at least he seemed resigned to the facts.

  “Dad, suppose for a minute that this is true love, that Mom was right and that this is our destiny and will last forever. I’m not saying that’s what is going on... but if it was, what would you do?”

  “Well, to start with I wouldn’t have either of you living with your boyfriend or girlfriend under my roof.”

  “Yeah, that’s complicated. But what if somehow… Wait… Dad, I need to talk to Daniel.”

  “What does he have to do with this?”

  “I just have to ask him about something.”

  I sprinted to use Jessie’s phone.