House on Fire
Chapter 58
As promised, Jessie and I slept in our own beds that night. There was, however, an hour or so when we weren’t asleep, and for that time, Jessie shared my room.
She slipped off her gown and stood in the moonlight. The sight of her sucked the breath from my body. She slid in beside me like when we were kids, but now it was so different. The perfume of her hair, the electric touch of skin. We shared hungry kisses; our hands wandered and lingered until our breath came quick and shallow.
“I love you, Jess,” I whispered.
“I love you, too.” I could taste her breath on my tongue.
“Are you sure you’re ready for this?”
“Are you asking for my consent?” she teased. “Then you have to tell me exactly what I’m consenting to.”
“You want me to say it out loud?” She nodded. I felt my face turn hot, but I leaned close and spoke the words softly in her ear.
“Yes to that,” she whispered.
“Now your turn,” I said.
“What do you mean?”
“Don’t you think you should have my consent, too?”
She grinned. “Oh, you mean like I want to…” She whispered in very explicit and earthy terms exactly what she had in mind. My heart was racing.
“Yeah, I’m definitely okay with that. Um, is there anything I need to know, like scar tissue from… before? I just don’t want to hurt you.”
“No, but yeah, I’m nervous that it might hurt. It was so awful when I was a kid – I’m a little scared.”
“It’s okay, Jess. We don’t have to do this.”
“No, I want to. Really. Just be generous with the gel and let me take it slow. I’ll try to relax”
“Okay, but promise to stop if it’s uncomfortable.”
“Yeah, okay.”
I opened the bedside drawer and got a condom. My hands trembled.
“Not tonight. Just this once,” she whispered.
“We didn’t talk about this.”
“I know, but please, I don’t want anything between us the first time.”
“Hmm, tempting. But what if your shot doesn’t work?”
“I don’t know, but that’s not going to happen.”
“Probably not... But Jess...”
“Please?”
“Maybe we aren’t ready for this.”
“What do you mean?”
“If we can’t do it right, maybe we should, you know, work up to it.”
“I don’t want to wait any more.”
“Me either, but I’ll just worry about it – I don’t want that between us, either.”
“Oh, okay, I guess. Come on, then. Don’t just sit there.”
I tore open the package, just as I had practiced so many times before.
“Let me,” she said. I watched closely, making sure she did it right. She did, and I wondered how she’d learned exactly what to do. Maybe Dad? And bananas? That was hard to picture…
She pushed me back on the mattress and took a deep breath. She closed her eyes and settled hesitantly. Just a little. Then a little more. The warmth of being surrounded by her was more intimate than I could have imagined. I rested my hands on her hips as she moved. I began to move with her instinctively.
Everything else in the world faded away until there was only the two of us. I never wanted that feeling to end, so I tried to relax, to make it last. But it built too quickly and I couldn’t hold back. My muscles twitched and quivered. My brain shattered, I couldn’t think, couldn’t breathe.
“Shhh, be quiet. Nice, huh?” she whispered. She bent down and we held each other, lying still, panting as aftershocks rippled through me. We lay joined like that for a little bit, and then she stretched out beside me with her eyes closed.
I didn’t know if she was relaxing, or if she was waiting for me to do something.
When I couldn’t stand it anymore, I said, “What do we do now?”
“Sorry, I thought you were resting. Is there something you want to do?”
“Like, maybe I should get rid of this thing and wash up?”
“Relax, leave it be. Give me your hand. This will be a little like playing guitar…”
She showed me what to do for her. As I fumbled, she patiently talked me through it. I couldn’t get the spot right at first, and it was clear she was getting frustrated and tender. But then it clicked, and her reaction made me sure we’d wake Dad. Afterwards, we held one another, which was wonderful.
“That was incredible,” she whispered, kissing my face. “It never felt like that before.”
“What do you mean? You’ve never...”
“I thought so, but... like firecrackers; I thought that’s all there was.” She smiled with her whole face. “That, my lover, was TNT.” I beamed to be called her lover, and to think of her pleasure. “It’s totally different with another person. It’s like how you can’t tickle yourself.”
“Same here. A whole different experience.”
“That was fun,” she giggled.
“Here, pass me a couple tissues. I’m sorry I couldn’t last longer...”
“Oh, Sweetie, I didn’t expect you to. I think that just takes practice. You were fine.” Giggling again, “You sure seemed to enjoy it.”
“Shhh! So it was okay for you? Really?”
“Way okay.” She gave me another salty, giddy kiss.
“No pain?”
“A couple little muscle spasms, that’s all. I just had to relax.”
“Oh. I didn’t know what those were.”
“I’m glad we didn’t spend the whole night alone. It wouldn’t have been right,” she breathed.
“I’m glad we finally got it out of the way.”
“Really? I was looking forward to it. Was it, like, a chore?”
“No, but I’ve wanted this so bad for so long, you know? It was like a burden, and now I feel so much lighter.”
“Interesting. I wonder how much virginity weighs. I’m sorry I pressured you earlier. It seemed to make sense at the time.”
“Thanks for understanding. If you had asked one more time I probably would’ve given in. We have to help each other, and I would’ve felt like I was weak.”
She sniggered, “I could use a lot of words, but ‘weak’ wouldn’t be one of them!” She struggled to be quiet as the fit of laughter passed. She fanned her face with her hand.
“Jessie, I could hold you like this, always and forever, but it’ll be better if we at least wake up in our own beds. Dad will probably know, but I doubt he’ll mention it. I feel bad about it that way. It sucks to have to sneak around with your spouse.”
“Spouse, huh? I like that.” She shifted, but then settled back next to me. “I can’t leave you yet. Just five more minutes, okay?”
“Okay.”
It took her much longer before she forced herself to sit up.
“Goodnight, husband, I love you.”
“I love you, too, wife. Sweet dreams.”